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We never learned this lady's name, and it's possible that no one else did either because when Kahn typed "blonde scientist lady nge" into google images her picture came up:
Because we never learned her name, we've been calling her Cyndi Lauper.
So, as you may know, Kahn believes that whenever a character shows up in an anime with dots on their head their head is secretly a dragon ball. So far we've got dragon balls #1, 2, 3, and 6. BUT NOW. WE'VE GOT DRAGON BALL NUMBER FOUR TOO.
Evidence:
Jasdevi of D.Gray-Man (specifically Jasdero on the left).
OKAY SO YEAH THIS MIGHT BE CHEATING but we're gonna keep this as the fourth dragon ball until a better one shows up. If you find some more dragon balls for us, hit us up in our ask!
Time for a guest contribution! This was thought up by our beautiful friend/housemate Hiccup, who is too cool for tumblr/has enough procrastination issues as it is.
On to the headcanon!
Smaug is the reincarnation of Black*Star. He takes over an entire kingdom, and then decides it's a good idea to take a nap. For four hundred years.
vs.
((See the resemblance? See Headcanon #40 for more evidence of Black*Star's battle-naps.))
(smaug art source: y0do)
As a result of this headcanon, Davey and Kahn wrote a joint fanfic:
Black*Smaug figured out the dwarves were the most powerful and amazing people in Middle Earth. It took him a while to hear about it because he actually had to listen to people instead of roaring at them, but eventually he overheard a couple dwarves boasting about how fucking bomb they were and he poked his huge head over a mountain peak.
"What? What's this? You think the Lonely Mountain is god?"
"The fuck?" said one of the dwarves. "No, that's not what I was saying."
"I'll conquer it!" Black*Smaug shouted. "I shall surpass this mountain!"
"Oh shit, wait," said the other dwarf, but Black*Smaug didn't hang around to reason with them, for Black*Smaug was impervious to reason. He zoomed off to the Lonely Mountain and beat the shit out of all the dwarves there, knowing he would be the tallest if he defeated this mountain. He totally did, too. That mountain was gutted by the time he was done with it.
"Yahooooo!" bellowed Black*Smaug. Then he fell asleep midair. He divebombed into a pile of gold, buried completely in shiny metal as he slept the sleep of a very stupid, very satisfied dragon.
It was one hundred and fifty years before the dwarves attempted to return to their godlike mountain. The dwarvish attempts to return were thwarted as Black*Smaug took a battle nap. He was infamous for his ability to take battle naps, however he had never taken a battle nap that was so long. The dwarves starved to death under his bulk.
The dwarves had to go to the elves for help, and boy were they pissed that they had to do that.
“Hey,” said one of the interchangeable dwarves, “can we, like, get a little assistance getting our home back please?”
“No,” said the elves.
“I’ll help,” said one particularly booblicious elf. “My name is Tsubaki.”
“Damn,” said a dwarf.
“Okay, let’s go!” said the leader dwarf.
They travelled for a long time and then showed up at the mountain. Tsubaki’s elvish nose senses could tell that Black*Smaug had not taken a bath in several hundred years.
“Wait here,” she told the dwarves. “He’s sensitive.”
“Like fuck he is,” muttered the dwarves, but they waited outside in case Black*Smaug farted on them or something. “Better the elf dies than us.”
No way Tsubaki would die, though. She was far too awesome, and she was a skilled dragon-tamer if you know what I mean. Wink.
“Hey, Black*Smaug!” she yelled into the depths of the cavern where the dragon stinkily slept. “Wake up!”
There was a mighty rumbling. “Who dares disturb my slumber?”
“It is I, Tsubaki, of the elves. You can tell I’m an elf from my pointy ears and perky tits. Will you awaken and speak with me? I come on behalf of the dwarves whose home you stole with your fat ass.”
“I only took this stupid mountain because I wanted to surpass god! The mountain is the dwarves’ god and I totally own it now. I own god. Therefore, I’m a god. No, I’m better than a god, I’m a super duper god. I’m Black*Smaug!”
“Okay,” Tsubaki said after an awkwardly long silence. “If you won’t leave then I’ll make you leave.” She held out an elvish bow and arrow.
“Yeah, like that’s gonna hurt me,” Black*Smaug laughed. He had morning breath that smelled like shit. Tsubaki ignored it.
“This arrow is made of friendship!” she cried. “It will pierce your heart with its pure love!”
Black*Smaug kept laughing. Tsubaki shot him just to make the smell stop. She shot him in the face.
Black*Smaug stopped laughing suddenly! There was a resonance of souls that was kind of gay because the tips touched. Then it was over in a flash of light.
“Crap,” Black*Smaug said. “We’re besties now. I have to do what you say to keep you being my bestie because I love no one but you. Platonically.”
“I love you too, Black*Smaug,” Tsubaki said, “in an equally platonic way! Because I’m engaged! To the sexiest elvish samurai, Mifune. He could whoop your ass and his hair is beautiful. But we can still be bros.”
“That’s cool,” Black*Smaug said. “Hey, so, where am I gonna sleep forever now?”
“Come to Rivendell, we’ll figure something out,” Tsubaki told him. They left the dwarves to their caves and treasures that now smelled horribly of Black*Smaug, and they lived forever in Rivendell until they had to move because of Lord of the Rings.
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So we found Yu Kanda in the universe of Zetsuen No Tempest, this time fighting with a spear instead of Mugen.
Davey has aptly named him Kanda San Diego.
Ed has like fifty kinds of blood-borne illnesses from all the times people stab him using blood, or when he rolls around in his own blood, or that time he was in an ocean of blood.
Previously, Davey had difficulties differentiating Kanda and Lenalee of D.Gray-Man in fan art. Now, it's between Kuroh of K Project and Kanda. In her defense, those two beautiful fuckers don't make it easy on us. So now I present:
Is it Kuroh or Kanda?
K...K... shit. So angsty. If those we're lotuses I'd say Kanda. Kuroh? No, no, he looks like he's gonna say something bitchy. Kanda. Yes, that's my final answer.
This is Kuroh!
This is also Kuroh.
Two Kuroh's in a row. Hmmm. Maybe I should revise... This is how I'm judging this, yes.
Shit.
No pony tail makes it harder and I can't see his eyes... Kanda?
Yeah this is difficult. He's holding that blade like a porn star so I'll say Kanda.
Kuroh! It's the tie, maybe? His hair looks sad, though.
Glasses? What the shit? Hipster Kanda, I guess.
BONUS DGM/[K]/NO.6 CROSSOVER ROUND
What. Kahn, are you trying to trick Davey? That's not fair.
Either someone fucked up or they're cosplaying each other.
Shit Davey, I was planning on making a shit ton of snarky comments about how wrong you were - but you got them all right! 7/7!
HOWEVER you failed the bonus round!
Outfit-wise: Allen, Kanda, SHION, Nezumi, SHIRO, Kuroh (I'll give you a pass on that because I think you just got the names mixed up. You've seen No.6 a million times like me; You know what Shion wears.)
Face-wise: Shiro, KUROH, Allen, KANDA, Shion, Nezumi. Protip: they're cosplaying each other, but they stay with their ships. I know it's confusing because Kuroh seems to be showing off and Kanda seems very insecure - but if you inspect their ponytails carefully... ((oh god I can tell them apart by their ponytails fml))
Verdict: You've learned well, my young padawan apprentice.
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As our dgm-related followers may remember, it's been a hella-long time since we've seen this beautiful bastard:
Well, that's because he's been busy growing out his facial hair in the dangerous world of Dogs. Don't worry, though, he's still shooting things in a very fabulous, dramatic way:
Oh, hey! Lavi's here too! And, like Cross, he's grown his hair out some. He's even an information broker which, to be honest, isn't even really a change of occupation. He's still making enemies though...
So, moral of the story, our favorite missing-in-action-gingers have moved into the world of Dogs: Bullets & Carnage, which by the looks of it is no less dangerous of a place than D.Gray-Man.
Davey's lovebucket actually helped contribute to Headcanon #66! CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE, so thanks go out to him. He is awesome and does not judge very much and introduced her to Naruto and DBZ: Abridged and deserves more hugs than he can currently receive since Davey's abroad for another two months. Thanks, Lovebucket.
We'll be comin back, we swear. Davey's just in Ireland right now and Kahn started a rough stretch of classes, but we're working on heacanons. We fucking love this blog and we're not leaving it behind.
(we're also writing collaborative fanfic we will maybe probably share)
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Allen Walker x Johnny Gill is the closest thing dgm has to a canon ship, but no one will ship it because we don't like Johnny enough / the Yullen ship sails itself.
Evidence (with Davey's commentary):
'Hard' and 'tap' and 'willing to try' are all in the same panel. I presume there's context but I don't need any, thanks.
I... I guess that that's Allen being Edward Scissorhands and Johnny being that girl who liked Edward Scissorhands.
Well they're just cute as fuck, ain't they?
We are denied the opportunity to scope Johnny's ass. I think this is unfair. It kinda sucks, too, that he can smush his face into Allen's face while screaming Allen's name and STILL no one will ship it.
Good manicures all around.
Tim Canpy seems to approve this ship, he is overseeing its maiden voyage in this picture.
Hell, after all this evidence you've amassed, Kahn, Davey ships these adorable boys. It would be a much healthier relationship than Allen and Kanda, too. APPROVED.
We still haven't watched Black Butler but we plan to when Davey gets back from her semester in Ireland. Until then, we keep building headcanons to deal with our fears.
We talk about headcanons a lot, that's the secret truth to this post.
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