Nonbinary (tme). Fae / faer / faers, he / him / his (that order for preference)
Blog notes:
There's no main topic here i post whatever
If a big part of your blog is incest kink / pedophilia kink / proship shit I will block you
^ Generally if you are team "fiction doesn't affect reality" you're not gonna agree with what i've got to say
I also block terfs / radfems, transmedicalists, and ppl who act like misandry is an axis of oppression / equivalent to misogyny
Tagging:
"[thing]" and "[thing] mention" for whatever topics I know to tag
"Thing" vs "topic: thing" are to differentiate actual instances of bigotry vs talking about that angle of oppression (example: "antiblackness" vs "topic: antiblackness")
"ask to tag" means I'm pretty sure that the content could upset someone but I don't know how to warn about it. If you want something specific tagged please let me know.
I have different tags for different original post types but "dormouse rambles" is for all original posts
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I don't know how to make this not sound mean but I'm not trying to be mean, so please know that going in.
Listening to a podcast about bodies and eating disorders and the body positivity movement of the last decade ish and hearing someone say (paraphrasing from memory here) "body positivity was all capitalism, there were no legislative changes, just new brands of jeans"
Legislative changes are super important but I cannot emphasize enough that jeans coming in bigger sizes and fat-friendly cuts is actually a really big deal! With meaningful impacts on people's lives (including mine)! Fat people do need clothes! And you may not realize this, but if you're over a certain size (that's not even that big a size) there's a very good chance you can go to a big box store and *not find anything that fits you*. There are towns in the US where if you're over a size 18 you need to drive an hour away or shop online to get things in your size. And they're expensive! "Just buy used" if they even have your size! Fat people want to look nice too. And we face enough judgement during job interviews (to give one example) without trying to do it in clothes that don't fit or are super uncomfortable.
Actually: If you're fat and you want to look cute/hot/masc/femme/etc I cannot recommend this website enough, you put in your measurements and it lists what brands have your size. You can filter for stuff like sensory friendly, nonbinary, masc, organic, etc. It's not AI just a database.
Phoria is a platform to help plus-size and gender-expansive people build a more sustainable and ethical wardrobe they love. Weâre a benefit
I swear to fucking god. I would claw out OneDrive from my computer if I could. I would burn down their servers if I could. I would run down their stocks to the ground if I could. I hope every single one of their workers gets a better offer from a competitor in the next 24 hours. I hope every single one of their light bulbs explodes at the same time. I hope every single carton of milk in their fridge will always be expired.
Stop backing up my fucking files.
Stop asking me to back up my fucking files.
Stop taking my fucking files off my fucking computer.
I don't want a fucking reminder in three fucking days. Let me fucking say no.
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The sign many left wingers have subconsciously accepted moving right on covid and embraced lowering public health standards is when people seem to think âmasks should be mandatory in healthcare settings /airplanes â is somehow a radical position to take in an ongoing pandemic
its so fucking weird because "masks in healthcare" should be the default all of the time. Doctors and nurses are literally employed to go from sick person to sick person, treating immunocompromised people especially often.
Can anyone help a black transfem with tech and stability for my teaching job? I only owe 250 in rent and need help with procuring a good computer. If I had to set a goal myself it would 750 for other bills and tech by August, when my class starts.
Please please consider helping me out financially to get my best foot forward as a small time educator. Thank you.
Current Goal: 0/750
Link to a post with all my pay apps and gfm info below:
Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your
[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me todayâŚ.[grows grave and guarded] theyâre conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool
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Iâm making this post to showcase all of the art commissions I have bought to support my friend @hashembadr. Hashem is #102 on @gazavetters' spreadsheet. You can read his story here. After 2 years managing funds for and fighting to support his family members who could not afford to leave Gaza, he decided to return to his original goal of raising funds to leave Gaza to join his wife and children in Morocco.
Unfortunately, due to the attack on Iran, the crossings have closed and Hashemâs current goal is to survive until they open them again.
Hashem and some of his family are currently renting an unfinished apartment for $300 a month. There are twelve of them sharing 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen. No windows, no doors, but it's much better than the tents, which they lost in the storms. Money will allow them to afford rent to stay in this shelter and to buy food at the market, which spares Hashem the terrifying risk of visiting one of the deadly aid points. He was already shot at and had his phone destroyed in a previous attack.
I would like to share the story of my friend Smahan. Today Sma⌠Hana ne Fazazi needs your support for Reunite a Family Torn Apart: A Daughte
The following artists have all agreed to draw in exchange for donations to his campaign! I encourage you to commission them and help support Hashem and his family.
If you donate any amount of money, you can get a cute lil dragon doodle from @shadowfoxsilver! Here's a cutie she drew for me! They also offer additional tiers for more complex drawings.
For at least $3, you can get a doodle from @artobotsrollout! Here's is a $10 sketch | got from her of R*inzler from T*ron The sketch tier includes progress shots, line art, and a full color piece.
If you donate at least $5, you can get a sketch of one character from @astraios-art! Here's one he did for me of Tenzou helping Sakura chase Kakashi down for a check up! He also drew me pictures of Kid and Heyes from A*lias Smith and Jones (+ an additional $5 for all the details as accessories), Johnny and Roy from E!, Slim and Jess from L*aramie, Stacy and Vince from T*J Hooker, and Johnny McKay from L*awman!
@squishescommishes is offering $5 doodles, plus additional tiers for colored doodles or multiple doodles. I personally opted for the simpler style shown in these kofi sketches when purchasing mine because I thought it was so stinkinâ cute and fit my request of an owl griffon hatchling from G*uild Wars 2.
@orilifiel is offering $5 donation sketches! Here is one he drew for me of my favorite R*esident Evil Head canon where Leon finds a cake from the welcome party mid game and eats it with a blank stare.
@derelictheretic is offering $5 sketches on this post! Hereâs one they did for me of Tails! They also offer additional tiers for more complex drawings.
@allgremlinyaps is offering $5 doodles! Hereâs one I got of Ketchup and Molly from A*nimal Crossing!
For at least $7, you can get a sketch from @optimistic-autistic! Here's one he did for me of one of my favorite p*okemon, c*hikorita! He also offers additional tiers for more complex drawings.
If you donate at least $15, you can get a character design from @crungulus. $25 will get you a portrait, and $30 will get you even more, like this commission they did for me of my late cat, Callie. We used to play T*wilight Princess together a lot.
I havenât heard from Hashem since June 3rd. 2 weeks is the longest weâve ever gone without speaking since becoming friends early on in the war. Iâm hoping he just doesnât have the means to contact me for whatever reason. Thereâs a chance heâs still alive because I havenât heard otherwise, and even if heâs not, his family still needs help, so please continue to share and donate.
The rise of overly dark Magical Girl shows, which contain suffering for no other purpose than to display said suffering, largely stems from a complete misunderstanding of what Madoka was, and what made it great.
Madoka spends two and a half episodes setting up a happy, cheerful, Magical Girl show, and then spends eight and a half episodes rejecting that premise, showing that hope only leads to despair, that a wish will lead to a curse, that things cannot fundamentally improve, and that trying to make things better will only bring suffering upon yourself and others. This is what derivative "tragical girl" shows were about; the suffering of young women for its own sake, as if that was the point of Madoka, as if the suffering was the entire point.
The last episode, however, has Madoka herself rejecting the show's entire premise. She's told hope leads to despair, and exclaims "If someone says it's wrong to have hope, I will tell them they're wrong every single time.". She's told that the very foundation of the universe leads to suffering being inherent, constant, and that the only thing one can do is to endure said suffering as long as one can bear, before falling to despair and inflicting the suffering one has experienced unto others; she's told that any wish will become a curse, yet ends the show saying "All those Magical Girls who held onto their hopes and fought against witches, I don't want to see them cryâI want them to stay smiling until the end. If any rule or law stands in my way, I will destroy it. I will rewrite it. That is my wish, that is my prayer.""
Walpurgisnacht had been set up as the most terrible witch to ever exist up until that point, and the viewer had been led to believe they'd fight to the death against it, and inevitably loseâas a Magical Girl seemingly always does in the Madoka universe. Madoka does not fight her, Madoka shows compassion, simply stating "It's okay. It's okay now, you don't have to hate anyone anymore, you don't have to curse anyone anymore. I'll go back, before you took that form, and shoulder that burden for you". There was no fight, and Madoka simply took on her despair, as she took on everyone else's, allowing them to once again have hope.
That's why the ending of that silly meduka meguca copypasta does make me cry every time; we pray, never to forget, that being Meguca was suffering. It's not anymore, there are struggles, but there always are in life; the Magical Girls who held wishes in their hearts prevailed against the very concept of the show, with the ending showing that you can make the world a better place through love, compassion, and the power of a wish. The twist in Madoka Magica isn't episode 3, where the first explicit death is shownâit's in episode 12, in which it shows itself to have been a completely normal Magical Girl show all along.
like, I myself have also never lived on the rez so I can really only speak to the experiences Iâve had shared with me by friends and familyâand frankly, there are some things my loved ones just straight up wonât even talk about because it was just that fucking bad. but with the way some folks on this site (in particular, as Iâve mentioned before, white Europeans who seem to have convinced themselves that just because theyâre not American means theyâre absolved of all the evils of white supremacy and imperialism) talk about Native people living in the imperial core it feels really clear to me that a lot of these people have never even, like, attempted to so much as imagine just how fucking bad the conditions on most reservations are. theyâre certainly not doing any research into it. just, like, speaking loudly and confidently about how privileged we are to live in the US without a shred of consideration for the fact that these places were intentionally constructed to have the worst living conditions possible. and like thatâs not to say that you canât have any semblance of a good life there, Iâve also heard so many stories of joy and love and community on the rez and I donât want to take away from that. but those things are hard fought for through the fucking incredible power and resilience of what it is to be a native person surviving genocide, they happen IN SPITE of all the odds stacked against us. I promise that you as a white person in fucking France or whatever are not worse off than generations of people forced into reservations, with extremely limited access to food and clean water and healthcare. for real.
and of course the justification is always âoh well thatâs such a small percentage of the US population thoughâ as if thatâs not literally the same logic used by the government to allow these people to continue to suffer, and as though population percentage is supposed to make me just stop caring about my relatives. like that just doesnât make you look better. and if youâre from a colonizing European country it was your fucking ancestors that created the conditions that led to people suffering today. shut the fuck up!
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I really donât want to open this can of worms because Tumblr hath no fury like people called out on their political performativeness but it is literally driving me up the wall to watch people react to Serkisâ âkeep Tolkien whiteâ commentary by insisting twice as hard that Tolkien would descend down to earth and dropkick the entire Republican party to hell or whatever, just because they want to ensure that a piece of media they enjoy isnât seen as being morally impure. Case in point: I have seen at least five instances of Tolkienâs âI hate apartheidâ valedictorian address being used as a âcounterâ to Serkis being racist, including by actual news outlets.
Except itâs only ever the âI hate apartheidâ line thatâs shared, and not the actual quote in its full context. Because here it is:
If we consider what Merton College and what the Oxford School of English owes to the Antipodes, to the Southern Hemisphere, especially to scholars born in Australia and New Zealand, it may well be felt that it is only just that one of them should now ascend an Oxford chair of English. Indeed it may be thought that justice has been delayed since 1925. There are of course other lands under the Southern Cross. I was born in one; though I do not claim to be the most learned of those who have come hither from the far end of the Dark Continent. But I have the hatred of apartheid in my bones; and most of all I detest the segregation or separation of Language and Literature. I do not care which of them you think White.
Which is to say. This isnât exactly the antiracist quote of the century, to say the least. This is a white South Africa born man and a white Australian shaking hands and going âomg we relateâ and expressing what is a very, very mild âsegregation is not greatâ opinion in order to convey his thoughts on an academic subject, ie the confluence of language and literature. Using race to make a point about his own subject of interest, in his own interest, which is, amusingly enough, what a lot of ostensibly well meaning progressive seem to be doing.
I also think that some of the general surprise around âwhat do you mean large swathes of the Tolkien fandom are incredibly conservative!?â in lib/left Tolkien fandom is the result of a tendency in said parts of the fandom to transpose oneâs own progressiveness onto Tolkien and turn a blind eye to things like, say, the Shire being a very specifically mid-century British racist construct that is very, very clear in its politics, often going so far as to insist itâs anarchist or an ideal society or whatever the fuck⌠and then getting really Pikachu-meme âbut theyâre misreading itâ every single time a conservative explains exactly what it is about the legendarium that they really love, and get surprised when someone uses the Shire being a racist construct to do more racism. It is 2026 let us do away with âI donât see colourâ interpretations of media, I beg. Nobody is cancelling you for enjoying a book that is not kind to race. Most of the books I love are not kind to race.
I genuinely donât have the energy to go deeper into it now because I and others have been beating this drum for ages but like man. Man. Iâm not surprised by Serkisâ comment. I donât really give a shit about what Andy Serkis says and does because if I was the kind of person who gave a fuck about Andy âI felt like an ethnic minority on the Black Panther setâ âI somehow interpreted Animal Farm in the most ridiculous way possibleâ Serkisâ opinions on anything, let alone race, my life would be much sadder. I think the adaptation will be an enshittified money-grab, and I will probably embrace cannibalism when McDonalds inevitably starts giving out little Gollums with every Happy Meal. Again.
What I am surprised and disappointed by is how the liberal-left reaction to this shit is to always and forever just either pretend it doesnât exist in the text, or is the result of a complete misreading. So seldom is the response âfuck me, this book has some real wild thoughts on race, letâs see how we can engage creatively with that in an adaptationâ. Which has never happened. In fact, all your thoughts on Amazon and lore faithfulness and other adaption criticism or applause aside, TROP, the only Tolkien interpretation that has directly engaged with race has thus far done so very, very badly, and only on a surface level. Why?
Because the loudest parts of liberal Tolkien fandom is not interested in exploring race as it exists in the text, to explore it progressively, to engage creatively with the structural conservatism present within the very construction of Middle Earth. Theyâre interested in concessions that change very little: you can have your brown elves, as long as we donât have to think about the implications of foundational aspects of our beloved world, which we relate to greatly and do not wish to think about why we relate to it beyond our own experience of encountering the text.
No, itâs always either an insistence that the Racists are Wrong because the Text is Pure, or a slight, grudging concession that Tolkien had âa few racist elementsâ but ânothing like the racism of todayâ. Of course itâs nothing like the racism of today. Tolkien isnât writing in 2026. It was the racism of yesterday, and it is very clearly written into the text. Tolkien is not your mildly problematic grandpa. Tolkien was an Oxford don with an enormous, wide-ranging cultural impact, and refusing to acknowledge that is the misreading, not the pointing out of or engagement with structural racism within the text.
There's also a version of this where people cite Tolkien's 1938 letter to the German publisher, ie the one where he refuses to confirm he's of "Aryan" descent and basically tells them to fuck off, as the other canonical "proof text" that Tolkien Was Not Racist, and it does the same flattening as the valedictorian quote. It's a great letter, very âget thee gone from my gateâ but it is also a letter about refusing a specific, legally coded Nazi racial category, not a statement about the internal racial logic of his own fiction.
Nobody is saying Tolkien was a fascist white supremacist Nazi. Hell, Tolkienâs own thoughts on military atrocity in general is pretty clear in the depictions of the escalating kinslayings. But people love to conflate "hated actual fascism, said so on the record and is very evident in his fiction" with "therefore the legendarium contains no racialised hierarchy," as though those two things have to rise or fall together, when they don't. You can be sincerely, personally opposed to Nazi race science and apartheid violence and still write a mythology where moral and aesthetic worth consistently map onto a Northern-European somatic ideal. Because the racialisation Tolkien both inherited and passed on wasn't Nazi race science, it was the broader Edwardian/interwar philological raciology he was actually swimming in, hell, drowning in, considering the Oxford environment. And I find it so, so frustrating how fandom keeps failing to make this distinction: structural racialisation and personal bigotry are not the same axis, and refusing to be measured on one doesn't clear you on the other.
The Southrons/Easterlings material is obviously the part most quoted when it comes to Tolkienâs âproblematic elementsâ except it's imo super telling how rarely it actually gets quoted compared to how often it gets vaguely waved at (except Charles E Mills. I love you Charles E Mills). Anyway âBlack men like half-trolls," swarthy, slant-eyed, riding out of the south and east to serve Sauron⌠itâs the same mapping of good-north/evil-south-and-east you get in a dozen other early-twentieth-century adventure texts. And this imo actually undermines the "it's just medievalism, calm down" defense, because medievalism is a selectively retrospective construction of which past you're claiming and which one you're othering, not some sort of static, neutral historical styling.
Tolkien's medievalism is specifically Northern European heroic-elegiac medievalism, the "Northernness" he talks about loving as a kid, and that aesthetic preference is not extractable from the racial hierarchy it produces on the page. You cannot keep the aesthetic and disclaim the politics because as in all art, the aesthetic is the politics, that's what "structural" means as opposed to "incidentalâ, and I just wish that many extremely clever people who understand this in a contemporary sense would allow themselves to feel uncomfortable and look at it in a beloved text.
Jackson's trilogy didn't invent racialisation in Tolkien, hell I think he even softened some of it because the Scouring is straight up impossible to adapt without it being very clear about its politics, but his adaptation does go quite some way make the existing racism legible⌠casting, costuming, choreography and cinematography does the same racialised sorting the text does, and does it visually: Uruk-hai as a kind of grunting brutalised, brutalistic mass, Haradrim on oliphaunts as a fairly straightforward Orientalist boogeyman, and the Fellowship itself photographed like a Pre-Raphaelite fantasy lmfao. Serkis isn't introducing a new interpretive layer with his commentary, hell Serkis was in all those Jackson films as well! Serkis is being very clear about what aspects of the legendarium matter to him, and that aspect happens to be the whiteness of it all. And I genuinely cannot understand why the huge âscandalâ around his comment is not that someone said the quiet part, but that saying it out loud is what became the scandal, taken as some kind of transgression against Tolkien and all his readers with Good Politicsâ˘ď¸, rather than the quarter-century of adaptations, readings, and analysis of the text that wordlessly encoded the racism and got called faithful and dedicated for it.
I didnât want to go to author is dead territory but. Fandom discourse keeps reaching for authorial intent as the arbiter of textual meaning in exactly the way most of these same people would reject in any other context. Everyone is a massive New Critic the second the author in question is someone they love. But Tolkien doesnât need to have consciously intended a racial hierarchy or a white nationalist mythology for the text to functionally produce one, for it to be so loved by conservatives and ethnonationalists who come fifty years after his time.
Intent is not even a contested position in literary theory, it's just the very basic understanding that "text has ideology independent of authorial intent". The insistence on relitigating Tolkien's personal feelings as though that settles the structural question is wild to me, and I find it so extremely unproductive how liberal fandom reaches for this constantly, repeatedly chanting Tolkienâs few vaguely liberal statements that read far less liberally in context. But I guess the alternative, ie reading the actual construction of race in the legendarium on its own terms, requires giving up the fantasy that the thing you love is politically inert. And itâs just so sad man. Like I fucking love the legendarium, and I think insisting on its moral purity is the worst thing you can do to it.
I think my entire argument can be summed up in a few questions. Why do conservatives keep saying "I love Tolkien" completely unashamedly, in a way they donât realy say about most other âcanonicalâ twentieth-century texts, while we on the left have to perform a whole apologetic dance before we say it? What is it that they embrace about the text, that we have to occlude in order to express an unproblematic âloveâ? Why do we have to disavow parts of a text to claim we love it? Who are we performing to? What are we losing in focusing so hard on this performance?
This is why the Serkis-style comment, or the Rings of Power casting discourse, ends up being the deepest engagement we collectively get in fandom terms. Because both "sides" of that fight are actually shallow in the same way, just from opposite ends. The right-wing backlash to diverse casting is, repulsively, responding to something absolutely present in the text: a defensive crouch around a racial aesthetic it identifies as being under threat. The liberal-left response, the "just add brown elves" gesture, claims the problem to be one of representation and casting rather than structure, which is precisely why the racial elements of The Rings of Power satisfies no one and changes nothing.
You can put actors of colour in NĂşmenor and Harfoot villages and yet the underlying moral framework of who is coded as inherently noble and who as inherently monstrous, whose skin colour the textual narrative uses as a standin for corruption, stays completely untouched. Again, see my TROP link above, with the jihadi-coding of the villains. Because that framework isn't located in the casting of an adaptation, it's located in the construction of Arda itself and physiognomy-as-morality at the level of the prose itself, constantly present throughout the text. Casting a Black actor as an elf doesn't do anything to the fact that "evil race coded as racially other" is still sitting right there in the Southrons and the orcs, unadapted, undiscussed, doing exactly the same work it always did, and this work takes on a new look in post-2001 adaptations.
So what you get is two adaptations of the same tiresome insanemaking discourse rather than two different arguments: the right defends the racial aesthetic as the substance of their love, and the liberal mainstream defends the fantasy that representation-level tweaks constitute engagement with race. And so, nobody actually produces the adaptation that takes seriously what nonwhite Tolkien scholars have been saying for decades, which is that you'd have to touch the orc/Southron/Valar/Valinor/blondeness architecture itself to ever productively have this conversation. Not diversify who plays the good guys, but interrogate why "evil" in this legendarium has a face and a hair colour and points compass east.
But if the talk about this goes on as it does, and continues between Tolkien the Pure versus Tolkien the Misread, there will never be anyone willing to make that adaptation, and weâll go on forever in a sisyphean climb, where both the reactionary embrace and the progressive denial are just two versions of refusing to read the same damn book. Basically, I think we on the left etc need to stop treating "is Tolkien racist" as a yes/no gate you have to clear before you're allowed to enjoy the books, and stop acting like enjoying problematic media makes you a fascist. We need to start treating the racialised architecture within Tolkienâs world as the actual object of study, same way you'd read imperial romance or Forster or Kipling or Haggard, without needing to acquit or convict the author first.
Which means we have to name the conservatism specifically rather than gesturing at "some outdated attitudes," trace where it comes from historically (the philological Northernness Tolkien grew up steeped in, not some special personal failing that reflects badly on you), and then ask what an adaptation would look like which dramatised that rather than smoothing over it or weaponising it. We have to let go of the idea that critical engagement is disloyalty, and let go of the idea that loving something requires defending its honour. We need to get the resilience needed to engage with the idea that a work can be both formative and ideologically compromised at the same time.
We donât need to resolve that tension into either adoring hagiography or totalising cancellation. If we do, we're going to keep getting âkeep the Shire whiteâ Serkis soundbites and âhooray we cast a brown elf in our we-invented-elf-jihadis show!â news cycles standing in for a conversation that hasn't actually started yet, and ngl buddies I have to say I personally will be biting people the next time I see yet another rendition of the same damn response-reaction cycle start again because everyone, both the conservatives and the left, wants the things they love to be a reflection of themselves, and will twist themselves into pretzels to ensure that remains the case.
The other post is much too big and I still need help with credit card bills and food money. I was able to support my family earlier this year but I'm in between checks, and won't see any money until I finish writing my second book. If you'd like to support your favorite horror author's favorite horror author (not to mention keep a disabled Black lesbian's family afloat), please consider sending me some Good Luck, Don't Starve money!