oh, hello

seeing ryan follow pete back on instagram is actually quite high on my list of insane things that have happened in the last few days Actually it may be number one

loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done

Wait this actually really helps

still getting notifications from this post 12 years later…… will i ever be free…..

dm’ing people on here is so embarrassing 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️hi it’s me the giant pervert who lives in your phone. how’s it going

when your pet comes to you from another room, the preceding moments meant that they were alone somewhere and thought about YOU, an animal brain literally thought about you and came to you to see what you were doing. that’s love, unconditional.

i like it when male waiters are cute… bring me some mozzarella sticks, pretty boy

i think im retired from public appearances