My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:
We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates
āAsk your average person who Gothamās most famous citizen is, and youāll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybodyās heard of Bruce Wayne. Youāve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesnāt know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think heās a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth isā¦ā
*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*
*record scratch, freeze frame*
āā¦they arenāt entirely wrong about that.ā
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
This is then followed by a series of clips from interviews with various Gotham citizens, all of whom give humorously ironic descriptions of Bruce Wayneās idiocy:
āBruce Wayne? I hear the guy gets through a super-car every month! Replaces every one, just like that!ā
*Cut to shot of the Batmobile flipping end-over-end after slamming into one of Baneās APCs*
āWayne? Please! The guy would probably have accidentally killed himself years ago if he didnāt have that butler to babysit him!ā *Cut to Alfred physically restraining Bruce from going out to fight Scarecrow while having a broken arm, a concussion, and the flu,*
āI bet he throws away cash like it grows on trees!ā
*Cut to Batman shoutingĀ āHey, Lucius! Ask R&D to make some kryptonite/Nth metal alloy baterangs! Yāknow, just in case!ā
āIām almost jealous. Super rich and he gets to hang out with gorgeous women across the world? Sign me up!ā
*Cut to Bruce being slammed face first into a wall repeatedly by Lady Shiva.*
@smut-smut-in-the-butt this seems like something youād be interested in
This is the Batman I long for.
#i found it again!!#one of my all-time fave posts#i remember this bc of the humour#and bc 80% of the dickwaffles in the notes were like āwow i can hear my blorbo-man narrating thisā when it says barbara in the first line#ah batfandom. putting zero respect in oracleās name since ever#i wonder whether they understand now that weāre almost 15 yrs into the reboot#that babsās dynamic with bruce used to be ex-wife he never married#babs @ bruce: āi hope you die but only i get to kill youā#bruce @ babs: āhi honey did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? wym you donāt live here anymore?ā
prev, I think youāre the only goddamn person who understood this post












