nulla serà cambiato della luce

It flies, it hits something, it explodes into innumerable particles, each flying in disparate directions.

My child tells me her friend saw a pirate ship on their vacation.

I absent-mindedly say, "I'd like to see a pirate ship. I'd like to BE a pirate," as I'm clearing dishes; just talking because you've gotta reply to your kids, even when you don't know what to say, and as I'm walking downstairs with the dishes, my mind is full of wildly flying snowball-thought-debris.

Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho -- no, that's the seven dwarves

Do I want to be a pirate? Morality IS relative, and I do hate puritanical authority. All authority, really. She pretty much knows that, it's not like I was saying anything new.

The dwarf song sounds a little like the flying monkeys song, actually. I bet the flying monkeys would make amazing pirates.

I wonder if Rob Zombie is actually afraid of the flying monkeys or if he just tells people that and laughs privately to himself about it.

These and four billion other thoughts, all simultaneous, flying into space the moment I think "pirate," all of them spiraling into their own little described arcs.

And this happens all day, every day.

The trailer showed a scene where she's talking to her sister on the phone, and her sister tells her she won't come over if her apartment is disgusting and smells like smoke, and she decides she's going to clean.

She gets up, all determined, and then her mind starts up:

Okay first I need to pick up the garbage but what do I put it in okay I guess first I get garbage bags but wait that means first I have to and then I'll have to and wait a minute I should but what if and then and now but first and then I'll but what about and then

And her own head is so noisy with multiple, conflicting voices and instructions that she completely shuts down and gives up.

If this isn't the creator trying to depict what it's like to have a neurological disability -- especially ADHD, which everyone treats like a joke and an excuse, rather than the actual, crippling disability it is -- it should be.

It felt like they weren't just saying, look, she's too overwhelmed to fix it now that it's so bad, but saying, this is why her life is like this to begin with.

Our brains really do this. All the time. I've dealt with it my whole life, but only recently realized one reason I need music, a show, a podcast, whatever running while I work is because it sometimes, if I'm very lucky, shuts that up or makes it quieter, and my brain stops using so much energy there's nothing left for my body.

It feels like being physically ripped apart as you're pulled in six million directions, and you know there isn't enough of you that you could ever possibly do all the things you need to do -- and you can fucking forget doing anything you want to do, ever, because not only do you not have time, it won't be enjoyable anyway with the guilt screaming in your head, the dopamine absent, and if you're auDHD, it takes forever to get into the flow state you need in order to enjoy anything even a little bit, and you need that flow state to persist for a VERY LONG TIME. Such a long time that 99% of human lives on earth make it impossible for that to ever happen, which is one reason we enter burnout as children and then die burnt out.

I don't really care about the anime, the anime isn't the point. The point is I hope that's what it's about, and it really resonated with me because, despite that I keep my environment as clean as possible at all times, my

ENTIRE LIFE

right now revolves around being completely overwhelmed by tasks, while having no energy, no motivation, no resources, not enough help, and an ever-growing sense that it's all pointless, anyway, as my chronic pain, depression and anxiety get worse, my workload only continues to grow, I fail to keep up no matter how hard I try, and it all feeds into itself in a deepening spiral.

It has potential, but the gimmick of the Emotion Watch keeps dragging me out of the story. I'm having a hard time suspending disbelief over it.

It requires people who understand emotions ...

× Physical reactions to internal and external stimuli

× Named subjectively by individuals throughout their lifetimes

× According to a vast array of norms, some of which are cultural, societal, gendered, etc.,

× Names can change as an individual's "understanding" of their own emotions evolves

... to pretend this watch could exist, and relies on people who don't understand emotions in a way that frankly makes my eye twitch over how many people don't understand emotions.

It works the same way trauma is shaped by an individual's perception of the event in question. Two people can experience the same event and come away more, less (or not at all) traumatized based on their perception of an event, and two people can experience the same physical reaction to external stimuli and give it two different "emotion" names, and/or develop completely different relationships to it (such as cis men generally liking anger because it feels masculine and protective to them, and cis women being uncomfortable with it because they might associate it with having been shamed, punished, etc. when they tried to express it).

It's like if a show tried asking me to believe someone had invented a thermometer that measures intelligence.