izzy's playlists!
JBB: An Artblog!
Not today Justin
titsay
occasionally subtle
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
πͺΌ
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
i don't do bad sauce passes
blake kathryn
d e v o n
Three Goblin Art
DEAR READER
Andulka
Stranger Things
we're not kids anymore.
if i look back, i am lost
tumblr dot com
KIROKAZE
seen from United Kingdom
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seen from United States
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seen from United States
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@heveansmalllest
a4a hack
WRITE DOWN YOUR CALS
seriously
i've just started putting everything down in a notebook and i've eaten way less than i would have if i was just using my cal tracking app
it's because you have to actually think about it way more when you write
I wish I could do this. I'm not supposed to be cal counting so the less evidence the better. Maybe if I put it in the margin of my uni work. Would he notice? A rogue 427 in maths studies?
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Why did i let myself get this b1g
yes actually the sizes of the clothes im buying determines my mood
This is why I won't buy cloth3s until I can walk out of my tights
When he's hitting it doggy style, bit all you can think about is how your stomach moves and now you're not wet anymore
In other news, I think I'm Christian now
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I feel like such a bad person. I made myself a strict meal plan (1 breakfast, 3 lunch and 3 dinner options). I told him it was 1200 cal. It's not. I doubled the calories
So my beloved husband caught me. I promised it was an accident and that I just didn't like my meal plan. I deleted the app in front of him and promised to be off it until his family drama is over with.
The part I don't like. I offered to take him out for savory waffles and ice-cream. It was my way of giving him proof. But I have to get this drink I love there, extra 100 cal.
He had nuts and when I got 1 he made me take a handful. It was so salty I ended up eating 4 grapes. They were big so I logged as 5.
The total for this nonsense is 1805 Cals today. So I'm only going to be eating 400 for a week.
MF came in clutch, I dropped 2/3 my ice-cream on the floor. That with splitting the waffle got me down to 1072cal. 500 for a week to balance out?
I feel like such a bad person. I made myself a strict meal plan (1 breakfast, 3 lunch and 3 dinner options). I told him it was 1200 cal. It's not. I doubled the calories
So my beloved husband caught me. I promised it was an accident and that I just didn't like my meal plan. I deleted the app in front of him and promised to be off it until his family drama is over with.
The part I don't like. I offered to take him out for savory waffles and ice-cream. It was my way of giving him proof. But I have to get this drink I love there, extra 100 cal.
He had nuts and when I got 1 he made me take a handful. It was so salty I ended up eating 4 grapes. They were big so I logged as 5.
The total for this nonsense is 1805 Cals today. So I'm only going to be eating 400 for a week.
I feel like such a bad person. I made myself a strict meal plan (1 breakfast, 3 lunch and 3 dinner options). I told him it was 1200 cal. It's not. I doubled the calories
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!
I DID IT BEFORE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
:)
The feeling of starting worse than before
Tumblr was a source of fuel for my anorexia. It's easy to compare and put myself down. Coming back now that I feel more firm in my recovery, well I think it might have been a mistake.
I want to go back to the tags that hurt me back when I suffered. I want to go and see the spo that lies there. I want to get triggered again. And I am. I've been going to these tags and I can feel the rock solid control I had start to slip.
The worst part is that I know those people don't mean any harm. I was there. I only wanted to find a home in a world that denied me one.
I'm back now and I refuse to go back to those tags. I want to help people now, not harm them.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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When I used to sit and fantasize about my recovery, I would imagine daintily trying bites of fear foods.
My recovery didn't look like that. It was crying at my first taste of red meat in 6 months. It was refusing to eat in the dining room. It was planning the exact right time to eat breakfast so my inlaws wouldn't see. It was being disappointed by every food I used to love and finding new ones. It was crying when I broke my jeans and the bravery to buy the bigger size. It was getting to know myself outside the aesthetic and realising after it all I don't like food that much.
I cannot overstate the impact having good people around you can have. I got the bottom of my eating disorder and I fully believe I would have been bedridden for a lot longer if not for my fiance. He was ready the second I was discharged with the meal plan from my dietian. He put his own damn weight loss on the back burner for months both before and after my starting recovery just to make sure I was eating.
And you know what? It worked. For a very long time the sole reason I pushed through for recovery was for him. Finally I found my own reasons. I'm not tempted to go back anymore.
This is Mickey. He was thin when we first got him. I was struggling with the weight gain so I thought it was good you could feel his bones. I fed him exactly as I learned and now you can't feel his spine when you lift him.
I guess it helped come to terms with my own lack of visible bones.
It's crazy how my perspective has changed. I stopped caring what my body looks like.
I'm elated that I can benchpress 4 kg when 6 months ago I couldn't lift the bar.
I'm amazed I can squat 10 kg because 9 months ago I could barely stand.
I can watch myself in the glass door and critique my form instead of my rolls.
I don't even flinch to add more to a meal.
I don't give a singular fuck what my body looks like. I want strength. I want power. I want the shaking on the last rep. I want the pain of pushing my body. I want to see what my body can do.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
