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The Full "I Will Love You." Letter. The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket

Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope.

I will love you with no regard to the actions of our enemies or the jealousies of actors. I will love you with no regard to the outrage of certain parents or the boredom of certain friends. I will love you no matter what is served in the world’s cafeterias or what game is played at each and every recess. I will love you no matter how many fire drills we are all forced to endure, and no matter what is drawn upon the blackboard in a blurring, boring chalk. I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table. I will love you no matter what your locker combination was, or how you decided to spend your time during study hall. I will love you no matter how your soccer team performed in the tournament or how many stains I received on my cheerleading uniform. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you if you cut your hair and I will love you if you cut the hair of others. I will love you if you abandon your baticeering, and I will love you if you retire from the theater to take up some other, less dangerous occupation. I will love you if you drop your raincoat on the floor instead of hanging it up and I will love you if you betray your father. I will love you even if you announce that the poetry of Edgar Guest is the best in the world and even if you announce that the work of Zilpha Keatley Snyder is unbearably tedious. I will love you if you abandon the theremin and take up the harmonica and I will love you if you donate your marmosets to the zoo and your tree frogs to M. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them. I will love you as the pesto loves the fetuccini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, as the tempura loves the ikura and the pepperoni loves the pizza. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you as the doctor loves his sickest patient and a lake loves its thirstiest swimmer. I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness in the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged print of the document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written. I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a child loves to overhear the conversations of its parents, and the parents love the sound of their own arguing voices, and as the pen loves to write down the words these voices utter in a notebook for safekeeping. I will love you as a shingle loves falling off a house on a windy day and striking a grumpy person across the chin, and as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey. I will love you as an airplane loves to fall from a clear blue sky and as an escalator loves to entangle expensive scarves in its mechanisms. I will love you as a wet paper towel loves to be crumpled into a ball and thrown at a bathroom ceiling and an eraser loves to leave dust in the hairdos of the people who talk too much. I will love you as a cufflink loves to drop from its shirt and explore the party for itself and as a pair of white gloves loves to slip delicately into the punchbowl. I will love you as a taxi loves the muddy splash of a puddle and as a library loves the patient tick of a clock. I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. I will love you as a battlefield loves young men and as peppermints love your allergies, and I will love you as the banana peel loves the shoe of a man who was just struck by a shingle falling off a house. I will love you as a volunteer fire department loves rushing into burning buildings and as burning buildings love to chase them back out, and as a parachute loves to leave a blimp and as a blimp operator loves to chase after it. I will love you as a dagger loves a certain person’s back, and as a certain person loves to wear daggerproof tunics, and as a daggerproof tunic loves to go to a certain dry cleaning facility, and how a certain employee of a dry cleaning facility loves to stay up late with a pair of binoculars, watching a dagger factory for hours in the hopes of catching a burglar, and as a burglar loves sneaking up behind people with binoculars, suddenly realizing that she has left her dagger at home. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a glass of brandy to calm their nerves, and as a glass of brandy loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of glass shattering loves to make someone else gasp, and as someone else gasping loves a nearby desk to lean against, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and reveal a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and until all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. I will love you until every fire is extinguished and until every home is rebuilt form the handsomest and most susceptible of woods, and until every criminal is handcuffed by the laziest of policemen. I will love you until M. hates snakes and J. hates grammar, and I will love you until C. realizes S. is not worthy of his love and N. realizes he is not worthy of the V. I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple, and until the apple hates a tree and the tree hates a nest, and until a bird hates a tree and an apple hates a nest, although honestly I cannot imagine that last occurrence no matter how hard I try. I will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before that, and will continue to happen as the spinning hands of every clock and the flipping pages of every calendar mark the passage of time, except for the clocks that people have forgotten to wind and the calendars that people have forgotten to place in a highly visible area. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively. I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from skim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me happens to me as I am discovering this. I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else – your co-star, perhaps, or Y., or even O., or anyone Z. through A., even R. although sadly I believe it will be quite some time before two women can be allowed to marry – and I will love you if you have a child, and I will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty, and I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That, Beatrice, is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.

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enjoloras-deactivated20220821

Okay so Victorian erotica is literally the most heinous, morally bankrupt, horrific shit I've ever read - but I've read a fair bit, partly from historical interest but also because a while back I helped a friend with a university project she was doing about censorship and pornography in 19th century England.

Anyway I need to share with you all the most hilarious line that has ever been written, circa 1887:

prokopetz

I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella's body, and that's why the third priest's penis is described in this way: from the narrator's perspective it literally blots out the sky.

kingarniestar-deactivated202509

me when im a flea

spacefroggoo

witchboxco

stratfordsympathizer

i love when ppl draw elias bouchard wearing like anachronistic ass emerald green waistcoats and a monocle in their fanart bc it makes s1 so much funnier to think about. like you know what? yeah actually if i was jonathan sims and my fucking freak of a boss dressed like that and did an evil monologue voice at all times and paid me to read ghost stories in his basement all day, i would also probably be like "yeah this is a deeply unserious job and i am the only normal person here. sick paycheck tho" and then clock the fuck out without ever thinking about those fuckass statements again!! like what are we dunking on him for!! who would chalk that up to anything other than "my weirdass boss has clearly taken his eccentric edwardian magician LARP too far but goddamn if that check doesn't come in every month"

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37silovs

Adolescence (2025)

mariemariemaria

how ironic that one of the main criticisms of the school system in adolescence is how teachers would just stick on a video for the kids to watch instead of actually teaching them, and now all the talk from the government is about how adolescence should be mandatory viewing in schools. like are you actually gonna teach them anything? are you gonna do anything to deradicalise boys? are you gonna invest in youth and mental health services? are you gonna pay teachers the money they deserve? are you gonna do anything about the hate speech that gets spread online? are you gonna make sure parents are better supported and actually have time to spend with their children? no? i mean why would you do any of that when you can just stick on a tv show. jesus christ

thatsmybook

What was interesting to me as a parent was watching how in episode 4 we see the father mirroring Jamie's behaviour in episode 3. It's in so many subtle and more obvious ways.

The way that hour of t.v. in episode 4 is slow so that we can steadily watch the father and watch how closely his wife monitors his emotions so that she can step in to regulate them for him. She pushes her emotions aside to monitor his because his potential to blow up and get violent verbally or physically is potentially dangerous for her and her daughter.

Jamie switches from screaming to apologising in episode 3. Then we see the father apologise in episode 4 for spilling the water from the bucket after blowing up at his wife. He apologises for the wrong things. His son does the same.

His father hasn't shared with his wife what he saw Jamie do on the video and she says he shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. In the same way Jamie hasn't spoken to any of his family about how he and his friends have been bullied at school - spat on and ridiculed in real life and online.

Episode 4 is so fascinating to me. Watching each person's individual roles in relation to each other in that regular family. Lisa especially monitoring the emotional state of her parents, so that she can intervene to soothe them or distract them to calm them down. She does the same with Jamie on the phone and still claiming Jamie as theirs. The parents think they've raised their kids the same. But they themselves have gendered roles in the family. The kids have mirrored their mother and father respectively.

cornyonmains

So, I finally got around to watching Adolescence on Netflix and now I see why the manosphere is in full on damage control mode. This show did its research and did SO MANY things right because of it.

Firstly, they didn't have Jamie cartoonishly espousing his beliefs like a cartoon supervillain, because they did their research, and knew these boys are being carefully taught by the adults in the manosphere to hide their power level. They showed the full reality of what Jamie had become under the tutelage of the manosphere by letting their teachings silently guide his actions.

Second, they almost completely removed Katie from the conversation. That was so important because men would have jumped all over that to devalue the messaging by calling it another piece of feminist trash centered around women. Men were center stage in this, portrayed in respectful honesty, flaws and all.

Jamie's dad was legitimately an alright dude, but he had his family walking on eggshells with those tantrums of his, and I imagine the truth of that was such an uncomfortable but necessary glimpse in the mirror for men. My brother has never laid hands on a woman in his life either, but he has that same inability to emotionally regulate when he gets angry, and I think it was important for men to see what it looks like for the people around them to deal with. By centering the male experience in an honest way, in making a piece of media men might not completely dismiss outright, they get to see what they look from the point of a spectator's view, and that's so goddamned important.

Third, they left a lot of stuff about the Red Pill confusing and vague. This is going to spur parents to do more research, which is so fucking necessary, and it's going to keep the manosphere from saying, "Well, this and this and this is completely misconstrued." This is important because if we want legislation passed to protect young people from the Manosphere, we need to focus on the long term damage over time done to the psyche, on the actual damage they're doing to young boys, rather than focus on criticizing rhetoric they've got meticulously built dialog trees to defend. We need to build a case that the Manosphere is full of predators absolutely breaking the psyches of young boys for money.

Something I need people to understand is the Manosphere would crumble without adolescent views. If any of them go to meet-ups, you can see pictures with their fans, and they're just awash in a sea of tween and teen boys. It's fucking horrifying. We would do damage this pipeline would never recover from if we remove their access to children.

hierophagy

i find it rather ironic how people are reducing the adolescence mini series to "was jamie a sociopath" and "did katie bully jamie", when the whole point of the show is how the manosphere and the alt-right pipeline is so violent and omnipresent on social medias that a 13 year-old boy who loved to draw and learn about the industrial revolution ends up thinking that women are worthless pieces of meat and that he's "one of the good ones" because he didn't rape katie, he just stabbed her to death.

edit: this post is NOT terf friendly!!!! im a transsexual dyke boygirl get out get out get out

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itswalky

nixscriptum

weltenwellen

Hanif Abdurraqib, "Glamor on the West Streets / Silver Over Everything"

nutmargaret

some spicier tamaharus from my old priv twitter

paranoidghosts

happy halloween! i think venom would go to a miku concert and have the best time of his life

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

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