the collar
I used to feel puzzled by the question:
“what does a collar mean to you?”
I felt the answer was self explanatory —
the collar is what our community defines
as the ultimate form of commitment
a symbol to the world of potential threats
that you are mine
and that I earned the right
to monopolize that dynamic
by marking my territory.
the problem with that
is that i used to hide my deepest insecurities in the depths of the symbolism of that collar
and justify it in the name of our community
that has normalized
that there are no keys to a cuff
I used to think that because of this collar
no one could possibly give you what I do
no one could possibly love you the way I do
and that every time that collar was clasped around your neck
I got the reassurance that you would never be able to leave me
but I could not have been more wrong
as it is not about me
in fact, it has nothing to do with me
and using its symbolism as a form of my own self protection and validation
throws disrespect towards the
beautiful,
vulnerable,
essence of this collar
because you are not my object
and a collar is not a symbol
to fend off the eager eyes
it is a symbol of what it means
to give yourself to me
a permission to let go
in the most vulnerable of moments
in a world where trust is scarce
and safety is unreliable
and this symbol in and of itself
is not unique to me
as you actively choose to give yourself to me
out of the respect of we have with each other
so, back to the question
“what does a collar mean to you?” —
it’s not at all self explanatory in the slightest
a collar means to me that my sub chooses to expose the most vulnerable parts of themself to me
not because they have to
not because I have earned it
but because they feel empowered to embrace
their sense of belonging in my safety
