Shane saying, "Fuck I'm scared," and Ilya saying, "Yes it's scary, but you're brave," and Shane kneeling at his feet while Ilya rubs the back of his head —they're talking about Everything here.
Shane's "not here" in the showers, and "not with Scott Hunter next door" in the hotel room, and "with who 😠" in Vegas before they go out on stage — he's afraid of hooking up & being found out, and he's afraid of never getting to hook up again. He's afraid of what Ilya can give him and what he can take away from him. He's scared because he's worked hard and has so much to lose.
And Ilya sees his fear and Allows it. Encourages Shane to feel it, endure it, while Ilya adds to it, and praises Shane for getting through it. Shane's fear is proof that he's vulnerable and real and every time he shows that part of himself to Ilya he's Allowing Ilya to do whatever he wants with it. Ilya hears Shane's "with who 😠" and 15 minutes later follows him into the bathroom, shrugs off ghosting him for six months, and responds to Shane's "what the fuck do you actually want from me" with a smug "I want you to suck my dick".
And what is Shane supposed to do? He's angry, he's upset, he's lonely and horny and sad. And he's scared that Ilya doesn't care about him anymore. And he yells back, "You suck MY dick" and he can't help it, there's a quiver in his voice, and he's showing Ilya his fear, his insecurity, his little skip of a heartbeat. It's a gift, really. A form of courage. And it fills Ilya with a kind of puffed up pride for Shane, his Shane, his brave boy. "Maybe ask nicely," Ilya tells him, and encourages him to give into his fear. And he does, Shane asks so nicely, with the sweetest double please.
Ilya gives Shane the gift of Fear and Shane says thank you, here is my neck, feel my pulse with your teeth.
