hi ✨

it’s always “it’s not that deep” “you’re overreacting” “Americans are so negative” but there’s always a failure to understand why we feel the way we do

Spanish was my first language and English shortly followed before I was even old enough to start school yet when I was 8 years old I got a certificate from my school for learning English through classes

I was 9 years old leaving school with my mom to help my grandparents finish their work in the fields of Central Valley California. I took care of my mom after TWO heat strokes from the working conditions placed on farm workers (and yes, my mom had a bachelors degree in business. she worked in an office and when she was done working she’d help my dad and grandparents out in the fields)

my sister and I would help my dad at his construction site while other children rode their bikes nearby. my sister and I were laying gravel out on the driveway

I was 11 years old watching my dad talk to a man in dirty, ripped clothes with money and a meal. when I asked him why, all my dad said was “he just crossed the border and he needed help”

I was 13 years old sitting in a courtroom explaining to the judge why my stepdad shouldn’t get deported

I was 15 years old working as a host at a restaurant where an elderly lady came up to me, touched my hair then my face and asked “where are you from?” and when I told her California, her immediate question after was “no but where are you actually from”

I was 16 working at the same restaurant when my coworker told me “I voted for Trump because I’m sick of these disgusting Mexicans coming into my backyard and taking my home”

I would go to school, work at the restaurant, then take the night duty at the poultry farm my stepdad worked at. I would monitor 13 barns with 7,000 turkeys in each barn by myself

I was 17 when a white police officer shot my older cousin on Thanksgiving simply because he confused him for someone else, and you know what my godmother said after losing her first born? “To have faith is to be able to forgive those who have sinned.”

I was 18 when I was able to vote in 2020 and my older brother who was 19, who came to America at 1 years old cried to me because, “you’re able to have a voice for those of us who can’t”

when I was 15, a boy in school told me my dad was nothing but a border hopper bc trump said it was okay to do that and while I cried to my mom, she told me “people will always be mean but as long as you know you are strong and proud of who you are you should never let that hurt you. they want to cause you pain but you’re resilient”

as a person of color we were always taught to shut up and take it because that’s the way things are but no I’m not going to shut up and take it

nobody has to understand what I and many others have gone through but you’re definitely going to be aware of it.

my dad was 16 when he came to America. He never finished school, he worked construction all his life before doing fruit picking and he never missed a school event. even if he smelled of oranges and was covered in dirt, he never missed a parent-teacher conference, a talent show, a soccer game

my stepdad cried when his three oldest (my sister, my brother, and I) all got accepted into college). I see him work Monday through Friday since 4 in the morning till 7 pm in construction, then work Saturday’s and Sunday’s in a company he’s built from the ground up to get it started

when I go to Mexico and visit my grandparents all I ever see are the numerous pictures of all of their grandchildren and their accomplishments. Hell my grandparents have a picture of me winning the spelling bee when I was 8

I’m now 24 years old and I had to comfort my 6 year old cousin whose father was just detained by ICE just outside her school. she cried so hard; the same lingering fear every poc child of immigrants has had

I am aware I am privileged enough to be born in America, be able to attend school, have my dad try and help with English homework he couldn’t even read every night, have a roof over my head, and speak for those who have always felt silenced

and personally couldn’t care less if “it’s never that deep” because to me it is