Introverted

With all of the sunlight from the windows, having to use both my hands and both of my mother’s to shape my breast in a way where you could latch.

I remember nursing you,

While I cried because the let down burned and I was terrified you weren’t getting enough to eat and how would I know since I had no way to measure it.

I remember nursing you,

While being forced to drink water and a protein shake by your sweet dad, who had looked helpless in the corner a few moments earlier as you and I cried, both of us in diapers having big feelings.

I’ll always remember nursing you,

Now, when it is dark and it doesn’t take a village to get you to latch.

Now, when you aren’t nursing for food, just for comfort from your Mama.

Now, when it doesn’t hurt, and you and I are at peace. Connected in a way that never was and never will be again.

When you are rowdy and loud and too busy with your own experiences, part of me will always be here in the glider in your room.

Who posted black and white photos,

And smoked cigarettes,

And struggled with eating disorders.

The girls who wanted to die some days,

But also wanted to live,

Wanted love,

Wanted life to not be so god damn hard.

This is for the tumblr girls.

Who bled onto keyboards and

Screamed their feelings into the ether

For others who felt the same to cling to.

Who finally heard someone whispering back

Through the dark

Through the screen

And realized maybe they weren’t so alone.

This is for the tumblr girls.

Who hung on long enough to survive.

Who found reasons to live.

Who grew up,

Found love,

Cute dogs,

Have built and grown families.

Who shared the worst part of their lives

And disappeared when it all got better.

This is for the tumblr girls.

For Bella.

For Hanna.

For Kara.

For their partners,

And dogs,

And babies.

For the beautiful lives they are living,