I love your blog and am so thankful for all the information you share! I'm in my third year in college, I take care of myself very well. But I really would like to start dating, gaining some experience, and putting myself in places to meet suitable men in college.
How would you create a dating strategy for the girls who are very new to dating? What to expect from men, timeframes, red/green flags. I know I still have alot of life to live and learn about, but I don't to wait forever to experience dating/ being in a relationship.
Hey Anon! Get comfy because this is going to be a lengthy one :) :
Start with your hunting grounds. You’ll meet the best men where there’s structure and shared interests: professional clubs (investment, pre-law, engineering, debate), faith or service orgs, honors societies, campus lectures, alumni mixers, intramurals, and ticketed events like theater or a guest speaker. Go where men have to show up on time and speak in full sentences. Off-campus, try a nice lounge near the business/law schools, a ticketed comedy night, a bookstore author talk, or a board-game café. Consistency matters—frequent the same two or three spots weekly so you become a familiar face. Use warm, simple openers: “Hey, aren’t you in Dr. Patel’s class?” or “Have you been to this place before—what do you recommend?”
Once a guy asks you out, the planning tells you almost everything. Green flags: he names a specific day, time, and plan; offers options that work with your schedule; books a rez or buys tickets; confirms the day of without prompting; and keeps the plan public and convenient for you. Red flags: “let’s hang” with no details, last-minute 11 p.m. invites, pushing you to go to his place, expecting you to organize, or going hot-cold during the week. If he can’t plan a first date, he won’t magically become intentional later.
For the first date, skip coffee and strolls—those feel like interviews or errands. Choose something intentional but low-pressure with a natural time cap: an early dinner (60–90 minutes max), dessert and mocktails/cocktails at a sit-down spot, a museum or gallery opening with tickets followed by dessert, mini-golf or bowling with a drink, or a campus performance with seats reserved and a quick bite after. Public place, clear start/end, and you go home afterward. Dress like the best version of you—think mini dress or nice jeans with a pretty top and flats/kitten heels—and arrive five minutes late.
During the date, watch for basics that predict everything: he’s on time, he keeps his phone away, he asks you questions and remembers your answers, he’s kind to staff, he doesn’t overshare ex drama or fish for physical escalation, and he respects boundaries. You should feel safe, relaxed, and a little excited. If your body is whispering “tense,” listen. Keep conversation light-substantial: family vibe, what your weeks look like, goals, travel wish lists, books/podcasts, how you spend Sundays. Avoid trauma dumps and resume recitals.
After the date, gracious beats gamey. If he planned and paid, a short thank-you text that night or the next morning is feminine and classy: “Thank you for dinner—I had fun. Get home safe!” Then let him take the lead on the next plan. If he’s serious, he’ll reach out within 24 hours and put a second date on the calendar; momentum matters early. If you don’t hear from him by day two, that’s your answer—wish him well in your head and move on.
Second and third dates should build substance without sacrificing safety or standards. Think tickets and seats (comedy show, jazz night, campus play) with a bite before or after; a board-game café; a bookstore date where you each pick the other a book and then dessert; or a ramen/tapas spot with a short walk to the car—not laps around the neighborhood. Keep dates to 1–2 hours, end on a high note, and go home separately. Physical pace is yours to set. Kissing is fine if you want; anything more waits until you feel genuine trust and you’ve had the exclusivity conversation.
While you’re getting to know him, keep your roster open until someone earns exclusivity. Aim for one to three dates per week per person; no pen-pal texting—messages are for planning, not paragraphs. A quick mid-week call is higher quality than constant chatter. By 4–6 dates (or ~6–8 weeks), you’ll know if it’s progressing. If he’s consistent, protective of your time, and future-oriented (“Let’s get tickets next Friday”), you can discuss exclusivity. If he’s sporadic, ambiguous, or heavily physical without planning real dates, he’s told you who he is.
Finally, keep your life full: classes, gym, friends, sleep, goals. You’re not auditioning to be someone’s girlfriend; you’re evaluating whether this man fits the life you’re already proud of. The right guy makes it easy—clear plans, kind behavior, steady effort—and you’ll never need a detective to figure out if he’s into you.
I think that’s it. Let me know how it goes lovely girl 🤍
