itās been a while. after my k/drama posts from last year, i focused on adulting. no posts from the last few days of January 2017 until the start of 2018. funny how i posted something a year after. hereās to more drafts!! ... that will eventually turn into entries.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
It's 3:05 am and I am still awake. It's the second day of my rest day, and tomorrow, I go back to work again. I suddenly remember my reflection before 2017 ended. That I'm always tired and drained (maybe because of work? maybe yes). Nothing much has changed. I'm coming towards week 3 of this month, of this new year. Still the same. Still the same bad habits, the usual habits that hinder me from the self-care I longed for before the new year. But hey, there's still time. There will always be time. It's not too late. I hope it's not.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Burying the truth doesn't make it go away. It is bound to come out into the world in some way, shape, or form. Whether it be pretty or heinous, you to keep your eyes open and observe.
2016 is one tough year, but the music helped me through itāthe good, loved, and old ones; the ones I discovered and loved; the ones that inspired me to write; the ones that indirectly told me I need to suck it up; the ones that encouraged me to follow my dreamsāto pursue and push through it, no matter what; the ones that helped me sleep, the ones that helped me express my anger, angst, frustration, heart-brokenness; the ones that helped me forgive and accept... I share this playlist. Hereās to 2017! Hereās to music!
You can't just go with the flow. No certainty that you'll get somewhere.
Wala kang patutunguhan.Ā Or baka ang dahilan kung bakit nag go with the flow ka kasi hindi mo rin alam kung ano meron; ano mangyayari pag nakarating ka na sa gitna, kung saan wala na. Hindi mo na alam kung saan at anong direksyon ka dapat pumunta. Baka rin naman sa dulo (ng walang hanggan) ka makarating. Sa dulong walang patutunguhan. Sa dulong lingid sa inakala. Baka ma-overwhelm ka niyan. O baka naman hindi ka marunong lumangoy... Patay tayo dyan.
which is why you canāt just go with the flow. you need to take control of your own waves. you need to take charge of your ways, your path.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
At some point in our lives, we tend to drift apart with what we thought were the most important ones.
Disclaimer: The first part of this was written before Christmas season, when I was still angry with everything. Well, not everything. Most things.
November: Maybe Iām never really over it (yet).
Itās funny how I didnāt follow my outline because of you. I just felt the need that this is the right time to write about our friendship or whatever you want to call it. Itās also funny how I canāt really seem to find the right words to say. Itās just⦠I just feel, still, a little sting inside that I actually lost a friend in you. And writing about this seems so final; like, we wonāt ever talk about itāthat we wonāt find closure because we suddenly stopped talking to each other. Not only that but frankly speaking, you still refuse to put your guard down and be humble about what weāve gone through. You still refuse to show a little gratefulness. This is probably why we drifted apart and why we will never cross paths againāand if we do, youāre that one person who I will choose to ignore. (or!! If ignoring isnāt possible/couldnāt be done, Iāll probably just give a subtle āHi,ā and then just give you a reason that I need to go, just so this time, you could have a taste of my own alibi).
Now that I think about it, we only talked about the deep stuff only because it was required in one class. The rest were just shallow things. I donāt want to remember everything that weāve been through because to be honest, itās either I decided to forget or I really forgot about it. Instead, letās just go straight to what I thinkāand what I feel, as well.
This particular point in someoneās life truly tests friendships, and obviously ours didnāt make it. Iām actually surprised that there was even a friendship. We were such opposites. I mean, letās get real. Iām not expecting a āSorryā anymore. By this point Iām not expecting a āThank youā either. Well, partly because weāre not talking anymore. We already stopped talking to each other.
To be honest, itās hard to put down into words what I feel, how I feel. Itās not that I donāt have anything else to say. Itās just⦠this just proves how strenuous the relationship was. This was how stressful the friendship was. The fact that I canāt instantly put into words what I think and what I feel just proves how this is still a fresh wound, and you canāt really get over it magically. You donāt and itās hard.
Looking back, you acted as if the world revolved around you, and I understood and accepted that about you. I just said to myself that this was probably how you were raisedāthat you were so loved by everyone. Thereās nothing wrong about that. However, that attitude, that viewpoint in life becomes wrong when youāre not aware of everyone elseās thoughts and feelings. All you ever thought about was yourself and how everyone else needs to adjust to you. You never saw the need to do better since you thought that was all you can do, so you just settled for less. You never made up for what you lacked.
Maybe Iām never really over it, but I want to get it over with.
You, on the other hand, a person whom I thought I was never going to be close to. A person who, to be honest, I never got to know on a much deeper level. A person who, because of just one thing, changed the way I saw him/her. It was because of that one attitude that slowly drifted us apart.
December: Writing this made me realize the anger was on different levels, on different people.
I should apologize. Maybe at that point, I realized, I also was at fault. I apologize, but Iām sure Iām not the only who needs to. This whole thing ruled over the latter part of the year. My anger and negativity ruled over.
And I donāt want that anymore.
December: Whether you like it or not, whether they realize it or not, everyone played a part; they were still a part of your success.
Whether they say sorry or not, whether they say thank you or not, it doesnāt matter anymore. Theyāre still human. Youāre still human. They make mistakes. They misunderstand. They understand. I hope you do, too. I hope you understand my intention. I choose to be the human that forgives, which is why, finally, I let this go. So long. See you when I see you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
drifted apart⦠or should I say, paghihiwalay??? minus the attachment i didnāt have a right to
Hindi ko na āto gagawing pormal, dahil sa kung ano man ang matatawag mo dito, hindi naman din naging pormal.
Go-with-the-flow ang peg koānatin. Mula sa minsan, naging madalas, hanggang sa naging palagi, araw-araw, gabi-gabi na pag-uusap na medyo pinagsisihan ko dahil sana naitulog ko na lang. Sana naikain ko na lang. Sana nag-aral na lang ako. Sana mas nabigyang pansin ko na lang ang mga mas importanteng bagay. Sana hindi na lang kita na-associate sa paborito kong banda. Eh hindi āyun ang nangyari.
Ano āyung nangyari? Sinayang ko ang oras ko saāyo.
Sa totoo lang, wala na akong maisip na isulat patungkol saāyo. Kasi, parang, halos lahat na yata tungkol saāyo. Nakakapagod. Nakakainis. Hindi naman yata patas kung saāyo na lang tungkol ang lahat ng isusulat ko. At sa iyo pa talaga nasayang, naaksaya; nang dahil pa talaga saāyo, nakapagsulat ako. Hindi na rin ako magaaksaya pa ng panahon sa pagsulat at sa pagbitaw ng mga hininakit, dahil hanggang dito na lang ako. Kung sa bagay, ikaw rin naman ang nagpasyang hindi na mamansin.
Sabi nga sa isang kanta ng Munimuni (āSa Hindi Pag-alalaā), āKakalimutan ko na rin, mga sinabi mong wala palang ibig sabihin.ā