Her Amber Heart

Yes, I can wake you, in fact you’d expect it. My physical needs are cherished. I’m not ashamed of my body’s responses anymore.

When you first started out as a Dominant did you have a hard time reconciling what you wanted vs. the “correct way” vs. society’s accepted rolls?

In your relationship, was choosing to take the dominant role more about power or desire to lead, or perhaps both? We often see submissive list their duties and responsibilities, they are most often clearly defined. As the dominant, do you have clearly defined duties/responsibilities? What are they? Where do you see the journey of D/s leading you?

It’s the age old newly awaking Dominant angst isn’t it?  'But I’ve been taught to be respectful and put her needs first and that we’re all the same’ etc etc.  The truth I’m finding more and more, is that true equality only comes when both people in a relationship are totally free to be who they are and to clearly express their needs.  I absolutely fell into that belief that as a man I must fall over myself to demonstrate my agreement that women are just as strong, just as capable and just as good as men.  The thing is, none of that is precluded in a D/s relationship. It all holds true, it’s just represented differently.

@heramberheart and I are absolutely equal.  I am her Dominant and her Master, she is my submissive and she strives to please me, but that in no way makes me superior to her.  She chooses to submit to me, she needs me to remove certain choices from her life, she requires my guidance in different areas.  Once I came to truly understand this need, ‘societal norms’ became irrelevant to me.  I know what she needs and I know how to provide it.  How our private life works is our business.

The notion of ‘a correct way’ was never much of a factor in our relationship even our early days.  While we will both admit to not always knowing what we wanted or how to achieve it, from a very early point I had a concept of 'Our Way’.  So much of the Tumblr-verse seemed just role play and false, we always knew we needed 'more’.  We had to be true to our own desires, not an accepted way that would not stand the test of time.  I had a concept of how a D/s relationship could function, @heramberheart had the belief in me to follow. We simply talked and talked and talked in those early days. I probably asked the most inane of questions repeatedly to get my head around things. “But why would you ever kneel to someone?”, “Why would you ever let someone else make your decisions” … My lack of comprehension and inability to be in that position only confirmed my Dominance.

Understanding what I wanted took a little longer, and is still evolving.  9 months ago I would have looked at you glassy eyed if you’d mentioned spanking, now I crave it as much as she does.  Would I have seen submission in a morning cup of coffee request or make a decision and know with absolute certainty my word will be followed? Not at all. This is an evolving relationship, one that is constantly growing.

I don’t think it’s power that drives me, although our relationship is a 24/7 power exchange.  My need is to guide her and lead her through life.   However, I think power must be given over to allow the other to lead.  I needed her submission and deference to make this work, to know even when she is unsure she will still trust in my judgement, accept my word and follow my lead.

We do have some defined 'duties’ between us, a select few are enshrined in rule form that apply to us both, but most are simply expectations of how to behave and carry herself. They are reminders of what pleases me and how I would like her to present herself and in turn reflect me, to the world. For now, this helps us negotiate the times when life just gets in the way without setting up unnecessary feelings of failure.  It is a framework to guide and reassure, to constrain and focus, to remind and to enforce through responsibility.