hjernebarn

Not to sound too millennial but who the fuck would get off a plane to their dream job in Paris for Ross fucking Geller

When the bae thinks ur trying to cuddle but really you are just sapping their warmth to fuel your own reptilian body

Any salad can be a Cesar salad if you stab it enough.

‘Go to bed, you’ll feel better’ is the human equivalent of: ‘Have you turned it off and on again?’

Scientist: *sees a spider with long legs* Scientist: I think I’ll call it daddy…… Daddy long legs

Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston dressed as each other’s characters at a Breaking Bad cast party.

i whisper “what the fuck” to myself at least 20 times a day

One of the worst things to discover would be that dogs don’t enjoy being petted and they only sit through it because they think we enjoy it.

kiss me slowly

Sleeping to make a headache go away is the human equivalent of turning your computer off and on again

We don’t appreciate enough our ancestors who figured out what we can and cannot eat. Like imagine trying lettuce for the first time and hoping you didn’t react like your sister who tried the poison ivy.

Maybe they also are into grunge

#theyre probably not confused and are just the funniest people on earth

you know when youre watching a tv show and you feel like youre coming to a part that youve seen gifs of on tumblr and it gives you a rush of excitement like oh boy this is what we trained for

Air conditioning is just domesticated wind

i fucking hate this because it’s right

do u ever miss someone so much you have no idea what to do with yourself