Unmasked.

lol it’s been awhile. i started a new job at napa and i love it💗 so like there’s this guy & idk dude. he’s great. like today, idk he just looked good. & one time when i hugged him, i placed my hand in his chest & bro…. BRO…. ALSO one time we were talking in my classroom & he was holding onto the door frame🫠 i just can’t dude. we’ve hung out multiple times & it’s been great. okay but here’s the thing. im already dating someone & im pretty sure im just ovulating. lmao. so like yes i think he’s good looking but i think it’s just for now.

i think what hurts the most is that the quality of love i thought i experienced was deep & real but then it suddenly stopped & vanished & i’m left to wonder why if it was genuine.

hiya. so there’s a new boy & he’s great & handsome & dorky. i love spending time with him & his friends but i’m just a warm body to him. i’m someone to hang out with & keep him company. someone to satisfy his urges & fill his space. & i let him use me like that. i shouldn’t but i do because it’s nice to be wanted & held. i hate how easy i am to love.

tall white boy with a chain? ngl he’s kinda hot

p.s. I still love you & I miss you so much.

I cried while I drove cause I suddenly missed you more than usual. besides that I miss you the normal amount. I keep adding songs to your playlist. I still think of you when I hear love songs. I still have the urge to tell people abt you. I still want to bring up memories of you. I go on fb just to see if you’re on. I hate it. I hate missing you.

I miss the way you hyped me up. The way you made me feel like a million bucks. I miss the way you made me smile & laugh so effortlessly. I miss the way you cherished me. The way you made sure I knew you loved me. I miss sharing my life with you. I miss knowing that you were mine. I miss making you laugh & smile. I miss you I miss you I miss you. fuck I miss you & I wish i didn’t.

today I watched A Whisker Away & it’s about a girl who turns into a cat & gets to be with this boy she likes. when she’s human, he ignores her but as a cat, he speaks his mind & holds her close. that’s how I want to be. I want to turn into a cat & see you. I want you to take me in, feed me & let me sleep on your bed. I want to watch you watch The Office & yell at your roommate. I want to snuggle close to you as you fall asleep. oh how I wish to be a cat & to be close to you again.

idk why I still write letters to you. you’ll never see them. I guess it’s just my way of still talking to you because I miss that. I miss you & I wish I didn’t because this sucks. random things remind me of you. getting my hair pulled, seeing a Tesla on the road, my galaxy projector. I hate how I look for you even tho I know you wouldn’t even take the time to come see me. I hate how I spent so much time loving you because it was all for nothing. I hate missing you.

‪I wish I could keep my memories of you without feeling the hurt that comes with remembering. ‬

I just wish you would have let me see you. I wish you gave me an explanation, a reason to this pain. that’s all I wanted really.

- how you love The Office & can rewatch it countless times & still laugh

so ima just end this here. I dont want to be in this relationship anymore. tbh it sucks that we had to end this way because you were good to me but you’re right, I do deserve better & I know my worth. as much as I want to hate you, I cannot. I just wish you would’ve communicated with me because it would have saved both of us a lot of hurt. either way I have already forgiven you for hurting me & if I have hurt you in anyway I hope you’ll be able to forgive me too. I also hope that you don’t do this to someone else because no one deserves to be treated like this. & I know you can be better than this. I only wish the best for you. I also wish you would have agreed to talk to me because I wanted to see you one last time. but this will have to do. as for my stuff, pls send it to my house, especially my Andrews hoodie if it’s there cause I can’t find it at the moment. txt me if you need my address & I’ll Venmo you money for postage. thank you for the lessons I have learned from this. & thank you for everything, both good & bad. goodbye jc(: