WHAT WAS I MADE FOR?

"oh, wow. that's tough," he says, looking closely at jiyul. he doesn't know jiyul on a deeply personal level, but from what he does know, he doesn't view him as a liar. still, anything's possible. he's looking for signs of dishonesty. he doesn't spot any. if anything, maybe some sign of discomfort, but that's to be expected.

they're still by the door. some guy squeezes past him. he moves out of the way, but not before pushing the second beer into the guy's chest until he has no choice but to accept it; there's plenty to go around, and mouse has no need for the both of them if jiyul won't be participating.

"i saw a bucket of water bottles, too - i can go grab one of those for you if you want," he offers. he isn't a good person. he knows he isn't. he feels like he's doing some kind of charity, though; when he looks at jiyul, he sees someone who needs to have a little fun.

he takes a long drink of his own beer, symbolically putting his foot down. they're staying. or at least mouse is staying. he can't gauge how jiyul feels about the situation yet.

at least mouse gives the extra beer away. that's a good sign that he at least isn't going to push the drinking issue, which jiyul appreciates. mouse offers to get him water, too, which is...kind? nice? jiyul isn't really sure. the entire situation is a bit confusing to him. mouse tricked him into coming up here but is still sort of being nice to him? "that's okay...i can...get my own water," he says slowly, still processing the moment. at least if he goes to get water it'll give him something to do other than stand by the door awkwardly.

mouse drinks, then assures jiyul that he'll really put in work on their project this time. just not now. jiyul probably shouldn't be as skeptical as he is. it sounds like mouse just wanted him to have fun? that's a nice sentiment, theoretically. the reality of the situation is jiyul does not find getting tricked into attending a party remotely fun. reading a good book is fun. going for a nice walk and seeing a frog is fun. this...is not.

"i was having fun," he argues weakly. and he was! his pre-bed reading was very nice. relaxing. god, what time is it? it's probably past his bedtime already...this is going to ruin everything. he'll only get seven hours of sleep at best, and he'll be tired for yeonchella tomorrow, and this is all stressful, too, so the music will probably give him a headache, and then he'll be grumpy, and tired on sunday, and if he has a headache that makes him tired on sunday he will definitely not be having fun at all, for the entire weekend. all because mouse thought he should be having fun today.

Looks like three months have flown by already.

We know it sounds repetitive at this point, but when we first opened we never imagined the community would grow into what it is today. Thank you for your continued support, creativity, and dedication to making this space thrive. We’re so grateful to everyone who has been with us since the very beginning, and to all the new faces who have joined along the way.

For the three month anniversary, we’re introducing the Scrapbook Meme. Think of it as a keepsake for your muse: fragments, doodles, and little memories gathered from their time at Yeonhwa so far. By reblogging this post, you’re opening the door for others to send you emojis from the prompt list, and you can answer however you’d like: through writing, headcanons, edits, moodboards, whichever way you’d like. It’s open-ended and meant to be as creative as you want!

This meme will run from September 20th to October 4th, which will give you about 3 weeks to reblog. If you choose to participate, please ensure that you send a question to everyone who has reblogged the post as well, whether this be on your character’s account or on anon. Once again, thank you so much for the amazing three months and we hope you have fun with this meme!

fool me once, shame on you. but fool me twice? kangmin might as well start a group chat titled 'people who have seen my dick (accident)". he should really stop reading words halfway, or maybe invest in a new pair of contact lenses because how jiyul is the second person in a span of less than three months to accidentally receive a nude from kangmin needs to be studied.

maybe kangmin should just stop sending nudes altogether, and maybe sending dick pics isn't the pinnacle of romance in the 21st century after all. he'd meant to send it to someone else with a similar name, a cute transfer student that he thought could lead to a hallmark-netflix-hybrid-like romance, only for it to be a one and done thing ( he remembers her words clearly as she picked up her clothing from his bedroom floor: "you didn't think i was serious right? i have a boyfriend!" ).

and so; kangmin was left with no romance, and a now very awkward relationship jiyul. which sucks. kangmin likes jiyul, a lot. he's cute, and nice, and while they aren't particularly best friends, kangmin would consider jiyul a pretty good friend. one that he'd do anything to salvage their relationship for.

anything, really. and kangmin does just that. he waits (albeit, a little creepily), for jiyul to end his classes and for the class to empty out, before he walks up to him - all 6'2 of him - with a guitar. kangmin has never picked up an instrument in his life prior to this. well, there was a time he'd picked up a drum kit in an attempt to show how 'strong' he was, only to accidentally fracture a toe - but that was something else altogether.

"jiyul," he calls out, voice a little awkward. "i'm really sorry about my - that photo," that photo. he can't bring himself to say sorry for my dick pic out loud, because it sounds absolutely ridiculous.

it doesn't end there. kangmin whips out his guitar and clumsily tries to figure out where exactly he should place his fingers. "i've uh, been practicing. i know you love music and i really wanted my apology to reach you - so you know that i'm sincere! and i wanted to make it up to you so i went and did some online lessons..." he begins, clumsy fingers on the guitar, but his words are genuine. "i hate that you've been ignoring me and that things are awkward between us and i want to go back to how we were so - oh no, that's part of the lyrics i wrote for the song...!" he's rambling, he knows and after a moment he finally decides to strum (terribly), eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

jiyul has some things to come to terms with.

he knows this. does that mean he's doing it? no. well, maybe. these things just take time. his therapist says it's okay for him to take his time – that despite what society might have you believe, life isn't a race. it's good to be patient, both with yourself and others.

running away doesn't count as patience with yourself, though. however, that is exactly what he wants to do when kangmin approaches him after class.

kangmin didn't actually do anything wrong. he just accidentally sent him nudes. however, it was, unfortunately, quite the ordeal for jiyul. first, he wasn't actually sure it was a mistake. he figured it was, but then he wondered...what if it wasn't? what would he do? and thus it became another unfortunate reminder that he is significantly more attracted to men than women. jiyul knows this. he just...wishes it was different.

seeing kangmin's face following the incident also served as a reminder of his likely homosexuality, because every time he saw him he couldn't help but think of the stupid picture. it wasn't even a good picture, really. jiyul deleted it shortly after he received it out of respect for kangmin's privacy (see: for jiyul's sanity), but the damage to jiyul's psychological wellbeing was already done. it wasn't even that the picture made him uncomfortable. it just made him think too much about things he'd prefer not to think about.

jiyul can't avoid kangmin now, though. he apologizes, and jiyul is about to say it's okay, don't worry, but gets distracted by the guitar. kangmin can play guitar? since when?

kangmin answers that question before jiyul even gets the chance to ask (he wouldn't have asked). kangmin went through all the effort to learn how to play guitar to apologize to him? guitar lessons can be expensive...a simple apology would've sufficed fine. kangmin didn't even need to apologize, really. if anything jiyul should apologize for making things awkward between them.

still, he's touched, and suddenly feels even shyer than usual. he can't even look at kangmin properly, so he watches his awkward fingers on the guitar instead.

he tries very hard not to wince when kangmin sings, but jiyul has perfect pitch and out of tune notes are like nails on a chalkboard to him, so sometimes it can't be helped. he feels bad, though, because kangmin is so sincere and trying so hard. he didn't need to do any of this. jiyul feels a little embarrassed but mostly flattered. kangmin's earnestness is endearing, and he's turning a little red, which also makes jiyul feel bad and more endeared.

he doesn't want to be rude and interrupt kangmin's song before he's done. he worked hard on it and the last thing jiyul wants to do is seem ungrateful for his efforts or make him feel more embarrassed – so he listens.

it’s later than he would have liked by the time micah is finally heading back to the provided housing. he’d stayed behind at trivia night, as one of the only polaris members not involved in the verbal altercation that occurred, attempting to function as a mediator between his fellow club members and those in lyra. which, admittedly, had been easier said than done — some of them had really been going at each other, micah had almost been worried he’d have to physically drag them apart. thankfully, it hadn’t come to that, though he fears it had been dangerously close. 

his footsteps are somewhat sluggish as he approaches the housing building, relieved to be one step closer to finally being able to go to sleep, when he spots a figure wandering around outside. through the darkness, he can’t immediately tell who it is, though they seem tense, whoever it is. frowning, he keeps moving closer, and once close enough, he recognizes him.

“jiyul?” it’s been a while since the two of them have seen each other, last time being their photography club excursion — micah had since gotten too busy to properly keep in touch with most of his friends. he’ll always welcome a chance to catch up, though admittedly, he’s curious what the younger is doing wandering alone this late at night. 

he likes his roommates for the mt perfectly well. or, well...he doesn't dislike them.

he just doesn't particularly want to sleep in the same room as them. he can't escape the feeling that he's going to wake up to some terrible prank, like frogs in his shoes, or a giant fake spider dangling inches above his face so it's the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. he really wouldn't put it past joon and mouse.

thankfully, he took one of the bottom bunks, so he was able to escape their room without causing too much of a stir. he doesn't really know what his plan is, but laying in bed hasn't gotten him any closer to falling asleep. if anything he feels more anxious the longer time goes on.

as expected, the fresh air is equal parts refreshing and soothing. he doesn't particularly want to go on a walk by himself this late at night, but...maybe he can find a nice place to meditate and relax enough that he can fall asleep in his room without fear.

he's trying to think of where a good place might be when micah calls out to him. it makes him jump a little, but once he realizes it's just micah, he relaxes. "ah– yes, i'm fine," he assures him with a soft, close-lipped smile. "i just...um..." how honest should he be? even the thought of verbally suggesting he doesn't trust his roommates not to torment him makes him feel guilty, so he decides it's not worth mentioning. "i'm not good at sleeping in unfamiliar places." that much is true, at least. jiyul is a man of routine, and sleeping somewhere different than usual certainly counts as a disruption of routine.

thankfully, jiyul had agreed to come with him. they were both a bit uncertain about what to capture, but if they put their minds together, maybe they’ll figure something out? at least that’s what the idea had been when micah asked the younger. 

“gardening probably counts,” he says, after considering jiyul’s question for a moment, as if weighing it carefully. “it’s the kind of thing people do just to take care of things. like, there’s no real goal, other than watch things grow?” his words end up sounding like a question, as he can’t say he has a lot of experience with gardening himself. 

there’s a moment of silence then, as they keep walking, leisurely, one might say. micah’s expression is thoughtful, as he’s considering the assignment. “i’ve been trying to think about what i even do when i’m not doing something, you know? like… i’ll go for a walk, but then i find myself trying to make it productive. pick up some groceries, try to get a good photo. to make the walk worth it.” 

a beat, and he shifts the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “maybe that’s what we should take pictures of. the things we do when we think we’re not doing enough?” he looks over at jiyul, and feels strangely exposed after speaking. 

maybe it's because micah is so open himself. sincere. it inspires jiyul to be the same, though he is earnest most of the time. he's just quieter about it. he listens, nodding along once more as micah talks. he understands what he means. he knows his senior has a busier schedule than he does, too, so he can imagine the fear of wasting time is worse for him.

"i think it makes sense," jiyul assures him, and maybe that is a good way to explain it. it makes him a little sad, though – the fact that it sounds like something has to be productive for micah to think it's worth something. he doesn't know how to voice that in a way that doesn't sound disrespectful. he's not sure it's his place to, anyway.

what he can do is talk about himself. "for me...everything i do to relax is also productive," he laughs a little. "or, i guess...when i'm stressed, i play instruments to calm down. i play instruments for my classes. i'll play instruments for my job in the future, hopefully. so in my case, my work is also my leisure...?" it feels strange. "maybe i'm lucky for that. or maybe not..." sometimes he gets sick of it. he has days where he doesn't want to touch an instrument, and the weight of it is a heavy burden. those days make him sick to his stomach. who is he, if not a musician? what is he worth, if he can't play? his entire life has been the harp, or violin, or cello, or flute, or countless others. it is his identity.

he's talked about this in therapy. she told him to try some hobbies unrelated to music to expand his horizons. it's why he joined photography club in the first place. "maybe art is leisure? sure, you create something through it, and have a finished product eventually...but it's just for the beauty of it. and we could survive without it. but maybe we couldn't live without it." he feels like he's rambling now – an uncommon position for lee jiyul to be in. he doesn't really know if he's gotten them any closer to their goal, either.

the library had been unusually crowded that afternoon — noisy, restless, filled to the brim with students on edge. then again, yerim supposes it might not be all that unusual, not with exams looming over everyone like a stormcloud. she isn’t particularly concerned about her own. academic excellence is a constant in her life, and she expects nothing less of herself this time either. still, she had a lot of studying to do, and she preferred to do it somewhere that didn’t make her want to leave the moment she sat down. 

studying with jiyul has been a constant over the years at yeonhwa, somewhat of a quiet tradition between the two of them. their majors have nothing in common, so there’s no help to be offered — but even so, she finds his presence grounding. calming. she finds she focuses better with him nearby. so when he suggested they go to his dorm instead, she’d agreed without hesitation. neither of them had much patience left over for the noise, and yerim trusts him. she doesn’t make a habit out of going to guys’ dorms out of the blue — not because she’s necessarily particularly modest, but because she knows how things look, and she’s careful about the image she keeps. but jiyul had never given her a reason to worry. he’s respectful, soft-spoken, and oddly easy to trust.

yerim stands quietly beside him as jiyul unlocks the door, the hallway still carrying the faint echoes of distant noises. still — it’s already miles better than the library. the room that greets her as the door swings open doesn’t surprise her — not really. it feels neat, without being impersonal. it feels intentional. her gaze sweeps over the space — she takes note of his many plants, the greenery adding a calming presence to the room. her eyes don’t linger on anything, not until they land on the harp.

she automatically steps forward, approaching the harp with careful curiosity. it’s beautiful — tall, elegant and completely unexpected. she knows jiyul plays instruments, but she hadn’t expected him to have a harp in his dorm room. her fingers hover above the strings as she admires the instruments, not daring to touch without permission. 

“do you play?” she asks, glancing over at him. a second later, she catches herself — of course he does, because who would keep a harp in their dorm room just for the sake of decoration?

thankfully, a migraine isn't the reason for him and yerim relocating their study session – just the noise.

he only feels self-conscious about his dorm when they step inside. he can't help but remember he hasn't dusted or vacuumed lately. hopefully it's not too messy...

thankfully, yerim's attention doesn't seem to be on judging his cleanliness. instead, it's on his harp, which is understandable. most people don't get to see one up close, and they're beautiful instruments. he can't help but smile a little at her fascination, and it grows when she smiles at him in turn.

"thank you," he replies, like he has anything to do with his harp's appearance. still, he feels proud, somehow. "yeah, i'm a strings major. so i play...a lot of them," he laughs a little. "harp is my favorite, though. it's kind of an unconventional choice, but i don't know. i think it's really..." his voice trails off as he tries to find the words for it. "comforting, sort of. calming. at least for me."

maybe it's because the harp never sounds angry. he loves more traditional string instruments, but violin and cello can sound quite harsh if their musician wants them to. even traditional korean instruments have a wide range of dynamics, though they tend to sound more graceful. the harp, somehow, is always gentle. maybe he loves it so much because he sees himself in it. it's a familiarity he doesn't feel with other instruments – almost a kinship.