making this silly little blog to personality disorder post on since i can't talk about it with people i actually know
soo basic info abt me:3 i use he/it prns, im 17, and am a libra (yes i like astrology be quiet). i have bpd which has been acknowledged by a neuropsych but not officially dxed, and have additionally recently self realized hpd. i also have some disorders other than personality ones (all dxed), the most relevant being autism.
i'll most likely be mainly posting abt hpd as ive been more busy processing that now that i even realized it's a (MAJOR) problem for me
obviously dni if you're ableist to pwPDs, believe in npd/bpd/hpd/aspd abuse, or if you're generally a shitty bigoted person.
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made a tiktok about the stigma of hpd and someone in my comments with bpd got really mad i told them to not redirect it to be about them. ironic.
will say i did get snarky in my last response but that's after dealing with whatever form of persecution complex this person has. anyway, reminder to stay the fuck out of safe spaces you're not a part of if your only goal is to make it about you
Something really not talked about with trauma disorders is the paranoia.
Being scared and jumping to conclusions when people stand a little too close to you, not believing people’s compliments and thinking they have hidden motives, not believing when people tell you they like/love you, thinking that strangers you see on the street want to hurt you, etc.
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oo really good question!! kind of hard for me to pick honestly? i listen to a LOT of music and my favorites change regularly. however lately ive been listening to the tender surrender a lot :3
The DSM is notoriously vague, and it's mainly because of this that so many people with hpd don't realize/know that they have it. Personally, I think the criteria desperately needs to be revised.
It is because of this that most people, in the course of figuring out if they have hpd, have to base a lot of their research off of other people with hpd, rather than use the dsm. In this post, I want to discuss the hpd criteria/bahviours associated with hpd as well as give examples of how they manifest in my own life/how they could potentially present. However, please keep in mind that I do not meet every listed criterion, and exhibit a mild/moderate presentation of hpd, as well as having npd and bpd! This is also based off of my own subjective experience, these symptoms may present differently in another person.
1. I get uncomfortable when I am not the center of attention.
I find that I do experience this criterion. Feeling uncomfortable/upset when not the center of attention can show up in a lot of ways. I also think that it is important to mention here that hpd can be more covert, and that the idea that it is always obvious is an outdated and borderline ableist idea, rooted in stereotypes.
In my life, this criterion shows up in a myriad of ways. A few examples being: I tend to interrupt people, because I need the focus of the conversation on me. I have a HUGE issue with shifting the conversation to revolve around me and my life. I will exaggerate stories to make them more interesting (eg. Making myself out to have more of a backbone than i do/say more shocking things.), and I dress very noticably. In a less socially acceptable light, I also use a lot of my opinions as ways to get attention/make more friends, when I really don't care about the opinions I put out (these things also mix into the second criterion: 'when interacting with others, I make them pay attention to me', so I will skip to the third criterion).
3. I have rapid mood swings.
When people hear this criterion in regards to hpd, people tend to think these emotions are 'fake', or 'shallow'. While this may be the case and is relatively common, I think it is important to mention that people with hpd can and do experience intense emotions and express them authentically. What differentiates these intense emotions from bpd is the main need that motivates the behaviours. In bpd, it is usually in response to abandonment and other personal triggers, whereas in hpd it is more likely to be in response to lack of attention and other personal triggers. However, anyone (esp. cluster b individuals) can experience a fear of abandonment and react accordingly, as these disorders do overlap, hence why they are cluster disorders.
In my experience, I do both. I experience shallow and intense feelings, and I do tend to play them up, usually in a way that is disguised as a joke/in an environment where that type of behaviour is seen as normal (eg theatre, which is an AMAZING outlet for that type of stuff). I have a lack of empathy, which I really don't try hard to hide, and while I do feel it, it is very shifting and shallow. Music heavily influences my mood as well. Along with rapid mood swings, I feel that my identity instability sorta ties into this. I will take on different aesthetics/personality traits/etc based on how I'm feeling and what will get me the most attention/appreciation/makes me feel most superior (npd trait).
4. I often use my physical appearance to draw attention to myself.
HUGE HUGE HUGE thing with me. I wear bright makeup, weird patterns, unusual outfits, excessive/tacky/bright jewelry, dye my hair, etc to get people to notice me. I will forsake my own comfort for that type of attention. It gets me compliments, stares, helps me stand out (which i take huge pride in), etc. I also dress skimpy sometimes in order to achieve sexual attention, to compensate for my lack of physical confidence.
5. I have a style of speech which is impressionable and lacking in detail.
Personally, I'm not sure if I really exhibit this one. I feel like when it comes to school projects such as essays, I do take a while to get to the point/put a lot of emphasis on wording more than actually getting my point across.
6. I am incredibly hyperbolic or theatrical in how I express myself.
In a lot of instances, the way I naturally move is very spinny and flowy. I walk very fast, heavy and confident in order to be paid attention to and seen as confident.
7. I am easily influenced by others or circumstances
This shows up in a much less obvious way for me. Eg if someone says 'hey that colour really works on you' or 'that piercing would work well with your facial features', I will probably start wearing that colour or go get that piercing. If someone says I seem very extroverted, I will act more extroverted. If someone says that I am smart, I will act smarter/see myself as smarter, which ties into my npd as well.
8. I often misread relationships and consider them to be closer than they actually are.
For this, I am actually not sure. I do get attached fast to people who give me my desired forms of attention/hang out with them more, so I'm not sure if that counts?
So, as you can see, experiences are very subjective in nature and can be vastly different for everyone. The point of this post is to show that the vagueness of the DSM is harmful and that people should definitely make sure that they are fully understanding each criterion.
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being a minor with a substance abuse problem is so isolating. telling family isn't an option at the risk of being kicked out. telling therapists isn't an option because my family will find out through them. i can tell my friends but they can't do anything about it.
my innate need for constant attention due to childhood trauma vs the urge to push myself away from everyone to avoid getting hurt because of recent trauma
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