blort

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

It's dumb as hell that tumblr won't let you reblog posts from deactivated blogs that had you blocked. Like. Clearly I'm the superior blog here I'm the survivor I should be able to pillage and plunder whatever I like from them

You people are bullies

are you mad at me

so you are mad at me? :(

and now knowing that, I am certain that the only reason you should be around a keyboard is if one was being used on you as a bludgeoning instrument

are you mad at me too :(

did they ask for your nsfw headcannons?

everybody wants to know my NSFW headcanons

See,this right here is the problem. You assume that they just do. But I am included in everybody,and am not in the mood for nsfw headcannons.

are you mad at me

They offered me a job as a fucker. Yeah you heard me right, a fucker. Job is to fuck things. Boss points at something and says fuck it, I fuck it. That's my job. And I'm damn good at it. Pays like dirt and wears on the mind. Wears on the mind.