Always remain who you are

It was raining.

Of course it had to be raining right now. But Elliot couldn't care anymore, not right now, not ever.

The pitter-patter his shoes leave behind every time it touched the ground was practically background noise to him by now. How drenched his hair was is another thing that didn't matter to him, neither did his uniform that was soaked in and out.

To an outside perspective, Elliot was running as if he was late to work and just tumbled out of bed. However, in reality he was just running away from his actions to not face the consequences.

He knew he messed up in a sense, even standing as low as running away while you shouted his name in utter bewilderment.

But even Elliot can't keep running away forever. Both realistically and metaphorically.

His steps become more sluggish and his pace slowed down gradually, he breathed heavily while only glancing up from the ground slightly to take in his surroundings.

Near a bus stop, great. His gaze immediately shoots back to the ground as he slowly moved under the roof to take cover from the rain.

..... well, this is awkward. But what else is he supposed to do currently? Count the raindrops and wait for all the adrenaline to leave his body? Run home, go to sleep and hope he forgets this ever happened? Collects his thoughts and form an apology..?

Actually, that last part didn't sound so bad... but at the same time the thought makes his hands shake ever so slightly and his face heat up. Elliot couldn't believe he decided to be this careless and then eventually even become a coward.

"You can always tell me what's on your mind, Ellie." your words ring in his ears almost painfully. How was he supposed to do that when you're the one on his mind? "I'll always lend an ear for you."

Elliot bit the inside of his cheek, he genuinely couldn't stop thinking about you, how you reacted, how baffled you look when he barely stammered out a barely passing apology before rushing away like a wuss.

He couldn't stop thinking about the action of kissing you either. Oh, damn it.

Slowly he raised his hand that was slightly shaking to let it hover over his mouth while he let's his eyes stare right into the palm of his hand as if it would suddenly solve all his problems this instant.

This is ridiculous.

Why can't he forget the feeling despite how fleeting it was?

Kissing you felt so soft, so gentle that his heart was starting to hammer again by the clear memory with the feeling of butterflies flying around in his stomach.

But even that moment of euphoria gets crushed by the immediate churning in his stomach with a bitter feelings entering his system.

You were probably mad at him, why should he dare to feel joy? Why was he even happy about something like this?

Elliot clenched his hand into a fist and dropped it back to his side with his gaze once again landing back to the ground.

Like earlier, this is ridiculous.

He should just go home instead of standing around like a massive idiot at the bus stop.

And home he did certainly go, with the addition of the rain thinking it's funny to rain harder than ever, this was really a walk of shame back home.

Just his luck really...

Everything around him felt like it was mocking him even with his head hung low.

The rain was already mocking him, billboards and advertisements? Also mocking. Strangers walking past him? They're also mocking him. Random couples he saw giggling and sharing an umbrella from the corner of his eye? At that he could just wish to curl himself into a ball and cry right here and there with an unknown feeling that grew within in chest.

It's been probably an hour already and he's still fussing about it, Elliot doesn't even know why while also beating himself up. It's not like you seem to care.

Elliot abruptly halted at the thought. You didn't seem to care. By now you would ring him up, right? Did his phone die? No, he always makes sure it's fully charged just in case. But...

Hastily he shoved one of his hands into his pockets to pull out his phone, gripping onto it like a lifeline while turning it on as quickly as he could.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

A small sense of hope got crushed within him immediately at the sight, Elliot shouldn't have expected that he has missed calls from you, perhaps even some unread messages. He shouldn't have expected anything.

He should just call it quits by saying you are rightfully upset, but the lack of you having sent nothing upsets him more than it should've.

Elliot was staring blankly at the screen, watching as his phone turned itself off with the amount of raindrops increasing each time it hit his phone screen.

... would it sound too desperate to talk to you first? Just a quick message wouldn't hurt to send.

Are you okay?

Let's talk about this tomorrow, I'm really sorry.

I understand if—

No, actually, sending any of these would put more salt to the wound. Rather than this being desperate, this was a bit pathetic.

He made a fool out of himself enough to the point it's laughable, he can wait patiently even his heart is telling him to do so while his brain is screaming at him to not mess this up harder.

Elliot huffed and shaked his head slightly, he removed his gaze from his phone screen and was about to just shove his phone right back into his pocket.

Till he felt a small vibration coming from his phone. All the air practically left his lungs right here and there.

He raised his phone right back up towards himself, only to go back to staring at his phone blankly like few seconds ago.

Your name was right there written in big letters.

You were calling him right when he was considering messaging you.

The world just had it against him.

Elliot didn't dare to pick up. He just silently watched his phone ring in the middle of the streets while probably being so close to catching a cold and end up rotting in bed.

All sorts of things were running through his mind on how he should proceed. Obviously that's silly to consider on what you should do, pick up the phone and suck it up on whatever gets thrown at you. Yet somehow even the most simplest choice sounds to be the most baffling.

There's no way you aren't upset. Perhaps you're gonna tell him that you never want to see him again and that would crush Elliot in more ways than one.

Your name vanished from his screen, indicating that the call ringed out with the notification "one missed call" immediately appearing on his screen.

And yet you called him again almost immediately. At this point Elliot can feel his hands sweating over something so small.

His thumb hovered over the green button on accepting your call, surely you aren't calling him to yell at him. Surely both of you will still end up just being friends while pushing this small moment aside as if it never existed.

Surely both of you can talk this through.

... or not, since Elliot barely has the courage to accept the call or even muster a word without sounding like he's gonna choke on his own words.

But also just blankly watching the call ring out sounded silly...

Hesitantly, he accepted the call, pressing the green button and raising the phone to his ear while clearing his throat in the process.

Nothing bad will probably happen.

"Elliot! I'm so glad you picked up... are you alright? Where did you run off to?!"

".... uh, hey, [Name]."

Romance.

The word itself is something that makes everyone giggle about hopelessly. Chattering about the future with dreams of having a romantic partner, all the nice things you could imagine all together.

Perhaps it's exciting because of what it makes you feel. The euphoria you get by being with the person you love, the butterflies in your stomach, how quickly your heart can start to beat simply because you thought of the person.

Azure always felt a bit indifferent about that specifically. The thought of finding someone he'd be romantically interested in felt more like a fantasy that could never really come true.

That was till you came into his life.

Azure was convinced it was all an accident. Stumbling upon each other without having any connections in the community he's in or the same religious beliefs about The Spawn. It all should've ended from that meeting.

But you just kept coming back with clear intentions of becoming friends. So who was he to turn down someone who doesn't mean any harm? And so begrudgingly, he let you stay as long as nobody else finds out he's seeing someone outside of the community.

Like a flower blooming out of its bud, the relationship between you both over time eventually blossomed into something more than just being friends.

It's been a few weeks since you reciprocated his feelings. Since then, for Azure, it suddenly felt like he's endlessly floating on a cloud with how your affection increasingly got overwhelming after you both entered a romantic relationship.

It started off simple by holding hands occasionally and often timed you helping him out during his tending to his plants. But even simple things started to spiral into often pecks here and there with the occasion of actually getting a kiss you always initiate.

You were too good for him.

It was a conclusion he made while laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. You were too good for him and all Azure could do is bite the inside of his cheek and beat himself up for doing too less while you do too much for him.

But what was he supposed to do anymore? Returning everything you initiate ultimately makes him be flustered for the rest of the day. Initiating anything first spirals into "what if?" scenarios where you'd end up being upset.

Even if Azure knows how silly it is to think that you would reject him outrightly, it's still a thought that lingers in the end. You'll be there with him till both of you have to depart for the day and he knows that.

"Seek The Spawn for guidance." is one Two Time recommended once Azure voiced on the fact that he feels like a mess in and out while leaving details out his companion shouldn't know about.

Naturally he'd take that advice, but for once, even Azure knew that even The Spawn won't be generous enough to help him out with his one-sided relationship problems.

Perhaps he has to pray a little extra hard sometimes. Some form of sign on what to do, how to voice his thoughts properly, additionally even how to communicate properly without shrugging his own concerns off within a minute.

Oh Spawn, emotions are so overwhelming to deal with...

".... Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was you."

Those words suddenly left Azure's mouth, mumbled yet loud enough for you to hear. This has caught you by surprise with how fast you turned your head to look at him.

"What makes you say that? I like you just the way you are already." your response was met with a light laugh from Azure, who hugged his own knees closer to his chest while pondering how to continue.

Saying "I'm attempting to communicate my problems" was too straightforward. Neither was it really Azure's type of thing he would do anyway...

"I'm... not necessarily certain," he started slowly, looking up towards your face for a second before immediately averting his gaze right after. "You're so sure and carefree of what you do, I often get yellow-bellied before I even manage to do something, I can't seem to help but feel a little envious."

The statement of him being envious was obviously lighthearted, he didn't have a need to be envious of your nature. But if it could get a small laugh out of you, he wouldn't think about turning that thought away.

".... I don't think you're a coward," ... or maybe it won't get a laugh out of you at all. "I mean, if that's what you're trying to say here."

Azure halted all of his movements, shoulders stiffening up ever so slightly like how the the tree trunk he's resting on is. Slowly, he turned his gaze back towards you, looking right at you as if he was a fish caught on land.

Now that you did have his attention fully, it was your turn to ponder on what to finish what you started.

"I think you're already brave enough... kindhearted, too!" shooting Azure a quick smile, you raised your hand to point towards his chest while continuing. "Very kind actually. You should give yourself a lot of credit for that."

Dropping your hand back to your side while watching as Azure was starting to fidget with the brim of his hat, you could really only laugh at that slightly from how easily he does get flustered. "You've risked and offered compassion by letting me stick around for this long already... you're really anything but a coward to me, Azure."

".... I wonder if what you say is true, I truly do, [Name]." is all he managed to croak out, now instead of playing around with the brim of his hat, he was holding onto it tightly as if he feared that it would suddenly vanish if he wasn't holding onto it.

"It's never up to me. You should see yourself in a better light more." you responded, in a sense it was supposed to come off as comforting, Azure knew his strengths already, but somehow even then he barely sees it as anything worth passing.

"Besides, I've heard that there's also courage in compassion. So we both can be brave together if that's what you would like!"

The corners of Azure's mouth twitched into a small smile, you had a way of words sometimes where even he couldn't keep a straight face without having the need to giggle a bit.

"I think you're more kinder than me with how you're talking."

"It doesn't matter though, does it?" you prompted, earning nothing but silence with Azure huffing a bit while shaking his head, you could faintly make out "maybe not..." as he was muttering under his breath.

"And uh, besides," shuffling a bit closer towards Azure while also slowly placing your hand on top of his hand, you looked at him warmly while the latter in return started to look bashful because of such a small action. "If you can't believe it to be true, I can promise to do that for you instead."

"You promise?" Azure asked, seeking for some form of reassurance that you do promise to keep your word and won't end up throwing it into the dirt within a day. With the small "mhm!" you gave as an answer, for once he felt like he can actually relax now. That's all he really needed to know.

He shouldn't have any needs to be worried over something that won't be coming true any time soon.

A comfortable silence ensured for a few seconds with the wind being the only source to make some slight noise by hitting itself against the leaves from the tree. The more the seconds ticked by, the harder it seemed for either of you to not start giggling for particularly no reason.

Azure was the first to break the silence, giggling slightly while you prompty joined it more obviously.

The more either of you continued to laugh, the more closer both of you moved by embracing each other as if nothing mattered anymore. All that mattered at the moment was that it was just you two while also joining in on each others contagious laughter.

It's really moments like this where Azure wishes it could last forever with no concerns in the world...

౨ৎ MAFIOSO

— Truly your biggest enthusiast out there. Even though he doesn't necessarily own any souvenirs from your performances or even merch if you're that well known, he has the real deal. Which in his opinion, makes him be your biggest fan.

— Though really, he would maybe get something. Just a small trinket to keep in his pockets as a reminder, but due to his occupation of being a mafia, there's a well enough chance that this could not only raise eyebrows but also a small sense of fear from whichever person he's buying something from, even if he does have a kind face and a gentlemanly character.

— Absolutely down to get you all the props you might lack or get you a new one! Money isn't necessarily a concern for him and he does want to see you be happy, especially because you do enjoy what you're doing. Even Mafioso would rather have everything you own meet your own standards rather than it looking like it's gonna fall apart.

— Mafioso doesn't make it be his personal job to attend every show you do. Don't get him wrong by all means necessary! It's captivating to watch you perform all sorts of trickery and illusions out there. But it's simply because he does see it all firsthand as your "second opinion" on how well it all went. It's a little flex in his opinion to see everything first before anyone.

— Bonus points if he invites his goons to watch, too. You get a whole lot more opinions on how the trick went additionally.

— Like a huge majority of people, even he has some tricks he does personally adore a whole lot and would probably ask you to do it. Perhaps even multiple times if you would kindly indulge.

— While his favorite tricks are nothing but classics, he does love the silly trick of pulling a rabbit out of your hat and the "is this your card?" trick. All because they're simple, small and could be done again if prompted.

— It's just silly... though, wherever you do get the rabbit from is a mystery he doesn't really want to think about just yet. Even if he did ask, all you gave him in the end was a simple "a magician never reveals their secrets!"

— Even though Mafioso knows it's fake, an illusion to the eyes of many, he can't bring himself to like any tricks that follow the concept of "sawing someone in half", especially if it involves you.

— It's just an undertone that he would hate to see you hurt or if the whole thing was real and it goes wrong. So, truly, don't be affected if he kinda doesn't seem to be very focused on the entire thing if you're doing that...

— He trusts your abilities though, he really does. It's just that magic tricks that seem dangerous that makes him be a little concerned.

— Otherwise, he's a really impressed guy! Especially if everything you do is filled with passion.

౨ৎ 1x1x1x1

— Somehow she's the ragebaited and ragebaiter...

— Maybe that's a bit exaggerated but, unfortunately, 1x1x1x1 doesn't really seem to have good enjoyment in anything... truly fully gets enraged by something as simple as you pulling a coin out behind his ear. It's sometimes baffling since you're barely doing anything to even get this reaction out of them.

— But really, they're not upset at you specifically. It's just that 1x1x1x1 finds it... childish. Other times they just get annoyed whenever you vanish out of thin air and then reappear the next second as if nothing ever happened.

— He does have some small interest in that actually... could be proven useful if given. But will she ever admit that out loud? Most certainly not.

— 1x1x1x1 doesn't necessarily indulge much in your magic tricks, maybe a halfhearted attempt at a compliment by saying "it didn't suck that much" and whatnot. Any other times he's basically being a ragebaiter as mentioned earlier.

"Is this your card?" you asked, probably for the fourth time since you asked if 1x1x1x1 would like to join in a little round to one of your magic tricks. Begrudgingly, he did agree.

But unfortunately... he wasn't being cooperative at all.

1x1x1x1 looked at the card, glancing at it once or twice while cleary knowing that this is her card. But how would you know that really?

With a quick shake of her head while drifting his gaze elsewhere, they huffed before answering. "No. You suck at this."

You shot him a look, annoyance fueling more by the same answer they've given every time. Shaking your head in slight disbelief, you retreated the card back into the deck and then eventually into your pockets.

"Fine! Whatever, I quit. You're the worst in this!" you could've sworn that you saw 1x1x1x1 biting back to smile just a little from that reaction he brought out.

— If it would ever come to 1x1x1x1 having to admit if he has a favorite trick, the first thing that would ever come out of her mouth that she has none. You would have to practically force her to answer unless they're that dedicated to staying stubborn on the fact that they have none.

— If they do eventually answer then, compared to Mafioso, she does seem to find a bigger appeal to tricks that seem to be more dangerous. Even though the lingering thought on the fact that it's just an illusion and that it isn't real, the possible risk that something could go wrong is something that meets her expectations on a good magic shows.

— Even then she fails to admit that, in some shape or form, the thought of you being involved in the "magic trick gone wrong" scenario does upset her. But since you do know what you're doing, they don't have that many concerns at all.

— It's just a hypothetical in the end, when do imaginations like that ever come true?

— 1x1x1x1 isn't necessarily the one for support or anything. Even if they're showing it terribly, they're just a bit glad you have something you're passionate about.

— Perhaps there will be a time where he'll actually participate, I can't make any promises though.

1x always thought you were idiotic. Irresponsible even.

The uncountable times you've went up to him to give him a flirty remark or a simple compliment to get a reaction out of them was irritating. No matter how many times they've told you to go away and do something else other than being a nuisance, you would come crawling back with things to say 1x could only groan about.

Unfortunately, even a terrible heart like hers has found itself to like your dedication to practically flirt with her on a daily. Something 1x cannot even seem to fathom on how you managed to get through her despite her blatant showcase on how much he despises the whole ordeal.

Romance and the word on it's own made 1x feel like he's gonna hurl simply from it's own existence, he despises how mushy it is, how much everyone seems to fawn over the idea on finding another half. It's all so disgusting and they despise it.

So why is she suddenly getting affected by all things related to romance right when you're the one doing it? It's as if his heart had a mind of it's own where he would have to forcefully rip it out of their chest and scream at it to pull itself together.

Perhaps 1x has grown fond of you, a small tolerance being rooted somewhere deep in their heart that makes them look forward to seeing you... how delirious.

Your terribly good flirting keeps 1x in his own little world, some teasing remarks lift up something else than anger. At some point he has considered just avoiding you like the plague more than necessary. But even that thought sounded so wrong even if he would always consider that to be the best idea in the world.

They don't want to openly admit that they're in some shape or form whipped, it sounds unbelievable that someone filled with nothing but hatred can get her feet sweeped off the ground.

1x wanted payback of some sorts, payback for what you've done to her, payback for beeing so sickeningly charming. Payback for practically even existing!

And even with how immature their payback may seem, he had just the right idea to get back at you.

"Yo~ho! 1x!" oh God.

Internally groaning from hearing your approach and voice, 1x only barely turned their head to look at you.

It wasn't and never really was a surprise that you would immediately glue yourself to his hip right after you returned from your onslaught. Though, 1x wouldn't hesitate to admit that this was more than agitating.

But, just this once, they'll push it aside.

Without barely having given a reaction or a response, you were right in front of their face while continuing to speak. "You missed me right? Silly to ask, you definitely did!"

"No," 1x responded bluntly, halfheartedly rolling his eyes before slightly shoving you back rather roughly. "You're in my personal space."

Ouch.

Slightly raising your hands in a defensive manner while also waving them slightly, you could only really give her a look that could only be described as 'calm down'.

Though, even that expression quickly morphed back into confidence right under a minute.

"Psh, well. Your beauty is like a magnet, I just get pulled in every time, you know?" great, you were back at it again.

Oddly enough, 1x didn't react immediately to your comment at all.

A comment would've been expected on how you're pissing them off, maybe even a groan, perhaps even the worst stink eye imaginable. But you received absolutely nothing this time.

You did have half a heart to maybe ask if she finally has something to keep her in "laa-laa land" while you're around. Or maybe more preferably even have commented that your remarks are working wonders to keep her silent.

The latter obviously did seem more preferred anyway. Dropping your hands back to your sides practically at snail speed, you break the silence by speaking again.

"You're so weirdly silent! Do tell me if you're head over heels in love with me." at that comment 1x did show reaction, by simply glaring at you for saying something so... not necessarily inaccurate anymore. But did you have to know that? Definitely not.

You also didn't have to know that their main reason on staying silent is simply cause he's asking himself if this is the moment where you do flirt back. That is how it would go, right? Someone flirts with you and then you do the same. Sounds simple enough already...

Biting the inside of her cheek to hold back from saying a retort and then officially ruin her chances to get some form of payback, 1x only shook her head a few times to what you said. "No. Uh, eugh..."

Good going on saying uh, 1x, good going really, truly won't contradict anything and make you tease them about it every chance you get. Even they know for a fact your expression is gonna get annoyingly more cocky which they already desperately want to wipe off your face immediately.

"You... you are like trash." that... came out more harsher than necessary, especially with the slight grimace you pulled.

Quickly clearing her throat to attempt to sound less aggressive and to also to cover up the fact he's surprisingly able to feel embarrassed they spoke up again, albeit rather slowly. ".... and I want to take you out?"

... it's better than nothing.

Watching your demeanour form into one of surprise and perhaps even confusion did leave him with some sense of pride. That's all he needed to see, his attempt and it has left you to look like you're a fish caught on land.

Or maybe you didnt understand that it was an attempt from them to flirt back with you? Well, your expression kinda does prove it, but...

"What?" You asked after maybe after one minute of just standing there in silence. Perhaps that thought that suddenly formed was right. In a sense they should make fun of you, flirting and throwing compliments like it's no big deal but then suddenly acting like an idiot when someone does it too.

You always were foolish.

.... but this also means 1x owes you the fact on being kind enough and saying she was attempting to flirt with you.

Clearing his throat again for whatever reason there might be, 1x forcefully snapped his gaze away from you to conceal his embarrassment that is starting to seep through his tough facade.

"Like... taking you out on a date." 1x admitted rather slowly, internally pulling a slight grimace from how mushy it sounded before immediately picking up an aggressive tone right from that reason alone. "And not on a serious note. I'm not attracted to you at all, I just wanted to see what you find entertaining in this."

He expected maybe a laugh to burst out of you, thinking this was all comical and use that to your advantage immediately from what he said.

Yet all they received was a barely audible "... oh", a far cry from how confident you sounded few minutes ago. Even that reaction has caused 1x to immediately snap their gaze back towards your face from that out of character response you just gave.

You genuinely looked surprised, fidgeting with the ends of your sleeve while looking back towards her as if she spoke alien, not even a proper word out aside from an "uhm" or "er".

".... you're uh, wow, really forward!" you finally managed to croak out, gaze wandering elsewhere as if that would make you look less weirder. "But, ah— psh, I'll think about it, yeah?"

... this was really baffling. 1x was this close to repeating themselves louder by saying that you shouldn't take this seriously. Even that reaction was crushing his ego in a sense. But he couldn't even utter a word before you practically sprinted off while giggling ever so slightly.

She could really only watch you leave, confusion still swelling all around while it slowly forms into frustration from your reaction, they just genuinely want to punch you for leaving them standing there! This was not the way she wanted her payback to go.

What the hell is wrong with you?