jairang

It couldn’t be that bad if you ended up going home with him.

Maybe that was it. You took care of him again, which did make sense. He remembered talking to you last night, but he wasn’t sure what he said, as most of the night was a blur.

He turned over to look at you, but when he tilted his head, he was surprised to see that the person’s hair colour was completely different from yours.

He pushed back in alarm, which caused the girl to stir, and when he finally got a good look at her, a giant wave of nausea washed over him.

Sydney slowly opened her eyes, and Taehyung stared at her, absolutely horrified as her grin fell.

She was saying…something.

Her lips were moving, but Taehyung couldn’t hear her over the blood pounding in his ears and the way his stomach was churning.

He hopped out of bed and shut his eyes tight as the room spun, and once he got his bearings, he sprinted to the bathroom before slamming the door with his heel and throwing himself at the toilet.

Everything he ate and drank last night was coming up as Taehyung gripped the toilet for dear life and had to ride it out.

He had plenty of hangovers in his time; he had woken up with women in his bed that he didn’t remember even being with, but this time, hands down, was the worst Taehyung had ever felt.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed on the bathroom floor, but by the time he was done throwing up, his hair was a sweaty mess on his forehead, and he felt shaky and weak as he slumped face down and let the tiled floor cool his body down.

Taehyung tried to piece together the night, but the last thing he remembered was talking to you. Your face was crumpled, and you looked….sad. Holy shit, what did he say to you? What did he do?

A soft knock at the door tore him from his thoughts as Sydney poked her head in and looked at him with a sympathetic look that made his insides crawl.

“You okay, Taehyung? You’ve lost your touch. In all the times we have gotten drunk, you were always able to hold your liquor.” She chuckled as Taehyung felt his stomach roll again, and a bead of sweat cascaded down his forehead.

“Did we… you know…. last night?” He asked, feeling his chest tighten as Sydney’s mouth curled into a frown and she crossed her arms over her chest, looking offended.

“Wow, you really have lost your touch, huh? How much of last night do you remember?” She asked as he leaned his body up just enough to grab the hand towel that was on the vanity. He wiped his sweaty face and pushed his hair from his eyes.

“I mean, I remember going out with my friends… I remember having a conversation with them. Yeah.” He finishes lamely as Sydney continues to look at him with disappointment.

“And here I was thinking last night was special because you chose me.” She scoffs as Taehyung blinks up at her.

“I…chose you?”

She huffs out a sigh.

“I came over to your table because, honestly, you looked hot and kind of miserable, and I wanted to talk to you again. You agreed to dance with me and basically ditched all your friends.”

Taehyung soured at the thought.

“Then you were overthinking so much that it made me regret coming over in the first place because you weren’t very fun. Until you kissed me.”

Her eyes danced with mischief.

“Then Taehyung, you were all sorts of fun.”

He was going to be sick.

This couldn’t have happened.

He liked you. He wanted to be with you. He was going to tell you after the wedding, and somehow he ended up kissing and hooking up with an old flame.

“You were all pissy because your barista was dancing with that tall guy, and so you got a little handsy with me. I’m not complaining, though. Jealous Taehyung is hot.”

He wants this to stop.

He wants to yell at Sydney and tell her to get out of his house, but at the same time, he needs to know what happened next, so he lets her keep telling the story.

“Anyway, you told me the whole story. How you were helping her with her book, how you two had grown close. It was actually kind of cute. When I asked why you were with me instead of her, well…”

Taehyung groaned and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.

“Taehyung, you were really hurt that she picked that tall guy over you. You told me right then and there that you wanted nothing to do with her, and you stormed over to her and talked.”

Taehyung felt his head pounding, and the memories came into focus. How he told you the deal was off. How he accused you of being with Namjoon.

He felt like his heart was being sliced in half as Sydney continued to speak.

“Anyway, you came back and dragged me outside, saying you needed air. And well. Things…got kind of heated outside.”

In his mind’s eye, he can see himself throwing Sydney against the hard brick wall and kissing her roughly. He can feel his hands tangling in her hair. He can taste her Chapstick and feel the sharpness of her nails against his skin.

“Also, um. Well. The barista and the tall guy came out looking for us, and they…yeah.” Sydney says as Taehyung lifts his head to see a blush coat her cheeks as she awkwardly scratches the back of her neck.

“We didn’t….have sex though, did we?” He asked in a small voice as his heart was hammering against his chest.

Sydney shook her head.

“You kept muttering about how you can’t, then you would throw yourself at me and repeat. I brought you home because I think all your friends left you at the club? You begged me to spend the night, but no. Besides some very heavy making out, nothing happened.”

Taehyung felt like he was drowning. Not only did he make the mistake of calling things off with you, but you also walked in on him making out with someone else.

He was disgusted with himself. He hated himself so much in that moment that he found it hard to breathe.

Everything was crumbling around him.

He lost you.

You would never take him back after this, and how was he supposed to explain?

He couldn’t even begin to make up excuses for himself, and Taehyung wrapped his arms around himself and brought his knees to his chest as he began to cry.

Never in his life had he cried around a hookup, but he couldn’t help the tears that were falling hot and fast down his cheeks.

He smelled like puke and sweat from the club; he was disgusted with himself and his behaviour, and he didn’t even know how to start to make it up to you.

“Listen, Taehyung, I…I think I should go, you know?” Sydney says timidly as he raises his head and sees her already slowly backing away from the scene.

“You’re not going to stay?” He asks, hating the way his voice sounds whiny and pathetic as Sydney shakes her head.

“I promised my friends I would meet up with them, and I mean…me staying? This isn’t us, Taehyung. Spending the night and waking up next to you felt like crossing a line, you know. We were fuck buddies once upon a time. That was our rule, and it worked.” She reminds him, as he watches her take off the shirt he must have loaned her before pulling on her clothes and straightening everything out.

“Taehyung, are you…okay? I mean, this was always our arrangement, right?” She says, leaning against the bathroom doorframe, looking at him.

“Yeah, sorry, I think it’s just the hangover.” He grunted as she shot him a dazzling smile.

“Okay… well, if you want to do it again… and more… I left my number on your phone. Text me anytime.” She coos as she shoots him a small wave, and he can hear her heels clacking against the hardwood floor before the front door closes.

Taehyung groans and lies on his back on the cold, tiled floor.

The ceiling spins, and he feels like he is going to be sick again, so he sits up and throws himself at the toilet.

Nothing comes up, but after ten minutes of gagging, he finally pulls away and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

He stands up on shaky legs and makes his way over to his bed, crumpling up Sydney’s number and tossing it in a nearby trash can.

He flops down and opens his message app to see nothing.

Nothing from anyone.

It’s well past ten in the morning, and he knows everyone is awake.

But then it hits him hard.

You and Namjoon saw him. You probably told the group what had happened, and of course, after what he did, no one would want to talk to him.

Taehyung threw his phone to the end of the bed and curled up with a pillow that once upon a time smelled like you.

He buried his face in it and began to cry until he once again fell asleep.

-------

Waking up to rain hitting the windows of your apartment felt like the most ironic thing in the entire world.

The weather was miserable and sad, and you were also feeling the same way.

Within minutes of waking up, the memories of last night flooded in, and you turned over in bed and clutched your pillows and let yourself cry as hard and as loud as you wanted to.

After seeing Taehyung, Namjoon pulled you from the scene and let you cry in his arms. You weren’t sure how long you stood there crying, but after you were done, your entire body felt heavy and numb.

Namjoon took you back inside, and you found your way to the bathroom, where you cleaned your makeup up the best you could and straightened out your clothes.

When you met him again, his eyebrows were pinched in concern, and you waved him off.

“Listen, Namjoon, I want to thank you for letting me cry like that back there. I just really appreciate it. I would also appreciate it if we didn’t tell our friends about this. Not until tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin this night by making it all about me.”

Namjoon opened his mouth to protest, but you put a hand up to stop him.

“Listen, I have to process this. So we are going to tell our friends we couldn’t find Taehyung. If he shows up, well… We’re going to pretend we saw nothing.”

Namjoon’s lips draw into a line, and you can tell he isn’t happy about the plan, but he still nods, and you shoot him a grateful smile.

“I’ll go along with your plan, and we won’t talk about it tonight. But you have to make me a promise: we will talk about it eventually. You can’t keep this bottled up inside, and it’s noble that you want your friends to have a good night, but you can’t pretend you didn’t see what you saw.” He reminds you as you nod.

You both made your way up the stairs and back onto the dance floor. Your friends are hanging around the booth, and each of them has a concerned look on their face.

You square your shoulders and let out a deep breath before plastering on a fake look and heading over.

Mira wraps you in a hug as you go along with your plan.

No, you didn’t find Taehyung; no, you weren’t giving up; it was best to wait until you both were sober to talk; yes, you would take another drink.

Your group stayed for another hour, joking and laughing and dancing. The tension seemed to ease, though you could feel Mira’s eyes studying you as you twirled Jimin around the dance floor.

It was well past two in the morning by the time you got home.

Namjoon walked you to the door and slipped you his number, reminding you that you had promised you would talk about it.

Once the door was closed and you were alone, the tears finally began to fall hard and fast.

Waking up this morning, you felt no better, and the memories were still painfully nagging at you, so you threw off the covers and took a long, hot shower.

You tied your hair in a wet bun and picked up your phone, messaging Mira to make sure she was okay and texting Namjoon to thank him again for everything last night.

The fact that there was nothing from Taehyung spoke volumes, and you didn’t want to sit around and wait for him to text or to be left alone with your thoughts, so you called a familiar number and grabbed your umbrella to make your way out into the rain.

-------

“Welcome to the Oasis-oh,” Came Morena’s voice as you entered the shop and closed your umbrella, trying your best not to soak the floor with rainwater.

“Hey, Morena. Don’t mind me, I’m just doing some extra baking today.” You inform her as you slip off your raincoat and grab your apron from your bag.

Morena looks confused as you head towards the back kitchen, and she grabs your arm to stop you before you can fully get behind the door.

“I mean this in the absolute nicest way possible, but what are you doing here?” She asks as you hang your raincoat on one of the hooks behind the counter, and you tie your apron around your middle.

“Some extra baking. I just said that.” You remind her, once again, she grabs your arm to stop you.

“What I meant was, what are you doing here the day after your friend’s bachelorette party? You should be at home nursing a wicked hangover. Or spending the morning curled around Taehyung.”

When she says his name, you visibly flinch as if being slapped, and Morena’s face crumples into a frown.

“Did something happen? Did he hurt you?” She asks softly as you shake your head and try your best to hide the tears that start welling up.

“Listen, Morena, I can’t talk about this now. Not because of you, but because I just need time to process some things. Please don’t be mad. I just…can’t right now. I came here to take my mind off things.” You admit as the wind picks up outside, causing you both to jump.

“He did hurt you, didn’t he? That fucking prick.” She growls as you crack a small smile and wave her off.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I am worried about it because you walked here in the pouring rain looking like a sad, dejected, wet kitten, and now you won’t tell me what’s going on. It’s okay that you don’t tell me, but you have to talk to someone. Does Mira know”?

You shook your head as Morena swore under her breath.

“I just…need to process it and get through it on my own first.” You explain as you pat her arm and try to ignore the look on her face as you push past her and into the kitchen.

-------

Three hours later, you feel better…but only slightly.

Your phone had been going off for the last hour from both Mira and Namjoon, but you ignored them both.

The kitchen in The Oasis was your happy place. It was there for you when you first got your idea for your book; it was there for you when you wrote your first chapter and when the book was finally published.

This kitchen was your happy place, and you were not going to let anything ruin it.

Your fingers ached from shaping and rolling out dough, but you pushed through as Morena poked her head in for the fourth time and almost begged you to take a break.

You couldn’t take a break.

You wanted to work yourself into exhaustion because if you took a break, it meant the memories of last night would slowly come back, and your heart would shatter all over again.

The big wooden table was cluttered with mixing bowls and spoons, dough was flung everywhere, and you were almost positive everything was covered in a thin layer of cinnamon sugar.

You made almost everything on the menu, except for the croissants; they reminded you too much of Taehyung, so you stayed far away from them.

After another hour, Morena poked her head in to let you know she was closing up, but you waved her off. You had a key and had to clean this mess anyway.

You tried to ignore the look she gave you as she stood in the doorway, almost like she was waiting for you to break down.

But you weren’t going to do that.

Taehyung was a thing of the past, and you were moving on.

You could faintly hear the bell at the front door ding, but you paid it no mind as you started to clean up the mess you had made, wiping your dirty hands on your apron before getting to work.

“Morena told me it was bad, but holy shit,” came a voice you knew far too well, and your head snapped up, and you were met with Mira’s shocked expression.

She was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, staring at you as if she had never seen you before in her life.

“Oh, hi. What are you doing here?” You asked casually as you piled all the mixing bowls and tossed them in the sink of hot, soapy water.

“Want some baked goods? There’s more than enough to go around. Mi-Suk let me come in and do some extra baking today.” You explain as you roll up your sleeves higher and plunge your hands into the hot water to get to work.

“Morena sent me a text, and I see what she meant when she said you were totally not okay. What happened?” Mira asks as she steps into the kitchen, and you begin to harshly scrub the giant stainless steel bowl as Mira looks around at the chaos.

“I’m fine; she’s just being Morena.” You say lightly as Mira steps closer, but you ignore her in favour of your washing.

“You clearly are not okay. Morena said you have been here for hours, baking and refusing to speak to her. You haven’t answered any of my texts, and I know I’m not the only one you’re ignoring.” She accuses as you continue to scrub icing sugar off a spoon, taking in only half of what your friend is saying.

It’s not that you are trying to ignore her; you just can’t deal with it right now.

Taehyung ripped your heart to shreds; he ruined your trust, and he let you down in the worst way possible. If you talked about it with Mira, it made it real.

And you weren’t sure if you were ready for that just yet.

Mira stepped closer to you, and before you could say anything, she wrapped her arms around your middle and pressed her face into your back.

“Whatever he did to you, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to push so hard last night, and I could tell something happened when you and Namjoon came back. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m your best friend. That’s kind of what I’m here for.” She says as your shoulders slump and you feel choked up at her kindness.

Tears prickle in your eyes, and you can’t hold them back any longer, and you slump over and begin to cry.

Mira holds you through it as you explain everything that happened last night through choked, tearful breaths.

How Taehyung called it off.

How you stormed after him

How you found him outside with Sydney

How you made Namjoon promise not to say anything.

You cried as Mira soothed you the best she could with kind words and big hugs.

By the time you came down, your eyes were puffy and red, and your head was pounding.

You wiped your tears with your sleeve as Mira searched through her bag, pulling out a small packet of tissues to hand to you.

“I feel like an idiot.” You whine as you dab at your eyes, and Mira takes over cleaning the kitchen, gesturing you to sit on a stool as she does the work.

“He’s the idiot. I can’t believe he did that to you! Wait till Hoseok gets a hold of him.” Mira grumbles.

“No, please don’t say anything! I don’t want it to be an all-out friend war. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pick between us. That’s not fair.” You plead as Mira starts drying the dishes.

“He’s my fiancé, though. I can’t not tell him. Especially since we both were suspicious last night when you and Namjoon came back.” Mira responds as you slip off your stool and put away the washed and dried dishes.

“I know I just don’t want bad blood with the wedding coming up, you know.” You explain as Mira turns to look at you.

“You really do care about him, huh? He hurt you, and you’re still looking out for him.” She notes as you bite your lip and nod as a fresh wave of tears cascades down your cheeks.

“I really thought he had grown out of his fuckboy phase. You changed him. I could see the changes, and for him to throw it all away… I just. Wow.” Mira whispers as the kitchen is spotless and the rain still patters against the windows.

“I guess we both were fooled. I really liked him, Mira. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on from this. I only saw them making out. What if they did more? I-I can’t,” You admit in a small voice as she wraps you in another hug, and you bury your face into her neck.

“After the wedding and honeymoon, you and I are taking a girls’ trip. We are going to get far away from this nonsense and have some fun.” She promises as you giggle and pull away from her embrace.

“I love you, you know. Seriously, you are my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You say softly as Mira collects her things and smiles.

“Glad to hear that, because for a minute there, I was fighting for my best friend spot with Namjoon. He knew about Taehyung before me. Totally not fair.” She teases as the rain outside picks up again, and you grab your things too.

“I didn’t want to ruin your night! I had a good reason, I promise.” You explain as you take a quick walk around the kitchen to make sure ovens are off, and everything is put away.

“Fine, I’ll let it slide this time, but next time, not so much. Though I don’t blame you. Namjoon really does look a lot dreamier than I remember him.” Mira teases with a wiggle of her eyebrows, which causes you to laugh and nudge her with your elbow.

“Believe me, we are better off as friends. I think I'm going to swear off guys. Too much drama and heartbreak.”

“You know. I said that too, and then Hoseok came into the picture. You never know.” She teases again as you both exit the kitchen, and you jump when you see someone standing at the door.

Kim Taehyung is standing there in the pouring rain with his face pressed against the window like a sad, wet dog.

You both freeze, and despite everything, you feel your heart beat wildly in your chest.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Mira hisses as you move past her to unlock the door and let him in.

His hair is wet and clinging to his face, his clothes are soaked and sticking to his skin, and it reminds you of the time you showed up to his door soaking wet and asking for a favour.

Oh, how things have changed since then.

“Hi.” You say as you cross your arms over your chest and swallow hard.

“Can we talk? Please.” He begs as Mira swears under her breath, and you bite your lip.

“Why should she even give you the time of day?” Your best friend asks as Taehyung lowers his head and pushes his wet bangs from his eyes.

“She shouldn’t, but I figured I’d give it a shot.” He explains as the rain lashes harder against the building, and you feel the storm inside you start up as well.

“Mira, wait in the car. If I’m not there in fifteen minutes, come get me,” You decide as Mira’s mouth opens in shock, but she nods and pushes past Taehyung, not even bothering to say anything to him.

The cafe is silent besides the humming of the overhead lights, and you shift from foot to foot and wait for him to say something to you.

“I was serious about only giving you fifteen minutes.” You sighed as he shook the water from his hair and once again pushed his hair back nervously.

“I know I just. I don’t even know what to say. How do I explain that I fucked up really bad and how sorry I am?” He pleads, stepping towards you, but you pull back and shake your head.

“What happened last night? One minute you were kissing my neck in line and saying that I drive you crazy, and the next minute I catch you in a dirty alley making out with an old fuck buddy.”

Taehyung seems to shrink under your harsh words, but you aren’t done.

Not even close.

“You completely ditched our group, and we spent most of the night looking for you to make sure you were okay. Then you come to me all cold and closed off and tell me the deal we had is off, and you want nothing to do with me. How does someone change that quickly? How do you go from saying I drive you crazy to not wanting anything to do with me? You promised to help me with my book, and what was all that? A lie? A chance to get your dick wet?” You cry out, feeling tears start to fall again.

“It wasn’t any of that! I promise.” He pleads.

“Then what was it, Taehyung? Explain it to me so I understand.” You shout, clenching your hands into fists.

“It was a little bit of everything. Alcohol, seeing you with Namjoon. I got jealous, and Sydney just happened to be there. I’m not proud of it. I know I hurt you, and I am so incredibly sorry about that. I want to make things right; that’s why I walked in the rain to be here. I had to see you. Had to explain.”

“You got jealous, so instead of talking to me like an adult, you went and fucked another girl?” You cry out.

“We didn’t! That was one of the first things I asked her, and she assured me we didn’t. I know that doesn’t excuse my behaviour, but I need you to know. She and I… just….made out.” He finished lamely as you roll your eyes.

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better that you didn’t fuck her, just kissed her?” You nearly shout, body vibrating with hurt and anger.

“I should have talked to you! I hate everything I did last night. None of it should have happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he pleads.

“Last night I was going to tell you I liked you. I was going to try and make this thing official.” You say after a beat of silence as Taehyung makes a choked noise that sounds like a whimper.

“Namjoon was the one to tell me to go for it. And we went looking for you and well… you know what we found.” You say, voice numb and hollow as you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Please let me make it up to you! Let me fix this. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” Taehyung says, stepping forward and taking your hands in his.

You fight back the tears and shake your head, pulling from his hold as you step back and wipe your eyes.

“I like you too. I like you so much it’s hurting me to see you like this. I was going to ask you out after the wedding. I had plans. Please.” He begs as his eyes brim with tears, and you shake your head, feeling your chest ache.

“Taehyung, I just…can’t… It hurts too much, even being this close to you. I don’t trust you anymore. I can’t do this.” You choke as the tears fall harder and faster.

“Please let me make it up to you. Please, I can’t lose you. I liked spending time with you. I liked sending memes to you. It wasn’t even just the sexual stuff at that point; I was okay not having sex with you because I had feelings for you.” He says, trying his best to stop the tears that are running down his cheeks.

Taehyung buries his face in his hands and cries, and you stand there completely still as you see Mira standing in the rain outside the cafe, pointing to her watch.

“I fucked up. I fucked up real bad, and I’ll do anything to make it right. Please.” He begs as you shake your head and gather your things.

“The fifteen minutes are up, and I don’t want to make Mira stand in the rain. Come on, I have to lock up.” You sniffled as he looked over his shoulder to see Mira tapping at her watch.

“Please,” Taehyung begs, and you shake your head.

Your answer is final.

You can’t take him back.

It all just hurts too much.

Without saying anything, you go around turning off all the lights, and you grab your umbrella as a crack of thunder makes you and Taehyung jump.

Once outside, you lock up and hand Taehyung your umbrella.

“You’re coming with us. Mira is going to drive us both home. I’m not having you walk in this weather.” You say as his eyebrows shoot up, and Mira shoots you a confused look.

“It’s pouring rain and thundering. The least we can do is give him a ride.”

The three of you hop into Mira’s car, and Taehyung curls up in the backseat, and you can hear his soft sniffles as you make your way to his house.

He thanks Mira with a wobbly voice and leaves your umbrella behind as he opens the door and walks slowly to his front door.

“I would have let him walk in the rain. You really do care about him, don’t you?” Mira asks as she pulls out of his driveway.