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ever since sofia’s third birthday, things with the band got a little more difficult.

dealing with personal stuff while the band put out an album wasn't any news to you. that's just life, isn't it? besides, your part of the work had become muscle memory after 10 years.

by now, you knew what news channels they should or shouldn't talk to. you knew what advertisement strategies worked so heathen chemistry would stay in the charts for weeks – and you already knew it wasn't that much effort, either, since the world already knew how good oasis were.

one thing you weren't really used to was bonehead not being around, and the absolute headache it would bring. gem and andy were angels fallen from heaven, thank god. it crossed one less problem off your list, since your own brother and guigsy leaving wasn’t that easy to handle.

and, thankfully, you were still you. that made things more efficient, because you were still a bit scary to those who knew you, even scarier to the poor ones who didn’t – in that category, fit some man in a suit that wanted to boss things around just because he thought he had the upper hand.

he clearly felt cocky given the fact his stadium was the one to host the first night of the tour. while you never got tired of deflating the male delusional bubble, no matter the stress that came along with it.

“no, listen.” you cut in, speaking in the same steady tone you always did, not changing if this idiotic man in front of you wouldn’t stop talking. “i don’t care if it’s the stadium’s sponsor. what goes behind them is the band logo and the live footage. if that screen even flickers with a fucking pepsi ad, i’m not joking, we’ll walk.”

“you can’t do that.” he said with an exhale, noticing how serious you sounded and even then not letting his arrogant and misogynistic guard down.

“we can and we will. there’s a clause in the contract, sir.” you said as you walked off, feeling your tongue tingle with the desire to replace the polite addressing with a full mouthed “dickhead.”

some wide eyed roadies’ heads followed as you walked through the backstage area. one of them smartly started to chase you, because there were still some things to sort out.

because you were still the boss, in all your terrifying glory.

your nails were still always perfectly manicured whenever you pointed at somebody, telling them exactly what was still fucked up and how they’d fix it, in that – nearly condescending – dumbed down way even your three year old daughter could understand. except now you’d started wearing skirts more often.

still with the boots, though. always the boots.

“if the lights aren’t sorted in the next ten minutes, i’m—“ you started as you walked, cutting yourself with a huff before something too snappy could come out. the poor roadie, who was nearly tripping on his feet as he made an effort walking beside you without you even telling him to. “not having another manchester situation, yeah? can’t happen.”

across the room, noel was in his own argument. still the chief.

“i don’t give a fuck what the label said. if they wanted the setlist they should’ve written the fuckin’ songs, shouldn’t they?” he said plainly. one hand lazily scratching his beard while the other held a cigarette between his fingers.

you watched him as you walked, slowing down once you realized his eyes also flickered toward your direction. but the roadie’s shaky voice was quick to bring you back into your own conversation. “the tech guys are already on it. said it should be settled in five.”

“right,” you muttered, taking a quick look at the papers in your hand, like they were very important. “i gotta sort… this out with noel. thanks, though.” you said nearly absentmindedly, sounding very focused as you already started to walk again.

the roadie just nodded and went back to whatever it was he was doing, while you walked towards the direction of noel’s backstage dressing room, just a few seconds after he had just entered.

you opened the door already looking for him, and despite already expecting it, you let out a quiet surprised squeal once his hands found your waist and immediately tugged you closer.

the door barely clicked shut before his mouth was on yours. noel kissed you eagerly enough make you stumbled back into the door with a startled laugh that disappeared inside his mouth, his hands sliding to the sides of your cheek as you both smiled into the kiss.

“noel…” you whispered shakily, and he could hear the smile you had on.

he cut you off with another kiss. his hands sliding underneath the skirt that had apparently been driving him insane all evening, grabbing your ass and kissing you even harder.

you laughed against his mouth before his head dipped to the side, latching on your neck as his own body pressed closer to yours.

your head tipped back with a small moan as he messily kissed your pulse point, instantly letting out another breathless laugh once you felt his hand moving beneath your skirt.

“noel…” you tried again, breathier.

he just kept kissing your neck anyway, humming against it and doing it even smugger when his hand pressing over your cunt, dragging slow circles with his palm, pulled a moan out of you. “what?” he taunted quietly.

“n-noel…” weaker now. your hand grabbing his shoulders to keep him there. maybe even closer.

“hm?” he hummed into your skin, tone as unconcerned as his hand slid inside the elastic waistband of your knickers and his mouth finding yours again.

“we’re gonna get caught like this.” you moaned against his lips, lips falling agape at the feeling of the pad of his fingers rubbing slow and steady circles over around your clit.

his smirk only grew against your lips, eyebrows raising in that cocky way as he breathed out, “no one’s gonna walk in.”

your eyes fluttered shut, hands grabbing him tighter as your chest arched into his at the feeling of his fingers immediately pushing inside your entrance. “i’m the chief, remember?” he added quietly, cocky.

you let out a quiet moan that only fueled him on, curling his finger until the tip found your sweet spot. his front pressed firmer against you, allowing you to feel his cock warm and strained inside his jeans.

“jesus, fuck.” he breathed out, his voice coming out rough and amused at the squelching sound of his finger slowly fucking your wet cunt, deep and steady. “y’hear how fucking wet you are, darling? hm?”

you nodded eagerly, eyelids still tightly shut and already feeling a small tear form in the corner of your eyes. “n-love…” you started, trying to keep quiet – immediately cutting yourself off with a gasp at him speeding up just a bit, mouth falling agape and hands grabbing his arms harder.

“seemed stressed,” he murmured. “wanna make you feel good, yeah?”

god, he’s fucking good with his fingers. annoyingly so, even better than what you have fantasized about.

you nodded eagerly, nails digging into the back of his neck, making a smirk grow on his lips despite the slight burn. his brows raised cockily as his teeth nibbled your ear, his tone low and smug. “there she is,” he murmured.

“noel,” you moaned again, needier this time, one of your legs helplessly lifting while your hips involuntarily grinded into his touch.

“yeah?” he whispered smugly. “feel good, darlin’?”

you nodded your head immediately, cheeks hot. which only made him grin wider. “just takin’ care of my girl, aren’t i.”

your lips fell agape, head tipping back as your brows furrowed, feeling the tightness in your lower belly too intense to fight it. “f-fuck, noel… i’m—“

“mhm. proper good boyfriend, huh? feel you squeezin’ me. go on, cum on my fingers, give it to me.”

he knew your body too well already. despite how little time had actually passed, cocky bastard.

you let out a shaky moan, your hands flying to the back of his neck and pulling him in for a messy kiss – a strategy for you to shut yourself up. your cheeks burned with how quickly you felt apart, the sound of his voice calling himself your boyfriend making your orgasm hit you like a fucking trainwreck. you wish you could tell your teenager self about this exact moment. christ, she'd loose her fucking mind.

your tongue kept sliding against his as your orgasm washed through, moaning inside his mouth and feeling his own lips parted in that little smug way you secretly loved, his fingers still fucking you through it.

thankfully, his free arm was holding you firmly against the door as your knees weakened for a moment.

as the intense feeling faded away, your mouth stayed on his, panting while his lips kept placing soft kisses in the corner of your mouth, slowly tracing them to your cheek as you breathed him in.

“jesus christ.” you muttered quietly, breathy and in nearly disbelief. it pulled a laugh out of him, smiling against your warm cheek and slowly withdrawing his fingers from you, absentmindedly pressing his crotch firmer against your thigh, just for a bit of relief.

“you look fit when you’re stressed, yknow.” he said casually, despite panting a little himself. like this is the perfect explanation to why he couldn't go one second longer without getting his hands on you. to be fair, for him, it kinda is very reasonable.

you huff out a laugh at it, closing your eyes and head tipping back. your hands shakily went to his face, sliding your palm down his cheek, absentmindedly cradling him – not really noticing how he was still admiring your expression.

he hummed at the touch, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on your neck, not minding how his body was still caging yours against the door anyone could open at any moment.

he didn’t care, just kept kissing your neck slowly, humming at the feeling of your soft hand sliding down to the side of his neck. “look fit all the fuckin’ time, actually.”

you laughed, hand sliding down his chest. “yeah?…”

“mhm.” he hummed.

you licked your lips at it, already closing the distance once more and not even managing to properly kiss him since you were smiling. "so, ‘my boyfriend’, huh?"

noel huffed out a breath at it, amused. "well. yeah." his nose softly brushed yours, his tone carrying the words like it was as certain as death. you hummed, pleased, kissing him even though both of you were still smirking.

"yeah?" you teased, your hand already sliding underneath the hem of his shirt – making his hands grab your ass and pull you impossibly closer to him. he grunted against your mouth at the feeling of your palms sliding over his happy trail, only nodding in response, a warm breath inevitably leaving his nostrils in a huff and gently brushing your skin as your hands started to undo his belt.

"well... i should be making my boyfriend feel good, too..." your hands fumbled with the button of his jeans, making him smirk. immediately wiping it off his face once your palm slid inside his underpants, feeling the warmth of his stiff cock against your skin as you palmed him. "shouldn't i?..."

he couldn't stiffle in a quiet moan at the feeling of your hand wrapping around him. you smiled against his mouth, feeling him involuntarily mirror it – a smirk grew on his lips at the same time his hands went to your cheeks, holding your face as he breathed out shakily, "yeah?"

"mhm..." you hum quietly, eyes looking into his blue ones that right now were nearly not blue at all. your chest arched into his, a quiet moan slipping past your lips as you felt his pre cum slowly wetting your thumb that slid over his tip with every slow stroke.

he throbbed underneath your touch. and yet, a smug smirk stayed on his lips, hands still cradling your cheeks as he breathed out: "fucking getting you off, isn't it. me... fuck, being your boyfriend."

you bit down your bottom lip, your tone equally as hushed as his making everything feel so much more intimate. and fuck me, so much hotter to you. "maybe..."

his hands grabbed your face a little tighter at it, pulling you into a kiss and filling your mouth with his tongue, slow against yours, and a groan you gladly swallowed with a quiet moan yourself.

then, three knocks on the door.

your hand immediately froze, your eyes widened. while noel's hands remained on your face, a small trail of spit connecting his mouth to yours as he silently threw his head back with a roll of his eyes, before closing them in an annoyance.

"what is it?" noel shot back, annnoyed. his hands still held you close and his needy cock still throbbed under your palm.

"going on in five." the voice on the other side of the door informed.

his head tilted to the side, that silent "fuck my life" gesture. your brows furrowed, eyes closing as you quietly whined in protest, your own head dropping until your forehead rested on his chest.

he sighed, and you immediately knew something reasonable was coming. so your mouth reached out, pampering his jaw with kisses as your hand went back to slowly moving. "already?..." you whispered.

he sighed again, nodding and rubbing his nose on your cheek as he did.

then, your hand reluctantly stilled for good.

"i'm gonna fucking kill this roadie." you spoke quietly, it got a proper laugh out of him. inevitably getting one out of you, too.

then, noel pulled away just enough to look at your face again, his palm slid over your forehead, softly brushing your hair out of the way and letting out a huff at the feeling of your hand pulling away.

he kissed your cheek anyway. "couple more hours..."

"hm..."

then, he kissed your other cheek, properly smiling now. "then... all yours." he said quietly, his hands slipped down to yours, squeezing gently before bringing them up and pressing a kiss against your knuckles.

you breathed out a laugh at it, eyes closing despite yourself. "okay." you said quietly, reluctant, almost. your hands reached out to his hair the moment his fingers went to his trousers, fixing them at the same time your fingers combed his hair back in place. all while he kept a smile on his lips as fond as yours. christ, we're disgusting.

being with noel, you found out that neither of you can keep your hands to yourselves, and keeping this a secret, for now, would actually be harder than you imgined.

you also found out that – at your grown fucking age – the idea of noel gallagher being your boyfriend did your head in the same way it did when you were a teenager.

worse now, obviously. because now, you knew how soft his lips felt like against yours. you knew that his skilled fingers felt every bit of amazing inside you as you could've possibly imagine. you knew that his smell drove you insane and already made you want more of him even while the both of you panted over the mattress, tangled and sweaty and embarrassingly crazy about one another.

you knew that every time his cock pressed over and over on your sweet spot that remained neglected for so long, he'd moan words in your ear that made you hold yourself back from asking him to put a fucking kid inside you.

by the way, it's been exactly one week since sophia's birthday party.

one week of feeling his warmth glued to your back as he spooned you into the best fucking sleep of your life. one week of explaining to a very smart three year old that you and uncle noelly were just having sleepovers even though anais had already gone back to her mummy's.

one week of having noel's hand firmly clasped over your mouth as his cock filled your eyes with tears of pleasure.

one week of finding out he really was indulgent about eating you out, and one week of him calling your ex husband a wanker after you'd told him that colin just... didn't really care about it – before diving right back in, not minding how your arousal would leave his chin and sometimes the tip of his nose fucking glistening.

one week of breakfast filled with more laughter and chatting than usual.

one week of listening to noel rant about how the snow white prince was a proper creep.

one week of rolling your eyes and laughing whenever noel would bend down in the shower for you to wash his hair just because your fingers felt "so much better."

one week of the both of you keeping this a secret. and obviously laughing about liam's cluelessness, not meanly. just because the both of you wondered what his reaction would be once he finally found out.

then, you'd think about how tense the atmosphere was at sophia's birthday with bonehead and noel in the same room and your laughter would fade instantly. it didn't really develop into anything else because everyone there was wise enough to know it wasn't the time or place to air out dirty laundry.

imagine if bonehead finds out that now noel's shagging his baby sister.

noel laughed at the thought, cocky and annoying enough just to rile you up, earning a smack on his chest even though you were trying not to laugh yourself.

so, yes. just one week. it just is that serious.

that's why you had to keep a straight face while watching the gig from the side stage. you'd done it a million times, haven't you?

except now, you had to bite down a smirk and wear your best poker face when noel would meet your gaze. that's why your chest heaved as you watched him tilt his head back, part his lips and furrow his brows as he played the guitar – the same exact face he'd make with you on top of him moments before he came.

during tonight’s gig, you drank more than you usually do – which is… zero. you liked staying sober in case you needed to step in.

a few years back, you’d allow yourself to properly drink at the after parties, the kind of nights where you’d mostly wander off with your arm intertwined with claire’s, making your way to a random balcony for cigarettes and gossip.

after becoming a mom, however, drinking became less frequent. maybe a glass of wine here and there at the comfort of your own home, or a nice drink at a dim lit restaurant.

tonight, the gin and tonic in your red solo cup slowly disappeared with every little nervous sip you took. and it’s needless to say that it was a very, very bad idea.

because the cup that was supposed to sit on your hand mostly for comfort, a little supportive tap on your back in shape of alcohol, felt more like a punch in the fucking cunt.

because of course it backfired. and all you could do was shake your head at yourself, sighing and thinking “i thought i was smarter than this.”

it was like gasoline to put out fire. and noel certainly didn’t help. he walked off stage giving you a look only the two of you knew what it was all about, dabbing the small white towel over his sweaty neck. the kind of look that told you he couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel, either.

the thing is, liam’s hand found noel’s shoulder the second the group arrived at the hotel, dragging him to the hotel bar and leaving you no option but to follow. forcing the two of you to unfortunately stick around for the afterparty.

and throughout the whole thing, your eyes lingered on him across the room. both keeping a distance because people couldn’t catch on just yet.

the first time you tried to leave, you’d just given noel a look that meant “you go first.” and waited for the magic to happen.

then, a very enthusiastic andy stopped him to talk, and from the apologetic look noel gave you while the bassist was too busy drying tears from laughter, you noticed right now wasn’t gonna be it.

another drink for you, two more for noel.

the second time, you pushed off your chair with a yawn, in a strategic volume and closeness that noel would notice and follow your lead. but liam was quicker, he wrapped his arms around your shoulder, shaking your body and ruffling your hair while teasing: “don’t have to be all boring just cause you’re a mammy now, eh? miss moody.” while nicole shoved another shot into your hands, both with giddy smiles and cheeks flushed.

a shot for you, two more for noel.

you kept looking at him, as discreet as you could possibly be. but the first few buttons of his shirt were open and his hair was a complete mess from the gig. and every time he caught your eye, the corner of his mouth twitched like he knew exactly what you were thinking, the fucking prick.

the third time, he managed to slip away, wandering off with a raise of eyebrows that telepathically said “i’ll be here in the lobby waiting.”

you managed to get a few feet from the exit, when a very drunk claire with a cellphone on her hand told you her ex had called and that they got into a huge fight.

you quietly sighed as you hugged her, patting her back and allowing her to calm down for a few minutes. then, you kindly – a little slurred from the drinks, sure – told her to get some rest in her room. that tomorrow was a brand new day.

while noel, in his all impatient glory, passed by the two of you with his eyebrows furrowed at the scene of you caressing her blonde hair as she sniffed and nodded, half in confusion and half in frustration.

he grabbed another drink.

once claire made her way upstairs, you took a deep breath and walked to the bar once more. you could see noel’s back, sat down on a stool and talking to a man you’d probably recognize sober – stuck in yet another conversation he had no interest in being for longer than 5 minutes.

luckily for both of you, the man walked off somewhere else.

and for the first time since you’re stepped into this place, you two were as alone as you could be. for now, at least.

both of your gazes were facing the direction of the bar. both trying to fight stupid smiles at the realization that fucking finally, we’re gonna go upstairs in a bit.

his head tipped to the side, leaning close enough to your ear. you could smell the alcohol on him, the one that made him a little bolder, a bit more careless.

“that skirt makes you look fuckin’ mental, y’know.” he said quietly.

you closed your eyes immediately. “noel.”

“what?” he asked, and even though you weren’t really looking back at his face, ignoring the warning completely.

you could hear the smirk he had on.

you bit back a smile, shaking your head.

he leaned closer anyway, “makes me wanna bend you over. fuck you ‘til you can’t fucking strut backstage for fucking days.”

you laughed, breathy and embarrassed and turned on. “you’re such a fucking asshole…”

“what?” he breathes out, innocently, despite smirking wider. “you look so fucking good...”

“noel…”

“not even close as how good you look when you’re creamin’ all over my cock, though.”

your chest, heaved. you could feel your nipples hardening underneath your fucking top.

like it has been previously established, it really is that serious.

you licked your lips, fighting another smirk from growing, pressing your thighs together, hands gripping the wooden table from the bar tighter.

noel noticed every tiny movement, they only fueled him on. his voice lowered, mouth so close to your ear now that his breath brushed your skin – innocent to everyone else, but…

“y’think you can keep it on?”

“let’s go.” you cut in, immediately. already turning your body towards the exit and practically marching the fuck out of there.

not even a meteor or jesus fucking christ himself could stop you now.

noel lingered for exactly five seconds, breathing out a laugh as he took a last sip of his beer, his eyes darting down to your ass as you walked before he pushed himself away from the bar. someone even said something along the way, to which he replied an absentminded “cheers” and just kept walking.

you pressed the elevator button and quickly clasped your hands together, looking up at the numbers slowly shifting – too slow, in your opinion – until they got closer and closer to the lobby.

you kept watching the numbers even when noel stepped beside you, exhaling softly in that polite way people do when there's nothing going on here. not at all.

the doors opened with a ding. you stepped in calmly with a inhale. then, noel.

both of you being the only bodies disturbing the stillness of this elevator. both still looking ahead as he reached out and pressed his floor. the door slowly started to close, and your gazes remained focused on the thick metal bars slowly approaching one another.

it closed with another ding.

you turned immediately, his hands found your waist before you'd even properly wrapped your arms around his neck, mouths instantly crashing. his arms now tigthly wrapping around your waist as his feet steered the both of you closer to the wall.

your hands slid up his hair, you swallowed the moan he let out inside your mouth, kissing you harder at the mere touch. his knees bended just enough so his hand could slide up your inner thigh, having an even easier access as you slid your leg up his hip, kissing him back just as eagerly – only breaking it once you felt his palm pressing firmly over your center, shifting your head until your mourh greedily latched onto his neck.

"fuck–" noel moaned, his forehead inevitably dropping to your shoulder. his lips fell even wider apart once your hand palmed his warm cock strained underneath his jeans. "fuck–"

"missed you." you breathed out, your eyebrows needily furrowing as you kissed him, despite him not really kissing you back anymore – his gaze just dropping to your hands fumbling with his belt and getting it undone surprisingly fucking fast, already unclasping the button and tugging the ziper down. "god, missed you so fucking much."

he smirked despite himself, his hands grabbing your cheeks again as he pulled you into another messy kiss. "yeah?"

"you have no fucking idea." you whispered as shakily as your palm sliding underneath the elastic waistband of his underwear and wrapping around his cock. your lips fell agape at the sound of him groaning, needier now.

his mouth pressed against your cheek, hands grabbing your face harder as his teeth involuntarily digged into your cheek. softly, fueled by the smell of your moisturizer, the same one he has been wathcing you put on every single morning for the past seven days – inevitably bucking his hips foward, searching for your touch, sloppy already.

"gonna show me how much you've missed me in there, huh?" he said lowly against your skin, earning a broken moan from you and a shaky "yes" that only made him bite your cheek harder.

his fingers fumbled with your knickers, immediately finding you dripping from him once he shoved the fabric aside and started rubbing taunting, torturous slow circles around your throbbing clit.

the soft sting caused by his teeth added to the warmth of his breath against your warm cheek – now slick with his spit – pulled out a pathetic whimper from you. your eyes were tightly closed, your wrist strained underneath the elastic resistance that couldn't keep you from speeding up your strokes around him.

the elevator shook softly as it stopped, both of you withdrawing your hands away from one another despite still kissing. his fingers were still slick with you as he grabbed your jaw, kissing you harder. your hands tugging him closer by the hair still had a smudge of his pre cum.

you only broke the kiss, reluctantly, once you heard a soft ding. he chased your mouth anyway, not managing to fully close the distance because...

"OH MY GOD."

both of your heads turned so fast it nearly gave you fucking whiplash, meeting a wide eyed blonde that knew the both of you for too fucking long and thought she'd die without seeing this right in front of her eyes.

your mouth opened, eyebrows furrowing as you searched for words inside your throat. your leg still slug over his hip, while his hands were still tangled in your messy hair.

claire stammered, her hand raising and pointing at the both of you the way she did once a movie revealed its plot twist.

"OH MY GOD?!!"

"right. uh–" noel started, even though he had genuinely no clue where that sentence was going.

claire launched herself foward anyway, barely giving you time to react as each one of her arms wrapped around your necks into the world's most aggressive group hug. so tight it made you audibly exhale – the way people do when they're punched in the stomach.

noel immediately tried shifting backwards, because... well. yeah.

she squealed anyway, completely delighted – and oblivious to noel's huge problem inside his trousers – as she jumped and still squeezed your necks tightly.

"claire, i–" you tried.

her sobbing immediately cut you off. "i can't believe this. this is the happiest day of my life."

"claire." you wheezed, hand physically trying to push her away as a flight or fight response. your brain needed oxygen.

she sniffed, pulling her hands off you both only to get her hair out of her own face. "i forgot my jacket downstairs. and then–" she cut herself off with a cry, tears properly streaming down now, her brows scrunching up in genuine emotion as she placed her hands on your's and noel's shoulders, shaking you both for emphasis. "oh my god, i can't believe this! you've liked him for so long!"

“okay. breathe.” you said immediately.

“i’m so happy,” she cried again, wiping her face and completely ignoring you.

noel rubbed a hand over his face, his shoulders shaking from laughing now, completely amused. “christ.”

"claire, listen–"

she cut in immediately, “OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU TWO GONNA SHAG RIGHT NOW?”

you blinked.

"CLAIRE?" your tone incredulous.

"yes." the only male voice in the room spoke, completely simple.

you glared at him, while claire broke down again. the way a girl does once her best friend finally gets the boy.

"OH MY GOD. GO!" she started, waving her hands in a get out of here gesture, holding the elevator doors that were about to close again, “OH MY GOD. GO. PLEASE GO!”

you laughed despite yourself, eyes falling shut while you stumbled into noel's feet, who had already taken your hand into his and walking out of the elevator, shaking his head while laughing.

"are you gonna be okay?" you asked, looking over your shoulder as noel made you walk, peeping first her hands appearing from inside the elevator – still shooing the both of you away - followed by her head, still crying.

"yes! PLEASE DON'T WEAR CONDOMS!"

noel breathed out a laugh deep from his chest as his hand clumsily unlocked the door with his card.

"PLEASE MAKE BABIES!" she yelled from the other side of the hall, the elevator closing at the same time the bedroom’s door opened, just to shut exactly two seconds later.

the only sound filling the bedroom was your laugh, breathy and drunk as you walked further into it, stumbling over your own feet, shaking your head, amused at everything that had gone down.

"she's out of her mind." you said, almost to yourself.

the room was dark except for the dim bedside lamp that had been left on, just because you told him how you thought the soft yellow light made the room feel more comfortable one night back at your place. his hands were stroking your hair and your voice was quiet in order to not disturb the girls with heads right over your laps, blissfully asleep while an animated movie was playing quietly in the background.

noel lingered by the door, watching you. his blue eyes droopy, a small smug and fond smile permanent on his lips.

you were a happy drunk, giggling even at the wind that blew by – always have been.

he remembers the first time he had seen you get properly drunk, at sixteen. how that was one of the first times he had to brush off the way his heart did that funny thing whenever his name came out of your smiley lips. the same smile that light up your whole face, more rare in the sober moments. you'd save it for the moments where him or liam said something so daft you couldn't physically hold it in.

he remembers holding your hair back in a ponytail when you inevitably had to vomit it all out, caressing your upper back for comfort. he remembers telling his drunk brain to fuck off at the realization of how soft your hair felt underneath his hand.

he remembers the streets spinning. maybe from the drinks. maybe from something else he didn't want to acknowledge.

he remembers the way home, the sound of your and his adidas trainers stomping down the same street where you'd become friends all those years ago. he remembers how his head already hurt at the iminent nagging from his then girlfriend the next day for ditching her – rightfully so.

but he remembers that same worry fading away at the sight of you wearing his jacket, the one he had insisted on you taking.

he remembers thinking he's daft.

he can't even remember her name now.

back then, he remembers thinking you were the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

right now, when you turned around and met the sight of him – still standing by the door, still watching you – his thoughts were the exact same.

your laughter slowly died in your throat, shoulders softly dropping from the intensity he was looking at you. "what?" you said, barely above a breath.

he slowly pushed himself off the door, unhurriedly walking closer. your chin tipped upwards once he stood right in front of you, gaze dropping down to his mouth while your chest started to heave.

for a second, neither of you spoke. his palms found your cheeks anyway, thumbs brushing along your skin. “wanted you for so long.” he said quietly, rough with adoration.

your breath caught in your throat at his words. his eyes flickered over your face, catching every small reaction. he was so close his nose brushed against yours, sharing the same shaky breaths.

“so fuckin' long.” he added under his breath, more to himself than anything.

you found yourself moving closer without thinking, drawn in. your hands slid up his chest, feeling his heart hammering underneath the touch the same way yours did.

you leaned in first, lips already parting for his tongue to claim yours the way it has in secret for these past week. his hand sliding to the back of your neck, then upwards until his fingers tangled inside your hair, stopped you. firm and possessive enough to pull a moan out of you.

he watched the way eyebrows needily furrowing, how your eyes filled up from how badly you wanted him right now.

his mouth hovered over yours for another few seconds before his head tilted, lips parting right over your pulse point. the kiss started slowly, making your breath break into the quietness of the room and immediately pulling a groan deep from his chest – at the helpless little sound you'd just let out, at your taste, at your smell. at you. after wanting it so badly he thought he'd die from it more times than he could count.

his mouth got greedier at the realization, messier. your hand went to his shoulder immediately, gripping him like your knees had lost all strenght. “noel...” you breathed out.

he let out a low laugh against your skin. “mhm,” he murmured, voice rough as his mouth shifted even closer to your ear, almost taunting. “i know.”

you moaned quietly at it – his voice, his smell, his mouth. him. your eyes closed at the feeling of his teeth sinking into your neck. hands grabbing him tighter, pulling him closer.

then, his head shifted to the other side of your neck. kissing your bare skin with the same intensity, same hunger. “look at you.” he whispered by your ear. “can't believe you're mine.”

your throat tightened instantly, another moan being pulled out from you like those words were a punch in your chest. your head tipped back slowly, chest arching closer to his, your fingers curled into his shirt and you spoke before you could even stop yourself. “say it again,” you whispered.

his mouth twitched, a small breath leaving his nostrils, almost overwhelmed by all of this. “you like hearin’ that?” he teased, like he wasn't as close to loosing it.

then, he shifted. guiding you until the edge of the bed caught you behind your legs. you sank onto it, still looking up at him. he didn’t look away as he followed you down, watching your back slowly settle on the soft mattress while his knees sunk settled right between your spread thighs.

your elbows kept you propped up, in the right position to be able to watch him taking your right calf into his hands.

without a word, his hands slid down to the zipper of your boot, dragging it down slowly – still not pulling his eyes off from you. the soft sound of the metal seemed loud in the quiet room, only filled by the sounds of your breathing. he dropped the brown and high kneed leathered shoe to the floor, the wooden heel collapsing on the carpet with a soft thud.

he leaned closer to your ankle, placing a unhurried and wet kiss there. "mine." muffled, shifting his mouth further up until it landed on the soft flesh of your calf, giving it the same teasing treatment. his eyes still on you. "mine."

then, a wet kiss on your knee. one of his hands moved towards the hem of your skirt – already hitched up – and slid underneath the fabric. his palm fondled your thigh slowly before it shifted to your other leg. he gave your flesh the same possessive squeeze before he started undoing remaining zipper, still teasingly patient. "mine."

his grip was firm, the calloused pad of his fingers got rid of the other pair. he only broke the eye contact as his peripherical vision caught a glimpse of the mismatched sock. old habits die hard. he huffed out a small breath at it before leaning down and kissing your ankle the same way. "mine."

then up your calf. "mine."

then your knee. "mine."

his hands slid higher, letting go of your knee, palms flat as they ran up your bare thighs, pushing your skirt up and groping your thighs like he had earned the right.

he tipped his chin toward your direction. "take it off," his voice rough and commanding, sitting back on his heels, hands moving to the buttons of his own shirt.

you licked your lips, hands shaky as you reached for the hem of your top. you pulled it over your head, discarding it blindly onto the floor. the cool air hit your skin, but all you could feel was the heat of him.

the fabric parted and revealed the sight you could never get tired of. the soft patch of hair on his chest, the way it raised and fell just because he was in your presence. blue eyes still locked on yours.

his chin tipped up and down again, quietly commanding you before he made himself fully clear. "everything."

you reached behind your back, unhooking it and letting the straps slide down your arms. the moment you dropped it, his eyes tracked the movement, all while his hands went to the button of his pants. shaky as it slowly came undone. unhurriedly gettind rid of the fabric until he was just in his underwear.

he leaned down, your breathing stopped the moment he took your hand – despite the familiarity by now, every touch still felt electric. his fingers wrapped around your wrist and guided your hand down until it was pressed right over his hard cock strained by the fabric.

you moaned, fingers involuntarily curling around him. he let out a harsh, ragged breath through his teeth, leaning over you until his chest was brushing against your bare breasts.

"this is what you do to me," he whispered, his voice vibrating against your lips, thick with an agonizing amount of restraint. "always have."

"noel, please," you moaned, the words coming out as a needy whine. your hips instinctively shifted upwards, desperate for the friction, desperate for him to soothe the ache between your legs. "kiss me... please..."

he didn't answer with words, only a moan passing through his parted lips – smug and needy all at once. his hand slid under your skirt, fingers hooking into the waistband of your underwear and dragging them down your legs without even looking, slow and smooth, before tossing them carelessly to the side.

your skirt was still bunched around your waist, and he didn't kiss your mouth yet. he hovered just inches away, letting you feel the heat of his breath, letting you writhe beneath his weight as his hands slid down to the elastic band of his underwear, tugging it down and immediately wrapping his palm around his free cock, guiding himself until his wet tip was pressed against your entrance.

you gasped the instant he slowly pushed in, eyebrows furrowing needily as you watched his lips part in pleasure. a broken moan escaped your mouth as the slow stretch. your nails digged into his shoulders and thighs wrapping around his hips as he fully slid in. he went slow, until your eyes rolled back.

"so fucking wet," noel groaned, his lips brushing yours. not properly kissing you even after you'd asked so nicely – just because he knows you already won't be able to kiss him back, his poor pretty girl. his hand went to your jaw, grabbing it gently and rough all at once, noticing how your lips fell agape like you couldn't handle all of it.

his tongue slowly slipped inside your mouth, you could feel how his cock twitched inside you at the contact. his hand squeezed your jaw a bit harder like he couldn't control it, a harsh breath leaving his nostrils from the pleasure once his hips finally moved. slow and nearly teasing, pulling a gasp out of you. "kiss you like this, hm?"

you nodded desperately, already feeling tears fill your eyes. he watched your face with sheer adoration, nearly disbelief from the fact that he could actually do this now. your hips twitched, trying to force him deeper. a short huff left his nose at the action, leaning closer like he was about to kiss you again, only to whisper against your lips, pushing his hips back and foward at the same torturous pace. "fuck you like this, yeah? feels good?"

his chest heaved against your bare breasts, the soft patch of hair brushing your skin. "cunt's fucking made for me. taking me so fucking well." he whispered. his tone dripping with possessiveness and lust as he looked down at the vision he'd dreamed about more times than he'd like to admit.

the thought made him shift his hips away and back in, a slow and deep thrust that made your toes curl, legs squeezing his hips tighter.

"yours," you choked out, nails dragging down his back. "please..."

"yeah?" he murmured, shifting his weight to give you another thrust. his hand traveled down your torso, fingers immediately finding your clit. "this pretty cunt right here. all mine, hm?"

the friction was overwhelming, pulling a loud moan from your throat, already too gone to say anything else other than his name. he pulled a breath between his gritted teeth, giving you another deep thrust.

before you could moan his name again, his hand went to your face again. this time, his broad palm brushed strands of hair out of your face. the gesture was tender, but you could still hear the wet sounds of his cock slowly stretching you out. you could feel the soft hairs on his crotch, slick with you by now, brushing your sensitive bundle of nerves every time his hips pressed in.

you still moaned needily, watching every blink of his eye – like a man that still hasn't figured out if this is reality or yet another cruel prank his subconscious was playing at.

he needed to feel all of you, watch every twist in your expression – absentmindedly nodding along every time a sound came out of your mouth, pleased. like he was hypnotized. his fingers shifted until they slid inside your mouth. your tongue immediately swirled around his digits like it was second nature, eyes glassy and needy fixated on him as you tasted his fingers. "my perfect girl. fucking mine."

he picked up the pace at sight, heavier now. his fingers slipped out from your mouth with a wet sound, immediately wrapping his hand around your jaw again. the strenght of his fingers digging into your cheeks made you clench harder around him.

"y'feel this cock inside ya, yeah?" he breathed out, voice broken from the overwhelming pleasure while his slick lips bumped against yours with every thrust. "all yours. 'm all fucking yours."

you nodded desperately, "love it. f-fuck, i love you."

he kissed you greedily just then, because god fucking knows how much those three little words did his head in every single time. god knows how long he's been waiting to hear them.

he shifted closer to your ear with a broken moan. “yeah? d'you wanna do what she said, hm?” he whispered, in that dirty rasp that made your head spin, while hips driving harder into you now. the sounds of his cock fucking your soaked cunt mixed with the skin slapping noises made it all feel deliciously dirtier.

you moaned loudly in response, nodding desperately. while he didn't wait for a verbal answer – his cock deep and relentless. “me filling you up, that’s what you want? stuff this pretty cunt with my cum ‘til you’re dripping with it, yeah?”

you could only moan, eyes glassy and completely ruined by the thought of him filling you up again, the same way he has been ever since the first time.

his fingers digged deeper inside the skin of your jaw, too gone to calculate the force – the right amount that made you pulse around him, eyes blinking away tears from pleasure. the right amount of firmness that forced you to look at him as he wrecked you.

“imagine that,” he growled, breathless as he picked up the pace, his chest slick with sweat now. “all fucking bossy tomorrow when it’s me dripping down your thighs. fuck.”

you threw your head back against the pillow, mind completely blank, completely consumed by the heat of him between your legs. you wanted it so bad it felt like a sickness, like you could die from how badly you loved him. and he was taking what was his, making sure you felt every single stretch.

“they should fucking see you like this, yknow," he taunted, blue eyes glinting with the pride of someone who's been dreaming about this for half his life. "smart girl goes all dumb with noelly’s cock inside her, don’t ya?”

all that left your mouth now was incoherent babbles of his name and "yes" over and over again. he kept driving into you deep, bottoming out with a force that made your eyes roll back. "should... fuck. see how pretty you look taking me. dirty thing." he rasped, teeth sloppily nibbling your bottom lip.

your hands flew to his hair, messing it up slightly as your fingers tightly tried to hold onto it, still short. still buzzed off.

secretly, even though he looked annoyingly fit, you couldn't wait for it to grow out again. so you could finally play out the fantasies you'd had ever since seventeen – in your bedroom, looking at the pictures he had sent back from tour with the inspirals, secretly wondering what it would be like with him like that.

like this, right now.

the thought alone would make you blush, and little did you know it would annoyingly come back even as you were older and married to someone else – around the time they were recording standing on the shoulder of giants and the two nights at wembley. you didn't tell him that either, not yet. god knows how cocky he'd get once he finally finds out.

noel moaned loudly, shaky, at the touch, hips speeding up. "go on. can scream all you want now. that's it, fuck."

a loud moan escaped from your lips, head spinning with how deep he was inside you.

“should’ve told her we weren’t gonna use one anyway, hm?" he muttered, teeth nibbling your earlobe, his breath hot and ragged. "that you let me fuck you raw like this, huh? could fucking die inside you. fuckin' hell, darlin'."

he slammed into you again and again, his upper body pinning you down, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he felt himself loose the last of his restraint. “no fucking chance i’d wear one," his grip on your jaw tightened as his pace turned sloppier. "with this perfect fucking cunt ‘round me. dripping all over me.”

with one last, deep thrust, you came undone at the same time a low groan escaped deep from his throat. spurts of his cum painted all over your inner walls that rhytimically pulsed as your own orgasm washed through. your back arched off the bed, a breathy and needy cry leaving your lips as he filled you up.

for a few seconds, all you did was pant. feeling his heavy body shaking over yours, his weight coming down fully as he let go, burying his face in the crook of your neck, his breathing warm and uneven.

"fuck me," he breathed out against your skin, his voice a coming out in a tired whisper, despite still smiling, droopy and spent.

you couldn't help but laugh too, especially once he rolled onto his side, immediately pulling you with him so you were tucked securely against his chest.

his hands, which had been gripping you so fiercely just moments ago, were now tracing gentle and lazy circles over your hip. you let out a weak, breathless giggle, forehead resting against his neck as the first wave of laziness washed over. "you're heavy," you mumbled, a small, sleepy smile tugging at your lips.

"and you're loud." he murmured, his voice thick with affection. then, he leaned down so he could place a kiss on the top of your head, while his fingers caressed your messy hair.

you laughed, rolling your eyes and shifting closer anyway. your leg hooked over his thigh.

you swore the feeling of his skin against yours, slick and warm, was the most comforting thing in the world. he was smiling, swollen lips from kissing pressing into the crook of your neck and making his way up to your jawline. his touch was light, nearly ticklish – he laughed at you squirming, despite giggling softly just like him.

just two idiots tangled up in the sheets, completely in love and utterly exhausted.

the weeks passed like that. to the rest of the world, you were just the same old, the ones who had been around since the beginning.

to the crew and the press, maybe a bit intimidating when it came to business.

to others, still a sensitive topic – one that had been a big elephant in the middle of the room for a long time, with tension eveyone was aware of, despite never really knowing the real reasons why. and now, just two grown adults who had missed their timing, and were finally okay with it.

but behind closed doors, the unspoken tension that had lingered in the air for years had finally settled into something real. a gentle kind of quietness between two people that had no desire of pretending they weren't mad about one another anymore.

you two knew the secret feeling of rooting for the rest of the party to leave the elevator first, and the thrill that would follow right after – where his hands would pull you closer by the waist and your mouth would curl up as you snogged him back. making up for the lost time every chance you had.

"fuck the security cameras." he muttered as his mouth dragged down your neck one time in budapest.

you laughed, pulling away just to make a point. "we could sue, actually."

he rolled his eyes, already placing a hand on the back of your neck and pulling you closer as he fondly told you to "shut up."

you knew no one batted an eye at the room numbers you had booked. your and noel's every time being the only ones on the same floor.

you knew that, now, the only thing capable of putting a smile on your face while you sorted out scheduling burocracy in your cellphone was text messages from noel – who stood in the opposite corner of the same room, only waiting for your reaction at a cheeky message he had sent.

you’d catch him looking out of the corner of your eye, a tiny knowing smirk would tug at his lips while he pretended to tune his guitar. the rest of the crew around you both completely oblivious to the little digits.

“Look up.”

“Was that bruise on your knee me? might have to kiss it better later.”

“Stop giving me those fuck me eyes. you cruel woman. gonna make me embarrass myself.“

“Need a cig. come. PS: definitely NOT an excuse to snog you.”

“Should be a crime having legs like that. cant wait to bury my face between them later XX”

“Chief said youre working too hard. stop frowning and met me in the bathroom, i miss you.”

“My hair still smells like your fancy shampoo. pretty sure rkid looked at me funny. it will make his brain overheat!!”

── .✦

one night in tokyo, already in the last leg of the tour, the band's plans of getting drunk with sake were replaced with launging around a studio noel had asked you to book the day before –just because he had a melody in his head and couldn't wait until london.

what years ago would have been a polite request somewhere backstage, with neither of you really looking at one another's faces, this time was with his palms sprawled over your stomach, one leg thrown over you while his hand held your one of your tits for mere comfort. while one of your hands cradled his cheek and the other played with his hair.

"you think we could book a studio for tomorrow?" he mumbled.

"hm?" you hummed, not quite catching what he said since you were practically already drifting off.

he licked his lips, patiently repeating himself. "you think booking a studio for tomorrow would be possible?"

"yeah."

a beat. your hand still gently running over his head, his thumb absentmindedly sliding over your nipple.

"i got it." you said quietly, shifting until your body was impossibly closer to his.

he exhaled blissfuly, his arms holding you tighter and his mouth placing a kiss on your temple. "thanks, love." he muttered quietly.

now, the studio still smelled like green tea. you could never grow bored of watching him work, you think. you found cute how whenever he'd tug the strings on the guitar – with the same notes filling the room over and over again until he was satisfied – his brows would still furrow the same way they always have.

it reminded you about that one time he fixed your record player when you were fifteen and he was nineteen, brows deeply furrowed and a frustrated "bollocks" deep from his soul slipped past his lips because the needle wouldn't stay right.

or all those times you'd fixed him and paul sandwiches after the hacienda, still a bit sleepy from the sudden disruption and permanently annoyed the way fourteen year olds always were. where noel would watch your hands with that strange concentration only a hammered and freshly eighteen year old boy would have.

or even that one time noel and paul were in charge of taking their younger siblings to the park down the street, where five year old you grumpily stood in front of him and begrudedly let a nine year old noel tie your undone shoelaces.

he explained step by step too, just so the next time he wasn't around you'd still be able to do it. "you make a knot, then two bunny ears, one goes under and then you pull them. see?"

while just two days before you two had left for tour, you were busy in the kitchen preparating the perfect park-date sandwiches, you overheard him in the living room with your two little girls. he was sat down on the floor right in front of their little legs dangling from the couch, pink sneakers already on even. "right. anais' bunnies are done, ain't them, sweetheart? now it's sophia's turn."

you smiled to yourself at the thought, shaking your head as your gaze went back to the book in your hands.

andy stretched his arms over his head. gem was sitting beside you, talking to claire that sat beside him. liam was on the phone with someone. everyone was done, noel stayed in his little focus bubble no one really dared to pop.

and just like that, after liam pressed the red little button in the cellphone, he managed to convince everyone to come to a restaurant nicole happened to know the owner.

everyone else cleared out with casual goodbyes and "see you tomorrow" once you and noel informed you'd hang back tonight. you swore you could see claire turn her face away just to laugh, immediately patting gem's back as everyone walked out of the door, now very determined to not let anyone change their minds.

the door clicking shut signaled that it was finally just the two of you.

you didn't look up, too focused on the book in your hand and not interested in disturbing noel's music making.

he swore you were his biggest supporter because of that, even back then, when all he had was a dream to songwrite for a living. even when people would laugh and dismiss it as teenage daydreaming, you never did.

you were so into the book you didn't notice him stand up with a sigh, placing the guitar on its stand and make his way towards the couch. your legs stayed curled under you, eyes reading the book that caught your eye in an airport when you landed in japan. the title seemed useful for an inevitable event: talking to the girls.

noel plopped down beside you, his hand immediately settling on your thigh and his face burying on the side of your neck with a heavy sigh. he placed a kiss on your neck before muttering into your skin. "back's fucking killing me." his breath still smelled slightly of the black coffee he’d been nursing all evening, a touch of the mint gums he had been chewing throughout the day, as well. he'd been constantly snogging you, hadn't he? had to keep up.

you hummed in response, head tilting and free hand resting on the side of his head, absentmindedly caressing his temple.

"what’s that then?" he muttered, blue eyes tracking the print on the page.

"it's a book about kids and divorces. we should get prepared for telling them without mess up their heads."

he scoffed softly, nearly amused. "their tiny little heads, yeah." his lips brushing the side of your neck as he spoke, making a small shiver wash over your arms, head tilting involuntarily and lips softly curling up, a bit ticklish. "tell me, then. is it any good?"

you cleared your throat, unintentionally adopting an academic tone. "chapter four says that if introducing a family friend in a new romantic setting, it is essential to establish clear boundaries. the children have to feel secure that their existing relationship with the adult will not be erased by the new dynamic. that the pace has to be according to the kid's comfort level. no sudden shifts in living arrangements occur within the first six months."

noel let out a low, breathy chuckle against your skin, his broad hand caressing your thigh, "fucking hell, you sound like a tape recorder."

you laughed, the serious facade crumbling as you tilted your head back against his shoulder. "shut up. i'm trying to be responsible."

"doing a terrific job, yknow." he said easily, his hand sliding over your leg until his thumb stroked your knee. then, he paused, picking up his head and squinting his eyes at the page again. "can you read in japanese?"

okay, he needs glasses. that information is going straight to your to-do list.

you let out a quiet hum, keeping your face completely blank as you looked down at the english text. "yes."

noel paused, his hand stopping its movement. "really?" his brows immediately furrowing again. god, he's so cute.

"of course not, noel," you said, bursting into a laugh as you turned the book toward him. "this is in english, look. i got it at the airport."

"oh." he muttered, a little sheepishly. then broke into a grin, amused and fond. "smart-arse." his hands found your waist and pulled you until your legs were draped over his lap, the paperback slipping from your fingers and landing with a soft thud on the carpet as you laughed.

your hands went to his shoulders to steady yourself as he tucked you tight against him, his face immediately burying into the crook of your neck. he began to kiss you there – rough and warm and tender all at once, needy little kisses that dragged up toward your jawline, his stubble scratching pleasantly against your sensitive skin.

"missed you." he mumbled between kisses, his teeth gently nipping at the soft skin right below your ear, making you squirm and giggle, your fingers sliding over the short hair at the back of his neck.

"i've been here all day." you teased, still laughing even though his hand slid under your shirt, his palm hot against the bare skin of your stomach.

"hmm. you know what i mean." he grumbled, placing kisses on your cheek. he smiled against your skin at the sound of your laugh. he swore it was his favorite sound in the world.

his hand slid over your waist, caressing your back and allowing it to slowly fall down until it rested on the curve of your ass. you breathed out a tiny huff of a laugh at the gentleness, shifting your head until your nose brushed up and down against his. "missed you too."

he sighed softly, rubbing circles on your lower back.

a beat.

"mad, innit."

"what is?" you asked quietly, hand going up to his face and thumb gently brushing over his cheek as your eyes locked.

he shook his head softly, nearly shy. "us. after all this time." he said quietly, then added, "divorces 'n all that."

you breathed out a laugh, "yeah. i know what you mean."

another beat.

"we're here now." you added, quietly.

a small smile grew on his lips. "yeah." he breathed out, his blue eyes lifting to meet yours.

the comfortable silence returned, but then noel broke it with a small huff of a laugh. you smiled too, even though you didn't really know what it was about. "what?" you asked gently, head tilting.

he shook his head, almost embarassed at the thought while his hand settled on your hip. "nothing, just..." his free hand reached upwards, sliding a strand of your hair behind your ear. "just thinking."

"about?..." you offered, thumb still gently brushing over his cheekbone.

he licked his lips, taking a deep breath in before he started quietly. "there was this one time. don't... really remember where, but i think it was around '95."

"mhm?"

he swallowed, his head tilting as he watched his thumb brushing over the fabric of your skirt. then, his palm slid down the side of your thigh in a gentle caress, before moving upwards again, then down again. like that would make his next words less dirty than they felt like to him. "we'd done this gig... think it was somewhere hot. dunno."

you bit back a small smile, shifting slightly over his lap, mostly for comfort – your legs rested on each side of his thigh, not minding that the skirt's fabric was a little bunched upwards, since no one else was around. he licked his lips again, shaking his head softly as some color flushed over his cheeks, thumb still absentmindedly digging on the side of your thigh at sudden the realization of your position. at the sudden awareness of your clothed cunt warm right over his jean covered thigh.

"just.. you were wearing a black skirt." he murmured, his voice dropping. "then you bent down."

you let out a soft, breathy laugh, your fingers caressing the short hairs at the back of his neck, scooching your hips just an inch closer to his on the leather cushions. "yeah?"

"yeah." he breathed out in a laugh. "couldn't look away. felt like a right fucking perv."

you just kept looking at him, licking your lips and watching him even though his eyes were fixated on your lap, his thumb still working circles into your skin.

"late night in the room was fucking tragic," he admitted, the honesty of it heavy in the air, making the back of his neck feel warmer. "rented a porno. needed it, i think."

you breathed out a laugh, despite suddenly need more friction. "yeah?"

"yeah. yknow what the girl did?"

"what?" you whispered, feeling your heart violently throb against your ribs, eyes still locked on his face as he stared at the fabric of your skirt.

"bent over the table. skirt and everything. had the same hair as you as well," he muttered, followed by a rough, self-deprecating breathy laugh slipped past him, like he couldn't quite believe the memory. "finished before the lad even properly fucked her." he closed his eyes as he confessed.

you bit down a small laugh, a thrill running straight down your spine.

"couldn't look at you proper after a few days. was all i could think about," he confessed, hand sliding a little higher up your thigh. "every time you walked into the room, every time you sat down next to me on the bus, i was just... fucking seeing it. over and over. felt like a proper pervert, swear to god."

you smiled, the warmth in your chest blooming into something dirty and sweet at the same time. your hand moved until your thumb brushed over his stubble. "did it… that time in australia," you said softly, the confession slipping out before you could even think to hold it back.

he blinked, lifting his head up just enough to look at you, his blue eyes slightly dark, his brows knitting together in that familiar, confused line and a nearly boyish smile growing in his lips. "what time?"

"that football match," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. your hips shifted foward once, breathing coming in a little shakier at the memory alone.

"yeah?" he laughed. it came out a bit rough, a little embarrassed as he softly shook his head. "i was fucking fat, then."

"no, you weren't..." you countered gently, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw as he watched you.

"yes i was. was livin' on kfc and fanta." he insisted, a genuine grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, though his eyes searched yours for any sign of a joke.

"well... thought you looked.. really fit." you murmured, your cheeks warming up just a bit, even after all these years, even after everything you’d already shared.

"yeah?"

"yeah..." you replied quietly, hips shifting foward once more. you swallowed down the sudden lump in your throat, "used to think about you during sex."

noel froze for a second before a long breath left him – that rough, shy raspy laugh, nearly in disbelief. "did you?” his hand slid until it rested over your ass, feeling the fabric brush the back of his hand and your muscle softly clenching underneath his touch as your hips moved foward again.

“yeah,” you whispered, a small shy smile on your lips. "just...” – you shrugged – “wondered. thought about it. if you'd look like that while... yknow."

he huffed, smirking. "sweaty?"

you laughed, nodding. your nose brushed his, lips softly bumping against one another without fully closing the distance.

he licked his lips. “did too,” he said simply, quietly.

“did you?” you asked quietly, voice trailing off as your hips shifted instinctively against his.

“wouldn’t let myself think too hard about it, though,” he muttered, his hand gripping your ass tighter now, while his free hand going to his own clothed arousal, pressing his palm over it for a bit of relief.

“felt bad?” you asked, breath hitching.

“yeah. would cum too fast, too,” he confessed, his voice turning thick and entirely unbothered by the bluntness of it now. you two laughed quietly at it, despite the atmosphere slowly shifting.

his free hand dropped down slowly, fingers reaching for the button of his fly, the metallic sound echoing in the quiet studio. you leaned in, lips brushing his ear as you rocked your hips forward in a slow and deliberate motion, your hands gripping his shoulders for balance. a soft moan escaping from your lips at the friction.

he couldn’t help but smirk at the sound, though his own breathing had hitched. "won't even wait for me to get my jeans off?"

you whimpered, cheeks heating up, a small needy smile tugging on your mouth. "noel..."

he let out a ragged breath, despite still smirking. "eager tonight, aren't you?" his head fell back against the couch as his fingers freed himself from the denim with a low groan. "fucking hell..." he muttered, swallowing as he pushed the fabric down, enough to free himself.

your hand slid up the back of his neck, only picking your head up to look at his length slapping against his lower belly – a small trail of his pre cum connecting the tip of his cock to the soft cotton fabric of his shirt – before his hand wrapped around his own length.

his grip was steady as he started stroking himself, as slow as your hips grinding over his clothed thigh. both quiet and nearly shy at the beginning as his eyes stayed glued to your face, watching your reaction.

the sight of him doing it made you dizzy. his lips remained parted and his cheeks slightly flushed as he watched your expression. you let out a soft whimper, fingers digging into the back of his neck.

“y’remember that one time? when we went to that country house to record definitely maybe,” he breathed out, making it all even more intimate. his hand still moving over himself.

"mhm..." you hummed quietly, needy now.

he let out a long, ragged sigh. "that fucking bikini."

you let out a breathless laugh, "you're serious?"

"had to lock myself in the bathroom for an hour. thought about ripping the bloody thing off you."

"i did the same fucking thing," you confessed with a soft laugh, your movements stuttering for a second before you caught the rhythm again, your thighs squeezing his leg as you slid forward and back.

“no you didn’t,” he said with a small scoff, like he was trying to grasp the sheer absurdity of what you were suggesting.

“yes! i did,” you shot back, a breathless laugh escaping you as you shifted on his thigh. your hand reached out, looking at your fingers softly brushing his wrist, tightly closed around his cock. you took in a shaky breath before continuing, nearly shy. “had the room to myself, didn't i?”

noel let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as he began to slowly stroke himself again, feeling his cock twitch inside his hand. “what a fucking naughty girl...” he whispered. a massive, smug grin splitting his face. his cheeks were flushed, but his pride was thick enough to choke on. “fucking hell, you’re only telling me this now?”

“what?" you said quietly, smiling softly, "you just said you wanked in the bathroom thinking about me.” your own face burning as you shifted again.

“but i’m a fucking lad,” he reasoned instantly, as if that explained everything.

you leaned in until your warm face was pressed against the side of his neck, hips moving forward and back slowly. “could... yknow. see it, wet shorts and all. you’re fucking big, noel,” you muttered, the confession slipping out before you could stop them.

the second it did, his grin turned so smug you wanted to bite it right off his face, brows shooting up as he muttered quietly "yeah?"

before he could open his mouth to give you another smart-arse reply, you pulled your hand away from his neck, bringing it to your mouth. you quickly gathered a small amount of saliva and let it pool right over your palm, immediately guiding it towards the head of his cock.

he was already slick with a heavy bead of pre-cum, but the second your slick hand wrapped around his cock, his head dropped back – fingers digging deeper into the flesh of your ass and making you grind harder over his thigh. “i had loads of fucking hormones, you prick. had to stop looking at you.”

noel let out a strangled "fuck," hips jerking up involuntarily at the feeling. then, he breathed out a tiny, shaky laugh. “y'were an adult already, you twat.” he grunted out, still trying to hold onto the smugness, to the fond teasing – like he wasn't minutes away from spilling all over your hand. his fingers dug so hard into your hip it was going to leave a mark, and all you could do was keep your rhythm steady.

“i wasn’t getting that much sex, though,” you whispered, leaning down until your lips were just brushing against the stubble of his jawline. “not like you. you had girls hanging off you every night of the week. i was just sitting there, watching you write, wondering what it would feel like if you ever looked at me the way you looked at them.”

“fucking hell…” he groaned, his eyes closing as you gave him a particularly tight stroke, your thumb catching on the sensitive spot just below his head. “just wanted you. fuck, wanted you so bad. should’ve just fucking... shagged.”

“can you imagine?”

“yeah, fucking can,” he rasped out. his free hand slid under the hem of your shirt, his palm clumsily bypassing your bra to cup your breast. kneading it, thumb sweeping over your nipple the way he knew would pull a whimper out of you, your hand pathetically stuttering on his cock for a second.

“tell me...” you breathed, voice breaking as the tension between your thighs grew, moaning needier at the feeling of his mouth latching on your neck.

"wanted to sneak inside your room. or just take you right there.” he muttered against your neck, biting down gently before he began to suck, marking you, leaving a hot, damp mark that would be impossible to hide from the lads tomorrow. “wanted to kiss you fucking stupid. then fuck you right.”

his hand kept fondling your tits as your breathing became shakier, more jagged. your hips kept riding his thigh, his name coming out broken from your lips.

“wanted you so bad. wanted to fuck you so bad, every fucking day. drove myself mental thinking about it.” he murmured.

“noel… please,” you whined, your hand still stroking his cock, but your pace was getting sloppier.

“think we’d be like today?” he whispered, breathing ragged now, his forehead now pressing against yours so you were forced to look directly into his blown-out eyes. “fucking every time we get the chance? in the back of vans, dressing rooms, studios while the lads are out getting a drink?”

you couldn't even answer, just let out a broken little nod, lips moving in the shape of a "yes" even though no sound would come out other than moaning.

“you’d let me put a baby inside ya back then?” he asked, the question coming out completely stripped of any pretense or pride. he just needed to hear it, he needed the answer to something his brain always wondered. “if i’d told you to lay back on the bed… you’d have let me come inside ya?”

“yes,” you cried out softly, back arching as you desperately nodded.

“would see you under me. close my eyes and that’d be all i saw. fucking pathetic, couldn't even look his oldest friend in the eye because he was too busy dreaming about fuckin' her brains out.”

you whimpered his name, hand getting limper around his cock as you felt the tightness in your stomach grow.

“memorized the way you said my name. when you were angry at me, thought about it. thought about how you’d sound like when you were coming on my cock.”

“f-fuck, k-keep... keep talking,” you brokenly gasped out. your head dropping onto his shoulder as your hips stuttered, the friction of the thick denim against your swollen clit becoming unbearable.

your request went completely over his head the moment he could feel your hips stuttering over him, begging to feel your arousal leaking through the drenched fabric of your knickers as your orgams washed through. noel's hips jerked up, immediately burying his face into the crook of your neck, teeth nipping at your skin as he gave himself three fast, heavy strokes, spilling all over his wrist.

your chest slumped over his, both raising and falling at a fast pace. neither of you moving until he guided his hand closer to your face. with a shaky exhale and a lazy, spennt smile tugging at the corner of his lips, his thumb pressed down your bottom lip until your mouth parted slightly.

“clean it for me, love,” he whispered, his tone rough and low, a soft command that had your heart hammering all over again.

your tongue slowly darted out as you licked his cum dripping down the side of his hand, a soft moan vibrating against his skin before your lips wrapped around his slick thick fingers. noel let out a low, breathy and satisfied hum, his eyes tracking the movement with lust even though his skin still buzzed with his own release.

“such a good girl for me.” he muttered, his palm sliding up to cup your jaw, his thumb wiping a stray bit of moisture from the corner of your mouth before he leaned up to kiss to your lips, not mindind his own taste sitting on your tongue.

you kissed him back, needily wrapping your arms around his neck and whimpering inside his mouth at the sudden shift – a small gasp escaped you once his hands slid underneath your thighs as he stood, feet walking towards the mixing desk.

a trail of spit connected your mouths as he pulled away, completely determined despite your little whine of protest, already missing his tongue warm and greedy against yours.

his hands shifted you until your chest was pressed over the desk, the cold metal of the console biting into the warm skin of your torso exposed by the messy and fumbled fabric of your top. the chilly feeling contrasted with the warmth of his hands greedily sliding over your ass, fondling the flesh and shoving the fabric of your skirt up.

“noel…” you moaned needily, fingers fumbling for support as you felt his heavy palm brush your hair away from your back before his hand went to the back of your neck, fingers immediately curling around it while he grabbed his cock, still throbbing as he lined himself with your pulsing entrance – only sliding the fabric of your knickers to the side.

“been thinking about this since '94, haven't you? let’s do it right then.”

and fuck me, you did it right.

that night, the sounds of noel's cock splitting your drenched and puffy cunt open were as loud as his voice – his back bent down so his mouth would stay close to you ear while his hips drove into you, absolutely not minding the pain it would bring him later – telling you every dirty fantasy he's had.

all while your fingers desperately clawed at the buttons, back arching as you let him use you the way you've also fantasized about. his fingers stayed deep and harsh in the roots of your hair. you only realized the ache once your fuzzy brain had cleared out from a few orgasms, still feeling him leaking out of you even as he panted, his forehead now pressed over your shoulder blades.

"fucking hell." you breathed.

"yeah. fucking hell." he repeated, equally as spent. his eyes closed tightly at the sligthest shift, suddenly being aware of the intensity of it all. "you okay?"

you breathed out a laugh, nodding. while he swallowed gruffly, suddenly concerned about everything. "back then... didn't want to just– yknow, fuck you." he started clearing it up, almost nervously. "don't want you to think it was just that."

you laughed, knowing. he carried on anyway, shaking his head even though you couldn't really see it, hands sliding over your waist in a soothing motion. "i'm serious. fancied you like mad."

"relax, noel."

"no, i just–"

you smiled, droopy. cock drunk, pretty much. "noel, i wanted to fuck you when you had the hair." you cut in softly.

he paused before letting out a raspy laugh, "wait, what hair?"

"the shaggy one. recording in france."

noel paused, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought before he let out a loud snort. "weren't you pregnant then?!"

you sighed softly, more in bliss than anything else. "yeah..."

he started laughing properly, leaning down until his nose was deep inside your messy hair.

"what?... i was hormonal."

"always the bloody hormones with you," he chuckled, his arms wrapping around you securely, holding your soft, relaxed body closer to his. "fucking hell."

"used to be so fucking jealous of meg," you whispered, the honesty slipping out easily. "hated it."

noel's laughter died down, replaced by a quiet and faint smile, hands gently caressing your back. "yeah. used to hate colin. proper hated him."

"mhm. i knew," you said.

"good," his fingers tenderly played with your hair despite the teasing edge on his tone, blue eyes softer now, even though you couldn't really see them. "never wanted to be subtle about it."

you laughed in response, shaking your head.

the book remained scattered somewhere across the floor alongside paper sheets and a headphone set that you had accidentally knocked over, but it ended up being actually helpful. because the plan of telling sophia and anais had too many logistics involved, you wanted to be ready. or at least ready-ish. god knows what would come out of two three year old girls.

── .✦

once the tour had taken you to the US, you finally managed to pick sophia up from colin's. and – after too many tight hugs – you finally took her to watch uncle noelly play on stage, just like he did in some lazy afternoons in your living room, with his acoustic guitar and without any of the rockstar pose.

this time, it was a day festival where logistics were pretty much already sorted. sophia quickly found out that, unlike thousands of fans, hanging out backstage and coloring with rockstars was way more fun than actually watching them. while noel and gem realized that their coloring skills were as advanced as a three year old's. what can you say? rockstars are soft these days. 

you had quickly stepped out of the room because a roadie looked like he was about to suffer a heart attack over some delay in alan's in-ear monitor, leaving the three on their owns.

“uncle noelly?” sophia suddenly spoke.

“hm?” he replied nearly absentmindedly, busy with putting on the cap of the blue marker after sofia had patiently explained to him that they'll dry otherwise.

“is anais coming over tonight?”

noel thought for a second, his hand freezing briefly as it reached out for an orange marker. okay, think about that divorce book. “anais is with her mummy tonight, love.” was the best response he could come up with. gem huffed out a tiny breath of laughter at the scene, truly – strangely – endeared.

she sighed softly, her shoulders dropping and head tilting as she kept her eyes on the purple marker filling a wizard's top hat. “okay…”

for a few seconds, the only sound was a faint crowd from afar roaring for the opening act and the sounds of pens on paper.

"uncle noelly?" she cut in the silence again.

"yes?" noel replied patiently.

“are you? sleeping over again?”

ah, bless her little heart and her little clueless mouth.

noel freezed. while gem finally pulled his focus off the nearly fully colored image, looking up at noel.

they blinked at each other.

“because you’ve slept over lots.”

god knows what would come out of two three year old girls. this time, it was a secret the two of you had been doing a pretty good job so far at keeping. the two of you and claire – who even in the nights where she had been secretly sneaking gem into her room herself, she had managed to keep her happy little mouth shut.

at least it wasn't liam. not yet – god knows his frontal lobe is as developed as sofia's.