you are not allowed on the bed. you have a cage of a reason, he was even nice enough to get you a little dog bed and everything, so there's really no reason for you to sleep anywhere else.

he doesn't lock the gate though, just points at it n watches through his glasses while you crawl in and do a couple circles before laying down. you look at him with big wet eyes, floppy ears twitching, and a little whine in your chest. but robby is unmoved, just reaches in to give your side a hearty pat and a ruffle between your ears "you better not make a mess," he warns, "I'll see you in the morning."

but it's barely past midnight when he feels a dip in the mattress. for someone trying to be secretive, you could not be any less subtle. you stumble, fall into the bed face first and crawl up until you're by his face. robby is barely awake, but suddenly there's a wet nose in his neck "jesus christ," he startles, "what the fu—no, off." but you're already drooling on his pillow, sending a wet lick up his face. "I said off, mutt." you head tilts at his tone. you both stare at each other for a bit, and then you sneeze in his face. "you're going back to pound in the morning," he grumbles, wiping his face and turning his back to you. he tries his best to ignore the cold nose to the back of his neck.

pls jack n robby walk in and immediately hear the jingling of your collar from where you're kneeling a little down the hall - he's trained you not to jump on him as soon as he gets home, but you can barely keep your butt down you're just wriggling in place buzzing with energy waiting eagerly for the command to go :(

n robby is so mean about it! he takes his sweet time sliding off his shoes, dropping his bag, hanging his coat, he even goes into the kitchen to get him and jack beers all the while ignoring the whines coming out of you for the sake of showing his friend how well trained you are. you're about to explode by the time he slumps down on the couch and pats his thigh with a "alright, c'mere, pup."

18+ mdni LITERALLY!!! and it drives robby nuts!! he’ll talk to jack like “I’m telling you, man, it’s like— what’s that shit Santos said? Weaponized incompetence?”

and jack huffs and rolls his eyes while he’s actively scratching your head, which is resting sweetly in his lap. “C’mon, Mike, she’s a puppy. She can’t weaponize her incompetence, she’s just incompetent.”