Mortally Groovy

[image description: a three-panel calvin and hobbes strip. calvin's dad is in his office, answering the phone. he says, "Hello?" the voice on the other end says, "It sure is nice outside! Climb a tree! Goof off!" in the next panel, he looks at his phone, confused. the phone clicks, indicating the caller has hung up. in the third panel, calvin and hobbes are climbing a tree. calvin says, "Dad harasses me with his values, so I harass him with mine." end image description.]

Domming a guy i hate and convincing him good puppies like to be named Hubert then getting his name legally changed to Hubert then ghosting him

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

give it up for girls with vaginas and boys with penises

pause i forgot cis people exist this was intended as a celebration of bottom surgery

Is This Ethical?: new survey shows millennials want rudolph the red nose reindeer to be renamed Klonopin the Crust Punk Horse

age regressing to 2 years old but i was an especially erudite and articulate baby so you don't even notice

Tumblr should never have given us polls. Everyday I have to see years-old polls cross my dash proudly proclaiming past-me's vote which I now disagree with. Let me change my vote!! I have rethought which Tetris piece is the sexiest.

so it turns out that chemical runoff from ai datacenters is causing chromosomal defects in sheep populations, causing something like 95% of affected sheep to be born female

that's right: ai is to blame for the ram shortage

lmao i’m reading this essay from the 1580s that mentions how if you were wearing a big elizabethan ruff and you got caught in the rain it would flip up in the wind and hit you in the face, and then you’d have to spend the rest of the day with your stupid soggy ruff all flaccid on your shoulders. can you imagine. whole new potentials for pathetic unlocked

Eels are hilarious. Did you know we only recently found where they spawned? For literally thousands of years we've wondered. Like, ancient greeks wondered about it. Also a bunch of eels we thought were diffent species are just the same eels at different life stages but they look and act very different, lol

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right