Hardcore Gymnast

Why lift a finger when I’ve got you for muscle, Missy?

Why, Jesse. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you only kept me around as the brawn to your brain. No but seriously, do I need to kick someone’s ass because I will.

Forevers, huh? You know how to make a guy feel special. But go on with your story: did you chew her out? Make someone cry?

Uh yah, totally dude. I’m always here to make you feel those special butterflies, J. As for that godawful shrew and her brainless husband, I definitely gave them one of my more familiy-friendly fuck-offs. If they ever come back with that same crap, I’m for sure pulling out all the stops. Full parental advisory overload.

Don’t we all get a little crazy about our passions? You’re forgiven this time. 

You were in the Olympics? That is really freaking cool, sucks about not get medals but participating in general is really cool. Do you ever want to try again? I can only imagine. I never made it past high school football but they were just a little hard on us with that too. 

Not everybody. But it’s whatever. You gonna kick my ass next time I snap on you?

I was for a minute. And since they totally screwed me over, I swore to never compete ever again. Not saying I’m the next Riselda Selaj, but I was someone to be afraid of. I was my team’s secret weapon. Tell me more about your failed dreams, football star.

As amazing as it would be to arrange the article so the type forms a phallic image, I think I’ve figured out what I’m going to write - “Cat Memes for Pleasure: Could The Exploitation of Our Furry Friends for Humor Lead to a Resurgence in Zoophilia?” …I may have to shorten the title but you get my point. My editor-in-chief will love it. 

Wicked title that’s just begging to get you fired aside, you could never go wrong with a good dick in print. At least promise me, you’ll do that thing where you leave a secret message in the article and spell out my name. I need a shout out for being your bad influence after all.

I mean kids not getting spanked is a big part of it, that and most parents don’t even seem to remember they have children when they are out in public and let the poor employees have to deal with them, which fuck that noise.

Nah, once a bad influence always a bad influence babe. Besides when I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a burden on society, so you know still going strong.

Yeah, I know. Look, not that I’m some child abuse advocate, but what ever happened to the good old days where if you were out of line, you got seriously popped? And when did parents stop raising their own kids? Granted my ‘rentals weren’t hovering over my shoulder but my brother and I didn’t get into shit or act like these brats today.

Sick. I’ve been looking for someone rad to get hang out with. No offense to Bobbi or even Jesse, but you seem like you’re more my style. Us professional rebels gotta stick together, y’know?

Have I ever told you that you both terrify me and excite me? Seriously, Missy, I could watch you calling people to ‘grow some balls’ for hours on end, and it’d be like music to my ears. 

Wait, are you trying to tell me you get off on me bitching about literal fucking psychos? Cause that’s been a goal of mine since, like, forevers.

I was just asking cause if you were basically just a gymnastics babysitter then maybe not push them so hard. I have no kids and definitely not a pervy creep, chill out. But if you’re a professional and training them for like the olympics or somethings then isn’t it kinda your job to be hard on them so they get better? 

Chill out? I’m sorry, but when I have to deal with that type of BS on a daily basis for, I don’t know, the entirety of my career, I tend to not have the patience for it. Shit dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Actually, I did but I didn’t mean to snap on you. I get...crazy about my passion.

Yeah, it’s my job to push these kids or adults to their breaking point. I might not have won my own medals, but I have participated in the Olympics. Shit’s hardcore like you wouldn’t believe.

I am going to make some guess that you’re a gymnastics teacher? But um, are you even a professional one or just one that pretty much takes kids in when their parents don’t want to deal with them? 

Okay dude I don’t know what shit you’ve been through where you had to give that specific ass example when it comes to gymnastics but I’m sorry for it. As far as being a professional, I’m the real deal. See, I don’t get paid nearly enough to train these snot nosed brats let alone take them in like some glorified babysitter. What, you thinkin’ of stopping by with your offspring or are you a pervy creep trying to get his rocks off?

Exactly! It’s like those people who wanna learn how to do backflips, well you have to be willing to think you’ve busted your neck a couple times.

Somethin’ like that.

It’s this new generation, I swear. Some of these little shit kickers are so lazy and whiny it’s ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on the parents.

I can’t even remember the last time I scaled a fence. You still a bad influence these days or is the dream dead?