This?????? Is so????? Cute?????????

clingy and annoying doesn’t bother me when it’s from the right person, i literally do not mind if my boyfriend sends me a picture of a car he likes at 3am even if I’m not really into cars, his first thought was ‘i know imma send that to my girlfriend’ and yes i love that shit

The difference between good clingy and bad clingy in giving affection vs demanding it.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO SAY

LET HIM SPEAK

i had a girlfriend once. sometimes it's like i can still hear her voice.

we literally got married six hours ago fuck off

sir will you please stop doing the worm your wife is in labor 

ma'am will you stop being in labor your husband is doing the worm

Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, or back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they’re a wide-eyed mess.

fuck kinda subway are u going to?

Substitute teachers deal with so much shit

nothing sexier than a girl whos just a little out of it. asked the girl serving me at mcdonald’s 2day where the straws are and she said “straws? why would we have hay here” really sexy of her 

people dont know how to set up jokes anymore without adding “nobody:” before it

“Tips to prevent mood swings: avoid caffeine, alcohol and sugary foods” that’s me diet tho mate