huh whuh

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

cake is such an underappreciated band. i can’t believe we brought back low rise flare jeans before we brought back cake in the top 40

i’m just saying cake’s music would be widely regarded as so sexy if it wasn’t for all the mariachi horns and vibraslap and the vocalist didn’t always sound like he was explaining his suicide plans to a gun store clerk in sacramento. the world wasn’t ready for them

The fact that it sounds like a dispassionate reading of a terrorist manifesto is a feature

Do not fall for the grindset mentality; jerk off and eat a hot pocket to recover spiritually

You just don't get this on other sites

waking up two hours early for my job as a gacha character to put on my three discrete hair ornaments, four layers of clothes, eight-square-inch armor plates affixed to my clothes at random, various ribbons and straps that do nothing but encircle my thighs/upper arms, choker, and multi-layered gloves. however I forget to affix dangling tassles everywhere and am sacked immediately for my carelessness

Disney is doing crazy things in the japanese mobile game sphere rn

Advanced maneuvers

Schmovement

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

I'm gonna get phthaloplasty. Oh yeah my shit's all gonna be a serene sea green, or perhaps a tidal blue

i have wasted so much time becoming nothing