Hedwig Is Alive

I don’t ever feel “wonderous” so thank you for this, i should print it out as a remind ahahah 😂

You are the kindest, most glowy soul on this planet. Thank you for sharing your glowy kindness with me for so many years, Coley. You’re an angel!

I really hope you and your loved ones are doing okay right now.

(laurenjohnson)

I wrote so many songs in the past two years.

I also did a lot of thinking, healing, crying, writing, and grieving.

Most of the past two years were spent processing things, very much alone.

For a long time, I wouldn’t let myself think about the fact that I fell in love with that girl and that girl felt something back but we were both so repressed, confused and terrified that we couldn't call it by its name.

But it was love...

Shame is a horrible, powerful thing.

Because shame is who it is, we don’t talk about it- giving it more power. Shame is this thing our ego creates to keep us safe but I’m not sure what it’s really protecting me from.

The weight of shame itself distorts so much that you can confuse safety for smothering. It can alter reality, it can cause you to break off into little fragments of yourself, it lies to the faces of people you love, it hides from the light...

All for what?

I often think about the fact that I’ve never really met myself because of the amount of hiding I’ve done. The parts of me that are ‘unworthy’ do not live in isolation. It lives alongside so many other facets of who I am, but unbeknownst to me, they all get shoved in a closet, starved for sunlight.

Because of this.. I've never really fully met myself.

I’d like to meet myself.

I’d like for you to meet me too.

I really love that anon messages are still a thing.