Vibes, Fanfics and the Irish Language

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

(Incomplete)

Chapter 15

I stroked Maggie’s hair off her pale sweaty face as her head rested on my lap, trying to keep her as still as possible why Rick raced the rickety RV. She was sick, really sick, so sick I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost the baby. So sick I was scared she would die. Edith said the pain came suddenly and I’ve been wrecking my head trying to figure out what it was. Denise is dead, Carol is missing, and Maggie is sick. We just need to get to Hilltop but the longer we try to get there the clearer it is that we are up shits creak with our mouths open. It was getting dark now, and Maggie was trembling more and more every hour

***

 “I think yous two are dating” Denise said matter of fact like, while popping a piece of carrot into her mouth. “I mean he picked you up a Dolly Parton tape last time he went on a run for god’s sake, that’s something a boyfriend would do!” I threw my carrot at her head. We were extra giddy today for some reason, we had nothing to worry about. Food wasn’t in short supply; some had started to be harvested.  No more threat of people bargaining in and taking all our shit, no big hoards on their way. Right now, the sun was streaming in the infirmary’s windows.

Life was okay

“Oh shush up you grump” I smiled, scrunching my nose up. “I might even let you come over and listen to some classic Dolly with me all night long, if you promise not to say anything stupid” I said scooping up Judith, I was watching her with Cain because her brother was sneaking off with his little girlfriend. Which was freaking adorable in all honesty they were so smitten.

Denise let out a belly laugh “As if you’ve got time to listen to music at night” She had gotten a lot more cheerful since she moved in with Tara. “what are you doing in the middle of the night that has you thinking of such things?” I scolded jokingly, as if she doesn’t already tell me. Denise pulled ‘Natural Remedies to Major Illnesses’ closer to her for her to read before she opened her mouth again. “C’mon have you two done anything yet?” Her eyes stayed fixed to the index of the book.

I let out a huff “No, I think he’s still iffy about my age” Truth be told we only had cleared the air between us a week or two ago, it’s still a bit early, not that I’m not enthusiastic about sex, especially Dixon sex. “Oh” I said suddenly remembering. “No more s-e-x talk Infront of the kids, they’re picking up on words around this age”

 ***

 Shit Shit Shit

The roads were all blocked, so Rick is after putting Maggie on a stretcher. I was at the back with Cain strapped to my chest with a gun looking for walkers. It was cold, and we were as quiet as mice, but something felt off, the forest felt so alive. I shouldn’t have brought Cain, he could cry any minute, he hasn’t been fed in a few hours, and he’s tired. And Maggie is sick. My throat was tightening more and more by the second.

Carl is trying to make Rick see the bright side of it all, playing big by talking about defeating these guys, and what they did to Denise. A chill ran down my spine thinking of her, the infirmary used to be so filled with laughter. At first it made my blood boil thinking what happened to her, but after today, seeing all thoughs people, setting so many elaborate traps? now it’s safe to say that Cain isn’t they only one pissing his pants. My eyes darted threw the trees, trying to catch a glimpse of movement, god my heart was beating so fast I swear it’s going to break a rib.

Then the first whistle rang out

 ***

 Cain was still a baby that’s for sure, but he was definitely getting bigger. I had to go to the storage to see if they had any baby clothes that would fit him better. But he still sometimes cried in the middle of the night, or that’s what I’d tell Daryl whenever he came up.

Truth is I’d get nervous, not sure what about, but I’d lie in that lovely bed thinking about the walkers outside the walls, if my family Sonya or Dwight or Grandpa were out there. So, I’d get up and just give the little boy a cuddle, he would rarely wake up from it.

But tonight, I must have been louder pacing the room then I thought because next thing I knew I could see Daryl leaning on my door in the moonlight. I felt my heart just melt for a moment, his usually harsh face was soft and forgiving, so much so I think I could see a few wrinkles on his forehead. This man was gonna break my heart

“Hi” I whispered, still bouncing Cain. “Hi” I swear that man just smiled a little. I pushed himself off the frame before making it further into the room “Can’t sleep?” He inquired, sitting on the bed looking at me. “Him” I said, nodding at the gent in my arms “He looked like he has having a nightmare” I lied. He looked at me like he didn’t believe me.

Daryl took his boots off before swinging his legs onto the bed “Wanna lie down?” I smiled before joining him, Cain balanced well on my chest. “I can’t sleep” I confessed finally after what could have been hours of lying-in silence. I heard a soft “Me neither” before feeling a kiss on the top of my head

“You sap”

 ***

 “Well, its good to know Eugene’s alive” I thought handing over my gun and knife I kept wedged between myself and Cain. When we were asked to kneel, I’m ashamed to say that I did a little after then the rest. I helped Maggie onto her knees and let her lean on me. They were loyal to Rick, they should be loyal to Rick, but I’m loyal to this baby, and I’m loyal to Daryl, and I want to stay alive to see my boys grow up just a little more.  And Denise is Dead, Carol is Missing, and Maggie is Sick.

Shit.

But Cain is here, he must have dozed off because I could hear his faint little snoring against my chest. Cain is alive, the baby is alive. Daryl, Glenn, Michonne and Rosita have probably found Carol by now and there on their way back to Alexandria. The gravel stung my knees as I went down, looking at the stones beneath me trying to make shapes out of there pattern. I’m not sure if people were talking or not because I could only hear the rush on blood pumping past my ears.

Images of my corpse walking through the roads began flashing before my eyes. Daryl’s going to find me as a walker. I can’t die. I can’t die. I have to look about the baby and I have to get back to Daryl.

I cannot die. I will not die.

I peeled my eyes away from what could have been a cloud etched out on the gravel to see Daryl being dragged out of a van, bloodied and beaten. He looked like he got the living shit kicked out of him. I felt a boulder hit the bottom of my stomach and my chest did a flip that made jaw clench. I couldn’t help the gag of a sob leave my throat. Daryl’s eyes snapped up and saw me and must have tried to have shaken the guys off because he was pushed to the ground by his shoulders with a heavy thud.

My eyes began to go blurry; I fixed my eyes on Daryl to try drown out the sounds of Glenn calling out for Maggie.

Sick Maggie.

We’ll go home after this, and maybe have a bath, put on that Dolly Parton tape. Look at Daryl, rub the babies back, look at Daryl, rub the baby’s back.

I must have looked terrified, whenever my eyes refocused Daryl was looking at me with this sort of wild fury, he looked like he was trying to whisper something to me without moving his mouth. Just look at Daryl, rub the baby’s back, look at Daryl, rub the baby’s back, look at Daryl, ru-

I was safe so long as I kept my little routine, until an all too familiar voice broke my bubble

 “Nina?”

My eyes snapped up to the man holding Daryl’s shoulder down.

 It couldn’t be.

He’s dead.

He looks half dead.

His face half melted, dripping down flesh on one side, but his eye was still the same.

I might have gasped, I might have screamed, I might have stayed perfectly still. I have no idea.

The second eldest, my brother Dwight.

 ***

 I sat peacefully on the porch of Maggie’s house, letting Cain wonder down on the grass. Sweet amber light from the sunset and I turned my face towards the sky, absorbing the moment of tranquillity.

“He’s getting bigger” Glenn remarked taking a seat next to me. “You’d definitely know you two were family” I chuckled, you would. His hair was getting curlier by the day it seems, and his eyes darker too. I shielded my eyes from the setting sun and smiled at Glenn.

“Makes you wonder what your kids will look like doesn’t it?” It was a wistful thought, his face burst into a smile before replying “I won’t have too long to wait now”.

We sat and watching the sun set and Cain stumbling along, picking up little pebbles.

 ***

 Shaking is a fear response, it’s a rush of adrenaline into the blood stream, making you run faster. If I weren’t kneeling right now, I could probably outrun Usain Bolt. Negan had come out of the RV, and good god was I scared. He reminded me of my gym teacher back when I was running track, she was mean, and she was cruel, and she had that same ruthless look in her eye that this man had.

 “You thought you were safe, I get it” His voice rang out as he loomed over Rick, maybe only a meter away from me. “But you are not safe, not even close” His bat was covered in barbed wire, and he was swinging it around the place. “He could take someone’s eye out with that thing if he’s not careful” I though, just as a cold pang hit my chest. He’s probably going to do worse.

My fears were cemented when I heard the words “I’m gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you” Negan’s black eyes were staring Rick down. He swung his bat up into his hand in a quick flick “This” He brought the weapon closer to ricks face “This is Lucille, and she. Is. Awesome.” A heavy silence rung out the clearing. My eyes flicked from Negan, to Daryl, to Dwight and back again.

Dwight

 Who was still alive. My heart raced faster at the thought. He was still alive, and I was about to die. The rest of my family could still be alive. Sonya could still be alive. Baba could be alive. Daddy could be alive. They could all be alive.

And I was about to die.

Negan began to pace the line of us, searching for his victim. He muttered something to Abraham, crouched down to get a better look at Carl- don’t kill Carl, he’s only a kid you can’t kill Car- he walked away.

Slowly, he stopped in front of Maggie, who was letting in shaky breaths trying to stay up straight. My mouth went dry. “Jesus” he sang out “You look shitting, Lets just put you out of your misery right now” He raised the bat just slightly before Glenn let out a strangled shout before launching himself at the tall man.

I could barley bat an eye before Dwight, my brother Dwight, had him pinned to the ground with a – with Daryl’s crossbow. Glenn was put back in his place, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off Dwight.

What was he doing here? I had never known my brother to have been violent, or cruel. This can’t be Dwight, not my Dwight, he would never be such a-

“Do you know him?” The deep voice alone gave me a fright. Negan, with his bat loomed over me with questioning eyes. I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out but shaky gasp. A smile spread on his face before he leaned down to look at me eye levelled. He was enjoying this, he even gave me a little wink. “See you’ve been gawping at one of my men all night, either you know him or his fucked-up face is really doing it for you”

My eyes shot back to Dwight.

I was frozen in place, the only thing in my body that seemed to have been working was my heart because it was beating 1000 miles per hour. Negan raised his eyebrows at me, looking impatient. 

“She’s my sister” Dwight intruded. All heads snapped my way, Daryl’s brow furrowed in confusion. I think Rick tried to say something to me, but the tears began to sting my face and the ringing in my ears was back.

Negan’s smile grew.

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

(Incomplete)

Chapter 14

 My foot had barley touched the stair when Daryls voice halted my movements “What do you want from me?” He nearly growled. I turned slowly. What did he mean what did I want from him. If I were smarter I’d be scared. I somehow just pissed of a very large man, who could kill far too easily, but instead it further fuiled my frustration.

“What the hell do you mean?” I nearly spat. It’s one thing to reject me, another to ma, nut to make me feel like an idiot is something else entirely. I could feel the anger swell in my chest and burn up to my head, clouding my previously melancholy emotions. Daryl didn’t stand down, his normally grim ‘I’m too badass to be alive’ Demeanor had shifted to something more stable, something more pissed off. He took a breath “I don’t know what to do” for the thousand time this week he took his eyes off me, and glued them to the floor. I have never been one to be able to hold in frustration long, really this week has been the longest I’ve ever composed myself. “It was all fine and then all of a sudden we were kissing and it just wouldn’t have ended well” He looked at me again “So I didn’t know what to do”

My chest was huffing “About what hm? You seen pretty content wit- “ Daryl jumped up and turned to the door, I fainted heard a mumble about “a mistake” and composure  went out the window. “What was a mistake was kissin’ your sorry ass” I was shouting now, and I couldn’t unclench my jaw even if I tried. “I’m sorry if I over stepped because I thought for some stupid stupid reason you liked me” pausing for a second to catch my breath and to see if he had anything to say. He didn’t. “You Ass” I exclaimed, throwing a cushion at him, that he caught. Stupid fuck. I knew I was irritating him, and I didn’t care. In that moment I wanted him to be just as pissed off and hurt as me.

“Nina, would you just shut up and listen? ” He put his hands up to try and calm me. “No!” I know I shrieked it because my throat stung right after. “I ain’t listening to shit you gotta say” Daryl began walking towards me and I backed away, trying to put as much space between us as possible. “You don’t get to treat me like crap, you don’t get to run away and ignore me because I fucked up” my voice cracked and he froze.

I turned my back to him for a second, trying to wipe the tears away fast enough for him not to see, but once that dam had broken I couldn’t stop it. My chest was heaving uncontrollably, from the crying or the anger I wasn’t sure. I felt him put a warm hand on my shoulder “You didn’t fuck up”

I turned to look at him, still trying to wipe away the endless stream of tears. He looked like he was desperately trying to spit something out “I fucked up, what I did wasn’t right” this horrible pause came over us, and it sucked the air right out of the room.

Daryl looked at me like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking, all I could do was look at him in disbelief. What could he have done that was so wrong? Me looking at him must have spooked him because he started trying to explain what he meant like he was chewing bad tobacco, like what he was saying made his mouth feel dirty “I took advantage of you, I should be here to help you and instead look what I did” He began pacing the room. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t say anything. What the hell was this man on about ?

He looked at me with sad eyes “I’m too old for you Nina” I think I was in shock because the next thing I knew I was laughing.

Well not laughing, they noise you make when you’re so in shock that it’s the only breathless noise that will come out. I covered my eyes in disbelief before sitting down. When I glimpsed back up at him he looked mortified, like I just punched him in the gut, this only made me laugh harder. “Are you dumb Daryl Dixon?” I asked catching my breath. I just can’t believe him, I know he’s shy but this is just ridiculous. The human race is being eaten alive by the undead and he’s gotten all in a fluster because of a few years. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?” Daryl looked past me, trying to avoid eye contact

“We are in arma-fucking-geddon and you’re worried that I’m a few years younger than you?” I stood and strode towards him until we were nose to nose.

I should have thought it threw because suddenly being so close to him make me want to kiss him again, to feel that sort of fire and passion surround me. I opened my mouth to speak but Daryl cut me off by chuckling

 “Arma-fucking-geddon” before engulfing me in a kiss.

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language, implied ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

(Incomplete)

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gape

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 13

 Luckily both Daryl and Carol were gone for a few days, and when they were back they were calling to Rick’s house for some “important discussions” about a new group they had found, so I had a few days for all the emotions to calm down in the old noggin.

I had decided to be mature, and to just to pretend that it never happened. It seemed like a pretty reasonable thing to do to me. Daryl, unfortunately, couldn’t seem to hack it. Normally we would have a game of cards at night, see each other just as dawn was rising, and joke around during the day. But this all had to change, because someone had to be a big baby and not ignore their emotions.

Whenever he saw me he would tense up, tighten his jaw, awkwardly cough, and nearly fall over his own feet trying to get out of the room. It was awful, I felt like he hated me.

Stupid Motherfucker.

If he was gonna kiss me he could at least look at me in the eye the next day. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but then again, normally I would be the one ignoring the other person. And let me tell you I am not a fan of my own medicine.

Listen, I wasn’t a slut per-say, bit I was well experience (this is a fancy way of saying I was a massive slut before all the boys I knew started coming back as the undead)

So, I spent my days, ignoring the fact I was being ignored, and then ignoring the fact that Carol knew I was ignoring the fact that I was being ignored. But thank God she hadn’t said anything because honestly I think I would drop dead of embarrassment if I ever heard about it again.

It hurt though, and not wanting to advertise my embarrassment I didn’t tell anyone. And Maggie and Glenn were with the delegated important people committee so I couldn’t talk to them. I think Carl is getting suspicious though, he came over for advice about Enid and kept pushing to know why I was in a stinker of a mood.

It all kinda blew up after a meeting in the church about the new group. It had been two days and I was getting a bit fed up with the awkward glances and shuffling feet.

I wanted the house to feel normal again, I wanted us to be normal again.

I was sitting near the back trying to keep Cain quiet while chatting to a few people waiting for Rick to start the meeting. And Daryl comes waltzing in dressed like a red necked God. His eyes met mine for just a spit second before looking away, but long enough to stop my heart and to knock the wind out of me. I know it was only a look, but it felt like it burnt right through my skin, into my soul, leaving a burned black mark. It made me feel dirty.

I didn’t see Daryl for the rest of the day

 **

 Carol came in first, I was making a stew to feed all of us, and hopefully the soft veg would be a good way to introduce softer foods to Cain. She was covered in blood, and it barley took me a second to realize just how shaken she was. At first she ignored me calling her, until Cain have a small whine, and her head snapped in our direction. Her eyes gave her away, she was staring at Cain with such intensity I thought he was going to burst into flames. There was only one word for it

Terror.

 And my face probably reflected the same. I grabbed some water and held it out to her “What happe-“I could barely finish before the woman let out a strangled sob. I nearly threw the glass on the table to catch her after her knees gave out. I didn’t even know how to react. Carol who was always so strong had finally snapped. Something bad must have happened. So I sat there, cradling Carol for god knows how long while she screamed.

 I put Carol to bed, and fixed her some food. She asked if I would leave the baby with her, which I was a tad hesitant about but figured she could use something to focus on. When I came down I saw the man himself. Also in blood and grime. I was never the maternal type, ever. I was always the one looked after, but it seems the past few weeks all I’ve been doing is comforting people.

Daryl stood awkwardly, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t quit find the words “Any cuts need stiching ?” I asked, leaving agents the counter. He mumbled something under his breath but put his bow down.

He mumbled, but it was a start.

I bit my cheek as he shook his vest off and lifted his shirt to reveal a sharp gash on his side. Probably needed one stich, if even. Before I knew it Nurse Nina had taken over, and it was sanitised and wrapped before you could say “Awkward encounter trying to figure out what happened the other night”

I could feel Daryl staring at me, and worse I could feel myself allowing my fingers to linger on his side. Daryl cleared his throat “The other night” He huffed out. “It was a mistake”. I closed my eyes. It felt like a stone had dropped in my stomach, and I suddenly felt cold.

He didn’t want me to kiss him. God I feel like such an idiot. Of course he didn’t want me to kiss him, he probably saw me like a niece, shit maybe even a daughter. And now I’ve lost my only close friend. I had Maggie and Glenn, sometimes Carl for sure, but they weren’t Daryl. Now Daryl was gone.

“Don’t worry, you made that clear” I said, stepping as far away from him as I could. I turned, trying to hide the tears that welled up in my eyes. “Just change the bandage yourself after your shower”

And I walked upstairs, ready to let all the dread and regret and dumbass shit sink in.

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gape

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

AU: Sorry for the delay, currently looking for an apartment

Chapter 12

Oh god.

The moment our lips met sparks shot down my spine, brining Goosebumps up on my arms.

Oh God I’m kissing Daryl

It was soft at first. A little awkward in the usual Dixon fashion, like he didn’t know where to put his hands. But the second I moved my hand to cup his face it was like a switch had flipped inside of him. His unsure, sweet movements changed into something rough, and animalistic … and I fucking loved it.

He gripped my waist and dragged me onto his lap so I was straddling him, and my arms instinctually wrapped around his neck, pulling the kiss in closer. I felt his hand travel up under my shirt and sliding his hand along my back, while his other hand gripped my hip, pushing my down further into him.

God this is making me feeling something different. Normally when I would get with a boy it was fine, it was nice, it … it did the job.

But this

This was different.

I felt like there was a balloon blowing in my chest, and any second now it was gonna pop, just in a good way. It made me want to jump off of him and run around dancing and at the same time grab Daryl and never let go. I get what the mean now when people say “it just felt right”.

Not to mention, the way he’s kissing down my neck right now it making me a lot wetter than it should, and making me gasp a lot louder then I should.

I balled my hands full of his hair, rocking my hips agents his. Both our movements continued at an animalistic pace until I pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me bare bested. Daryl gave me what I can only assume was a cheeky look for the Dixons before venturing down between my breasts. Once reach a sensitive spot in between my tits a moan- well more of a soft whimper- was pulled from my throat, and suddenly Daryl froze.

I looked down confused, his eyes were wide, and staring through my chest and his breaths were heavy and deep. Oh no. “Daryl?”

Daryl ignored me. He sat back, I tried to pull him up for another kiss, maybe this was just nerves. The breath was knocked out of me once he pushed me away onto my back, and him darting up walking away from me. I stared in shock. What the. Actual. Fuck?

He stood pinching his brow with his forefinger and thumb with his back to me. Holy shit what did I do? I tried calling him again to no avail. It felt like a rock was dropped in the pit of my stomach. I stood and tried to reach out and put a hand on my shoulder but he flinched back

“We shouldn’t have done that”

He still wouldn’t look at me. Dread shrunk my shoulders, selfish as it may be I just didn’t want that to end, I had kinda always hopped it would have eventually led to there, and now that I know it’s over is just

“What do you mean?” I tried to distract myself to the sickening feeling of rejection that was beginning to sink in. I grabbed my shirt from the corner on the room to try and cover myself, and when I turned to wait for his answer, he was gone.

What. The. Fuck

 I didn’t sleep well that night, Cain’s feeding schedule was well into a full night of sleep, but every time I closed my eyes I could feel his arm on my back, pulling me closer. Oh God I’m so stupid.

He probably thought of me as some kind of segregate daughter or sister and I had been secretly (even to myself it seems) perving on him. I think I may have just ruined our relationship, or even a chance at a romantic one.  Sweet Jesus I’m asking for a little guidance here, this is just too embarrassing to talk to Maggie or Denise about. Denise would go mental and I’ve a snaking suspicion that Maggie would be extremely grossed out and never look at me the same.

Of course which I don’t blame her for, I did make out with a guy like more than twice my age. I just thought that maybe age didn’t really matter because, oh I dunno, It’s the end of the fucking world.

At that thought tossed around in the bed sheets in a huff. Suddenly I felt angry, what the fuck is wrong with him? Not to sound extremely up my own ass but I know I’m attractive, my identical fucking twin was Miss West-Virgina for fucks sake that must mean I’ve something going for me?! Even not I’ve a big rack (though during this day and age it isn’t exactly a blessing)

The sound of two pairs of heavy booths woke me from my (slightly woe filled and agitated) slumber. Thankfully I would have the house to myself for the day to ignore a certain person.

There is no one Celtic language or tradition or customs so please stop using it as an umbrella term for Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, Isle of man, France, Basque region and Switzerland . It’s like saying South Asian, its not one country or culture. All these countries have very different languages, mythology and cultures. 

There is no one language or religion or tradition for all of them because its literally different countries. What makes them Celtic is the base root for languages and Le Tene art found on the artefacts (and a few other things im not entirly sure of)

Sorry just getting a little frustrated with seeing the word Celtic thrown around the gaff epically when refuting to Irish or Gaelic.

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 11

I wake again with the usual start, but this time immediately regretting sitting up straight, the banging in my head making my lie back down. The second thing I felt was my foul dryness in my mouth, then I heard a soft whimper of the baby. I reached an arm out to rub his stomach, feeling it fall down, I peeped an eye open to see I was on the couch not my bed. Hhm, odd.

I slowly sat up, wondering where Cain was and seeing a light on in the kitchen I crept over trying to keep my feet soft so I wouldn’t make any noise.

Still slightly hungover I squinted at the light, and saw a peculiar sight, a sweet sight really. Daryl was rocking my nephew, feeding him a bottle. He looked comfortable holding a baby.

I leaned agents the archway, feeling something bubble in my chest. “What are you doing with my baby Dixon?” I asked, rubbing one eye that still refused to let go of sleep my body so rudely awaken me from. I smiled lazily looking at Daryl shushing Cain to be quiet. He looked up, still looking a bit tipsy with rosy cheeks and a half smile. We kept drinking long after we strolled back.

People had brought over small gifts, some pickled food, and some small jars of wine which were now empty. I was shocked to see people be exited for a baptism, I knew I small talked with most people. I had helped stich up a few people and momentarily watched a few kids here and there but I didn’t think people even knew I was here.

Daryl’s lips curled into a crooked smile “Ahh, Natasha” He wrinkled his nose, slurring the last syllable of my name. I barley grumbled a ‘Piss off’ before grabbing a glass and gulping down three of water. The water felt sweep and stopped my tongue sticking to my pallet. I filled it again and held it up for Daryl, which made up do an awkward ‘swap you a baby for a glass of water’ dance.

I bounced Cain, wanting him to keep the heavy sleepiness so he could pass out soon enough, pretending not to watch him drinking down the water. Obviously he noticed and smiling he asked “What?” I smiled back “You got a bit of ugly on your face” Daryl raised an eyebrow before walking past me towards the couch. I followed.

I watched as he took a seat, stretching out his arms over the top of the sofa. I sat next to him, being careful to not wake Cain “I have a question” He announced, like he was proud of himself. “If you’re real names Natasha, why did you say your name was Nina?” He looked like he just found my deepest secret, that he had deeply outsmarted me.

I rolled my eyes, I used to get this all the time when I was younger. “My baba called me Natasha out of this old book, but my older sister Mary-Grace couldn’t say it because she was only two or three, so she called me Nina and it stuck” I had rehearsed that line so many time before, when it was still important. He nodded, implying that it was satisfactory. I suddenly felt a chill over my arms, and pulled Cain closer to me.

I pointed behind at the woollen blanket next to Daryl “Could you grab that? Im freezing” For a second he looked bewildered, before reaching behind and lied it on my legs. I pulled Cain up so his head was by my shoulder and adjusted the blanket. I mumbled a thank you before closing my eye, but Daryl had other ideas.

I felt half the blanked come away with a tug, leaving my left side completely uncovered. “I’m fucking cold too kid, don’t be an asshole” He was still slurring his words a bit, but now I couldn’t tell if it was the drink or his accent. We sleepily wrestled about the partition of the blanket, before decided to just sit closer together. Apparently using the argument of “I have a young baby that will freeze to death and then eat you” worked on a drunk archer.

 I barley remember falling back asleep but this time I woke up slowly, my eyes unopened, and listened to Carols muffled footsteps upstairs. I slept well, slept well for the first time in a while. My eyes still closed I shifted, on hand still on Cain’s back, and I snuggled myself into the warmth.

Warmth…

Oh shit.

Fuck now I felt it, the side of my face smushed into a chest and the arm curled around my waist. I must have leaned into him in my sleep. Shit what do I do? If I move I’ll wake him up, not that I want to, I’m pretty comfy -Oh sweet jesus I can’t be thinking like this he’s my friend. This will probably be very awkward when he wakes up, should I move ? Can I move ?

I reluctantly peeked an eye open and glanced around the room. It was already light out, light enough to be at the infirmary, defiantly missed helping Maggie then. I allowed myself to shift my head up a little, to see Daryl sound asleep. He looked a lot younger actually, and his hair all ruffled up like that was sweet- Nina whats wrong with you leave him alone.

He smelt good, like oak and something distinctly man Fuck sakes Nina not the time. Oh god I’m proper snuggled up to him, he was warm. I felt my cheeks flare up, and his steady heartbeat was drowned out by the blood pumping in my ears. Stop thinking about how warm he is and how sweet he looks and how he smells just so good and think danmmit !

Okay, actually how about he deals with the awkwardness of waking the other one first. I’ll just close my eyes, pretend I’m asleep, and let him deal with it.

Yeah … Good idea.

 I drifted off again, leaning into the comfort of a loose hug. This time I woke up alone, to Cain whimpering on my chest, then feeling his weight lift from me I sat up completely alert. Carol stood over me looking a bit shocked before relaxing with a smile, easing a bottle into Cain’s mouth.  

I thanked her, before grabbing some breakfast, well lunch now. Carol still held onto Cain after I’d splashed my face in an attempt to wake myself up .“Daryl’s on a run with Rick” She chimed in from behind me. Oh god, She must have seen us on the couch, Or after we came back from my little walk. Oh fuck she must think I’m a right perv… or maybe she didn’t? Maybe that’s what friends do in an apocalypse?

I rolled my sleeves up before taking Cain back. “Thanks again for last night, it was nice to let off some steam” I smiled, hoping and praying that she hadn’t seen. Her eyes narrowed for a spilt second before her face softened into a smile “It wasn’t any trouble, gives us an excuse for a few drinks”

I looked down at my boots, trying to distract myself from the embarrassment that had washed over the back of my neck “Yeah, ehh sorry about going a bit crazy”. She laughed at that  

 **

 “How’s the head Ms Natasha?” Denis sang with a half-smile, looking far too amused with herself. I put Cain down in the corner “Jesus how does everyone know that’s my first name?” I huffed. Denis laughs before clearing her throat and putting on a god awful Russian accent.

“You’re not cutting me off, Natasha Ilyinichna Irena Lebedev Price can handle her drink, she is true Russian”

I stared at her in shock, thank god I wasn’t holding the baby because I would have dropped him right there. “I did not” I barely got out a whisper. She handed me a cup of coffee, giving me a look of no sympathy. “You did”

I slowly sat down on the bed, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve done drunk. One time I flashed my tits to a police officer, who didn’t press charges thank god.

I sipped the coffee, wincing a little at its bitterness but drinking it knowing I’ll need the energy today.

The day was actually pretty normal considering how unusual it started. Did the routine, gossiped a little about the people last night, about Carol and Tobin, when rick and Michonne would get together, how red Glenn’s face got when he drank ect.

I was boiling the equipment to sterilize them when Denis gave me a look, a look that I give to Carl whenever I figure he’s been screwing around with Enid. She fumbled with her hands for a second, leaning agents the counter next to me. “What?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She hummed, looking around the room. “Remember how I said that I thought you and Daryl had a thing?” Oh shit. I nodded slowly “Yeah, what about it?” I was careful with my words, not wanting to give away how intrested I actually was on the matter.

Okay, maybe I have a tiny crush.

Denise simply cocked her head at me, like I was supposed to know where this conversation was going. I looked back, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

The doctor cleared her throat before straightening up “You guys were just pretty friendly that’s all”

My eyes followed her “I don’t kno-“my undoubtedly-would-have-been witty response was cut short by something moving in my peripheral vision, instinctively making my hand go to the knife in my pocket.

“Why ar-“I put my hand up to silence her, keeping my eye on the back room.

Could be someone just looking for help, but could be a rotter. Denisse eyes follow mine as I crept into the back room only to see Cain.

I let out a sigh of relief before glancing back, he was in a different spot to where I put him.

Thankfully Denise was there to fill in the blanks “Holy shit he’s crawling”

I froze, my eyes fixated on the clumsy movements while he moved closer toward us before stumbling a little and flopping onto his stomach.

I let out a hearty laugh before stooping down to pick him look from his armpits. Holy shit, my baby’s crawling. “Hey look what you did” I cooed, looking into his his (literal) baby blues.

**

 I burst through the door into the house dizzy with excitement and placed Cain onto the wooden floor.  I wanted to see it again.

“What are you doing?” I quickly shushed Carol, who stamped passed me to close the door into the night. Carol let out a little squeak seeing Cain flop forward again and begin to drag himself toward Daryl, who sat on a stool near the kitchen.

I gasped, still shocked at his new skill. “Aren’t you just the cleverest little thing !” Carol exclaimed, picking him up once he fell again, nearly mirroring my reaction. I chuckled bringing my figure up to rub under his chin.  “He’s gonna be the next Usain Bolt I betcha”

 **

It was just me and Daryl playing a game of poker on the couch that evening. I had put Cain down after his feed about twenty minutes ago and Carol had gone to see Tobin when she thought none of us would notice.

Honestly we were both a bit awkward once it was only us, so Daryl offered a game. It helped, we were back to our usual snarky remarks and sideways glances after the first round. Neither one of us had mentioned this morning, which was fine.

Totally fine.

…

Maybe I wanted to talk about it, maybe I wanted to know how he felt about it.

…

Maybe Denis was right and I had a major crush.

His laugh brought me out of over thinking. His eyes lit up as placed a full house down in front of my eyes. “Awh fuck you Dixon” I snarled, trying to force down a laugh at his exited face. Daryl’s green eyes scrunched up with joy “You’re just Jealous Dolly that you’re crap at this game” My chest fluttered with the new nickname.

He was right. I was crap.

“Dolly?” I grumbled, giving him an eye while I reshuffled the cards. “Like Dolly Parton?” He smiled again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so much. I liked it.

Daryl didn’t even get an answer out before I joked “Just because of the blonde hair and big tits?” My turn to smile. Daryl’s ears turned a bright red before shaking his head. “Nah” His eyes were not fixated on his cards, his long fingers fumbling trying to put them in order. “You’re just always singing her that’s all”

I hummed, accepting that excuse. But it was definitely because of my blonde hair and tits.

We were quiet for a time, focusing on the game, and once it became clear that I was once again going to lose I tried to distract him “How was the run today?” I asked, looking up from my cards to see his brow furrowed in concentration.

He took a moment to respond. “Shit, found a big truck full of supplies that ended up in a lake”

That took me back and I let my cards go limp. Daryl’s shoulders slumped a little, obviously not something he wanted to talk about.

We played for another round before my nattering was interrupted with a  sudden question.

“Do you want to stay?” Daryl didn’t look at me, kept his eyes fixated on his cards I scanned his face, wondering why he was asking. I dropped my cards, suddenly feeling the room become serious. “Well I want Cain to grow up safe, and Denise needs me in the infirmary and-“ He cut me off “I know a roamer when I see one Nina” His chest rose and fell

“You’re saying you have to stay, but do you want to?” He looked at me, his eyes filled with something, something close to desperation.

The same desperation that was reflected mine the past few days. I let out a shaky breath, feeling myself my heart thumping in my chest “I’m starting to” his eyes darted down to my lips for a fraction, and I bit my own. We just sat there looking at each other for what felt like a lifetime, my mind racing and stopping at the same time.

I don’t know who leaned in first or whose hands reached out first but in an instant our lips met, and his hand was on my cheek. It was slow, like neither one of us was sure it was a good idea, but perusing anyways. 

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Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gape

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

AU:I am so sorry this is so long I’ve been in quarantine for seven weeks

Chapter 10

My ass was damp agent the wet garden chair while I brought the beer bottle back up to my lips, must have been an odd site, me sitting in a satin blue bridesmaid dress with a cheap bottle in my hand. The wedding was still merry and loud long after night fell. It was a lovely wedding, and now three of the seven Price children were gone and married. I gulped down the bitter drink (given to me by the eldest Mae, who now can’t drink thanks to getting knocked up) hearing Baba walking stick before I heard her call my name

“Natasha” only she called me that “you hardly tired now solnyshkuh” She sat next to me on the damp bench, ruining her purple dress.

She reached a hand out for me to hold once she was settled and I held it “No Baba, just taking a break” She hummed, shaking my hand affectionately. “Sonya found a boy” She remarked, her accent still thick, she only moved to America in her twenties. She didn’t sound pleased about the prospects of Sonya finding a dance partner “He’s too ugly for her”

He wasn’t ugly in truth, even I was a bit weak at the knees for him. He was Sherry’s mysterious cousin from upstate. He was tall with high cheekbones, and short black hair. He was partnered to lead Sonya down the aisle and took great joy in seeing identical twins. We chatting for a while before dinner all three of us, but I quickly excused myself to after Sonya gave me a side-glance meaning: “Please fuck off I want to sit on his face”. So I excused myself to go play with Florence’s new-born Daisy.

I chuckled and handed her the bottle, offering her a sip. I was closest to her, she choice mine and Sonya’s name, which of course it had to be from a Russian old book. Irena Katina Nikolaevna Lebedev was probably the proudest person I know, even prouder to still to be Russian. But Irena Katina Nikolaevna Lebedev didn’t like pretty boys, she didn’t trust them, and my twin had just found one to dance with at our brothers wedding.

“You” She took a swig, still holding my hand. “You find a strong man, with nice arms” I looked at her, her head covered in her shawl, and underneath I knew was a jungle of curls that travelled through the family. “No soft’s like Ray, a good man, perhaps rich man would be nice” Thin lips that often spat out scaving remarks curled into a smile. “Now come” Baba bent forward and allowed her walking stick to prop her up.

Despite the hair, the name and the honesty I have inherited from her, it was the eyes that I and Sonya got. Big dark eyes, but hers like looked at the world like she knew its secrets “I get you real drink, we are Russian, no Americans” I laughed before linking arms with her and proceeded to get hammered.

 Last time I was in a church I was in blue satin, now I stood in a white shirt, holding a small child in an onesie. Maggie, Glenn and Father Gabriel stood around to the holy water. I felt kind of awkward being back in a church for some reason, well more than awkward, I was kinda panicking if I’m being honest. I had barley decided on a name, why the fuck did I always zone out when they got mushy.

“What do you think?” Beau asked, leaning agents the fireplace looking fondly at his girlfriend chatting to our Grandpa. My curly head barley reached the mantel only being thirteen. “She’s real pretty” I said, and he, still not taking his eyes off of her, smiled. My no nonsense older brother finally got bit with the love bug. Florence and Mary-Grace already knew Noelle from school, but it was her first time meeting the rest of us; Dwight, the parents, grandparents and the kid sisters (that’s were me and Sonya came in)

Her dark hair stood out in the room like a sore thumb in a family of blondes and redheads. Mary-Grace and her bright flames of hair took Mae’s place next to Baba by the fire now she had moved out and gotten married. Beau, being the third oldest in the house at nineteen, stood a good foot and a half taller than me, with curls brighter than mine and Sonya’s, and blue eyes like my daddy.

Our house was really only one room that wasn’t used for sleeping, were we all were now. It acted as kitchen, sitting room and dining room all on top of each other since Baba and grandpa had to move in.

“How in the name of Moses did you get a girl like that Beau?” Sonya came sneaking up behind us “Seriously man she’s a ten and you are an ugly motherfucker” My image remarked crossing her arms over her chest. Beau simply rolled his eyes “language” he muttered before pushing her in the shoulder.

Everything was all a blur as Gabriel was mumbling Latin from a book, which in fairness is pretty hard to read considering it’s a dead language. “Name of guardian?” He asked finally looking up at me after taking the boy from my hands.  None of this felt real for some reason, I felt like I was in a dream. I shuffled my feet and licked my lips, my body getting nervous, deep breath Nina.

Pulling my shoulders back I announced myself “Natasha Ilyinichna Irena Lebedev Price” I heard a faint “Oh yeah I forgot she was Russian” from Maggie, forcing myself to smile at her.

Still not looking at my nephew or the priest. I focused on the cross behind his head, I was anxious to get this done with, to make sure he had sort of protection. My eyes darted around the room as Maggie and Glenn were called to pour the holy water over the baby’s head, both giving me an odd look and asking if I was alright.

 “What do you think of it all?” Sonya whispered in a hush as we lay in the dark, both of us trying to ignore the sound of our parents shouting. Parents shouting at the decision Sonya had made. “Think of what?” I asked, tucking the bedsheet up to my chin. She sat up in the double bed we shared. “Don’t fucking play me Nina” Her voice was harsh and bolder then usual, for a girl so reserved and gentile, she was pissed.  

She sat up and turned the lamp on, making Mary-Grace groan and tousle from the other side of the room. She sat up and crossed her arms, her mouth twitching “Well?”

Groaning I sat up too, not wanting to have this conversation. “What do you want me to say?” She was looking for a fight and I knew it. Her sporadic hand gestures gave her away “What you think? What do you think I should do?” Sonya’s eyes welled up with tears. I sighed “I don’t know Sonya, it’s a big decision”

She wanted to move to New York and live with Florence, who had a townhouse with her husband and two kids. Sonya had won a scholarship in the last pageant, and wanted to be an architect… and leave. New York sounded good, fun. Just far away. “Why do you even want to leave?” I asked with a sight, not understanding her longing to leave the safety of trees that surrounded the town.

“What do you mean why do I want to leave?” She looked at me dumbfounded, and a heavy air set between us. “If you were given the opportunity to get out you would too, I don’t want to be sewn to your hip for the rest of my life”. I raised my eyebrow at that, “You’re stuck to my hip?” I scoffed “Fuck off Sonya don’t be such a cunt” My arms got a chill looking at her face contort trying to control her rage.

“I think you’re jealous” She scaved, leaning forward into my face “I think you’re freaking out that you just realized you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing with your life” I leaned over her, not breaking eye contact, and turned off the lamp. My heart racing at her words, wanting to shout and kick and bite for what she said. But I didn’t. “I think you’re freaking out because you don’t know you who are without me” I whispered.

She stared dumbfounded, knowing I was right. Neither of us really knew who we were without the other. Didn’t matter if he had different interests, who liked pageants or cross country. Who was closer to Baba or Grandpa. We didn’t know who we were without each other.

I turned away from her pulling the bedsheet around me “Night Sonya”

“I aint going with you guys tomorrow, I don’t want to listen to you all the way to Roanoke”

 “Do you have a name ?” Maggie asked, just as they were about to pour the water on his head. Snapping back into reality, looking at the kid for the first time since we got into the church. “Uhh” oh shit yeah a name “Cain” I said, suddenly remembering “Cain Lyova Price” I forced a smile, not really listening.

Feeling a pang of grief for my brother that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. I watched them together drunk his head into the water, whispering prayers of protection. And finally he would be protected, not in this world but in death. I closed my eyes feeling a shudder down my spine, God don’t let him die.

My brothers child, that stupid bastard should be here not me. He could have given him a good name. I mean Cain? What kind of stupid name was that?

I felt all the anger and grief bubble up, making my chest break into silent sobs. No. Not now. I can’t feel it now. I smiled, whipping the tear that had risen in my eye, trying to pass it off as tears of joy before hugging the tree.

I take the kid- Cain, back into my arms, before smiling and saying quickly a thanks and how I had to get to the infirmary.

 **

 The infirmary was as it usually was, quiet. Today we had the riveting excitement of Eugene asking if a mole was cancerous, which it wasn’t as he’d had it for a few years and had not grown, moved or changed colour or shape.

“You okay?” Denise asked me just as our ‘patient’ left. I smiled picking up the bab-Cain and shaking a bottle of formula. “Yeah fine” I lied with a smile, not wanting to acknowledge the tightness I felt in my throat for my brother. The doctor narrowed her eyes, before sitting down in front of her cheat sheet. She was just about to open her mouth to argue when I interrupted “Yah know what I haven’t had in a while?” She knew she didn’t have to answer, my nerves giving me the gift of small talk.

“A good piss up” I stated, nudging the bottle into Cain’s mouth. I laughed to myself while Denise just looked at me confused. “Remember the boxes of moonshine we found? Do you think they’d miss just one?” My colleague stood frowning “Nine we can’t steal, we need them to disinfect wounds” Her scolding me, though not sounding entirely too agents the idea. I rolled my eyes as she came closer, putting a hand on the baby’s foot.

“So what did you name him?” She changed the subject, looking up at me and pushing her glasses back up her nose. “Cain” I whispered looking down at him. “Or Lyova, havn’t decided wich one I want to call him” Denise hummed looking back at him, whos hands were grasped to the bottle, gulping like it was his last ever feed.

“Lyova, havn’t heard that one before” She looked up at me “Russian, for Lion” I explained. She nodded before moving back to study her cheat sheet. “Makes sense if he has hair like yours”. I faked laughed, looking back down, his daddy had lighter hair, more white then mine.

A few hours passed, the normal routine had taken over when Carol walked in with her usual chirpy smile. “Hey girls” she sang, placing a basket on the operating table. I still didn’t trust her, felt like she wasn’t being honest for some reason, no one survives out there and still comes there smiling and cheerful. I figured she was a bit like me in that way, full of shit.

Carol turned to look at me, one hand on her hip “So, what did you call him?” jeeze everyone wants to know this kids name. “Cain Lyova” I smiled back, a smile equally full of shit of the one I was reciprocating. “Oh Lyova, that’s beautiful” She cooed, leaning down to look at him sitting on the floor shaking a toy.  “It was my great-uncles” I noted, not too keen on mention that he was fighting for the soviets in Word War II.

I smiled at her, the colour on her neat jumper suited her, a pale blue. “I was thinking” She straightened up and faced me “Why don’t we celebrate?” She gave a little hmmp after indicating it was more of a request then a question. I raised an eyebrow, maybe she was listening in before smiling. “It’s not every day we’ve something to celebrate, could invite one or two people over and have a drink tonight” shaking my head I let out a sigh. Well I can’t believe it my dreams just came true. “Ma’am I think you read my mind”

 I woke up to the sound of the creaks of heavy footsteps followed by the door squeaking open. It was cold, and Sonya was snuggled up agents by back protecting herself agents the snow that fell softly on the window. My first speculation was that it was some sick murderer dressed up as Santa to kill us, it being Christmas Eve but soon decided that it was just Daddy going for a cigarette.

Just wanting to calm my nerves I pulled myself free of my sister, and immediately regretting leaving the warmth of the bed once the sting of the December air. Pulling my shoulders up close to my neck to try keep the warmth from leaving my body, I opened the door of our bedroom into the sitting room to see the front door wide open letting the snow in. Rushing to see what is was I ran to the door and peeped out, scared shitless and freezing my tits off.

What I saw gave me an icy shock of what I would never get out of my head. Baba stood, bare foot in her white nightgown in the snow. Her curly hair down, reaching past her waist as she fell to her knees and let out a shriek. I turned and grabbed a blanket from the couch and ran out to get her.

“Baba” I called stepping down from the porch “Come back inside its freezing”. She didn’t turn to look at me. Just sat in the snow looking up at the pine trees.

“Baba” I called again, a little softer, I was only a few feet away from her now. Baba sat motionless, her knees now either side of her. I could hear her muttering in Russian, something about a sister

She was rocking back and forth, not breaking her eyes from the trees“Net net ne ona, ne snova ne moya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne moya sestra”. I placed a hand on her shoulder, making her stop rocking.

I cupped my hand under her armpits pulling her up before wrapping the blanket around her shoulders “C’mon Baba, let’s get you inside”.

 Oh yeah I was drunk. Glenn, Daryl, Aaron, Spencer and I may have ended up playing a drinking game. Turns out I’ve done a lot of things and slept with a lot of people because I lost pretty hard. Also turns out, I speak a bit of Russian when I’m drunk, didn’t even know I knew Russian that well, the more you know I suppose.

One or two people according to Carol turned out to be most of Alexandria, not that I minded, it gave me a break from the baby because so many people wanted to hold him.  I liked Carol, even if she was full of shit, I liked her, and I respect people who do what they can to survive. Though, seeing her be all flirty with Tobin was a bit gross. Then all of a sudden I looked around the room and everyone was flirting with everyone.

Anyways, now someone has Cain or Lyova or whatever to fuck I named him, and I was lying on the grass, pretty shitfaced. I liked looking at the stars, one good thing about this godforsaken shithole with dead sons’o’bitches walking around is that we have more stars.

I liked stars. I put my palms down flat to the ground to try steady myself from feeling so dizzy. The other hand rested carefully on my bottle, quiet comfortable on my own. Not wanting to be in a room with so many people. Last time I was in a room celebrating something was with my family, and now they’re all dead.

I heard a whistle behind me and I craned my head back to see, still not knowing who it was I raised a hand waving hi. “Hey kid” ahh the familiar grumblings of Mr. Dixon. “Mr. Dixon how nice of you to join me” I said politely as he stood above my head, he looked confused, but his cheeks were pink.

“Whacha doin’ out here?” Jeeze straight to the point. He was standing pretty close, his feet barley a centimetre from my head. I thought for a moment before answer “I went for a stroll, thought it could sober me up a bit” I was being honest. “Didn’t think I’d screwed so many  people” I laughed to myself, sitting up a bit to bring the bottle to my lips.

Daryl sat down with a sigh “I think you’d had enough” he went to take the bottle out of my hand but I pulled it away, cradling it like a baby “Heyyyyyy hold on a minute Mr. Dixon” He rolled his eyes, before looking away and looking back again. I liked his eyes, even if he acted like he was all tough his eyes were soft, and sweet.

 “So, why Cain?” He lay next to me, our shoulders barley brushing and my stomach suddenly did a summer sault “Well I thought I was being kinda clever” I slurred, my mouth not willing to articulate. “You know the story of Cain and Able?” One hand was rested on the bottle that hung loosely by my side, while the other was thrown up in the air, flopping like crazy.

“Nah, I don’t believe in that bible stuff” He said, moving his hands to rest on his abdomen, I glanced over at him “So who was Cain and Able” He inquired looking at me. I smiled to myself, feeling a sudden purpose in the years my Mama spent telling us the stories.

“They were brothers” I said simply “But when Cain killed Able God cursed him with immortality, no one could hurt him; he would forever be in divine protection” I trailed off, my arm still upright stilled.

“And I was hoping, with me killing my brother God would grant my Cain protection in this fuckin’ curse of the world” I sighed, feeling the guilt and remorse I had been keeping busy to ignore swung  up. I dropped my hand.

“’m sorry” He said and I turned to meet his face. “I had to kill my brother too” I’m not sure if it was the liquor or the grief, but I swear I could feel the ground pulsing beneath me. I looked at the archers’ face, all the lines and scares that told his story presented so plainly but all upstaged by the soul in his eyes. I suddenly felt like I knew him, or wanted to know him at.

For as much as we talked about our home lives it was only pre-apocalypse, never after. “I went out looking for him and found him as a walker, it really fucked with me for a while” he explained “He cut his own hand off right at the start, so he had this” it was his turn to lift his forearm “Badass knife put on in it’s place” He smiled, I like his smile, it made me smile too.

Daryl dropped his arm, and his smile. He turned his head back up to the sky but I didn’t look away, not yet. I decided to share my tale “I was on a run when he was born, and something must have gone wrong” Now I turned my face away, feeling my throat welling up, I barley thought about what happened, let alone talked about it.

“He-Cain must have then been quiet, because when I came in Beau was cradling Noel” I took a deep breath “Who was covered in her own blood, and I had just opened the door when he’d slit his own throat” My voice broke, and the corner of my eyes were stinging with tears. “But the fool didn’t go deep enough so he was just sitting there bleeding out with his wife” I let the bottle drop, not caring anymore.

I felt Daryl grab my hand, and I squeezed it tight. I let out a laugh, trying to brush off the sudden outburst of realizing that was the first time I’ve said his name in six months “Sorry, guess I’m just a sap” Jesus this is embarrassing, at least I didn’t vomit on his, yet.

I felt him squeeze my hand and I looked at him “You ain’t a sap, he was your brother” I smiled at him, grateful. I turned my head back up to look at the glimmers of the night sky. Feeling my throat well up again, I coughed, trying to keep it down.

I listened to the crickets, and the songbirds, and the thumping of my chest before remembering I was still holding Daryl’s hand.

“Yah know” I said, looking at him again “This is real romantic” My chest, previously stifling sobs was now bursting with laugher. “You and me” He said, smiling “Looking at the stars, holding hands, swappin’ stories about how we killed our brothers”

The stupidity and seriousness of the situation spurred my laughter on more

For the first time in nearly four years it was completely safe, I didn’t feel like I had to be ready to attack, or run or suddenly become a mom of a kid I didn’t make.

 It was just him and me, lying in the dry grass, looking at the starry sky.

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Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Part seven

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 9

I had decided to stay awake after one of the baby’s feeds, I had told Maggie I’d help her planting some veg, considering food supplies were running low. I had time before I would go to the infirmary and my mind was still buzzing with distrust for Alexandria. But knowing I should stay for the baby I did, wanting to give him a better chance, so I occupied my days, distracting myself from my gut screaming at me that something was gonna go wrong.

The sun was just lightening the sky without making an appearance, so it was cool enough to work. I was already to go; food packed, baby fed and in a basket, just my hair.

I was standing in front of a mirror in the sitting room. I couldn’t brush it, it was too curly and it would only puff it up more. My last hair elastics broke last night so I stared helpless at the ringlets in the mirror. I could shave my head?

I’m not shaving my head …

After deciding not to shave my head, I graded a pencil (Something one of my older sisters had thought me) and twisted it and weaved it into my hair; leaving me with a low bun. It wouldn’t keep it off my neck but it would stay out of my face. Deciding that was enough for me I wrapped my new found scarf around my head once, making sure to secure my baby hairs and front strands in the fabric. Tying it at the base of my neck around the bun, leaving the flimsy material falling loosely at my shoulder blades.

**

 “One Russian name and one normal name?” Maggie confirmed, using her foot too glide the spade into the ground. “Yep, family tradition, honour the grandparents” I grunted, following suit. The sun had risen, and oh mama it was hot. We had started working before dawn, so we had a few tomatoes plants in the ground, and the conversation has drifted to the Christening tomorrow, and the lack of a name.

I’m guessing Maggie was also tired with an aching back by her strained reply “I don’t know many Russian names so you’ll have to excuse my lack of input there”. I huffed with a smile “I was thinking maybe Luke? Does he look like a Luke to you” I straightened glanced at the baby, who at this stage couldn’t really crawl; only sat there content with his big hat. Maggie halted, turning to look at him clumsily pulling out grass “He could be a Luke”

I decided to test it out “Hey” I called at the oblivious infant “You think you’re a Luke?” Waiting a moment, looking as he tried to put a blade of grass into his mouth before it fell from his weak grip. “Okay not Luke” I announced before bending back over continuing my work.

We were quiet concentrating for a few more minutes. “You thought of any names for yourself?” I asked, whipping a bead of sweat from my neck. The sound of shovels scratching threw dirt filled my ears before she gathered an answer. “Haven’t really thought about it yet, suppose it’s still early days” She said, focusing her eyes on the ground.

I nodded “Just be careful you don’t end up like me, waiting for the day before you have to name him” She chuckled at that.

 When the sun got high I wondered over to the infirmary. I was reading a book I snagged from the hippie on natural herbs, writing out Denise’s beloved Short Cuts on a sheet of paper for each herb. Luckily not many were sick, so besides writing all of my useless information I just tidied up. It was nice, I felt like it was summer vacation and I was down at my Grandpa’s practice.

Denise and I sat on the porch, still in the shade. She looked off long fully in the distance at Tara on post while I quizzed her on her spread sheet. We had come up with a routine of cleaning, testing cheat sheets, cleaning again, and home time (If no one came in of course)

“Infection” I called out agents the hot air. Denise groaned, flopping back onto the wooden panels.  “No, I’m sick of this” she exclaimed rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. I was sick of it too in all honesty. I lay next to her book on my chest “Yeah me too” I admitted staring up at the white porch roof. I glance across at her, she reminded me of Sonya, just getting in her head all the time, and trying to pull it all together for other people.

“How’re things with Tara?” I asked, somewhere between genuinely curious and just making small talk. “They’re fine, we moved in together” She sighed. Oh shit big step.

 Hold the fuck up that’s a very big step. I bolted up right “What the fuck, I see you ever single day for the past five weeks and you didn’t say anything?” I starred, mouth wide open.

Denise shrugged defensively “I dunno Nina I didn’t think it was that important” My eyes darted to Tara who stood on the watch tower. I scoffed, repeating her “Not a big deal” before lay back down. It was quiet for a moment, just listening to the baby babbling in his highchair before Denise broke the pause in dialogue.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you” She said, putting her face in my direction but still not meeting my eyes. “I guess I was kinda scared how you’d react” She paused, biting her lips thinking “With you being so religious and all”

I narrowed my eyes, not fully understanding her meaning before it all clicked into place, which caused an eruption of laughs burst from my stomach. She looked at me bewildered before I could catch my breath, whipping a tear away from my eye. 

“Dude” I gasped “Dude I’m catholic not an asshole” Her look of shock, followed by a small chuckle of relief calmed me a little.

I lolled my head to look at her “So you’re not homophobic” She asked still chuckling, I offered her a smile before leaning in and whispering “Not an asshole” while putting my hand on hers while we lazily starred up at the roof. I liked Denise, she reminded me of what it was like to have a sister, even if she presumed I was an asshole.

“Sooo” She sang, just as my mind was beginning to wander too far into sadder thoughts. “What’s going on with Daryl?” She cocked on eyebrow teasingly.

Confusion shocked my body, now I definitely didn’t expect that. I got on with Daryl, but I don’t think I’m into him “what about him?” I asked, cautiously.

I’ve gotten too comfortable here, just the hint of romantic relationships got my palms sweating. Now it was Denise’s turn to let a giggle “Are you kidding? You guys are always looking at each other and I see you guys early mornings talking to each other” Her nose was scrunched up like a kid tattling on their friend to teacher.

It’s true we had made a routine of crossing paths when I would feed the baby, and we would get up to hunt or get ready for a run. I just never figured it would spark town gossip.

“We are not always looking at each other” I said defensively. She scoffed sitting up “Nina you both are constantly gazing at each other from across the street!” I sat up next to her leaning agents the wall, her crossed legged and my arms resting on my bent knees. What in tarnation, gazing? I don’t gaze, I’m a Price and we’re not a gazing family

“We do not gaze”

“Then why are you getting so defensive”

“I’m not getting defensive”

Denise through her hands up in the air in defeat “Okay okay nothings going on, shouldn’t have asked” She looked down rubbing her palms together after I thanked her. Suddenly her face contorted in a smile “Say…” She sounded way too pleased with herself for this to end well.

“What are you doing later today?” Shit. I chewed my lip “I’m going helping with the cars” I answered bluntly, trying not to show just how completely she caught me.

“And who is it again who’s doing the cars today?” I hope that smile was hurting her face, it was far too big. My shoulders slouched in defeat, trying to hide my smile, my signal of “You got me” as Denise burst out laughing.

“You” She said, pushing my shoulder making me wobble “Are full of shit” I barely got to mumble a ‘Am not’ before the doctor continued her sentence “And I think you two would be cute”

“Fuck off”

 **

Me and Daryl, that’s weird, crazy even. Just because I get on with someone who’s reasonably attractive and single doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them

Even if I just said they were attractive. Not the point.

I’m gonna go in there, and be cool, chilled, just doing car stuff. And I’m a friendly person, I’m friendly with everyone. Sure I spent a little more time with him but so what?

 I walked into the garage seeing Daryl with his head under the hood of one of the cars. His back was covered by a black vest top but his shoulders were glistening with the sweat, and his hair was damp and sticking agents his neck; obviously not enjoying the summer heat.

“Hey, need any help” I asked, putting the baby on the floor “I know a thing or two about cars” I leaned agents the car and peered into the engine, seeing it had all its parts.

“Had a boyfriend that was into cars?” He taunted, still not looking at me, knowing it would get on my nerves.

“My daddy was a mechanic” I clarified. He shot me a glance from behind the dirt and oil that covered his face “Thought you’d been more into them pageants” His mouth came up in a half smile, just flashing his teeth.

A wicked grin grew on my face “Oh yeah, real big into thoughts, won a few too” I hoped he could pick up on my sarcasm, pushing him over so I could get a better look at the valves threw the walker blood “But that’s only because I slept with the judges” I looked up and gave him a big smile but the look on his face ment I couldn’t hold back a laugh “Dann I never thought I’d see you look shocked” I said, slapping him on his back. See? Friendly.

Then a grumble past his lips “Always knew you’d be easy” Without looking up I punched his arm.

Sonya was into Pageants, real good. She won a scholarship to a nursing school in New York kinda good.

“You’d wanna know” I said, sticking my hand into the slimy shit stuck in the engine and pulling it out.

 Just too buds, having laughs, no feelings.

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Part seven Part eight Part ten Part eleven