Hi, Sierra!!!

It’s transgender day of visibility. Which is…. An interesting name for a day.

More and more, visibility has felt like a curse. In 2026, visibility feels less like being seen, or being represented, and more like being dragged into the spotlight and forced to defend the little agency that we have over our bodies. So what the hell even is the role of visibility for visibility’s sake?

I am far, FAR from the person who has had the worst time with my transition. I have had some bad moments, however- enough to make me feel deep shame at a young age. Enough to make me feel like transition would be at odds with my career as a biologist. Enough to make me vulnerable while trying to keep this “secret”. Long before I knew I was trans, or even before I knew what being transgender was, I knew it was wrong. After so long of cloaking it in anger, abrasiveness, throwing myself into research, or the dozens of other coping mechanisms I tried throughout the years, transition felt more like a last ditch effort than any kind of joyous moment.

On one hand, visibility made me feel vulnerable. Entering my 20s, I… basically knew I was trans, but was in active denial because of how much I felt like it would upend my life. By this time, “trans visibility” felt more like danger than acceptance.

On the other, I remember being a scared kid and a depressed teen, lashing out at everything and everyone as my body slowly contorted into something that was wrong in ways I didn’t fully understand. And maybe, just maybe, if I was given any example of a transgender woman with a career as a scientist, a healthy, safe social life, living a content, boring life day to day….. maybe that scared little kid would’ve figured a few things out a lot earlier, and saved myself over a decade of pain.

But I’m not that scared little kid anymore. I figured it out. “Visibility” just feels like a target again. I’m checking the news to see what states I can safely visit, and changes in federal policy. I’m microanalyzing people’s behavior towards me in unfamiliar environments to see if I’ve been clocked and if that’s gonna make them hostile. I’m seeing more headlines about violence fragmenting the community, particularly trans WoC. I’m wondering how much I need to bury my past, be militant about changing documents, or whether I even have the choice.

With all this in mind, it’s honestly no surprise that the places I’ve been the most “visible” in have been the wilderness. California’s backcountry has been a place not just for me to get my nature kicks out of my system, but a very real environment to explore and reflect on transition, while removed from the judgement of society.

And even then, its impossible to avoid, especially when passing through frontcountry areas. During a day hike to Ryan Mountain in Joshua Tree NP, two parents grabbed their kid and direct their eyes away from me when I pulled out my flag. My first time being sexually solicited in public was at the top of Yosemite falls. I was told to get out of the women’s restroom at the Lassen NP visitor center- shortly after I had been told to get out of a men’s room at a nearby gas station, which was the only reason I was even trying to use the women’s room in the first place back then.

Maybe if we were more visible, people would get over themselves and understand that I’m just a boring ass woman trying to live my life. But if we’re less visible, maybe we could just slip under the radar and get on with our lives.

It’s transgender day of visibility. Have a day.

Pics:

Ryan Mountain, Joshua Tree NP

High Peaks, Pinnacles NP

Mt. Whitney, Sequoia NP

Glenn Pass, King’s Canyon NP

Butte Lake and distant Lassen Peak, Lassen NP

Tall Trees grove and Redwood Creek, Redwood NP

I feel like any attempt to break down the effects of HRT into a snappy, bulleted list of distinct "this exact thing will change" type effects, will ultimately always end up as an underexaggeration

There's not a great way to counter this, so I understand why it happens. But, for example, if the primary way you're explaining transfemme HRT is "breast growth and some fat redistribution", as opposed to "all new tissues formed by my body are now in a female configuration, and I have to wait for my body's natural turnover rate to slowly get rid of the old male tissue, and my body is therefore being completely restructured because of it", that first version is always going to sound like an understatement to me.

Eg:

Fat: high turnover rate. Will therefore cause noticeable changes to appearance quickly.

Muscle. High turnover rate, see above.

Cartilage: slow ish but noticeable turnover rate. Changes, but over a longer period of time.

Bone: technically can change based on preliminary evidence, but very slow turnover rate, so that's on the scale of decades and aging gets in the way.

Genitalia: there actually are a lot of changes to the soft surrounding tissue of genitalia (for both transmacs and transfemmes) but a few core structural features are obviously much slower to change. Preliminary research shows that trans differentiation of primary sex tissue is possible, but most likely not at a rate that's practically relevant. Yet.

Breast tissue: a new tissue that doesn't need anything to make way for it! Which therefore goes through rapid "growth spurt" stages, growing fast while it's being added, but plateaus while not in one of those spurts.

Hiya! I shut down the old bluesky account I used a couple months ago, and remade one under the name hi-sierra.

I know its weird, but yes I wanted a more "clean" and professional @ than catboybiologist. There's a lot of professional networking there.

I probably won't be as active there, but I'll slowly trickle in activity there, and probably copy/paste some of my notable rants from tumblr to there.

This tumblr blog isn't going anywhere, but I figure its best to have redundancy in where you can find me in case anything happens. I also have a reddit and an instagram:

tl;dr: feel free to screenshot and spread my posts, but if you do so or see someone else doing so, please let me know. Either tag me (same username on youtube and reddit) or send me a link here.

Reasoning/why I'm saying this now under the cut.

It means that there will always be another way. There will always be a stockpile, or distributors, or ways to synthesize the medicine we need. And even if that fails, there will always be community. There will always be identity. There will always be expression, and identity, or some piece of the trans experience, whether it be societal, physiological, or even completely internal, in perpetuity, that lives through every transgender person.

"Death before Detransition" means that the only way to erase my reality as a transgender woman is to put me in the ground.

We'll talk damage control and ways to help in the coming days and weeks. I welcome input on the topic as well- if there's a cause you want recognition for that will suffer under the new administration, let me know.

But for now, rest. Sleep. Take care of yourself.

Why am I telling you to stockpile HRT and other medication right now, especially since I live in a Blue State?

Will HRT be made illegal? For adults, likely not. Not even in Red states. It will likely be more difficult, require more appointments or "proof", but still be legal.

(For minors, its extremely likely, however, I cannot and do not want to give advice for that situation, since I think its beyond my ability to comment at the moment.)

So. In addition to being on HRT, I also have ADHD and am medicated for it. For those of you who don't know, the DEA issued their own, internal policy change to restrict the production of stimulant medications, to fight what they believed to be a drug related problem with unprescribed stimulant use.

The FDA and even DEA (for some medications) have a lot of "bureacratic" power over medication access. Without passing laws, they make policy decisions that can affect it. Usually, this is just bureaucratic checkmarks- just logistics to ensure that an appropriate amount of medication gets to the appropriate spot. However, the stimulant medicine situation and the current political climate prove that this can be twisted into a political tool.

If this happens, you will be affected, even in blue states. Even with a valid, legal prescription for HRT, your usual pharmacy and others around you will run out of supply at some point.

I generally think that prescribed routes of getting HRT are probably going to be better for you than DiY. Not because I think DiY is safe or unethical or whatever (be gay do crime), but because its likely going to be cheaper and allow you to get levels checks easier if you're talking with a doctor. DiY plus doctors visits for those checks are an equivalent level of care, and DiY only is fantastic as well. But, it just might be logistically a bit more complicated for you. It depends on your exact situation.

With that in mind, you should have conversations with your provider, or follow the amazing advice people have provided in other posts. See if you can get prescriptions filled elsewhere. See if you can get something a little "over" prescribed, but keep to your regular refill schedule, and slowly build an emergency stash.

However, you should also be prepared to DiY. Even if you have a prescription, a couple DiY orders might help you if you ever have difficulty getting it filled, for whatever reason. And of course, getting a prescription in the first place is likely going to be more difficult.

First off, this is largely written from my perspective. The only injection medication I take is estradiol valerate. CHECK YOUR OWN MEDICATION AND TALK WITH A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR SPECIFIC MEDICATION. This is not medical advice, but rather supposed to give you a few questions or ideas to ask a medical professional about when/if you have the chance.

Also, PLEASE correct me or mention anything you want to add to this!

The general principle is slightly extending the life of your prescribed medication. With that in mind, if you use an already opened vial for a couple extra punctures, but keep to your usual pickup schedule, you can build up a small, personal reserve. It won't be large enough for anyone else, but will help account for margins or gaps in care.

When doing this, keep some things in mind:

The #1 concern is keeping vials sealed and sterile. Typically, vials are rated to a certain number of punctures, and the dose they contain exceeds the amount that would be used by this number of punctures. While its a bad idea to drain a vial dry, using 2-4 extra punctures is typically okay IF you know the warning signs of a broken seal or contamination.

A lower gauge draw needle may help preserve the seal for a longer period of time. Large gauge draw needles are commonly used for viscous, oil immersed medication (like testosterone and estradiol). It may be harder to draw, and BE CAREFUL- a more difficult draw means a less steady draw, so don't damage the seal because of that.

KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS OF A BROKEN SEAL OR CONTAMINATION. The most egregious is a "floater"- a fuzzy clump in your medication. This is a growing bacterial or fungal colony. Do not continue to use this medication under any circumstances. You should also watch out for leakage or holes forming around the puncture sites of your vial. A drop getting out is okay, but be extremely careful- it may indicate air getting it, which is really bad.

Another thing to remember is that injection medication expiration is usually not about how long the injection medication is effective for. It's about how long the medication is sterile for. This is both good and bad news- it means its easy to store, but it can be bad if done improperly.

Check the storage temperature on your medication, and always store at that temperature. It can be compelling to try and refrigerate or freeze medication that is normally at room-temperature for long term storage. Generally, this is not a bad idea. Crystal formation from salts, the compound itself, and water ice can intercolate large molecules and disrupt their function. Is this a problem for most medication? No. But storing at low temperatures is usually unnecessary. Generally, medication is mixed with preservatives that take care of this for you. This, however, varies based on your exact formulation.

Yes, testosterone is a controlled substance. Yes, there are limits to how much you can have in reserve.

Does anyone on T not know that?

I'm not encouraging you to do anything illegal. Know those limits or your own safety. Store as many doses as you feel comfortable with to weather your through 1 or 2 temporary lapses. Know your own safety and laws.

I get mildly irritated at people pointing this out over, and over, and over again, because do you think that people don't know? Do you think that people aren't scared? All you're doing is twisting the knife that my transmasc brothers don't have access to security in their medication.

The other point of clarification (that I have said several times) is that no, I do not think that we will be put in camps. I do not think HRT will be banned.

I almost know for certain, however, that there will be protracted legal battles and bureaucratic BS that will disrupt access in a very practical sense.

"Stockpile HRT" is not me being some kind of trans doomsday prepper expecting everything to fall down. It's me telling you that things are going to be okay, but they're going to be complicated and inconsistent, and if you're on medication that needs to be taken as a steady state, you need to be able to bridge those gaps.

And yes, as I have also posted several times, this applies to birth control as well.