Why Can't The World Leben Und Leben Lassen?

I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet has no idea he’s being spied on and just goes off on ophelia because he’s hangry. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet knows he’s being watched from the start and the whole thing’s an act. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet figures out he’s being watched half way through and gets super mad at ophelia for betraying him. now I want to see the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where ophelia covertly nods at where polonius and claudius are hiding, hamlet gets the idea, and they’re both in on the performance the whole time. I want classically trained shakespearean actors to give us their best best show of bad acting. I want ophelia to mouth some of the most cutting lines to hamlet before he says them. I want hamlet to frown exaggeratedly at her and for her to take this as a cue to start crying. I want hamlet to go grab her by the wrist, her to wince, and him to automatically loosen his grip. I want them to stage hamlet dragging her around by the ear using classic stage-fight techniques. I want them to be aggressively in cahoots with one another because they know each of their bastard father-figures are watching. 

Someone: how do you identify?