Really good, but it’s missing something: The capitalist would’ve hired someone else to build the shack for him (someone who didn’t have access to viable means of subsistence otherwise), then he’d claim the grand majority of the sale through his “ownership” of the wood the carpenter used.

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

I was un-ethically polyamorous since high school, when I cheated on my boyfriend without really understanding why it was a problem. Since that spectacular mistake, I’ve been practicing some form of ethical polyamory, mostly casually “open” relationships where we agreed to just do our thing and let the other one know if anyone came into our lives that would change the dynamic of our situation. All said, that’s about 20 years of varying forms of open relationships.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

My current relationship is a 10 year partnership with Reid Mihalko and a 3 year relationship with Sandra Daugherty. I also have a few sexy friendships within my community. While I was far more “slutty” in my younger years, these days I’ve very content and satisfied with these two romantic relationships and my few sexual friendships.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

The easy answer is I’m great at sharing my partners! My primary, Reid, is a HUGE slut, and I also think he’s a pretty exceptional lover. So as long as he honors my boundaries and respects our relationship and time, it’s really easy to share him with other people. I consider good sex to be a social good, so it’s part of my feminism to help him provide as many orgasms to the world as possible!

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

I get jealous. Over the years I’ve learned to handle it, tame it, and live with it, but it still can clobber me when I’m not prepared.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

Jealousy is a normal emotion. It happens, just like sadness, excitement, and anger. And just like I wouldn’t condemn myself for having any other emotion, I’ve learned not to make jealousy “mean” anything about me and how good I am at non-monogamy. I’ve learned to treat Jealousy like a dashboard light indicating I need to check in with myself. Often jealousy is a sign that there’s something deeper that’s amiss. It can be as simple as I haven’t gotten enough alone time, or sleep, or social time. OR sometimes it means I’m missing my partners and need to schedule dates. Or sometimes it can be a deep indicator that I need to do some spiritual searching about alignment with my goals and life ambitions. Regardless, I’ve learned to deal with the superficial pain of jealousy to allow me to dig deeper and do the necessary life repairs.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

I’m fluid-bonded with both of my partners. We get tested regularly and are in open communication about any news that may affect each other’s health. I trust them both to be impeccable with their word and make choices that respect the ecosystem of all of our health.

7. What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

All of my mistakes have been learning experiences, so it’s hard to categorize any of them as bad. If anything, I regret it took me so long to be able to speak honestly and frankly about my desires and expectations of others. I know I hurt feelings and broke hearts along the way because I couldn’t be up front about my discomfort with monogamy. Now I have a lot more confidence in my ability to communicate and the ability of others to handle direct, honest conversation about expectations for both sex and relationships. I don’t let things get too far with anyone before I reveal exactly what’s up with me and what I hope to get out of whatever relationship or romp we intend to enjoy together.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

My non-monogamy is an essential part of my queer, sex-positive, and feminist identities. I consider it an active choice to fight the hegemonic notion of women in competition with one another. And just as queerness is a rebuttal to heteronormativity, I also believe that polyamory can be a rebuttal to white colonial restrictions on sex and family. My body is my own and no one’s body belongs to me. I think white people have a responsibility to educate themselves about how colonialism destroyed many different forms of family structures among the varying peoples we subjugated, and open their minds beyond the white, dyadic, hetero story we’ve been hewing to for generations. Polyamory isn’t inherently radical or anti colonial (just as monogamy isn’t inherently supremacist), but both certainly can be.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

My best-selling sex-ed book, Girl Sex 101 is releasing in Spanish this summer (titled Sexo Entre Mujeres), and my newest title: The Girl Sex 101 Guide to Hooking Up is coming out this fall. Folks can find all these books and preorder the new ones at GirlSex101.com

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Fuck this narrative.

It erases disabled people. The elderly. Children.

It’s classist, ableist, racist, and just wrong.

NOBODY DESERVES TO LIVE IN POVERTY! Period.