Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide to Helping People w BPD Feel Less Like Shit
by Nolan D, certified real life Person With Borderline™ (srsly, why would you trust sources written by neurotypicals????)
if you have bpd or you’re interested in learning how to be helpful to ppl with bpd, this is for you!!
i wrote this guide because my family and friends were having some trouble understanding bpd/helping me feel better. i tried to make it customizable, so feel free to add to it, remove things, or change things to suit your unique Borderline Experience™ (but pls don’t alter this actual post it will hurt my feelings. copy/paste friends).
like/reblog if you decide to use it or find it helpful pls, so that i know if i’m being useful!
BPD is a cluster B personality disorder, along with antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders. Cluster B disorders are distinguished by dramatic, highly emotional, and/or erratic behavior. Borderlines are characterized by rocky interpersonal relationships, extreme emotions, issues with self-image, and trouble with impulse control. We may also experience symptoms associated with mania and/or psychosis.
What am I going through as a person with BPD?
Intense emotions and mood swings
Inappropriate and/or unreasonable anger and irritability
Impulsive and risky behavior, can include: spending excessive amounts of money, taking too many drugs, drinking too much, promiscuity, and self-harm
Predisposition to addiction
Difficult and intense relationships, often full of arguments, conflict, and breakups
Higher probability of being abused and/or raped
Sudden intense episodes of anxiety, depression, and mania-like behavior
Feelings of self-hatred, often resulting in suicidal thoughts and behavior
Hallucinations, including auditory, sensory, olfactory, and visual
Delusions, particularly an obsessive fear and belief that people are going to abandon me
Extreme need for attention in order to feel that I am worthy of living
Unstable self-image and lack of consistent personality/identity, often resulting in mimicking the behavior and personalities of fictional characters and real-life loved ones
Awareness of/guilt because of destructive behaviors, but feeling unable to stop
Dissociative states under stress, in which I feel a disconnection from my body and from reality
Unstable goals/aspirations
Tendency to interpret the emotions of others as overwhelmingly negative
Paranoia that people hate me or are annoyed by everything I do
Idolizing people I’ve just met
Fear that I am faking my symptoms, no matter how severe they are
Fear that I am being manipulative or abusive
Possessiveness of loved ones
Constant need for reassurance
Offer frequent unprompted reassurance that you love me, are not annoyed by me, and are not going to leave me/stop supporting me. If I have to ask for this reassurance, I will feel that I have manipulated you into giving it and will be unable to believe what you say.
Respect that I need to be given space sometimes, and comforted at other times. I need space if I seem to be pushing you away or shutting down. Tell me that you will be available if I need you so that I won’t feel abandoned, then leave the situation. I need comfort if I am clinging to you or refuse to leave you alone.
Never tell me that I’m overreacting. It is not my fault that I experience extreme emotions.
Do not threaten punishment for impulsive behavior. This includes saying that you will take me to the hospital if I continue. Offer to talk me through it instead.
If you don’t have BPD, don’t tell me that you know how I’m feeling. You don’t. Empathy is much appreciated, but if you say you can sympathize with me, I will begin to feel distrustful of what you say.
Never say or imply that I don’t actually have BPD. I get enough of that shit from myself.
Hear. Me. Out. No matter what I have to say. You don’t have to agree, just listen.
Tell me why I’m not a bad person. Have examples to back it up because I will likely accuse you of empty compliments.
If I become unreasonably angry at you, be aware that I will feel incredibly guilty and remorseful later. When that happens, accept my apology and move on if you are able to.
Never tell me to “just stop” doing something destructive. I guarantee that if I could stop, I would have already. Instead, gently ask me things like “Why do you think you’re doing this?” + “Do you think it is helpful for you?” + “How is it helpful? How is it not helpful?” If I am in a panic state/dissociative state and answer with “I don’t know!”/refuse or am unable to provide an answer, please determine if I need to be given space or comforted, and act accordingly.
When I dissociate, I often appear zoned-out, distracted, or dead-eyed. I may be unable to see you, hear you, or speak to you. A gentle touch on the shoulder may or may not snap me out of it. Stay with me and make sure I don’t do anything dangerous until I come back to reality.
Do not judge me for my actions, and especially do not imply that I am being a bad person. Do not try to make me feel guilty for anything, no matter what. Instead, gently ask questions about my behavior, and try to understand the underlying cause.
Use lots of words with positive connotations when speaking to me.
I will try my best to provide more advice on how to help me as I learn more about my disorder myself! Thanks for taking the time to read this, and be aware that I’m not demanding that you do any of these things, but rather I am asking you to do so because it will help me be happier and healthier.
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