Chaotic Neutral Gremlin

"don't worry scientists will invent a way to solve climate change!" They already did... several times over... just the people who didnt like their solutions (cough cough oil companies) had enough cash to shut them up both legally and illegally

"this is unbecoming of me" is genuinely a useful thing to have in your mental toolbox

Like. you probably shouldn't say it out loud, but if you hold yourself to any principles or standards, you should really really be able to recognize when you've failed to meet those principles

“every painfully normal woman is worth 10 painfully normal men” and I completely stand by that. Also, I’ve found painfully average women often have other things going on under the surface, more depth and more personality than they’re willing to show the world. Trying to get a seemingly boring guy to open up is like pulling teeth but seemingly boring women love to surprise you with secret hobbies or unexpected worldviews or unusual interests. Sometimes you’re pleasantly surprised, sometimes you find out this seemingly normal mom of 3 is quietly evil.

worrying is like worshipping the problem

and brother i’m on my knees

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell….” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

Happy pride month to the filthiest most brutal read I’ve ever been given in my life

it's 100% crucial that anywhere you see or hear the word "calories" you mentally replace that with "energy" and you will see how insane everyone in the world is acting for no reason

food is fuel and calories are the amount of fuel in it

The US is crazy bc like so many people have intense conspiracy theories about the government like "I think there's a secret elite group of people who control everything" and you can tell them "actually you're not completely wrong, it's just not a secret group of people, it's a bunch of rich people and lobbyists who are doing it all out in the open" and they'll be like "hmmn I don't think it's THOSE people though. I prefer my racist & antisemitic theories"

They'll be like "I heard there's a powerful ring of pedophiles who are influencing the country" and you'll tell them "I mean yeah that's what the Epstein files are about" and they'll say "no I'm pretty sure this has to do with The Queers actually"

Conspiracy theory no one will ever accept: What if the people secretly controlling the world are the same people obviously controlling the world?

fortune magazine literally keeps a running tally

not to be mistaken for toxic positivity again but my god you need to learn to love the oppressed more than you hate their oppressors or else you are just delighting in feeling righteous while leaving those in need out in the cold

Don’t join the army to get free college. First two years of community college is free. Peace corps and Americorps have scholarships and student loan forgiveness programs for their volunteers. If you’re not rich you probably qualify for Pell grants. Go to a state college. They teach you the same things they do at fancy colleges. Sometimes there’s scholarships for people of a certain background. Ethnicity. Sexuality. Gender. Religion. Go to a grad school that’ll give you free tuition for working there as a teacher or assistant. Become a stripper or something. Just don’t join the army.

It is so hysterically funny to me that homophobic Christians behave like marriage is a Christianity exclusive concept and that is why gay marriage shouldn’t exist. Genuinely out there acting like Jesus invented marriage and it’s not a cultural universal that has existed since before the beginning of written language. Not just in societies that practiced monotheistic abrahamic religions, it was a thing in Mesopotamia. You do not get to act like the Christian concept of marriage is the only valid concept of marriage. It entered the game late.