fuck this shit

Having an eating disorder and failing at having said disorder. Having the same cycle every few weeks. Not losing weight, but still obsessing over eating less and constantly counting calories. Losing a little bit of weight, then realising you can’t do this for the rest of your life because you feel like absolute shit, mentally and physically, and you realise you have a healthy weight. Then deciding to pig out and hate yourself for it. Then eating normal again. Aaaand a few weeks later you start over..

Ingredients:

1 xtreme wellness tortilla (50 cals)

1 tablespoon pizza sauce (6 cals)

1 mozzarella cheese slice (60 cals

1 slice of turkey sandwich meat (17 cals)

Total: 133 calories

Directions:

Spread pizza sauce onto tortilla

Cut cheese slice into small pieces and sprinkle onto pizza

Add toppings (I ripped apart a piece of sandwich meat)

Bake (I cooked mine in an air fryer, on the bake setting, for about 8 minutes at 400 degrees F)

Enjoy!

I really enjoyed it and it’s a good low calorie version for pizza. You can certainly change the ingredients but the calorie count will be different!

Fasting is hard. I just got done fasting for 42 hours (yay!) and it was sooo difficult. But because i now have control i’m going to fast again soon.

So i’d like to share my best tips on how to take control, stay in control, and fast.

NEVER EXERCISE WHEN FASTING!!

1. The first 12 hours are always the hardest. Distract yourself for the first 13 hours. yes 13 because by then the hunger pains will have subsided greatly. Read a book, watch movies. STAY AWAY FROM FOOD.

2. Drink diet soda when you’re stomach starts grumbling loudly and you feel super hungry. The carbonation will trick your mind and plus, the flavor will help you stay sane.

3. Chew sugar free MINT gum. The flavor will actually make your stomach feel at ease. It tricks your mind that you’re full. And i mean… who can actually eat something after that strong mint taste?

4. Brush your teeth every 6 hours. One, it’s keep your teeth hygienic and strong. And  same with the gum, the mint taste will make it harder to eat. And if people ask if you want food, you can tell them you just brushed your teeth so you can’t.

5. If you must eat dinner with your family; say you have a stomach ache, sore throat, or even that your heads hurts too bad and you should take a nap.  

6. If step 5 doesn’t work; hide the food. In your sleeves, down your shirt, in your pockets. feed it to the family pet. You can even do this trick i made up-

(Get a cup and fill it with a little bit of water. Put the food in your mouth and chew DON”T SWALLOW and every few bites act like you’re about to take a drink drink, but actually spit the food into the cup.)

7. If you fast for more than 36 hours and you feel faint; take a nap, drink diet soda, chew gum, or you can even chew food and spit it out.

8. Look at thinspo constantly. This way you won’t lose motivation.

9. Do your makeup and/or have a spa day.You deserve the self care. And this will make you want to look beautiful, thin, small, perfect. Search up clothes you’ll wear when you reach your goal weight.

10. Stand in front of the mirror naked. Remind yourself why you’re doing this.

STAY STRONG!!

If you can have enough control to say no, then you WILL reach your ultimate goal weight. Just keep going.

i had a experience today where my body overheated i started to lose focus in my schoolwork my heart started beating so loud and fast and hurting like a mf and i thought “omg this is it this is how i die i am going to die in the middle of art class” then i decided to try to alert someone i tapped my friends thigh my breathing was shaky and loud and my face was red and tried to tell her “get the teacher somethings happening” all that came out was a scrambled mumbled sentence and i thought i was about to faint but she understand and the teacher got her to take me real quick and since she knew i was anorexic she got a proteing bar and made me eat that shit and the second i took a bite everything slowly started to calm down and i have honestly never been more terrified

When you don’t eat, your blood sugar goes DOWN. This causes a variety of symptoms:

-An irregular heart rhythm

-Fatigue

-Pale skin

-Shakiness

-Anxiety

-Sweating

-Hunger

-Irritability

-Tingling sensation around the mouth

-Crying out during sleep

-Confusion, abnormal behavior or both, such as the inability to complete routine tasks

-Visual disturbances, such as blurred vision

-Seizures

-Loss of consciousness

ALWAYS make sure you have a fast acting carbohydrate on you. Orange juice, LifeSavers, (NOT DIET) soda, dried fruits (raisins), bananas, glucose gel/tablets, energy bars, rice cakes, pretzels, other candies.

These will correct your blood sugar (bring it up) in 5-15 minutes!!!!! Eat them when you start to feel faint or right after you pass out. Hydrate yourself as well!!!

I have never been so scared.

I had a BMI of 21 and had only been restricting for a month.