Guardin Of The Books

and i’ll still see it until i die, you’re the loss of my life

in 2021, during pandemic i met with a girl in here. her nickname was yagmurdayurumekistiyorum and we were in same book group. tumblr groups was popular back then. when those groups just disappeared one morning randomly i think that was the day tumblr totally died. i was a cold, 16 years old girl who is kinda scared of getting close to people but at the same time i needed find my own people. movie nerds girlies like me. we talked in group cause she compliment my pp. it was octavia blake and i was such an huge fan. that night we become friends with that cute girl. she was a year younger than me and for years we talked about everything. i helped her shine academically but then i just failed. i’ve had a heavy depression. one of those nights i felt like im dying she talked about her friends’s love problems and i just lost my temper. she tried everything for fix our problems but i was too broken and arrogant for it. i just needed to know if im able to cut off people off my life or not. answer is yes, by the way. im able to. i just did it to wrong person. i had a lot of people who i should cut off but it was her first. i tried fix it too when i realize im missing her in my bones. she said she’ll be always here if i need her. and i said i need her. but she wasn’t around. we talked in our birthdays, never forgot each other’s. she unfollowed me from her priv account we chose the names together. it was fine cause i was watching her taking her life to finally her own hands. she made good changes to herself and she was happy. she still is. today our friendship completely end. it’s such a shame cause even if we weren’t talking i always liked the idea of having her in my life again. we always talked about me writing my novel and visiting her cafe. im wondering am i still allow to visit her one day?