and at the end of all things, i want to live

[I WAKE BOLT UPRIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DEFLECT A CURSE WITH A TENNIS RACKET AND IMMEDIATELY FALL BACK ASLEEP]

to celebrate the ides of march this year tumblr decided to stab its users in the back

can't stop laughing about that post that said Geralt would love ibuprophen bc yes. i think there are a lot of fantasy characters who wouldn't take pain meds from our world bc they simply would be like "i don't see the need" but geralt would be that guy who asks you to hand him some ibuprophen from your purse and you'd get out 2 and he'd say, "oh I usually take 6" and you'd say "how?? long have you been taking 6 ibuprophen at a time???" and he'd be like "i don't know, always? does it matter?" and suddenly all his recent acute GI symptoms would start making sense but also it could be unrelated because honestly what data would you have on how witcher bodies are affected by NSAIDs? you hand him 6 and hope for the best.

I managed to get him to agree to just two layers of boats before he said "ssshhhhhhh....." and entered a deeper layer of sleep than I've seen him achieve in years

nope he's back (?) and now we've just had a violent car crash, as described by him making vroooom vroooom sounds, followed by a flat chhrrkkhttchhhh (explosion) sound. I am not expected to make it

He's now back to full-tilt snoring. I would love to be a fly on the wall of any doctor who studies his sleep patterns. As I was writing that last sentence he woke suddenly to itch his eye and cussed me out about vitamins. And back to full-tilt snoring. Love is real ❤️ goodnight to all.

I think "never kill yourself" is one of the funniest phrases to come out of the internet in recent times. Deeply silly but also captures the importance of experiences one might think frivolous or inconsequential.

Its true tho. Sometimes I'll just be sitting on the floor drinking a beer and think "im so fuckin glad i didn't do it"

“I’m just a girl” first of all you’re a grown ass woman second of all free yourself

we're gonna settle this once and for all

every single conversation i’m forced into on this website is either “guac is extra” or “you hate pancakes”