I used to hate Conrad.

Not because he was cold. But because… he was me.

The version of me I wasn’t ready to love — distant, quiet, full of feeling, but afraid of being known.

Watching him in Season 1 and 2, I couldn’t stand the way he shut down, pushed away, disappeared even when he was still right there.

But it wasn’t really him I hated.

It was the reflection — the avoidant part of me that holds so much love, but never feels safe enough to give it fully.

Loving like that is not easy.

It’s selfish. It’s protective. It’s painful.

It’s standing at the edge of love, longing to jump, but holding back every time.

And then Season 3, Episode 7 happened.

Conrad opened up.

He finally said the words — raw, real, and vulnerable.

And Belly didn’t believe him.

That moment broke something in me.

Because I knew how hard it is to try, after building a life of walls.

I knew how it feels to finally speak — only to be met with doubt.

And in that moment, I didn’t just understand Conrad…

I understood myself.

And I wanted to say:

“You did your best. You’ve always been doing your best.”

I wanted to tap myself on the back —

for all the love I carried in silence.

for all the moments I stayed, even when I couldn’t show it.

for surviving the ache of wanting so badly to be close while never knowing how.

I see now: I wasn’t cold.

I was scared.

🧡 And yes, for the longest time, I was Team Jeremiah.

Because Jeremiah was sunshine.

He was free, warm, loud with his love.

He was everything I wished I could be — cheerful, easy, full of light.

I adored him for that. I still do.

There’s something healing about someone who makes love look effortless.

But Conrad…

Conrad made me face myself.

And now, I’m learning to love the one I used to avoid —

me.

The version that was scared.

The version that stayed silent.

The version that loved, even while distant.

So here’s to all the people learning to let their hearts speak again.

Here’s to softness after silence.

Here’s to the love we give — even when it goes unseen.

And to the ones still trying.

Still healing.

Still learning how to stay.

From the start of my accounting adventure, I realized there was another hidden challenge waiting for me: my speaking skills. As an introvert, I struggled to explain ideas clearly, dreaded speaking up, and feared communication more than anything.

But just like with numbers—I went from hating them to embracing them—I discovered that communication is another skill I can learn and grow in.

I’ve always believed that anything is teachable with willingness and a heart open to learning. So I prayed again—for an opportunity that would push me beyond my comfort zone, something different from the accounting firm environment.

And God answered.

He gave me a new kind of work—one that still deals with numbers, but this time with an added element of communication. It’s a thrilling challenge, a “communication threat,” if you will, that forces me to use my voice, explain, and connect.

This feels like facing my fears all over again—but in the same way I grew to love accounting, I hope to grow past my fear of speaking too.

Here’s the bonus: the very job that once challenged me five years ago has come full circle—part-time, with my old boss rehiring me. Balancing both roles feels like a tangible gift from God, a reminder of how far I’ve come—and how far I can still go.

2019, I began my adventure in accounting.

I’ll admit – I dreaded numbers. Yet life has a way of tripping us up, humbling us, and compelling us to face our deepest fears.

Accounting. A single word—yet its power felt like a haunted house, a dark room so pitch-black you can’t even see the exits.

Accounting firm. Those two words nearly broke me. I stumbled in, overwhelmed by numbers. Fear rooted me in place—I couldn’t move forward or backward.

So I stayed.

Embracing the darkness. Facing my fears. Tears came easily, struggles felt endless. I was trapped in a monstrous maze of do’s and don’ts.

Yet, through every hardship, every lesson, every tear and moment of humility…

I saw the light. I saw God.

That dark room I entered five years ago? God made it radiant. It took time to realize how much I needed it. Yes, there were traumas—but they shaped me.

I grew stronger.

I learned to love numbers.

I found friends.

I learned.

I became grateful for it all.

of searching for you,

I found you again—

in the same mirror

I stared into

two years ago.

But the reflection had changed.

Back then,

you lit up my darkness,

gentle as the moon

through a cracked window.

Now,

I see your light

We all grapple with different challenges in life, and each of us has our own unique story. The most important lesson she shared was that no matter what obstacles we face, we must trust in Him. He sees us and listens to our prayers.

Then, out of the blue, she asked for my birthday and remarked that I have a kind heart and a bright future ahead. Lately, I've been feeling uncertain about my career, and this encounter felt like a direct message from God.

Thank you, God, for this beautiful moment. You've reminded me to have faith and trust in Your plan for my life.