dream with me.

fun weekend!!

this shit

more.

lately. it's summer I'm having the best time ever. britt just came to visit the other day. I love her so much. my life is amazing the only thing I'm not so happy with and need to make changes to is my job/pay. i'm 31 like I wanna have my shit together financially.

also went through a weird reddit phase.....kinda at the tail end of it? ummm not sure why I did that but I wasn't expecting anyone to message me either so the attention I got was probably where the excitement came from. plus obv turns me on that ppl enjoy/want to see me pump my pussy. it's hot IDK!! maybe something I need to unpack in therapy.

oh speaking of therapy michael found a therapist and made his first apt after he bugged the fuck out at work. I just got off the phone with him he's fucking pretending he hurt his shoulder at work to get worker's comp....idk man I'm like ok great you're off work but what the fuck are you gna do now?

stay tuned

end of august-october '22

life has been fun lately. some ups and downs some unexpected turns and I'm hanging in there.

-visited FL at the end of august

-michael and I moved into greybarn on 9/1

-stopped by lauren and kev's new home

-I got a very well deserved raise at work.

our relationship needs work but who's doesnt? I adore michael infinitely despite his flaws and he loves me just the same. yesterday he said he has a date for when he's going to propose to me which made me very nervous. He said that it would fix our fighting and put more trust into our partnership. I thought that was unusual and when I disagreed he got upset with me.. also michael asked how my day went the night I got a raise and as I was telling him a story abt a patient he stopped listening to me so I didn't get a chance to tell him I got a raise.. It was disappointing, but he gets distracted sometimes. still love him but still want to tell him.

today is easter sunday 4/17/22

went to refuge last night for dinner

hanging out and having slight anxiety about the week ahead for no reason because it's going to be a great work week. I am laying in his mom's bed while he plays war zone. it's a peaceful day 🤍✨

I have a lot to work on and that's perfectly ok. in fact it's a blessing to recognize my flaws and have the mindset and tools and support to do so. I am so happy with the life that I live and the people that love me.

I can't tell if I'm needy, if I'm self-sabotaging, if I'm giving too much, etc.

ughhhh why do I love this boy so fucking much

I feel like I need to forgive these recent events &look at the bigger picture knowing that if he ever found out about some of the stuff I've done, he'd probably break up w me.....it's actually humbling thinking about how furious/hurt/disappointed I was bc him texting his friend asking abt a girl is nowhere near as bad as what I've done. I go so hard through his phone &constantly invade his privacy & he doesn't even know I have this tumblr app clearly in my phone..

I also feel extremely foolish for telling my family about it &even more stuff what I did when he was away and what he did throughout our relationship.

I love him. I adore him infinitely &I really hope that from now on we are loyal and happy together forever. It would be such a shame to come on here and post for any other reason than to write bout how happy and grateful I am for being in such a fun loving and exiting relationship.

until next time

feelings haven't changed

feelings haven't changed

wow. It's thanksgiving 11/25/21 and I came in here to write nothing more than "my life is an actual joke" and this was a draft that I never posted. The accuracy is unreal. "who was that smoke show" "looks elite"

brb slapping myself in the fucking face for choosing retarded piece of shit men to date and live with. The embarrassment is unbearable. I feel like such a fucking fool.

nothing but love though. minor bump in the road nothing I can't handle.

life has been so crazy in the best way ever.

it's been a month since I posted. it's 7/20/21. technically wednesday 7/21/21. I took 3 addies today so I had to take some nyquil to go to sleep I figured I'd write in here until I get sleepy. Aside from michael being the absolute light and love of my life, I've been having a tough time staying organized. I feel like I gained some weight in the last couple of weeks. I haven't been to the gym in like at least a month and a half. i'll get back in the gym eventually I'm just living such an exciting life lately. me lindsay and sophia went to see chris lake last friday and the hangover at work on saturday was well worth it. I got to see blake and she obv hooked it the fuck up. she's adorable I missed her. Also michael and I have the best relationship I could ever imagine. do we fight sometimes of course but there's something about the way we handle things that makes even the hardest moments incredibly manageable and yesterday morning he texted me saying "Yes it does baby. I literally cannot wait to officially make you mine and ask you to marry me. Need this next year to fly by" it's the best feeling knowing I've found the man of my a c t u a l dreams & knowing that feeling is mutual and that he feels the same exact love for me that I do for him &that we're going to have such an amazing life together. we can get through anything and we put the same amount of effort too we both want to make each other the happiest human on earth . it's just this feeling that I cannot put into words.