Michael Jackson x Actress!Reader
Precis- You thought leaving Michael behind was the best decision you could make. Unbeknownst to both of you, your separation was never accidental. What happens when you both become stars and meet with old wounds and pent up emotions.
Authors Note: Written with Bad/Early Dangerous era in mind, but any era works. Myb for the hiatus...
Tags: Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Forced Proximity, Tension, YEARNING, suggestive, unfinished business, fame, miscommunication
WC: 4.5K
âWhy donât you justâ soul search, yeah?â
That was the last thing you had heard from Michaels publicist, or at least you think it was. Her tone so sincere and sweet, but the words lacked that same sweetness. All words seemed to jumble together after hearing, "you're holding him back more than you realizeâŠâ like a ringing in your ear. Of course you didn't want to believe that but at the time, Michael was just starting his solo career. Everybody knew he had something special about him and that without a doubt he'd make it big.Â
You had been there long before the headlines, before the screaming crowds grew impossible to hear over, before everybody suddenly wanted a piece of him. You met Michael Jackson through your uncle, who worked around the studio and occasionally helped manage sessions for the brothers. Meanwhile you helped get everybody comfortable and accommodated, like a mini manager per say. Furthermore, somewhere between long rehearsals and late-night recordings, Michael had started looking for you first whenever he walked into a room.
Being similar in age, you and Michael eventually grew close, he was calming to be around and in turn, you were there as a reminder that he was young in his fast paced life. Whether it was the studio, the family estate, or just walking down the boulevard, you were always there. Attached at the hip. Maybe thatâs why it confused him so much when you suddenly left. Right when he was going to release Off The Wall, the moment he wanted you there the most for.Â
To be fair, you never wanted it to end like that. It was always in your head to eventually tell Michael how much he mattered to you. Unfortunately, others saw your closeness as an obstacle.
âMichael can't be seen with a woman this early into his career, it'll ruin the facade!â
âYou don't really think yâguys will continue to be buddy buddy after he gets out there, do you?â
âI mean- c'mon- you're you, and heâs, yâknowâŠâ
Despite all this, you stayed. It got to you, of course it did, but you had known Michael for years. You were the same girl who he would sneak off with to the local park and mess around with while still being able to open up about life. You weren't going to be scared off by those who had no idea of your relationship or Michael himself. At least thatâs what you thought until you finally got a glimpse of it yourself. The team started telling you less, when you would drop by all of a sudden Michael either wasn't there or was âbusyâ, and seeing interviews of him and his brothers up on the big screen, meanwhile, you were in the same place.Â
What did you have to offer? You were just a girl who was seen following Michael around like a dog, somebody who happened to get lucky because of her uncle. Nobody known. You were probably only there as convenience anyway, being one of his only friends because you were in proximity, nothing more. Once he meets others, would you be forgotten?Â
Insecurity slowly settled and you began losing hope. You couldn't help but feel as though you couldn't confide in him. Not only because you couldnât reach him but also at the risk of unveiling how you truly felt for him. After months of your spirit being torn down, that image of you and him began to look blurry. Leaving it best to keep more of your space, never noticing how the lack of presence affected him.
The final nail in the coffin was over hearing him and his brothers in the studio at the end of a session. With the mindset of, now or never, blaring in you, you had finally planned to open up to Michael about everything and were just about to open the doorâ âDid you see all those girls man? Practically jumped on us!â You paused at the sound of one of his brothers.
âThe one with the low cut top was about to get it if you hadn't talked to her firstââ
 âDonât be mad she wanted a brother like me,â They bickered back and forth, âWhat about you, Mike? Yâknow they were showing you all types of stuff over there,â All cackling away, you stopped reaching for the handle by then, âDonât tell me you too good to look or touch, weâve all took some back every once and a whileâ One of them teased, âOr are they just not pretty enough for ya?âÂ
ââCourse not Randy, they're all attractive,â Michael softly exclaimed, feeling all eyes on him now.
âSo what's the problem? I saw you staring at the one with short hairâ One of them playfully said âLet loose a little, donât act like you havenât all of a sudden,â You were never one to probe within Michael's love life but based on what you had seen, Michael was one of the only brothers who never participated in such acts and was the most respectful even. It gave you closure to know that you potentially had a chance. Again, potentially.
âLike when you danced with that stacked girl for nearly an hour!âÂ
âOr like when you kept sneakinâ away to talk to that hussy after showsâŠâ Tito piped
It was then insecurity settled deep, you weren't famous, you weren't out there like those girls, nor did you think you had anything special. Being a constant in Michael's life now seemed harder to visualize. Just like when you were younger, he was always moving, meanwhile you were always exactly where you were left. He would only get bigger. Did you even have anything going for you? Being so lost in this fantasy of âyoung loveâ, it hadnât even crossed your mind to be something.Â
It was then you turned back, deciding it would be best to set your own path in life. Think of your future more thoroughly. Not in the shadows, not waiting for an opportunity, One potentially without Michael. You had walked away before ever hearing him out.
 âYou guys always makinâ things somethinâ theyâre notâŠâ Michael muttered, âYou know we were rehearsing for fun while everyone else partied, and that other girl was givinâ me advice about songwriting,â Michael quickly clarified, âNever saw âem that way,â
âYeah whatever, should've known that oneâŠâ They all looked at Jackie knowingly except Michael, âCause he too busy digginâ that other fine chick that comes around here,â Jackie half heartedly joked while playfully punching him and rough housing him.
âDonât worry, we respect you for keeping your priorities straight!â Marlon raised his hands in defense, âYouâll get that girl in no time,â Michael didnât bother arguing against his brothers after that, after all they werenât wrong. He held you far dearer to his heart than anyone realized. Always getting flustered and nervous around you despite his onstage persona. It didnât matter how pretty or how well known somebody was to him, they weren't you. Always treating him like any other. Normal. No cameras. No screaming crowds. Human.
But even then, you knew you couldnât leave without saying something. After all those years spent beside Michael, disappearing quietly felt wrong.
âI know this is a bit of a surprise but I hope this finds you well and just wanted to let you know I wanna explore a little, find myself a bit more. I've spent the best years of my life with you Mike and I know you'll reach your dreams. I'll be here to talk if you ever need me! Promise!
You left the note tucked beneath the sleeve of his jacket hanging back at the studio, exhaling shakily before slipping out the backstage door. You felt comfortable enough to leave with the thought that he would contact you if ever needed, or more so cared.
You never noticed the second pair of eyes lingering near the hallway entrance.Â
You should've known to be more cautious. You should've known when that woman touched your shoulder too softly. You should've known that the same publicist who claimed to have a good eye out for you didnât want you there at all. Maybe it's why years later, it stuck with him how you could leave without a word.Â
He could remember the thoughts running through his mind when days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and then years without a trace of you. Spending the first few always asking for you, in his limited spare time, visiting places you both had gone to. Feeling, somehow, abandoned and an endless feeling of grief for years to come. Always fantasizing how you would've reacted when he accomplished something he was proud of. How you would've stayed during those nights he felt the lowest. It didn't matter where he went, it wasnât the same without your proximity. And maybe that's why when he saw you on that big screen he froze. Not knowing if it was awe or confusion. Reminiscing those same moments from what felt like life times ago, once more. You spent years searching for a purpose, ambition, and he could see it.
 Only a couple months before he released Bad, you got your big hit role. While you did find purpose, you couldnât help that little voice in the back that constantly yelled, he never cared. For the first few months after deciding to âfind your pathâ you waited. Every day you expected a call. A message. Something that would prove you werenât as easily forgotten as you feared. But nothing came. Not from Michael, not from anyone. After what felt like half a year, you decided to leave the state entirely. No man came close to replacing what you had with Michael, itâs why it still hurts to know he never tried to reach out.
Even more so that you saw and heard him everywhere you went.
âGod you're going to love this role,ââ your agent came bursting you out of your thoughts, âthey offered to pay three hundred and ten for every five hours, not even counting the paid rehearsal,â she said damn near more excited than you.
You began glossing your lips attempting to mask productivity, âThey must be really desperate if they're offering that muchâ what role is this for again?â you said finally turning to her from your vanity, âBecause Iâm not getting nude for anythingââ
âOh youâ Iâd never agree to have you do that!â she rushed towards you, âBut i honestly can't tell you much either. They personally requested you. It's just some short film, barely even a full script description,â You cautiously looked up at her like you could hardly believe anybody would pay that much for so little time and more. âDonât be so tense, the money's good, and as far as I know,â lightly grabbing you by the shoulders from behind, âa credible production.â You look back at your mirror and let out an exhale through your nose, âI hear a big nameâs on it as well, could be good exposure for you,â Toothfully grinning at you, that made you almost laugh. Your name had already been circulating for years now, but she still said it like you were just starting out.
âAlright,â you said at last. âSend me the schedule.â
It almost felt odd howâ convenient it all was. Your flights were covered. Your hotel was already paid for. Even your meals had been arranged in advance. It felt less like a job offer and more like someone had anticipated every reason you might say no, and removed them one by one. It was as though you had forgotten how sneaky somebody could be.
 It was only a few days you had settled into Los Angeles, and you still felt as though you were being thrown out of the loop on purpose. Still, you barely had a reason to walk away from potentially a big opportunity.
âCmon pick up the paceâ excellentâ just like that!â
A week of rehearsal, you began getting the hang of everything. Chaotic, yes, but it sure felt rewarding. While you still didnât know the specifics to everything, you figured out you were the main lead in a music video. More so, a âloveâ interest based on how you and your partner moved together. He was more so a double for your real lead. Never seeing who you'd actually be performing with until later due to, "conflicting schedulesâ, or something. Even weirder, never hearing the actual song during practices, just an instrumental or beats of some sort to follow. Despite the secretiveness of it all, it didnât affect you all much considering the check.
After a much needed spa day, you were back on the road. You had just stepped out of the sedan with your cheffur helping you out, âOkâ wardrobe check in thirty, after, your first onset rehearsalââ Your agent listed your schedule, already on to work not even ten steps out of the high end car, âOh! Canât forgetââ
âI think thatsâ no wayââ
âIt SO isâ oh my god!â
You were just a few steps in front of the designated set location before you began getting looks and whispers. It was expected considering the set was half a tropical lush pavilion and half cables, cameras and set dressers. It clearly caught attention, even from the distance you were at before entering the building, with hanging lights, floral arches with rosewood and white accents. Whoever the artist was clearly meant businessâ
âPlease can I get a pictureââ A young teen said, You tried to quickly sneak off before any more attention was brought, âWhat perfume do you use!?â Trying to sign as many autographs without staying put, âHow do you feel being on set of a Michael Jackson film!-â Profusely apologizing about needed to get somewhereâ wait, did she just say Michael JacksonâÂ
âCmon, hun, weâre going to be late,â Your agent pulled you away in the middle of processing said information, âAssistants are already waiting for you in the dressing rooms, hurry, hurry!â She said while rushing you away while she went to producers.
Had you heard that right? Michael Jacksonâ filmâ together? Not possible. It had been years since you'd heard from himâ even more so since you were in the same room as him. You definitely would've known if you were working with himâ plus he never bothered to contact you anyway. He showed no means in caring for what you two had, you were now doing better things anyway. Forget him, it doesn't matter. Must've been Samuel Jackson insteadâ
If you weren't so caught up in your head, you would've noticed how you rushed into the wrong dressing room. Quickly closing the door and already deep in thought while pulling your top half above your mid sectionâÂ
âNot quite what I imagined our first time seeing each other again would look like.â
You jolted so hard your shoulder hit the wall behind you. There Michael was, standing near the vanity, staring like he almost couldnât believe it was you standing there. Not exactly amused, nor exactly smiling, just curious and caught off guard. He quickly narrowed his eyes away, flustered with the sight he almost caught.
âOh my Godââ You quickly pulled your top down, mortified, âWhat are you doing here?â you finally blurted. Seeing him again brought a wave of euphoria and a crashing wave of resentment, there he was. The years clearly changed him, and not just physically. No longer that same guy who rambled, twitched with posture, and nervously kept to himself. Despite trying to avoid him, you saw him everywhere anyway. But in person, he was clearly more sharp, steadier. Aware of himself. However, his eyes still had that longing stare that even after years made you avert away.
Michael met your face again, â...This is my dressing room.â You quickly glanced around, finally noticing his belongings around. Feeling the heat rise to your face like you were some dumb nervous teen again.
The silence hit you stronger than ever, you weren't prepared for the emotional turmoil, you weren't even sure you were ever ready to even see him again let alone unpack the past.
âWell Iâm justââ You snapped to your senses, reaching towards the door, âIâm just going to go andââÂ
âYou really disappeared.â
Pausing, back facing him. He soundedâŠhurt? Not accusing or angry, just genuine confusion. He saw you hesitantly turn to him, sharing that same confused look. Slight furrowed brows and frustration slowly seeping into your features. Even as the weight of feeling left behind settled into his chest like it did years ago, he still felt almostâ blissful to see you. The years treated you well. He spent years sneaking into theaters just to see you again, despite it all, those screens had no chance to you right now. Your perfume lingered in the air, features blossomed since he last saw you in person, honeyed voice still rang in his ear, it began messing with his head all over again.
âJust,â A slight pause, vulnerably slowly easing in his demeanor, â...wanted to know why,â
Standing in disbelief, your mouth opened and closed trying to let anything out.
âI waited for you.â The only shred of vulnerability you could allow yourself to admit, already regretting what you said.
âSet rehearsal starts in twenty minutes!â
You took that chance to quickly escape before you could ever get a chance to hear his reasoning for never reaching out. It made no sense to you how he could have the nerve to ask something like that when he showed no motion for caring about what you two had, it stung more knowing that you didnât have a right to feel wronged when it was you who decided to leave. You didnât know what weighed more on you, guilt or betrayal.Â
Michaelâs gaze stayed on the spot you just stood, thoughts coursing through his mind on what you meant. Waited?Â
Staring at the door you had just left out of, his stance shifted. For years, Michael was under the impression you walked away because he did something, because you wanted to. At least that's what he tried to convince himself.Â
But that didnât sound like somebody who wanted to leave. His brows slowly pulled together, jaw tightening. He was missing something.Â
You were still shaken up from the encounter from earlier, so much so that thirty minutes breezed by without you noticing. Lost in your own thoughts not even realizing you were all dolled up by now. Outfit consisted of a cream lace tie front top, layered shawls and wraps draped loosely around your waist, soft fabrics cascading unevenly with flower accents. Perfectly matching the scenery around with the bohemian fairy-like outfit. Almost ethereal. Just now realizing that in a few minutes, you'll be in even closer proximity to Michael than you just were. And that encounter alone had you fidgety. If it was anything like your practice partner, it would get personal quick.
Were you in the right state to handle that? You didnât know if you were nervous for the fact that you still had lingering feelings for him or for the fact that he would be able to truly see youâ feel you. In all your years of performing for a screen, none had made you more nervous than this one. No one had made you more nervous than him.
âKing Of Pop incomingâ get on set already.â Your agent hurriedly rushed you. You turned to see him already in front of the cameras getting slight touch ups on his hair. Sighing quietly, you slowly made your way over.
As the instrumental flooded the set, Michael stepped toward you first. Despite the fast paced music, he gently held you. The second his hand found yours, he guided you into movement with practiced ease. Sharp turns. Quick footwork. Controlled. Yet somehow every movement still felt unbearably personal.Â
His grip adjusted against your waist, firm enough to guide but careful enough to never overstep. The choreography kept pulling you closer only to separate you again seconds later, almost teasingly. No hesitation. Like earlier never happened.
Your shawls swayed with every movement as he spun you back against his chest with seamless precision. Each step you both took, with more caress. Faces inching closer and closer, until they painfully snapped back.
A breath caught in your throat. The proximity was suffocating in the worst way possible, worse for the fact it felt as though you were the only one being affected by it. Could he notice?
Michael leaned closer during the next count, one hand sliding lower against your side as he dipped you slightly before bringing you upright again. His expression never fully changed, but his focus had.
It stayed entirely on you.
As if speaking to you through movement, showing you the best way he knew how to express his feelings. Like it was only you two on the floor. No cameras. No crew. Just you.Â
His voice so sensually playing repeatedly in your ears. Your eyes finally met his fully then.
Because suddenly every unresolved feeling from years ago sat plainly behind his stare. Clear set desire and longing, you were hypnotizing him. The same man who thrived on perfection was now having his senses flooded by youâ
âI left because I thought you would leave me firstââ
You quietly blurted out once you got close for him and only him to hear.
âI thought you deserved betterâ
He slowed just enough for nobody to notice, but his full attention was on you as much as he didnât want it to be.
âI left you a noteââ
âAnd you never ended up reaching out,â Eyes averted away, slightly glossed.
There was more to say, there was more you felt. But you couldnât right now, not when it didnât feel safe enough to know if he would play you again.
You jolted out of his hold as much as you wished you could lean in deeper. Now escaping into the crew that were making their way towards the middle of the set.
âFelt so rawâ so intimate andâŠââ
You could hear the director comment behind while you paced to your dressing room for a breather.
âYou ran off so quick!â Your agent bursted in while you touched up your blush trying to distract yourself, âYou two were in full syncââ Pausing slightly, you tried to ignore her while she unknowingly teased and giggled, âLike seriously in sync⊠rubbing all on each other and damn near kissingâ You got up abruptly trying to get the image out of your head, not that she noticed, âUgh, I canât wait to see you out there for the mini reshoots,â ReshootsâŠyou had be in arms reach of him again, âGod all that tension in the air you would think you wanted to eat each otherââ
âLeave.â You suddenly said, not baring the thought of him, âJust leave, please.â Turning to her and slowly losing your sense of self, âRight nowâ I canât.â Turning your back on her again as you went to take a seat at your vanity again, you heard the door click shut. Moments of silence that made the room seem small. Closing your eyes just to imagine you werenât there.
Till you heard another clickâ
âIâll be back I just need a breatherââ Your words caught in your throat the second you turned around.
Michael stood still, like heâd been there the entire time you werenât looking. Those same eyes that said more than anything right now.Â
âI tried chasing you,â Not knowing if he meant in the past, now, or both. âIf I had a way to reach youâŠI would've." Quietly said. Like it cost him something to admit. Your breath stalled.
âI figured losing me just didnât matter that much to you.â You slowly stood, forcing yourself to stay steady even as your chest tightened. Trying to not believe him so easily.
Michael was never good with wordsâ or being vulnerable at all. But he wanted to, for you.
âI kept lookinâ for you in crowds for a while.â He slowly stepped closer, testing the waters.
âYou keep lookinâ at me like Iâm a stranger.â Hiding how truly hurt he felt.
You stayed silent, not quite finding the right words yet but not backing away from him.
âYou think I didnât look for you?â he said quietly. âYou donât know what I was left thinkinâ.â
He was close now. Too close for either of you to pretend this was still distant. A pause. The kind that says too much without words.
âYouâre really gonna stand there and act like none of it mattered?â he asked softer.
âYou couldâve found me.â Finding ways to resent him.
He looked at you for a long moment before speaking again, quieter this time.
âAnd if I did⊠what was I supposed to say to you when I thought you abandoned me?â
That stopped you. Guilt eating away at you at the thought that he thought you left because you wanted to.
He shook his head slightly, almost like he was frustrated with himself more than you. He wanted closure, confirmation it wasn't in his head.
âSay you didnât miss me.â
Something in your expression broke before you could stop it.
You closed the space between you first.
The kiss wasnât gentle at first, more like relief that had nowhere else to go. Only taken aback for a second before he reacted. Like heâd been holding his breath for years and finally forgot how to stop.One hand came up to your face like he needed to confirm you were real. The other stayed at your waist, careful, like even now he was still trying not to lose you. You reached for his neck, feeling as though it was the closest you could possibly have him. Even after years of him longing for you, he held back his hunger for you, letting out only small grunts. Always thinking of you first.
When you finally pulled back just enough to breathe, neither of you fully let go.Â
âI tried. I really tried to move on.â Muttering quietly to him while he held you closer, âIâm sorryâ I donât know what I was thinkââ
âIâm right here.â He assured you, quick to not let you think this was on you. He too felt guilty for not fighting hard enough for you.
âI wonât let you go this time.â He leaned in this time, slow enough that if you wanted to stop him you could.Â
And for the first time, there was no confusion left between you. Only everything you both had been holding back.
King Of Pop and Hollywood Royalty seen SNEAKING off toâŠPARK!?
Soooo how we feelin with vampire MJ next...reblog with black heart if yall open to it! :D Finished this at night while having a graduation to attend in less than 5 hours LMAO Plz criticize me I'd love to know how I can get better as a new writer, TYSM FOR THE LOVE