helloiamsydney

there's this line i have read on the book i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki that you should also write something when you are happy. that line made me guilty as i tend to visit you when I am only sad, pls dont get tired of me as I only have you (tumblr) as my diary... so here's why i am now again 'here'. i have been overthinking a lot these past few days about my career. i really felt that i am now slowly turning on phase of being left behind? i dont know its been a month since i graduated and that month i kept on browsing and sending resume to different company for job application and its been a month but i have no progress, no call, no reply nothing at all. i kept on reassuring myself that maybe this is not the right time, that maybe my resume is on proces or whatsover to avoid me thinking that maybe i was the problem, that maybe i am not skillful and professional looking to have a job. I really dont know what to do now... am i really the problem?

hello! its been a looong time! i've been very busy these past few months on my OJT. never mind all the exhausting and tirings days going back and forth to the hotel with 3 hours of travel time, i had a fun and memorable experience. :) i dont know why I had the energy to write something whats going on my mind even though my connection wasnt stable as of the moment.. anyway, i am very excited since next week will be my graduation! i am very happy doing glam and shoot for my grad pic but i am now having a dillema about whats going to happen with me in the future.. dont get me wrong, i am so happy and thankful that i am now at this point of my life, finished with my studies and preparing myself to achieve my future job... i am continously assuring myself that i should accept the fact that i got no luck with the position i had on my OJT thats why i need to start again with the scratch but i cant help thinking all the possible "what ifs" "what if no one accepts me" "what if i have been left behind" "what if i can no longer go back to the place i wanted to" i am so scared right now... now i realized that maybe i have two personas one that is very anxious and the one that is very cheerful because these past few days i become the support or the "cheerer" of my ownself... can't help to share this thought because it bugs me for a week now. maybe if i have written all these things here i can now forget being scared or atleast i can handle being scared. assurance will kept all the things bearable, i guess? i will always remember that i will have my own pace, i will have my time and i will get that job!