empty

Why does being in your early 20s feel so much like only having 5 years of your life left in which you need to achieve as much as possible? why do I feel like I have an approaching deadline for success?

in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y'all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!

me, regardless of what i’m doing: i’d rather die 

*uses lol and lmfao to make embarrassing and sad truths about myself seem like a joke*