you and the cause are all that keep me upright.

be kinder to your past selves

there might be no permanent state of the self but those bitches were still you! show them some kindness, they were trying and living how they thought they should even if you wouldn't want to go back to them

I don’t know how you can look at this shit and not be radicalized

Look butthole

ye spread ye cheeks to the nearest mirror. inside ye butthole is a bottle of DR. BRONNER'S PEPPERMINT SOAP

Take soap

ye attempteth to take ye soap out of ye butthole but ye buttholds fast

Look room

ye look around ye room. this is where ye sleep on a stinky matress without a bedframe or sheet to be found. on ye wall ye sees ye HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR (2015), ye chest o'drawers has a record player with FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS on the spindle, ye night stand has a small bottle of DR. BRONNER'S BUTTHOLE RELEASE cream. doors to ye bathroom and ye kitchen are both on ye north wall.

Use record player use record player

ye listen to the entirety of FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS, playing THE CHAIN four times in a row, forgetting about ye minty butthole problems.

Look calendar

Ye narrator tires of using pseudo old timey speech and she suddenly abandons it. The HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR is flipped to JULY 2015, on it there is a HUNKY FIRELAD, insanely toned wearing nothing but a fire helmet and a jock strap, he is partially submerged in a giant bowl of chili. Between his legs he straddles a large firehose, clearly a penis metaphor. His eyes look seductive but somehow, impatient. Like he has an important meeting to get to, a meeting with your genitals, perhaps? Oh also I guess you circled JULY, 17TH, 2015 for some reason but whatever.

Go kitchen

It's your kitchen. On your refrigerator sits a goblin. On the walls are two sexy calendars - both from 2015, one is SPICY FIREFIGHTIN' LASSES and the other is AGENDER ARSONISTS, maybe you wished to give the firefighters a purpose by giving them fires to fight? After all, what's a sexy hero without a sexy sexy villain? You don't have a stove, stop asking about the stove.

Hug goblin

You embrace the goblin. The goblin, touch starved, begins to cry on your shoulder.

Have no idea if the game’s any good, but something funny with it is that there’s billboards around the map and they sometimes have pride flags on them, and in the setting there’s a pride flag toggle, but if you set it to off, instead it makes EVERY billboard a pride flag, so kudos to whoever made this for that power move

I LOVED YOU BEFORE I EVER EVEN KNEW WHAT LOVE WAS LIKE

also please note that this scientist is in fact the retired man who invented the xbox.

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

MAGNIFICENT

Alright, but what if my mom on her third marriage found a decent man, but my mother herself is shitty

"my stepdad's wife"