while you were attending therapy i was studying the blade

what do you mean i need better coping mechanisms

saying “hm. must be the curse” every time something bad happens and refusing to elaborate is my new hobby

ladies……. please, allow me. *immediately fucks it up*

why do some companies send whole emails just to say someone opened your resume. what use is this information to me. i opened a jug of orange juice this morning and i didnt feel the need to alert tropicana

sorry for accidentally phrasing this exactly like a seinfeld bit

Batman is actually torn between the “Shazam is younger than he seems” theory and the “Shazam’s a dad” theory.

newton just created a 4th law

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over” “bend what? over”

I hate this place

daily affirmation

not to imply disney has any creative value but wheres the muppet avengers movie. just like a watchable avengers

and before you ask yes kermit is bruce banner in this scenario

loki is still loki and kermit beats the shit out of him

does him hulking out involve him turning into Animal?

no the only visible change kermit goes through is that he sticks angry felt eyebrows over his eyes