Nico

Her design is basically a mix of every single fem kgur design I’ve seen. More specifically though, the hair pin idea is from @guniico :)) (it’s canon to me now)

✦ commissions are open ✦

hello! i'm opening personal commissions again. this time i'm offering a few more styles! email me if interested ✉️ [email protected]

please read my full info & tos before requesting a commission.

Portrait of a monarch 👑

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Man can I ever.

Firstly, I'm gonna give some people the benefit of the doubt in saying that there were honest and lovely hrkg fans who were put off by chapter 28 due to the thought that, oh no, Hirano really is very uncomfortable with close physical contact, and Kagiura hugged him twice and pushed that boundary, and we know he values physical contact, how can they be in a relationship if this is the case blah blah blah. But it is unfortunately also very reductive to take that from chapter 20, or 28, and onward. And of course, there are the people who aren't reading it in good faith at all, but why they reacted the way they did is self-explanatory: they think Hirano is uncomfortable overall with Kagiura, that he's been being pushed and pulled unwillingly, that Kagiura is, for lack of better word, abusive, etc.

Now, my biggest issue with both of these scenarios boils down to the same thing, which is the lack of understanding context and subtext, or just generally not being understanding of the characters individually, their motivations, their biases, what leads them to think what, and then taking what they say or do at face value. Sensei has written her characters to say things that make no sense all the time, or that is obviously not how they truly feel, etc, so it baffles me when people pretend this isn't the case when it comes to hirakagi, i truly don't get it. I can name very few, if any, pieces of media where the author didn't deliberately show us things or imply things that weren't explicitly said. While the fandom can be wrong about their interpretations of these implications, I think it's important to at least think about what they could be regardless.

And what kills me is that, I can guarantee a good chunk of the people entirely put off from hirakagi from the past, what, two chapters, are people who do not care. These are people that read the dialogues and the monologues and look at what they're doing and don't think any deeper than that, or if they do, it's not to look into the characters at all, they skip over that and head straight for societal context, which would be fine if they, you know, put the character first??? And they also decide to put this character into said societal context dictated by how they view who they are, their identity, their inclinations, and they use their surface level interpretations to confirm or deny what they already decided to think.

This is why when people read that Hirano was "repulsed" by the hug, they take it to be so freaking literal. For some, this proves their Hirano ace hcs as they related to him. For others, it proves Hirano doesn't or "can't" love Kagiura back in the same way. And then the ones who scream "WAHHH KAGIURA DID SOMETHING HIRANO WAS UNCOMFY WITH WAHHH". I have never in my life seen people act so morally superior over a hug. GENUINELY. The word used being "repulsed" was like the water in the desert for people that needed something to confirm what they already think about hrkg, or hirano or kagiura individually, conclusions they came to by not giving a fuck about their actual characters. Characterization. Subtext. What is implied. etc.

Everyone in the world is biased to some degree about many things, so it's not like I'm saying you have to read without that. You just have to be deliberate enough to recognize it and look a little deeper, listen to other perspectives, and, you know, read and comprehend the story. Sensei's characters are all very complex, imo, even side characters. None of them are "simple", all are pretty damn dimensional and well-rounded, so to read 28 and come out of it with the world repulsed in your hands says more about you than anything else, honestly. I thought the same thing about 30; reading chapter 30 and coming out of it with just complaints about the kiss is just as annoying. It's how I know the people that yell the most about the unhealthy, one-sided, terrible dynamic between hrkg don't care to read anything beyond the things they can point to and go "See! There!"

Facts: Hirano is an unreliable narrator. I know, SHOCKING right. Like, Hirano, the guy that has BEEEN saying he wants to be with Kagiura more than anything (in more ways than one), saying his feelings for Kagiura aren't enough, or love. Saying he doesn't feel his heart race when touched so "I can't love him, duh." Nevermind the fact that he is so comfortable with Kagiura that he is willing to try things out just for his sake, even though he would straight up say no if he didn't want to, or if it were anyone else. Nevermind the fact that physical contact has always been normal between them, hence why it feels normal. Nevermind that fact that despite this, he feels happy to be close with Kagiura, he loses track of time, he extends the time they get to touch, but much of his gripes don't come from how he feels personally about the physical touch, it's what Kagiura is doing/showing him...

Facts: Kagiura is constantly contradicting himself. He has this hangup about how physical touching should be with someone you love, possibly brought about by heteronormativity and the standard he has set due to others (past relationship) and his parents (what he wants out of a marriage). It has to be like this and that and this and that. Except everyone had been clocking how weird he was with Hirano since... forever. Wow Hirano is really close to his roommate and gets defensive of him in the LIGHT NOVEL. Kagiura misses Hirano and thinks the dorm is empty without him in the LIGHT NOVEL. Hirano's memories of receiving those damn earrings is all bright and sparkly and beautiful in the LIGHT NOVEL. They have been loving on each other for a long ass time, and they have been touching normally, though more closely than they do with anyone else. Kagiura has clung to him and grabbed his wrist and his shirt and all that shit. So the only difference is that Kagiura is just overwhelmed by his own feelings and desires that he thinks, at this point, "I can't touch Hirano in any other way" because he thinks he'll be pushing a boundary (oh whats this? Kagiura is very aware of boundaries? DUMBASS OF COURSE HE IS).

"I feel one way that Hirano doesn't feel. If I touch him, someone that loves him and feels a certain kind of desire for him, he will be uncomfortable because he doesn't feel that way about me. So my solution is to start limiting how I touch him in a controlled environment with an agreement, in which he understands that the connotation is meant to be romantic, he'll understand how I feel without me being too much or overwhelming him!" Kagiura Akira, you are 16 fucking years old thinking that you can't touch your, forget crush, BEST FRIEND in a normal way because you think your feelings are too much. That's not normal man. And what makes it worse is that by limiting himself, Hirano doesn't fully understand how Kagiura's desire functions ("If me touching you makes you happy, look happy when I do it.")

For a little analogy, let's say you have a friend that makes you your favorite food when you're hungry. And not just hungry, but you're incredibly hungry, ravenous even. They make you your fav food and put it in front of you and is like "Dig in!" and you going "nah I'm good" and just stare at it. Then the friend that made it for you is confused because they know it's your favorite, they're letting you eat it, but you just won't. And one day they make it again for you and then you go, "How about I eat it in little bites" and they go yeah sure, so you take tiny bits off it. And they're confused again because it looks like you don't want it even if you keep saying you do. Now, similarly, if you did immediately eat it, you didn't have to go all in; you could've taken your time. You could've took a break for a drink, coulda had a conversation over the meal. But since you deprived yourself on purpose, time and time again, now you are literally starving and one day, you might take too big a piece, too big a bite, out of nowhere, out of desperation. It's like that.

Lowkey this analogy sucks but the point is that Kagiura deprived himself of even touching Hirano regularly in a normal way, and is forcing himself to only do it "like lovers" for ten seconds a day. Not only is it painful for him because he feelings are so full with no outlet, because he's holding himself back, Hirano sees him about to burst and sees this pain and is like wtf. I thought you liked this. For a while he was afraid Kagiura was forcing himself to do it, like he didn't actually like doing it because Kagiura is making himself go hungry on purpose, making himself take tiny bites on purpose like it hurts and it does, and then of course, one day, the flood gates will open. His hunger will get the best of him. And I can't believe that, after all this time, after thousands of years of literature, we got to a point where the overflow of his feelings leading to a hug pissed people off. People's reactions to chapter 20 actually killed me. I understand if you don't like hugs/they make you uncomfortable, I too am not big on hugs unless I'm close to the person. BUT, in the context of this story, you cannot sit here and tell me that was some cardinal sin committed by a guy i love with his best friend. Like, really. A hug? And then of course, 28, when he asks for it, and his hand got a little low and Hirano flinched, again, mfs go WAHHH OH MY GOD HE TOUCHED HIM WHERE HE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE WAHHH he didn't even do it on purpose. And of course, we arrive at the "repulsed" descriptor. Again, diction matters. Even if repulsed isn't an inaccurate translation, it indeed changes how people interpret the scene. Repulsed sounds and feels worse than discomfort or even dislike. "I am repulsed by strawberries" isn't the same connotation as "I dislike strawberries" or "strawberries make me uncomfortable".

Not to mention Kagiura quickly changed how he was hugging him because he recognized Hirano flinched. Not to mention Hirano did sink into the hug. Not to mention that I think there are many reasons Hirano reacted the way he did that wasn't "Hirano doesn't and will never like to be touched/hugged". I think it's somewhat to do with a vulnerability thing, and also a "No one has ever touched my lower back so it surprised me" thing (because the translator initially described his discomfort as something not necessarily "negative" idk how true that is though). Hirano was fine initiating touching because of control, but also because I think there's a certain level of vulnerability he is not used to. Being in someone's arms is one of them. And it was an awkward ass hug too like it wasn't even normal. Again with Kagiura and his weird "lovers do this like this" where do you get these ideas from man. Like I know your parents never hug each other like this. Or maybe they do idk. Anyway.

And then of course, people haven't let that go. Chaper 29 people were acting like Hirano had that whole convo with Ichinose and Kagiura after for no reason. Suddenly the sky imagery and "that's not the only way to express your love for someone" and "I want to be with you more than anyone else in the world, that's what love means to me" don't mean shit. Acting like Hirano hasn't been feeling that all this time. Acting like hirano hasn't been feeling his heart beat faster without any prompting from Kagiura because his heart is realizing Kagiura is expressing love for just being with him, around him, being cherished by yours truly. None of that means anything for some reason because last chapter Kagiura hugged him and Hirano felt off for a split second. Okay.

Now it's chapter 30 and there were like 40 pages prior to the last three in which we are seeing Hirano and Kagiura be in love, be youthful, be true to each other, we see just how much Kagiura pays attention to Hirano and how he is, how much he treasures that about him, how much he looks up to him and recognizes his hard work, and then we see Hirano be an unreliable narrator, downplaying his own feelings because he doesn't want to hurt Kagiura by giving him "expectations", not giving his feelings any credit at all because he, like Kagiura, doesn't want to hurt the person he loves. Kagiura gets overwhelmed by the hunger and kisses him WAHHH CALL THE FUCKING FBI HE'S A SEX OFFENDER holy shit yall. Is this your first BL? No no, is this your first story? Ever? Have you ever read words on a page? Are you three years old?? Like you cannot be fucking real. Do I even have to say anything else??

Officially naming the comic Freggie Salad! Figured I should start introducing how they all met, so here's Leon's, the newest member.

Leon belongs to @silverfox815

Skye belongs to @yeldelvaux

So, I was on the htk tag (as one is) and someone posted this screenshot from the novel when Kagiura is saying the room feels a lot emptier without Hirano and... shout out to OP because that literally changed my brain chemistry. Idk why but it literally clicked a switch in my head despite me reading the novel before and that specific part numerous times.

Not to overanalyze but this brings up a greater point in my years of being obsessed with HtK that reminds me that these two already destroyed one of the obligatory boundaries of being in a senpai/kouhai arrangement, moreso hirano though, by foregoing the expectation of "im supposed to help my kouhai become acclimated and fostering a friendly environment between us so that you can rely on me when needed (while also maintaining a respectable distance between he and I so that he can grow independently and do the same thing to a kouhai next year)" by becoming addicted to the feeling of spoiling him and being spoiled in return with honesty, genuine gratitude and happiness.

And what makes me bring this up is, its not unusual to become close to someone in a semester or to even begin to really like someone in that time. What always gets me though is that the level of sincerity never wavered. The feelings were never surface level. They have a deep and crucial understanding of each other that I wouldn't hesitate to call love. This doesn't apply to just Kagiura though, but Hirano. Now I might be reaching HEAVY and im not sure exactly what I might be saying with this, and this is gonna be a hashtag Flaming Hot Take bc some people dont see it this way and that is A-Okay 0 hard feelings. But im so convinced (and almost always have been) that Hirano has been in love with Kagiura for just as long as Kagiura has veen in love with him. Let me preface that it is no more meaningful if this is the case but this is just something I've been sitting on for literal years and I fear it only took me this sentence to decide to believe it wholeheartedly.

(Screenshot from my e-novel)

Kagiura saying the dorm feels empty without Hirano (affectionate), and this being Hirano's (equally affectionate) reaction.

So, I've actually noticed this pattern with Hirano: when affection is expressed between him and Kagiura, his verbal reaction is something along the lines of "tiredness". As in, Hirano will give or receive affection to/from Kagiura and tiredness is deemed the reason. Now, i dont recall this ever being done with his friends so thats why im extrapolating this phenomenon to hirakagi only (if im wrong lmk). Anyway, here are the examples, other than the one listed. And there are actually more than i thought

Exhibit A: Volume 6 Extra

I think this is the first one we see at all, and its comedic and hes being kind of aggressive about it PLUS we wouldn't think much of it at all because Kagiura literally did NOT sleep since Hirano accidentally slept in his bed. But just note that Kagiura is basically getting a kick out of seeing Hirano embarrassed (which to me. Is affection because. This is Hirano and Kagiura) and Hirano is just like "get your ass to bed." This example is probably less of one than the next ones but 100% worth talking about since this is post Kagiura confession (not sure where in the timeline though) and it still follows the theme of affection/tiredness, as Hirano is recognizing it and deeming tiredness to be the factor making him say what hes saying. Just like in the screenshot.

Exhibit B: Volume 9 Extra (1)

(Definitely in a relationship here LOLLL) And for some reason Kagiura decides that Hirano is acting spacey, and Hirano AGREES. Like, to be fair, Hirano was acting pretty gay this whole extra but its interesting to me that Kagiura is all abashed by Hirano being all suave and congratulating him and his first reaction is, "So... you really ARE tired" (re: Hirano using him as a pick-me-up in the first place). Why. Is it because Hirano is being affectionate? I MEAN, YEAH kagiura clearly took it as such hence the blushing and acting all embarrassed and then proceeding to be like "you must be tired. Anyway youre not being confessed to are you."

What stumps me more is how Hirano agrees with him. We know Hirano will get defensive at stuff Kagiura says (throwback to "them's fightin' words, asshole") and idk the exact wording in japanese but the idea that Hirano just casually agrees to kagiura ascribing his behavior to being spacey and he has nothing to say to it... interesting.

Exhibit C: Volume 9 Extra (2)

Mere moments later on the train when Hirano says "you can be stinky with me bae 😍", Kagiura is embarrassed by this clear sign of affection and what does Hirano say? "Man, am I tired" Okay we GET it. Again hes making a point to emphasize his tiredness and for what? To excuse that hes saying crazy shit? Mkay

Exhibit D: Whatever the hell this is

This... this whole page. Man i don't even know where to begin. Hirano is straight up unabashedly giving Kagiura googoo eyes. I had a violent reaction to seeing this extra. The point here is that Kagiura looked at him, got caught off guard by this absolutely unmistakable "im gonna take a bite out of you in the next ten seconds" look and his question is "are you sleepy". And its like. Okay sure hirano looks a little drunk (in love) yes but. He also looks wide awake. But he does say "a little".

Okay hold on I have to add that I'm genuinely tweaking out over this extra like YES I've seen it before but after volume five and just. Everything i am genuinely aghast at how obvious this is. Like oh my god. Hes practically drooling. Im loosing the plot so bad. What i would do to have this voice acted. Yoshitsugu Matsuoka you absolute legend i KNOW you'd cook for this

Anyway so yeah. I also noticed with two of these examples that its Kagiura mentioning the tiredness and its Hirano agreeing, and with one its Hirano saying it himself, and with two its Hirano saying it to Kagiura. Idk if what im saying makes sense but here's kinda what im getting at (again this extra genuinely made me lose my train of thought happy pride i guess damn): for Hirano, maybe its some sort of code, or something hes experienced from someone else, or maybe its just embarrassment covered up that has become an inside joke, im genuinely not sure, but Hirano will disguse affection as him being tired, or Kagiura's affection as him being tired, and Kagiura recognizes this too.

Why this stuck out to me with the novel is that, so early on, so soon in their relationship with each other, Hirano is already recognizing this affection hes receiving from his roommate, one that is in the general sense no different than his usual honesty and sincerity when it comes to Hirano, and Kagiura himself at this point hasnt quite come to terms with being in love with Hirano at all, just that he HAS deep affection for him. And yet Hirano picks up this DISTINCT affection in a way we've so far only ever seen referenced post-confession AND when theyre in a relationship, that makes him say, "You must be tired".

In other words, we see Hirano, far before Kagiura admits his own feelings or even realizes the extent of them and far before Hirano can even consider his own feelings LOVE, use a phrase that we've only so far seen used in contexts in which the two are being obviously romantic in their affection (the only POSSIBLE exception being Exhibit A but the whole reason that whole thing happened the way it did was because of the romantic context to this otherwise embarrassing but negligible occurrence) and he doesnt even REALIZE it. Even if Kagiura was actually sleepy (and he was), and even if hes just being a little shy, the idea that Hirano's first thought was "dodge" and that dodging is something we see come up in such a specific, familiar way in such specific circumstances following what we would brush off as insignificant in the scheme of things just has me tapping my chin and then going EUREKA! Because Hirano loves him and has and its that simple. Hirano has always associated whatever feeling he had at that moment from receiving a particular flavor of affection with tiredness, with sleepiness, with someone saying those things because theyre not all there right now, they wouldnt USUALLY do that because if they did, it wouldnt make me feel this way, so here is a reasonable explanation. That same principle is then applied to himself; if im saying things that make me feel this way, that are a reflection of how i feel, in such a way that i would never actually do but here it is, just slipping out of me, I must be tired, I must not be all there, otherwise this wouldn't happen, I wouldnt say it.

Hirano loves him, and even if it’s not as AGGRESSIVELY as current Hirano, I think this was at LEAST the beginning of it. Hirano already killed the boundaries of their relationship in order to achieve a comfortable dorm life for both of them, and by doing so he created this situation between the two of them in which there is a very unique sense of closeness and understanding, and bond brought about because they are who they are individually and then with each other. Kagiura is honest about how he feels and before now he wasnt necessarily hiding his affection for Hirano, not in a way that matters. And then he tells Hirano that "Without you, it felt lonely" (with you, things feel whole, and right. if i had to choose, i would rather be with you (i wanna be with you (more than anyone in the world))) and Hirano feels this affection in such a way that creates a pattern in his behavior that he repeats in the future when he knows too that Kagiura is the person he wants to be with more than anyone in the world, where he gets to have that spot beside him, right where he wants to be, right where Kagiura wants him to be, and he says it now. "You must be sleepy." (Because it must be you, Kagiura—so earnest and honest, so much more so when you're tired that you would say such embarrassing things that no one would ever say to me—and not me, who feels each syllable in my chest and remembers the feeling each moment I spend with you in a future I do not yet know I had been wanting).

a new character emerges!

Im gunna take a break from comic makin after this BDNDM I rlly need to make some proper ref sheets+a lineup if i wanna keep making these n have things consistent

(　ＴДＴ)

And different face shapes, body types give me some of that talent I'm struggling!!!! Pls

Hello! I can’t show a step-by-step tutorial because my process is too messy to be turned into one, but I can give some general tips and also resources that you could use _(:3 」∠)_

EXPRESSIONS AND FACE SHAPES

Tips:

A general thing for expressions is that the features of a face interact with each other. For example, when you’re happy, you smile and your eyes also squint. If you raise your eyebrows in surprise, your eyes widen a bit. When you’re angry, your eyebrows furrow, your nose scrunches up, and your mouth is downturned. 

Try to observe the people around you, see what facial features move when people are happy, sad, angry, bored, etc.

If the expression feels flat, exaggerate. 

Human Anatomy Fundamentals: Mastering Facial Expressions (Joumana Medlej) - This goes in depth on how features interact with each other, and also has an emotion tree that groups expressions into 5 categories: relaxed, surprised, smiling, angry, and sad.