A Place To Vent

Don’t expect the courtesy you give others in return. You will likely be disappointed.

I just watched the Andrea Yates shit... religion is so brainwashing... I know she was mentally ill but imagine that being heightened with fucking religion... it makes me sick. Please don’t come at me with “she isn’t really religious if she was she would never have done that.” People are quick to give credit for the good but then dismiss the bad as them not being religious.. don’t get me started on her husband because that man is a psycho .. to be laughing carrying on after losing 5 children... to say “ you finally did it.” To say she was like this for 3 weeks before doing it... the psychiatrist warning she shouldn’t have more kids.. why did nobody report her after the suicide attempts ?? He is accountable in at least some sense ... he knew it was coming and did nothing! Piece of shit....

I had my breast implants removed Oct 2020. I have always had anxiety... I now know longer know what normal breast tissue feels like. I might feel a lump so of course I go spiralling. (I made an appointment) It really just got me thinking in that very moment of feeling that gut wrenching feeling... what actually matters. The way that my shoes look with my jeans or should i declutter these items.. what if need them.. it all just felt so clear in that moment what was important. I just wanted to cuddle Lainey my youngest daughter and watch her laugh and make her feel loved.. I of course dwelled on this feeling for about an hour that’s anxiety for you..  I got up the next morning to make sure that Lainey and Eva both had their hair done nicely and made sure that they know they are loved.. of course I do this regularly but idk I just wanna make sure that they are equipped for their future and know that they are set up for success with all the qualities a mother can provide them .. The younger years or so important for development and how they grow as teens & adults.. that’s my job to prepare them for when I’m not here whether it’s next month or 50 years from now.. something I watched on remembering Diana was her kids talking about how she prepared them for when they were older.. how she set them up for what a healthy relationship is and how to deal with emotions etc. It was really inspiring and I got me thinking how am I setting my children up for their future emotionally not just financially.. 

Just because someone didn’t have it as bad as you doesn’t mean that didn’t have it bad. It’s not a competition on who has had it the worst. It’s about being compassionate towards people without invalidating how they feel by saying “ well I had it worse.”

I never knew what depression was until moving to England. I’ll never look at someone who has to experience it on a daily basis the same. The feeling of not even wanting to move off the couch for literally anything. To feel nothing... to have nothing make you smile or feel alive is such a scary feeling. Thankfully it wasn’t a long period of time for me but for anyone who deals with it regularly my heart goes out to you.

Stay clear of any “friends” that feel the need to bully you into their opinions.

I have morals without the fear of hell. If you need the fear of hell to do the morally right thing.. are you really a good person?

I have morals without the fear of hell.