Abandoned

i drew this based on a prompt from @hannibalbingo! be sure to check them out :)

The first thing Kaz noticed as he walked into the kitchen of the Slat was he was the last one awake, which was strange because it was 6:30 in the morning and he was always up first with the occasional exception of Inej. The second thing Kaz noticed was it was quiet; too quiet. And the third and most concerning thing that Kaz noticed was the behavior of his Crows. Matthias was practically cradling Nina who was staring silently at Jesper. Her eyes were worried and calculated, never straying from his face. Directly across from them pressed into Jesper’s side was Wylan. He had a paper in his hand eyes darting between Jesper and the page. His hands shook as he mouthed words that were read out to him. He was doing it with such intensity that Kaz would have thought someone’s life depended on it. Silently moving around the others seemly trying to keep herself moving was Inej making waffles. But what was most unnerving was Jesper, sitting at the table completely silent staring blankly at his hands as if he couldn’t puzzle out what they were.

Kaz never wastes breath on empty words “What’s going on?”

Inej didn’t falter as she shoved a cup of coffee into his hands still hot but the perfect temperature to chug at any moment.

“Jes had a nightmare” was all she said, voice clipped.

“It wasn’t a nightmare,” Jesper said quietly as he rose. Kaz seemingly snapped him out of his stupor.

“it was just a really weird dream” He claimed, eyes wandering before finally landing on the coffee behind Inej. Wylan’s eyes latched onto him. These were the first words he had said since he woke up, all morning. Not that Kaz knew that. Jesper slept a floor below him and while the walls in the Slat were thin, the floors weren’t, save for the vents.

“I’d call it a nightmare,” said Wylan, His voice unsteady and quiet as if afraid to startle the Zemini boy. “You were screaming”

Jesper poured himself a cup of coffee, adding more sugar than cream. His back faced his boyfriend. He visibly tensed at his lover’s words, shoulders creeping up as if trying to protect him from something he couldn’t see. But he turned around with Inej’s plate of waffles, smiling bright and unaffected, “Who wants waffles?”

He asked warmly and placed the stack on the table, possibly more roughly than he would have any other day. He sat down and helped himself to the fluffy food. Everyone dug in.

It wasn’t complete silence. The Dregs start to wake with the rising sun. Members come down the stairs and leave into the cold of the early winter to find warm food to fill their bellies.

The kitchen in the Slat wasn’t big enough to feed the whole gang. Kaz and his Crows were the only ones who ever actually ate within the uneven building. A symbol to the other members, of who was in Kaz’s elite, despite Kaz denying up and down he didn’t pick favorites. The city streets crawl alive outside the doors. It was quiet for a few moments before the gruff of Kaz’s voice rumbled in the silence.

“What was the dream?” Kaz prompted, unreadable like any other day but seemingly interested in the topic of conversation as he sat across from Jesper. Inej is at his left. His cane pressed against her leg.

Jesper shook his head but Kaz took notice of how, he glanced up but wouldn’t meet his eyes. His shoulders curling in on him again, having loosened up while he was eating,

“It was some freaky dream about a dead kid, begging me to give a message to his brother,” Jesper said nonchalantly shoving more waffles in his mouth, not wanting to answer more questions. Jesper hated the dream. Hated that it plagued him every night. Hated that he woke up screaming this time. He hated the gnawing growing pit in his stomach that wouldn’t leave for hours every morning. The damn thing was making him lose his appetite and his sleep. If this continued much longer it would start affecting his shot, and make him unsteady. Kaz would not be too pleased with that. So despite nausea, ignoring the bile that rose up his throat at the sickly sweet syrup contrasting with the bitter acidic coffee and the waffles that swelled in his stomach, Jesper force-fed himself, having learned the danger of not eating, the hard way, on a job a few years back. And every night he pressed himself as tightly as he could into Wylan, begging, hoping, and praying, to whatever saint or god had mercy, he might sleep soundly that night.

“This is what he was writing” Wylan’s voice cut through Jesper’s thoughts causing his sinking dread and anxiety to deepen as the Merchling handed the paper to Kaz.

“Nina read it out to me. I had to grab his hands to get him to stop,” he explained his voice low to keep his voice steady but Wylan’s eyes betrayed his fear. Kaz took the paper from him and read the words in Jesper’s panicked and chaotic scrawl.

I’m sorry I failed you. I love you. I’m watching you from above.

What the Hell? Kaz thought. The words were repeated over and over again getting more frantic as they travel down the page.

“And what is this?” Kaz said interrogatively looking at his best friend.

Jesper swallowed around the lump in his throat, “It was what he said” Jesper murmured. His eyes flickered to Kaz’s face, “The kid. The message. That’s what he said.”  

He maintained his façade of being unaffected but he still wouldn’t look Kaz in the eyes. Kaz's eyes flicked back and forth around his face before addressing the room.

“We have a job tomorrow. Do what you need to do today. We’ll discuss the plan later,” Kaz said authoritatively rising from his seat and heading towards the entrance. Swiftly the rest of the crows rose to go on about their day. Jesper followed sticking close to Kaz, body drifting into autopilot as his mind wandered back to the dream.

The sky had swirled with galaxies of green and teal. The stars blindingly bright enough to light the street like it was a cloudy day. The first time Jesper woke up in Kaz’s bedroom in the slat body aching. He had gotten shot on a job. His wounds freshly bandaged courtesy of Nina and Inej. Mine still foggy from the blood loss. As his eyes wander around the room, he flinched at the boy standing at the end of the bed. His eyes were cloudy, swirls of gray and white, the sockets sunken  in. He had what was once a head of thick black curls, now falling in out in clumps. Dark freckles dance across his cheekbones and nose bridge, a reminder of something that was tragically human. He wore farm clothes and was all corded muscle, like Kaz, only broader in the shoulders. And his entire body was drenched in water. Dripping from his hair and running down his hollow cheeks and from his cold eyes. A walking corpse that clawed and crawled its way out of the harbor.

“Can you hear me?” the boy asked his voice deep and warped as if he were speaking underwater. Jesper’s eyes widened entire body tensing in preparation for a fight. Fists clenched tight without the familiar weight of his guns, Jesper nodded. The boy was visibly angry but his tone was desperate.

“You will give my brother a message. Word for word. Do not paraphrase or mix it up.”

And then he said, his tone just as desperate but filled with a indescribable grief

‘I’m sorry that I failed you. I love you . And I’m watching you from above .

Jesper bristled. Irritation replacing fear. Who the fuck is this kid demanding he do this for him while he’s bedridden and in pain? “Who are you and why should I do this?” Jesper challenged.

The boy recoiled in surprise. Eyes focusing slightly, as if he were seeing Jesper for the first time. He threw his head back and laughed. A sound that make Jesper’s hairs stand up on edge. Something rabid, vicious, unforgiving; unhuman. It sounded like choking. Like someone choking on water, gasping for air, unable to breathe. And then he said, “ You will do this for me because I am something you cannot explain. As for who I am, my name is Jordie Rietveld and you will give my message to my brother.”

That was how the first dream went. It had followed a job gone wrong. Jesper damn near bled out under Kaz’s hands. The Zemini was too weak to keep pressure on his own wounds. He had woken up in Kaz’s room with Wylan clutching his arms. His fingertips over his pulse even in his sleep. Jesper had chalked it up to a white light hallucination, but after he had the second, the third, and fourth, he couldn’t deny the dream. As the boy and the message began to pound between his ears, day and night, he obsessed over finding this damn kid’s brother but he didn’t know where to start.

Kaz liked to pride himself on being a very observant person. Not that it mattered, Jesper was easy to read unless he was actively lying or bluffing. Anyone who was paying attention would quickly clock onto the fact that something was bothering Jesper. It wasn’t hard to figure out why.

Images flash through Kaz’s mind as someone shoulder-checked him on the street unaware that they were touching Kaz Brekker.

Jesper’s blood, soaked through his gloves, his clothes, coating his skin, as he fought against the waters of his demons to keep the sharpshooter alive. The pale look in Jesper’s eyes contrasted with the little smile he gave as he said it was ok. He begged Kaz, to run, to leave him, if only to save himself. The horrible aching silence as Jesper lurked on death's door, his voice finally draining away with the blood loss. And finally, the bloated corpse of Jordie pressed against him, underneath his hands.

An image from his nightmare.

A violating recreation where Jordie replaced Jesper and Kaz fails them both. Needless to say, Dirtyhands and the little boy trapped within his soul had been very protective of their sharpshooter in recent weeks.

So when Kaz took note of Jesper tailing him while lost in his own thoughts he figured it was the best idea to go to the Crow Club and supply his friend with some alcohol and try to get himself and his brother Sharpshooter back up to par.