yarn and loops

Shit I’ve never vibed with someone so hard

if YOU die because I poisoned you…how is that MY fault like I’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons I think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. Fix yourself before blaming others.

The optimistic garbage man sees the bin as half empty

My husband and I are such dorks lmao when we were swimming in the ocean on Dauphin Island I was pretending to be a mermaid and he was pretending to be a pirate and we kept singing music from Pirates of the Caribbean

Brake lights should get brighter based on the amount of pressure applied to the pedal.

I think we should get 10% discount if we go through the self checkout line. The clerks get paid to scan and bag my groceries - I don’t work there yet I’m doing their job for free.