'forever and a glorious day'

While the Weather Outside is Frightful

“As charming a figure that you cut, spying is unbecoming,” a voice said behind her, and Sabrina jumped, straightening and whipping around.

Lilith Wardwell stood, arms crossed.

“Were you looking at my ass?” Sabrina asked, unable to keep from smiling.

In the Dragon’s Grasp

When Sabrina joins the Riders Quadrant, she plans to make her aunt proud by bonding with the best dragon available. When she bonds with the mysterious Leviathan dragon, she gets more than she bargained for.

// a caos fourth wing au with a twist

Pumpkin Spiced Dreams // part of the caos coffee shop au universe

Sabrina Spellman hated autumn. She liked Halloween, of course, her birthday with the cake and the presents and the attention. But with autumn comes pumpkin, and with pumpkin comes Pumpkin Spiced Lattes, her beloathed.

everybody wonders what it would be like love you // rated e; 6.4k words

“My name is Sabrina by the way,” she said as they stood in the elevator, waiting for the cinematographer to set up the shot, “Not Katrina.”

“Try to stay on script,” Lilith said crisply as if she hadn’t heard her, “Katrina.”

WHY DID THIS SHOW DO THIS?

as if you were a mythical thing

zelda makes a discovery regarding sabrina’s pregnancy, lilith considers things, and the gang graduates- or do they?

In this case, it was the scene where a grieving Lilith commands her straw beast to go murder Sabrina. Throughout this scene, and ever since Adam’s death, she has been ceaselessly fidgeting with his ring on her own hand, keeping safe that last vestige of him. More so, keeping that last vestige of the feelings she had, of the person she was when she was beside him, safe. 

At the end of that scene, she reaches her hand towards, and presumably eventually into, the candle flame in front of her, staring into it with a pained expression; I had always read this as her trying to either distract herself from her internal pain with a more visceral sort, or to perhaps break through a numbness she had begun to feel creeping in.

But now I see that before that, while talking to the creature and fidgeting with the ring, she actually takes it off and holds it in her right hand. 

Because of how delicately she holds it between her fingertips, it’s barely even visible for a few frames, but she is reaching towards the flame with the ring. 

And something clicked for me. Then I went back, to track when she started fidgeting, and took note of the reaction she has when calling the creature, a moment’s pain whereupon she has to pause and close her eyes to still herself. In the past, I had certainly connected it to her saying that name, but there was something more to it now.

(Look how long it takes her to even start saying the name, her mouth just gapes until she can manage)

She is hurting herself on purpose. It’s not that she has (as we sometimes joke about, post pt4) an absurd proclivity for naming every possible thing and person “Adam”. It’s that this creature has to be called Adam, because it will hurt to hear that name. She’s trying to force herself to embrace that pain, to make herself rougher, harder, to turn herself back to how she was before. Before Adam (as she says earlier in the episode) made her too comfortable in her stolen life, and made her forget who she really is. The violent, wicked demon that she really is. She needs to be that demon, because being this person is hurting way too much.

She tried to rid herself of reminders of Adam, and so burned the fetish doll that first prompted feelings for him. But as she watched it burn, she realised that she needed to push herself further, saying “It’s time to birth a monster”. Yes, speaking about the straw creature she would create, but more so speaking about the monster inside of her that needs to be re-born.

So she re-associates the name she had grown fond of (grown softer from) with something beastly and empty of love – empty of any human softness except for the raw, murdered meat of a stranger (the sort of man she could easily revile, and soak in the familiar disgust and anger that he stirred in her). 

But as hard as she tries, she can’t bring herself to destroy Adam’s ring. She couldn’t throw it in the fire with the doll, desperately needing to keep feeling it against her skin. She cannot even bring herself to hold it in a candle’s flame, something which might offer a safe way to practice letting go, and ridding herself of this final proof of weakness.

She wants to so badly, but something in her has shifted and there’s no going back. You can see her realising that, hand poised, and feeling even more hopeless because, well… what can she be now?

Then, I went back to her instructions to the beast, to whom she forces a mirthless smile:

Yes, she’s talking about Sabrina. But she’s not only thinking about Sabrina. She’s deep in her own feelings, aware of how vulnerable and alone she herself has become. You can see her coming to the conclusion, amid her hopelessness, that the next logical step is death.

Before, I had thought I was watching dreadful heartbreak, grief that was driving a woman to more viciousness and spite than ever before, in her attempt to gain vengeance, taking from Lucifer the person she believes that he values most, just as he had to her. 

But this re-evaluation has me thinking: for someone like Lilith, who has been a survivalist all her life, and persisted no matter the cost? To have reached this point in her long existence, where the goal she has worked for so long has been rendered moot, and the new life upon which she impetuously staked her last chance of happiness, her last-ditch belief that love and freedom were possible, has been brutally destroyed?

Say she got her win, and the straw creature had killed Sabrina, robbing Lucifer of his prophecy girl. What next? 

Say she hadn’t been found out by Sabrina and Nick, magically bound, and then forced to rush into the culmination of the prophecy, keeping her from being alone with her despair.

|ヾ(ﾟﾍﾟ; ）

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