Madness shared by two

1. While Jeonghyun had all but expected a shitstorm for his return to SK Telecom, he hadn't quite realized that 'expected' did not actually mean that he was prepared for it. The first wave of the shitstorm came from the media and the press, talking nonstop about his return and his past; digging up whatever they could find and reopening old wounds. They debated for hours and hours about what made him leave SK Telecom's promotion company, "T1 K", and what made him leave iG, the Chinese company he worked at for about a year, and return. 

The questions were endless. What had made him leave in the first place? Had Lee Jeonghyun been unsatisfied with the pay? Did he lose his special "touch", was that why he quit T1 K? Did he steal SK Telecom's secret and sold it to the Chinese Company iG for profit? Did iG offer him that senior manager position for those trade secrets? If he did sell a company secret or two (or many), why did he leave iG? Why did he return?

Sadly no one could confirm their theories, because the sole person that had the ability to do so was laying in front of the TV in a shitty single-room apartment, dressed in a T-shirt and boxers and watching the debate on 9pm news without much interest. Jeonghyun absently sipped his beer. He flipped the channel to watch some nighttime dramas when the 9pm news started talking about how much his return would affect the stocks on the Korean and the Chinese markets. Really.

Some people needed to get a life. 2. The second wave of shitstorm, unexpectedly, came from his former teammates. T1 K was (had been) a promotion team within the huge corporate giant called SK Telecom - a very successful promotion team. Lee Jeonghyun. Bae Sungwoong. Chae Gwangjin. Jung Eonyeong. Lee Sanghyeok. 

And then Jeonghyun had left.

See, it had gone like this. Jeonghyun had left and Gwangjin left a few weeks after and Eonyeong followed suit few months later. And then the Korean Association of Major Assholes Who Do Not Get Laid Enough So They Make Other People's Lives Miserable (not really) decided that corps funding 2 teams were unfair and inefficient and thus they can now fund 1 team only, and so K and its sister-rival team S had merged into one.

They were pretty damn lucky. All remaining members of K were kept on contract and all the members of S had survived the merge, except Lee Jaehwan who received an offer from overseas.

("I always wanted to travel to Europe," Jaehwan had said, voice tinged with nervousness and eyes alight with hope. Three months later the postcards from Berlin stopped and Jeonghyun had yet to hear from him since one news article with a single sentence that had Jaehwan's name in it.)

The not so lucky others included both Samsung teams 'White' and 'Blue' - who just happened to win last year's annual International Industrial Design Competition and land themselves a million dollars in cash prize and only the biggest client you can ask for as a promotion team, and Samsung, being the douchebag of a hugeass dick empire it was, fired them all.

Technically Samsung didn't "fire" Blue and White; they just... did not renew their contract for 2015 and all members flew off to China to find jobs.  So yeah. Fired in every way but technically. Jeonghyun rests his case.

So 'T1', as the combined team was now called - no S or K - was pretty damn lucky. And they had won this year's annual competition with no sweat, minimal effort, and they were SK Telecom's pride and joy; the pride and joy of the nation once again.

The first call from the Second Wave had come from Sanghyeok, the star of the team. Jeonghyun had never would have expected that in a million years.

"Lee Jeonghyun," He says into his newly-acquired smartphone (Samsung Galaxy S6, white, with data and monthly plans and every single one of his favorite games installed on it. God he loves it). 

"Cut that out," Sanghyeok's voice vibrates from the speakers of the phone. "You know it's me."

Actually, Jeonghyun wouldn't have known if it was not for the KakaoTalk app that showed him precisely who had been calling him. Sanghyeok's voice is deeper now, less scratchy and evened out past the dynamics of puberty. It also holds more weight, more thought, but Sanghyeok has grown sparse with his words. Er, sparser. 

"I heard," Sanghyeok says.

"Yes," Jeonghyun agrees, because it's obvious what is being referred to and he doesn't have anything else to say.

"From the coach," he pauses. "A day after we saw the news." We had to hear it from a secondary source first before we even heard it from our own people. Before we ever heard it from you. There are accusations laced in the carefully chosen words but Jeonghyun cannot bring himself to care. Care enough. He keeps silent. Sanghyeok makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, and hangs up. He doesn't call again.

Jeonghyun sighs, shuts down his phone and turns on the TV to see if there's anything worth watching. He settles on a rerun of a drama in which the poor but kind and determined heroine falls in love with an arrogant but softhearted rich heir. He hopes the next confrontation will go better than this. 3. It does, but doesn't, at the same time. The next confrontation is from Jihoon, inviting him for a chat before he heads off to catch a flight to China. They chat a bit, about the stock markets and Jihoon's tiny gambling hobby and Jeonghyun's game addiction, and Jihoon does such a good job with this, the farce of pleasantries and mannerisms before diving in deep and going for the kill. It's what makes him so terrifying when discussing fees and legal rights and terms of agreement.

Lee Jihoon was from T1 S, a hidden ace and a legal genius when it came to patents, labor laws, lawsuits and settlements. The only reason why 'loopholes' is not within the arsenal of his expertise is because he probably doesn't need loopholes. Sanghyeok is the one with the nickname of Demon King with his unrivaled genius and designs that would make Da Vinci himself weep with jealousy and they shouldn’t work but do, but people don't know what they're managing to overlook when they gloss over Lee Jihoon.

"I hear you're back. Congratulations." Jihoon starts, civilly as it can be. 

"And I hear you're moving to China. Congratulations to you too." The Chinese had offered Jihoon eight million dollars up front to come work for them. Some people had worried but Jeonghyun thinks Jihoon to be way too clever to work for illegal businesses or murderers. Even if the lawyer did go to work for a black market dealer, it's none of his business anyway.

Jihoon half-smiles. Jihoon was not the only one to get an offer from the T1 lineup, and he wasn't the only one that's leaving. This is reminding Jeonghyun a little too much of last year to be comfortable, and someone up there hates him because history is repeating himself right before his eyes. Two of the S members are leaving - Jihoon and Gyeonghwan got offers from China, albeit different companies but still pretty close to each other and related a lot in the works that they collaborate over and the shareholders that own hold the shares of both companies. Two are staying at least for the next year - Jaewan and Junsik. Two to stay, two to go. The same law applies to the newbies SK Telecom has recruited the past year after Jeonghyun left, and this upcoming year as well - Jaehyun and Jongbeom left, while Yechan and Sungu are staying for 2016. Korea is a mess. China doesn't learn, or its avarice is making it blind, and let's not even talk about US and Europe. The Exodus - the Korean Exodus, more specifically - as the general public likes to call it - well, the general public that cared enough about Industrial Design and promotion teams to look up vagueass employees on the internet (and make a damn forum about it) anyway - is a repeat once again. Lots of people are leaving. Have left. Some are coming back (like Jeonghyun himself). It's - tiring, to say the least.

"They've missed you, you know," Jihoon murmurs quietly.

"I'm not coming back as a part of the team," Jeonghyun interjects. "I'm going to be overseeing the team's process. As senior manager. I'm retired, remember?"

Jihoon nods and lets the subject drop. The two chat for a bit more before Jihoon goes off to catch his flight. Jeonghyun watches the plane become smaller and smaller in the sky, then turns his thoughts away from the country that Jihoon will arrive at in about four hours. 

It had been pleasant enough. 4. With Gyeonghwan, it doesn't go as nicely as it did with Jihoon. Gyeonghwan doesn't have the... tact that Jihoon has, and tends to approach everything with the subtlety of a fucking unicorn and a delicateness of a bulldozer. He's stubborn, childish, immature and fucking terrible to deal with if he doesn't get his way.* Gyeonghwan usually reserves this for whoever his opponent at the presentation and he is excellent at both terrifying his opponents off and getting the board members to accept his proposal at the same time so they keep him around. Jeonghyun has never hated his life more.

Gyeonghwan calls him up on the day of his flight (a pattern with the former S members, Jeonghyun supposes), demands Jeonghyun to buy coffee for him, and glares unhappily throughout the whole exchange. He sips his latte while Jeonghyun says nothing. Jeonghyun's not gonna be the one to break the silence, thank you very much.

Finally, two hours before the check-in time is up, Gyeonghwan bursts. 

"You don't have anything to say for yourself?"

Jeonghyun shakes his head no. Gyeonghwan looks murderous.

"They were a mess after you left - all of them. Gwangjin especially. He couldn't bare to stay in the team that you once were a part of, so he left. And that affected all of us - granted the K members were closer to him, but I liked the little piggy quite a lot too." Gweonghwan pauses and gulps down his latte like he's thirsty from his rant.

For the record, Gweonghwan and Gwangjin had been drinking buddies. Gwangjin liked to drink but he was horrible at it; Gweonghwan liked to drink and was good at it.*

Jeonghyun sighs.

"If you're gonna ask if I feel guilty about coming back, the answer is; no, I don't. And," he hastily adds when Gweonghwan looks like he is seriously considering slapping Jeonghyun across the face - and Gweonghwan will, do not put it past him.

"It's because I told him."

Gweonghwan looks absolutely dumbstruck, like someone told him the sky was blue and he had not realized this fact until now.

"Wow, then you're even more of a bastard than I thought you were," Gweonghwan breathes, but he doesn't move, and he no longer looks like he wants to bitchslap Jeonghyun. Jeonghyun takes this as his cue to stand up and leave, and the other man does not stop him.

"Jeonghyun," Gweonghwan calls as Jeonghyun is almost out of the cafe, eyes sharp and unreadable. 

"When?"

"Two months before I left," Jeonghyun answers, and pushes the door open and leaves. 5. Jaehyun (Tom, as Jeonghyun thinks of him more by his nickname than his actual name nowadays) doesn't call. Jeonghyun wasn't too close with him, as he joined way too late to have cultivated a meaningful relationship with.

He doesn't bother with expecting anything from Jeongbeom. That kid has to have his plate full, dealing with offers and balancing the need to rest his wrist injury and life in general. Ah, to be young again. 6. Sungwoong finally calls on the Sunday night before his first official day at the office begins.

"It's all your fault, you know," he tells Jeonghyun promptly.

"I don't blame you for making the decision to quit. I don't blame you for moving to China. It's your decision, and you have every right to it. But it doesn't change the fact that what happened due to that is your fault."

Jeonghyun wants to rebuke but finds that he can't. He can't say anything in defense of himself, and people are usually like that when faced with Bae Sungwoong and his unmovable, immutable logic.

"Look, you knew that when you left, Gwangjin would follow suit. And honestly, Eonyeong has always been trailing after Gwangjin like a newborn duck that imprinted on the first thing it saw, as well as being a mother hen over Gwangjin and his suicide tendencies, otherwise it doesn't explain why he would pack everything and hand in his resignation letter during the prototype testing season, and went over to USA where Gwangjin moved to."

Then Sungwoong sighs. 

“Still, it’s good to have you back. I missed you.” He confesses like it’s wrung out of him.

Jeonghyun laughs, short and bitter. "You guys never forgave me for leaving, did you?"

"It was more the fact that we never expected it and you didn't keep in touch after you left so abruptly. Also the fact that you said you were retiring but you left to go work for a Chinese company." Sungwoong accuses.

"Apparently bills don't pay themselves. That was a little bit of a shock." Jeonghyun pauses. "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"Too late now," Sungwoong says, but his voice seems lighter, like you removed a cloud from the sky that Atlas was holding up.

Jeonghyun wants to explain. That leaving hurt him just as much it hurt his teammates, but staying hurt all of them more, and his teammates will get over it once he left. He was tired and he couldn't play the corporate game like he used to - his touch or whatever the fuck it had been was no longer easy to bring up like breathing. He had been physically burnt out too, he was tired, all his joints hurt and he had back problems and his eyesight had been a mess too. He left without a word because he was afraid that he'd be tempted to stay, and look, he comes back just after a year. He never meant to not warn them, and the only reason he told Gwangjin was a slip of the tongue, and that had been a mistake too - Gwangjin became absolutely depressed and his performance in the team got so bad to the point where Gwangjin quit on his own. 

That was the thing that they all got wrong - even the ever so clever Sungwoong got wrong - Gwangjin didn't leave because Jeonghyun had left. Gwangjin had left because he was ashamed of his work. Indirectly, it had been Jeonghyun's fault, because he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut so Gwangjin had become distracted and then felt guilty for being distracted so he left. Jeonghyun actually feels worse about this because he cannot help thinking that Gwangjin might have stayed if he hadn't known. 

But he can’t explain so he just shuts his mouth and listens as Sungwoong berates him some more, then hangs up.

It's still Jeonghyun's fault, in the end. 

7. Junsik and Jaewan don't say anything, they just glance at him occationally from their desk cubicles and hastily avert their eyes when Jeonghyun turns his sight their way. Jeonghyun doesn’t know whether to be pleased or offended. 8. And strangely enough, the one person he expected from the beginning never calls.

Jeonghyun can live with it. For now, anyway.

THINGS THAT ARE TRUE IN THIS FIC:

*He's stubborn, childish, immature and fucking terrible to deal with if he doesn't get his way. = This is true, actually. Marin is a toplaner for fuck's sake.

This is how it goes. SK Telecom T1, the new one (if one could call it that. The roster is a recognizable one compared to say, the faces of the new Samsung team), sweeps Season 5 Worlds Championships with a textbook execution, as clean as the meta will allow them to be. They let the people talk the talk of how they made the comeback with a bang - ha, Bang. The casters discuss the finer points how they are like how they were back in Season 3 except not - how they struggled in the Spring season, the bumps on the road - and they listen to the roar of the crowd - blissful, drowning, and so familiar.

The crowd is not the only familiar thing they see. They don't feel remorse nor satisfaction at crushing their old Korean rivals who moved onto different regions, although a small thought of you should feel sorry for them nags in the back of the mind. 

There's no relief, no glory, no sadness. Just nothing. Just a feeling of ordinance to the point of it being mundane. Another win. Another day.

This is how it should be, something whispers in the air. The whisper fades in the wind, scatters and spreads into the multitude of the crowd, lost as the team is paraded to the front of the stage and crowned as the victors. The crowd roars again, and so everyone smiles and tries to look humble and forget of whispers in the air. -

It's an accident, but not a complete one, that Faker runs into Madlife at the back of the stadium when the winners' ceremony is over. He realizes the not-mistake as soon as he sees the CJ Entus' support; he's holding a lit cigarette between his fingers and Faker had, by habit, followed the smell.

Madlife looks vaguely guilty, then confused when Faker just settles next to Madlife. The support reaches into his pocket, grabs another cigarette and hesitatingly holds it out for Faker. Faker shakes his head.

"Gwangjin-hyung used to smoke." Faker says by a way of explanation.

(What Sanghyeok doesn't say is that he used to sit by Gwangjin when he smoked, just breathing in the polluted air and halfheartedly worrying about his and this hyung's health. He doesn't say that it's how he tracked Piglet down when the AD Carry had disappeared due to being stressed out. He doesn't add that it's the smell he's addicted to, not the rush of the nicotine and the actual act of smoking itself. He likes the indirect feel of it, the secondhand participation in the killing without the blood on his hands.)

"Oh," Madlife replies, and pockets the extra cigarette. He takes another drag, long and measured, and breathes out. Faker stares at the dissipating smoke with questioning eyes and Madlife sighs.

"Woong passed his habit onto me," Madlife elaborates. 

"Oh," It's Faker's turn to say. He laughs in the back of his mind because they both have their vices left over from their former AD Carries.

"Congratulations. On winning, I mean." 

"Oh, thanks."

The awkward silence hangs in the air and the need to say something becomes more and more apparent by the minute. This is nothing like the comfortable silences that Mandu treated him to, or the chatter-filled, onesided conversations that Piglet used to have - Sanghyeok reflects in regret. Every second passing every single one of his body cells screaming to escape this situation, but he's never been good at a graceful exit. Thankfully, being a superstar means he doesn't have to be graceful at making excuses to go, usually - they have the whole script written for him and he just needs to follow it (Faker has long accepted that he will follow the script eventually, whether he likes it or not, so might as well as clench his teeth and get on with the program - it ends quicker that way).

Usually. Usually being the key word, and everything is done with the given that there are scripts for him and followed to a t - sadly, this isn't a script.

"Um-"

"Uh-"

Sanghyeok and Mingi both start at the same time, and both startle as they meet each other's eyes and say no, you go first without saying it out loud. After another moment of silence, Mingi clears his throat in a I'll go first, since you insist kind of way.

"Are you alone here- I mean, are you by yourself?"

Faker shrugs, and makes a motion with his hand as if to say look around, do you see my teammates or mother-hen-coach kKoma? 

"Oh," says Mingi. Faker is nice enough not to voice his opinion in a sarcastic tone or point out what a stupid question it was, and Mingi is grateful for that. 

It's one of the very few things that Mingi is truly, honestly grateful to Faker about anyway.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Faker asks. Implied in that question is won't they be looking for you, don't you have an interview or something, you're Madlife, the legend of all supporters, the Mera-god himself, won't they need you? 

Madlife needs to get his ears checked if he is hearing all those veiled interrogations loud and clear. He huffs, and then it's his turn to make vague motions to convey do you honestly think I'm needed? 

That’s what he tries to mean, anyway. Madlife doesn't know if Faker leaves it at that, or knows what Mingi actually wants to say, which is: CJ didn't win Worlds, what do you think, and this is one of the things - the many things - that Mingi is not truly, honestly grateful to Sanghyeok about.

Sanghyeok's face is a mixture of carefully composed blandness and slight confusion, so Madlife supposes that he took it to understand it as do you think I'm needed rather than the implied within the implied gesture.

There's that beat of pause and Mingi racks his brain for another question, and quietly laughs to himself - when did this become a round of 20 Questions, he wonders.

"Wanna get something to eat?"

He blinks at the sudden invitation, wondering where it came from, how it led to this, before he nods curtly and stands up. It's better than trying (and failing) to make small talk or interview each other about their lives (which is nonexistent outside of queues and ranked games anyway).

"Is this a date," Madlife wonders out loud, while walking the streets to look for a suitable place to eat.

"What," Faker stops dead in his tracks. 

"Well, you did ask me out," he replies, half-joking and half-defensive. 

Faker's face is impassive, and then it turns thoughtful as if the midlaner is mulling over it. He turns away and doesn't say anything, so Madlife shrugs and follows him as they continue walking. They end up going to a nearby bar, because they have good fried chicken and both of them are lazy gamers who don't like to walk too far and are prudent with their money so they don't like to spend it on cabs, because Faker is now twenty and is legal - or so he says. Madlife wants to point out that Sanghyeok has a few months before he is technically of age to drink, but doesn't bother. 

Look at him. Not discouraging minors from drinking. Such a good example of "what not to do in your life, including dropping out of high school to become a progamer and ending up only with a middle school degree that is worth less than the paper it's printed on: story of Hong Mingi".

He has a name now though, a name that will probably live on longer than him. Probably. If the trends in eSports don't change too quick. Sanghyeok has that name too, and funnily enough Sanghyeok dropped out of highschool too. The difference is that Faker has two Worlds wins under his belt and Madlife has a single second place title from back in 2012. 

Still Madlife cannot deny his fame - or infamy, maybe - is comparable to Faker's, and no one else has, is, or will come close. He thinks someone wrote an article or a story about it - Faker and Madlife became popular through flashy moves and carried matches at just the right times, and that immortalized their names. There are always some bigshots on inven and reddit, though, and even glorified shitposters who like to call themselves journalists that like to argue and say no, god is dead, and drone on and on about how one day he or some other player will not come back, and finally hammer the nail into the coffin for good.

They're wrong. Gods don't die. They fade. They fade into everyday household names, into the commonplace ordinary mundane. They lose their bright shining glory, the roaring thunder, the fire, in exchange for eternal life. The bronze statues dull with time. Stars disappear into dust and even the brightest memories fade.

They fade, but they don't die.

-

Three beers later it has become known that Sanghyeok can hold his alcohol pretty okay - probably the three plates of chicken helped, fast metabolism probably - and Mingi knows his own tolerance and his tendency to cry like a little girl who just got her teddy bear taken away so he is only halfway through his first, sipping slowly.

Mostly he just stares dumbstruck as Sanghyeok almost methodically works at the plates of chicken in front of them - chew, swallow, move on to the next piece. It's so fascinating and speedy that Mingi himself only manages to finish a single chicken leg in the process.

"Crap, sorry - should we order more?"

The apology is a bit late but Madlife just shakes his head no. He wasn't in the mood for chicken anyway. He wasn't in the mood to eat anything actually - his insides feel like a tightly wound knot and he can't relax enough to eat.

"I'm fine," he verbalizes when Sanghyeok still looks guilty that he scarfed down all the plates so fast. "but you're paying." he adds, and that gets him a small grin. Sanghyeok pays, pulling out a Korean Visa card (which the Rioters assured them it would work overseas, no worries, yadda yadda) and saying thanks to the man at the counter. The outside is cold - it's November and foggy and neither of them talk for a while. Mingi thinks it's because Faker is digesting, and as for himself he is appreciating the slight buzz from the beer. It's more pleasant than Mingi could have imagined. 

"What did you imagine?" Sanghyeok asks, and Mingi looks up, surprised. Then he realizes that he voiced that last thought out loud, and ducks his head in embarrassment. 

"Something less pleasant," Mingi settles for, in reply. His traitorous mind adds I thought it would feel more bitter, and he can't even deny it.

"How does it compare to the other dates you've been on?" Sanghyeok inquires, as if he's asking 'how cold is the weather compared to Busan' or something, and Mingi nearly trips on his and falls on his face, because he did not see that coming from anywhere.

"I- What?"

"You said it yourself. This is a date,"

"I was asking myself whether it was or not," Mingi retorts, although his mind is spinning. This was a date? Fuck, it does seem like it. Kinda. 

"So was it okay?"

"What makes you think this was a date at all? Why would you want to date me?" He evades the question. Why do you want to know whether it was okay or not? 

"It's nice, being around you." And from that statement Mingi can hear You know what I'm talking about even when I don't say it out loud, and you can guess, can't you? as well as you know where it hurts, and you don't ask questions, thank you for that by the way. Mingi is kind of speechless.

"I," he starts, and leaves it there when he realizes it's futile, if he can hear all those multiple things Faker is saying in his one sentence, it's pointless to even deny it. Sanghyeok laughs.

"I think this was a date, and I paid by the way."

"I barely ate," Madlife points out.

“Then you pay for our next destination." Faker replies.

"And where would that be?"

“Anywhere you want," and with that they start walking again, footsteps to seemingly nowhere. After walking a bit, Sanghyeok opens his mouth.

"I'm not underage anymore, you know." Sanghyeok starts. 

"I've noticed," says Mingi. And yes, he has noticed, along with the great number of Faker's fans that celebrated the year that Faker-senpai became an adult. Praise god for 2015. Now they don't have to get arrested for lusting after the world's best midlaner.

"So," Sanghyeok says, and Mingi has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. 

"So?" he asks, knowing full well what question Faker wants him to ask, what Faker wants out of him.

Madlife knows this dance, although he's not sure whether he knows because he danced to his tune with someone before or whether he just knows. He settles for the notion that he knows this just because it's so cliche, and Faker's eyes are so damn hopeful and suggestive and just jaded enough by this eSports industry that Madlife actually wants this.

"Aren't you going to invite me over?" 

Mingi smiles, just barely.

"I'm not sure," Madlife replies, casually reaching over and stroking the collar of Faker's shirt - and jesus christ, the kid has grown - he has to reach pretty high to do so. Yes, he's definitely not underage anymore.

"So convince me," He tells Sanghyeok, and watches the grin slowly spread on the younger man's face as he is pulled into a kiss.

-

If there was a joke about them, it would go like this: Two gods walk into a bar, what do they do?

Imp → Deft

[Subject: no subject] [From: World's Best AD Carry] [To: Alpaca Hyukkyu♥]

Why didn't you come to the same team as me?

His phone says it's 3:04 am and Imp is probably drunk. He types out the jumbled text and his thumb hovers over the send button. He is "probably" drunk, because he at least has brain cells left to consider whether this is a bad idea or not. One part of his brain says it can't be worse than writing drunk confessions on inven or sending nudes, but something holds him back.

Why bother? Why try to hang onto something that's already lost? What's done is done, and one team doesn't need two AD Carries, anyway.

He doesn't send the text because he's afraid of what the answer might be.

Faker → Dade

[22:41] hi

He clicks on the summoner name "Dade" although it has been inactive for a while. It has been inactive since October, to be precise. He imagines the message client popping up anyway, but can't think of what to write.

hi seems pointless.

how are you? Good, in China, probably making a lot of money.

Are we friends? It's a genuine question he wants to ask but never will.

I want to play you. It's an honest statement but not, at the same time. It's not a lie that he wants to play Dade. But that's not the reason. That's not why-

In the end, he gives up and turns off the LoL Client entirely, erasing the half-composed messages inside his head. Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it.

Piglet → Mandu

[Come back. Come here]

He writes out the message on KakaoTalk and deletes it, over and over. It's cheating, he reminds himself. It makes him endlessly bitter that Mandu didn't fully retire but instead became a coach. Still, he can't bring himself down to that level. Not when he knows, exactly, what Mandu will do. It's cheating because he knows Mandu and knows that he will come.

There was a time like this, back in the Spring of 2014. One phone call, and Jeonghyun-hyung had come back. One sentence. That's all it took.

He stares at his former supporter's KakaoTalk profile photo (newly taken, Mafa sitting next to him, smiling like an idiot).

It's cheating, he chants as he deletes the message one last time.

Ambition → Flame

"I've always hated your guts"

It's the same thing he always says, but he really can't bring himself to send the goddamn message.

I'm a jungler now, happy? he wants to ask. From being the midlaner, the very center of the game, he is practically demoted into a jungler, forced to slave away for other lanes. Knowing Flame, though, the arrogant once-teammate wouldn't care. The only change would be that he'd probably scream if Ambition happened to take one damn minion from his lane, like the territorial toplaner he was.

The CJ gaming house feels too quiet and it's familiar to duo with Shy, but not quite like the duo of the Blaze days. Shy is a silent, strong force that only truly unleashes his fury ingame, within the pixels and the codes and frame per second whereas Flame does not hesitate to express his emotions out loud. Snarling, grinning, shouting and never holding himself back.

He doesn't even bother to save the message as a draft. Whatever, the damn moron is in a different country anyways.

Maknoon → Watch

I'm tired.

It's a confession and it's as close to a confession as Yoon Hawoon will get. He deletes it because it makes him weak, the moments like this. They accumulate and build up with nowhere to go and they drag him down like heavy weights on his shoulders. He takes one moment to admit it to himself and wipe it off his mind. I'm tired. Tired of the endless struggles, tired of the fights with teammates, tired of the same old cocky bastards and same old tactics that I fall for. I'm tired of trying so damn hard.

More than anything, I'm tired of being lonely. Maknoon wants to say. He wants some proof, some confirmation that he is worth a damn and that someone cares for him, loves him even. He longs to mean something to someone that even if it means taking advantage of Watch's kindness and empathy, he wants it - but he's not that desperate; not quite and not yet.

This industry tends to fuck you up and fuck you over, and Hawoon needs a break. He sure as hell deserves it.

Winter 2012 (Lee Jeonghyun)

He quits CHAOS when he applies for military. When he returns, he plays league.

League is a new, shiny toy that draws his interest when CHAOS has ceased to be interesting anymore. League is fun, CHAOS is not. It's so simple in his head yet his CHAOS fans can't help but be disappointed by the loss of Coach from the scene - the high-risk, high reward plays that made sure you couldn't take your eyes off the screen ever.

He joins GSG.

GSG, the amateur team, makes history NLB Winter, when they defeat CJ Entus in the finals 3-2 with an ARAM strategy and Jeonghyun going smite-Heimerdinger.

His teammates get scouted to MVP Blue. As for Jeonghyun, he gets scouted to SK Telecom.

League of Legends (Chae Gwangjin)

The fifth time that his mom throws away the computer, Gwangjin begins to save everything he has to go to local PC bangs whenever he can. Soon after he hits Challenger his mom waves the white flag because it breaks her knowing that Gwangjin is playing in a room full of cigarette smokes and creeps, and he can taste victory on his tongue - albeit laced with a bitterness that it has to be this way.

"This is not the first time," she reminds him resignedly, hinting to his sort-of-obsession over StarCraft where he was so damn close to being a pro but no, it wasn't the game for him.

League is, however. He can feel it. He's good - better than good. He's the best, he will be the best, and nothing less will satisfy him.

He continues to climb the Challenger ladder, higher and higher.

Meeting

Chae "Piglet" Gwangjin is the complete opposite of Jeonghyun. He appeals for attention constantly - thrives on it - whereas Jeonghyun can't imagine doing so in a million years. Three older sisters and him being the youngest male in the family, he had always received attention, regardless of whether he wanted or not. Add his tendency of being a knack at games and smarts, it made him uncomfortable receiving showers of praise and affection.

On the other hand, his AD Carry needs affection like he needs air. Gwangjin has twin siblings in his family, so striving for attention was a war and it's a second nature by now. He pesters the coach, the manager, his teammates. He bugs Jeonghyun until Jeonghyun tells him 'good job' when he did something right and smiles like the cat that got the canary, like he's so fucking proud of himself.

SK Telecom T1

They take third place in the Olympus Champions 2013 Spring tournament. People are starting to pay attention to them, the talented newcomers that managed a third place on their first run.

When SK Telecom T1 sweeps the Summer tournament, the cheers become louder.

They defeat KT Bullets in a series of all-or-nothing matches in "The Gauntlet", going all the way to blinds. The cheers are deafening.

From there, nothing can stop them.

Worlds 2013

SK Telecom T1 is the strongest team in the World, and no one can dispute that fact.

They've proved it, after all.

Champions Winter 2013

Jeonghyun takes a break after they demolish the competition and emerge as the clear winners, the champions of the Winter Season. His sickness - or something - is acting up, and regretfully he admits that he might have pushed himself a bit too far with the hellish soloqueue rounds and practice scrims that even Faker and Piglet - the ever-gluttons for practice punishment - have complained about.

He's not as young as he was, Jeonghyun finds himself thinking, and shakes his head because fuck, he's not even past his twenties yet.

But that's the expiration date of this eSports industry, and the moment you stop chewing on rocks and stop running fifty miles a day, you are no longer the star, the talented young blood, but an aged veteran that is threatened and swallowed up by the ever-changing meta, and the newcomer recruits with seemingly endless energy and ambition that pop out of nowhere.

No one really chews on rocks or runs fifty miles, but hey. It's a metaphor.

Champions Spring 2014

Gwangjin calls Jeonghyun halfway during the season. He's crying.

Come back, he begs.

Jeonghyun does.

meta

Jeonghyun feels done. It might be the changes, it might be the nerfs - but League isn't fun anymore. It shows in his games, because his plays get sloppier, his vision control become less than perfect, and his teammates notice.

Just because they notice, it doesn't mean they do something about it - Impact is completely unsuited for the top-mage meta the patches bring, and Bengi is spending so much time duoqueuing with Impact to get him used to the new champ pool that he doesn't have the energy or the time. Faker notices, but he knows Mandu, and knows that if Mandu doesn't want to play, he won't. And that leaves Piglet.

Piglet is panicking. He instinctively realizes that he might lose Jeonghyun, and demands more duoqueues, more practices and more attention and turns cranky and snappish whenever Mandu talks about anything other than their lane. Jeonghyun can't talk to him about leaving, because right now it's hard enough convincing Gwangjin to stay in the game.

Conflicts

Gwangjin has a fight with his girlfriend. He's had those before, fights - but this is undoubtedly the worst of the lot. It ends in bitter words exchanged over the phone and feelings that have nowhere to go and no member on their team can afford to deal with at this time, really.

He holds fast to Jeonghyun and Jeonghyun lets him until Gwangjin falls asleep, because this is the least he could do.

"Let me go," he sighs into Gwangjin's hair, the younger one's sleeping form wrapped around him like a blanket and clinging so desperately to Jeonghyun.

He means it in more ways than one.

--

Jeonghyun announces his retirement when they lose versus Shield, when it becomes final that they will not be going to Worlds.

--

Then the sister team bans fall on them like a guillotine, and suddenly near half the Korean progamers are jobless, and positions overseas in China and North America and Europe are filling up faster than ever before. The ice is getting thinner. Everyone can feel it, and they're scrambling to find a safe spot.

Piglet moves from SKT to Curse, from Korea to NA, from the top of the World to somewhere less than that.

Jeonghyun reads over the preseason notes, reviews and speculates over the upcoming Season 5 changes even though League has ceased to interest him any longer, because it's a habit, and habits tend to stick around and be dangerous. Because habits force him to think about Gwangjin, Piglet, SKT K's former AD Carry, his former AD Carry, like they are still teammates and like he still needs to clean up after the messy teamfights and the laning phase, like he still needs to hold Gwangjin at nights when Gwangjin can't fall asleep, like he still cares.

The truth is that teams and partnerships will come and go, and will fade away more quickly than you'd expect, but the emotional bonds are harder to cut and pretend they never existed in the first place. Jeonghyun will always be haunted by Gwangjin, and he, in turn, has cursed Gwangjin a little, in a way. Gwangjin will always compare every supporter he meets to Jeonghyun, undoubtedly, unconsciously. That would probably hurt him more than it will ever help him, but Jeonghyun can't help it.

It's not entirely his fault, anyway. The blame goes both ways, because Gwangjin opened his heart to Jeonghyun and Jeonghyun let him inside his in exchange. It was what made them the best duo in the World, and it was what ruined them, in the end. 

Jeonghyun and Gwangjin will stand back up from the ruins and pick themselves off the ground, and move along, but they won't ever be the same, and there ever won't be a "them" anymore.

After all: No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.

It's not the same game that they played, and they are not the same players that they once were.